Hi /adv/. For a while now I've been trying to cut ties with this friend and it's become apparent now that it's not going to work.
She seems to have given up on making her own friends, opting to force herself onto all of mine instead - even going as far as to trawl through my FB friend list and adding people without asking them or me. I get complaints from my friends about her constantly, many of them don't want to be friends with her, but she acts so sweet, almost in a childlike way, that everybody feels bad telling her no. Even I feel bad, though I realize it's manipulation on her part.
We go to a lot of anime cons and the like, and she's constantly clinging around me the entire time. Even outside of them, she's inviting herself to group hangouts, and almost constantly messaging us in groups of 3's (her, me, and her chosen target) to schedule days together. It feels like she just includes me as a formality to get close to my friends and it's really starting to creep me out.
It doesn't just extend to friends either. She's done this with my crushes/romantic interests as well, which is even more odd, because I'm LGBT and she is very adamantly not. Any time she finds out I'm close to somebody she CLINGS like fucking superglue - cuddling with them "as friends", monopolizing any conversation with them, hell, even INVITING HERSELF TO UNSPOKEN DATES. Recently I called her out for doing so, telling her that said person and I were clearly going to a fancy restaurant to be alone, and asking her why she thought it appropriate to invite herself along in the name of "a great foodie friend day!" but she always acts like a kicked puppy when I confront her, with stammered and exaggerated apologies "oh I didn't know I'm so sorry can you ever forgive me" and I always come out looking like the bad guy.
I'm so sick of it! I feel so suffocated and like I can't even have my own life, friends, or even fucking love life without her trying to wedge herself into it! Please help!
Why don't you
>hide your friends list on Facebook
>ignore her messages
>don't invite her to things
>don't introduce her to people
>>17273646
I try not to invite her to things. But she finds out from mutual friends and invites herself along!. Unless I don't hang out with my friends, it seems like there's no way to avoid her finding out about my friends or introducing herself to them.
I will hide my friend's list though. That's a good point.
>>17273656
If your mutual friends know she's going to turn up if they mention going out around her, and yet they don't stop telling her this stuff, then I guess the implication is that they don't mind having her along and that you're the only one with a problem here.
>>17273662
Did you not read my OP post? They don't enjoy her any more than I do - I've gotten text messages and everything from friends who don't want to be friends with her, but have troubles turning her down politely.
But if they post that they're attending an event, or even a simple status of "hanging out with X tonight!" she immediately asks if she can go, or will invite herself along without even asking.
And it seems to be limited (although not exclusively) to things with me. She doesn't hang out with these people one on one, but if she finds that I'll be there, she wants to go and will find a way.
It feels like I'm going to wake up one morning to find her trying to wear my face and live my life.
I've cut her off from being around me one-on-one with excuses of being busy or not having time, and am very short worded in any conversations we have. As for ignoring her completely? I know from previous friends of hers that she absolutely will not stop, no matter what. Her ex-best friend deleted her from FB and was still bombarded with constant messages of "why don't you want to be friends anymore, tell me EXACTLY etc etc" The only way that friend got rid of her was by getting rid of all of her friends and moving 3 hours away and meeting an entire new circle of people.
I don't want to have to do that, and I shouldn't have to do that! It feels like I have a fucking stalker!
>>17273631
things aren't going to get any better, stop stringing her along as a friend if you're not actually her friend, it's a pretty shitty thing in general to do to someone.
This isn't highschool, where you have to force yourself to hang out with someone. You are an extension of your friends, so if you're hanging out with people like her chances are you're probably slightly similar in some way, shape or form.
Anyways, cut ties with her. You don't have to be mean about it, but stop wasting each others time.
Learn how to say no, stop being a passive aggressive baby and then complaining about the fact that you're not getting it across to her. of course she's not going to get it when people are nice to her face but talk shit behind her back.
she definitely knows what she's doing, don't feel so bad for her. I'm not saying she is a bad person but she knows she can get away with things by guilt-tripping people and she's good at it. explain to her how you feel and set your boundaries. also don't just cut contact with her like >>17273646 suggested, that's a very passive aggressive way to deal with it
>>17273693
Sit her down, say you need to have a serious conversation and that you'd like her to please handle it like an adult, that you don't want to be guilted. Say something along the lines of, "Listen, [name], I like you, and I want you as a friend, but I don't want to do EVERYTHING with you. If I don't tell you about something I'm doing, it's probably because it's a date and I want to keep it private. You seriously don't need to worry, I'm not going to ditch you as a friend just because we don't do literally everything together."
Don't let her get accusatory and don't let her guilt you. If she gets accusatory just tell her, "I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I'm going to go now, but I'll see you later." If she gets weepy / manipulative, tell her "This isn't that big a deal, man. I'm not angry at you but I have the right to my own life." Then bug out of there.
This is assuming you're willing to keep her as a friend at all, of course.
