Recently i realized that i don't really have any real friends. I do know a lot of people and i would say a bunch of them are true friends. But i also think that friendship could be so much more. How do i do that?
Regulary contact, chat/talk to them and meet up at places.
>>17281029
Yeah i do that. I meen on a deeper level
>>17281010
Real, deep friendships take time to develop and a great deal of mutual trust and risk. Not everyone can handle real friendships, honestly--they want to hang out and have fun, but aren't ready or willing to deal with more deeper commitments, risk of pain/rejection, or other tougher issues. A real friend wants to help, share and be there for the other person in good times and bad. Who knows--you might already have a real friend and just not recognize him/her. If not, then keep making friends and keep your eyes open for one that seems to rise above the rest... GL!
>>17281010
how to depen friendships:
>Stress
>Time
lets start with
>stress
stress brings people together. its the reason soldiers come back from overseas feeling like they are brothers. the reason teenagers make really strong friendships so fast is partly because they think everything is stressful. they think everything is hard, and the end of the world, and dramatic. they get emotional about everything. and they share those emotions with each other and support each other and quickly become the best friends ever. even if the stress is imaginary, you can still bond over it.
now stress doesn't have to be bad, and it can be manufactured healthily. by which i mean, you can do things that require more effort than just hanging out and chilling.
Got a really good co op game? play it with your friend. play it til the end. beat the game together. go camping together. go on a road trip together. make a movie together, write a book together, anything that makes you work together. something more than just sitting around and chilling. enter a contest. find a friend and do anything that takes at least a few months to complete and keeps you close.
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>>17282154
another thing is
>time
now i dont mean spending years together. cuz many people who have known each other for years only know each other superficially.
the truth is that most 'friends' in adulthood meet at max once a week. they use each other simply to relax or have fun. its usually in a group, but even the 1 on 1 time is shallow. you talk, catch up, then go back to your own lives.
someone can know someone for six years and not beclose.
on the other hand people who share the same job and work together daily become REALLY fucking close. or the person you go to school with. or like when you are a kid, spend a lot of time wtih, 1 on 1.
in a group people are less likely to share private details. one on one, they are. less to be embarassed about. people dont share secrets with groups. they share it with one person.
dont be afraid to have an adult sleepover if you can convince someone. the above mentioned roadtrips, camping trips etc. are also great ways to bond. anything that can you hanging out for a full day instead of just the lunch chunk of the day.
finally a third thing im adding
>share
if you want people to open up, you have to open up first. share something personal. you have to be willing to go to someone with a problem and talk about it, but dont whine regardless of the advice. you can say' i dont need advice, i just need someone to listen and to care'. if they are worth being your friend they will. they might share their own experience. and next time they have a problem they might come to you.
>>17282154
>>17282156
at the end of the day these things all help but its what chemistry you have that shapes it. i tried all these things with my supposed best friend of two years and he never bothered checking in with me once he found out that i had brain damage. a month after i told him he texted me saying 'wanna play board games?'. not even a 'are you better? doing okay?' anything like that.
meanwhile i go to one campout a few weeks a go, meet one dude, and we just became instant great friends. we accidentally talked about going camping together in august not realizing how silly it sounded til after the fact considering we'd known each other six hours.
ultimately people bond because something about them makes them bond. these things certainly help though
