Maybe you guys have some insight.
Over the years I've developed some very severe depression. When I turned 18 and HS was over, I realized I would have to start all over again acquiring friends and a good reputation, and I just gave up because it's so strenuous for me to do. That, plus an existential crisis, made me so depressed that I couldn't go to school, alls I did was lay on the couch, and wait for the weekend to come around so I could do drugs and forget about my pain.
Then I suffered a pretty serious trauma that I couldn't handle, and it pretty much 'broke' me. I went temporarily insane, had a nervous breakdown or something. I delved even deeper into depression, to an extent that I didn't even know (or fucking want to know) was possible.
Finally, thank God, 5 years later, most of that (the trauma and being insane) is behind me, but I'm starting to feel very depressed again. I'm on medication, and work a full-time job, and have hobbies, but I just feel that very familiar hole in my heart. Like somethings missing, something important.
Most of the time I feel like I don't have a soul. I'm just a sack of cells performing functions out of an instinct to survive. I'm not really living life, I'm just existing. I want to kill myself tbqh, but family guilt blah blah blah.
I get down on myself a lot, and I don't think that helps my depression at all. I always make stupid, mundane, but important mistakes on my work. It takes me awhile to catch onto things sometimes too, depending on what it is. I'm going to be running this company one day and just don't feel adequate enough to be successful at it, and I don't want to fail, as long as my Dad is alive at least.
Again, maybe you guys will have some insight as to what I should do with my life, or maybe if I should end it. Living with severe chronic MDD and (now) light PTSD is shit, it's like having brain cancer.
Your story made me laugh
You sound like you're dumb but aware of it, on top of being mentally unstable
I do not envy you
>>17278353
Wow, great response faggot.
>>17278345
Are you in therapy? Sounds like CBT would be right up your alley.
Also it seems like you have a philosophically bent mind. I recommend Stoicism and Epicureanism. It's really important to think about what a "happy" life is and how to achieve that.
http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html
http://classics.mit.edu/Epicurus/menoec.html
>>17278345
And also don't worry about feeling like you don't know what you're doing and feeling inadequate. Literally everyone feels that about being an adult in one way or another. The trick is to just fake it.
>>17278421
Yeah I'm in CBT therapy once a week. Its helped some, but I feel like I've gotten most of what I need out of it. Really, now, I just want someone to talk to and dump shit on.
I worry about faking it and then being exposed for a know-nothing, so I typically deprecate my abilities a bit, then I look good when I don't suck. And anyway, it's hard to fake social skills when you don't have much of any, but I've mastered looking calm in spite of extreme anxiety.
>>17278446
Have you taken any time off to de-stress? Go travel it something? Seriously, if you can afford it, save up to travel a different country for a month. It sounds like you need some serious alone time and a break from the day-to-day shit.
>>17278481
No. I usually just sit in my room and play video games or watch movies to de-stress. I probably can't do it anytime soon, but I think it'd be worth it to slowly allocate money for a proper vacation fund. Thanks for that, that's a great idea. I think I'll go drive down to the beach by myself and get shitty drunk over a long weekend.
>>17278495
Ha, that's a good start. I was in a funk a while back, saved enough for a month in Europe (Italy, Ireland, Germany) and it was amazing. You learn that even if you feel inadequate, you can rely on yourself. It can put you in uncomfortable positions, but you find that you can navigate them just fine. And just shifting your environment gives you a new perspective and you"ll find yourself having really sublime tranquil moments. Hit up art museums, discos, historical stuff, breweries, etc.
You'll be really happy you went, I guarantee it.
