So, there have been a lot of changes in my general life style in the past couple of months: new job, different work hours, college.
I guess roles in our relationship have shifted. I used to only work part time. Thus giving me more time to plan and be happy with bf. At the moment, I'm out of the house at 6am, and not returning until after 6pm.
The stress has done terrible things to my mood. And while my bf used to vent to me about work and I'd emotionally support him. I need that too now.
The issue is, my bf is not being that for me. I don't take anything out on him. I want to talk to him about my day, but he instantly becomes emotionally unavailable, even interrupts me and talks about something else.
My sex drive toward him has even lowered. Why would I have sex with him if he's not going to be there for me emotionally. I mean, that is what differentiates a boyfriend from a fuck buddy. Then he gets annoyed with my lack of enthusiasm in general, then we're left in this really awkward place of being annoyed with each other.
On it's face, I realize, of course, there is a lack of communication. I have realized that my bf is so stubborn about changing attitude. He gets upset when I am stressed. He says he doesn't want to deal with me like that. And that I need to be happy when I talk to him or he doesn't want to talk to me.
Lately, out of frustration, I have been giving him the same thing he does to me in return. I know it's not right. When he wants to vent to me, I ignore him, cut him off, etc. But that doesn't work because he literally doesn't realize that he does this to me. It does not click.
My boyfriend only listens to me when I have a total and complete meltdown over things like this. Like if I literally cry, all of a sudden this nigga is all sympathetic and wants to change.
In between, nothing. It literally has to get to such an escalated point before bf ever realizes how I am feeling and takes it seriously. What the fuck do I even do?
Speak to him, heck write him a letter with CAPS word in them
You cant give up until you know for sure he is being a ignorant bastard for his own gain, aka you are his toy. Then decide his punishment
As for the stress.. how are you doing?
>>17282245
Fuck my gf is like that too. Just complains about her whole day and then asks me how my day was while simultaneously taking out her phone to ignore me. I just stopped trying and I can already feel the relationship waning. Maybe we should both just let that happen, op. There are better people out there
>>17282309
I guess I can't make any true assumptions until we talk and I guage his reaction.. Probably have to wait for the weekend, since meaningful communication during our work week just doesn't exist.
I've been crying a lot to be honest. I'm not really sad, its more frustration and feeling overwhelmed. Crying helps me release it all, let it go, especially since I haven't had anyone to really talk to about it.
>>17282332
I wish my boyfriend would just look at his phone. He bluntly cuts me off mid sentence or he will tell me he has to go if we're on the phone. He's just rude as fuck about it. If he could tell me he wasn't ready to talk about work or the day, that would be better than what he does now.
I know he's stressed too but fuck, give and take is not in his vocabulary.
>>17282332
Also, there are times when I deeply consider if we are just growing apart because of things like this.
I go through moments of not caring and letting it get played out. Then I go through moments of fear, heart ache, etc. that our relationship may be coming to an end and I want to stop it.
All in all, I simply do not have the energy for things to continue like this. So something has to happen...
>>17282363
That's no way to live. Take a step back and be utilitarian about it (pleasure vs pain). That's how I live my life
>>17282245
A lot of guys do this, unfortunately. It's that linguistics barrier between men and women that's at play here. Women like to talk about their day in full detail, while men prefer to list the important issues of their day.
If you want to test whether he is really ignoring you or not, you'll have to talk to him the way a man would. Meaning instead of going into full detail about your day, instead list the defining stressful moments of it. So cut out the fluff, and get straight to the point. If he still ignores you even when you are speaking in a way that should be comfortable to him - well, you don't need that.
