>tfw dad was a deadbeat, left me with my mother pretty much my entire child life
>hardly contributed to anything, used to beat my mother and brothers when they were together
>tried to make amends with him around my 20s, we ended up living together for about 6 months before he went into another drunken rage and kicked me out
>I ended up spending a month in the psych ward shortly after this, he never attempted to see me or help me with anything
>never encourages me to achieve anything, before I started the civil engineering program I'm about to graduate from he literally told me "You're too stupid to be an engineer."
>for the last 4 years I've been living on my own without either parent's help, dad still tries to call me an have a relationship despite all this.
>It's father's day.
Should I even fucking call him? I really don't want to.
To be honest I genuinely hate my father. I see him as a goalpost for what never to become. He's encouraged me to become a better father when I have my own kids because I'd absolutely hate for my own kids to hate me the way I hate my dad. Sometimes I try to think of nice things about him, once in a while he'd take me to a theme park or buy me a game or something as a kid but for the most part, he was just an awful figure in my life and constantly destroyed my confidence. It wasn't until I learned to stare him down and tell him to go fuck himself to his face that I actually started feeling pride in myself as a human being, started getting my act together, building my own life and feeling happy about myself.
I really don't want to call my dad. Is it ok to just ignore father's day if your dad was a dick?
>>17272457
Don't bother, you're better off cutting relations with such toxic people in your life.
I can't speak from personal experience, so I'm sorry for overstepping, but fuck no.
If anyone in your life shows you nothing but how shitty they are, then you don't need them in your life. You don't need that negativity.
Are you close with your mom? If you love her, call her and you can both bitch about your dick dad.
>>17272457
Without going off on a rant, short answer don't call.
I had similar experience. Dad in and out of life. Last saw him when I was probably 15. Called me once when I was i think 18 and I hung up immedietaly. Adds me on facebook, and I've now deleted my account. He was a horrible father. No money for support. Alcoholic. Bipolar. And what have I accomplished since I saw him? Graduated high school. Graduated college. Gotten Jobs. Learned to drive. Taught myself how to shave. First date. Basically all that Will Smith on Prince of Bel Air scene.
He's a toxic person. You might always want to reconnect, but it seems to do more harm than good.
I guess I'll use your thread to rant too
>Be me
>It's my birthday
>Everyone around me wishing me a happy birthday
>Dad just sits there sulking around
>Doesn't say a damn word to me
>A few weeks back him and my mom are going off on vacation
>I go to give him a hug goodbye he just coldly offers me a fist bump
>I go ahead and give him the weirdest hug I have ever given anyone
>He goes ahead and hugs both my sisters warmly
I really don't know what his deal is and I am not interested in finding out, I haven't said a single word to him to day and I feel like if I even went out and got him a card or something, it wouldn't mean squat to him. I don't hate him, I just don't understand why he can be so impartially distant to me. Since I was kid I always questioned if I was adopted due to how weird he'd treat me compared to my other siblings but that's not true, I don't want to sit down and have a man to man conversation with him again cause I've tried to in the past and it just caused even more tension. I don't even know if it's worth it going out and saying "Happy Father's day" or some kind of gift or card cause deep down inside I know I don't even mean it, and he doesn't seem to care about saying anything to me.
>>17272570
M8 it might just be a 'manly' thing. Like if you ever seen that 70s show. You know Red and Eric dont have that relationship, and its like a running joke on the show. You might be missing out on some details that make me see otherwise, but like I said it seems like he doesnt want to treat you like daddys little girl type.
>tfw Donald will never be your dad.
>>17272457
You don't owe your father anything. You don't even owe him a visit when he's on his hospital bed dying someday. He deserves to die truly alone. No offense ofc.
>>17272577
>daddys little girl type
I don't want to be treated like a little girl. I just want to be treated with mutual respect, and most of the times he's just a sulking black hole of joy. You can just be sitting in the same room as him and your mood immediately becomes bad. I've been seeking his approval my entire life it feels and all I ever get is "okay" and I don't want to go out there and get him something, only to find it in the trash later. The way he acts towards me is honestly unbecoming and I'm sure he knows it cause I see him getting along just fine with my male cousins who are around my age. He's the biggest comedian and story teller when he's with them, but when it comes to me, depending on what day it is, the best I can hope is that he will ask how my day was and that's where the conversation ends.
>>17272589
OP here, I get the feeling your dad is disappointed with you. My dad has at times pretty much told me he's disappointed with me.
Honestly the best thing ever is realizing you're proud of who you are without his approval. I have a cousin who is an optometrist and another who works as a banker on Wall Street, my dad has at times made it obvious he'd rather I was one of these cousins rather than who I am.
You've gotta realize he's never going to like you. You're never going to matter to him. So you have to return the favour: he never needs to matter to you. The person who has to come first is yourself. You need to become someone you're proud of and happy to wake up as every morning, not struggle your whole life trying to be whoever he wants you to be. Coming to terms with all this stuff is what helped me a lot coming out of the psych ward.
>>17272601
Yeah he yelled at me a few years back in public and I was still a teen then, I had gone to go get my braces removed and the dentist called him over to tell him that something had happened to my gums cause I hadn't been brushing my teeth enough, he completely lost it and started going off on me saying how expensive those braces were and I wasn't control of my emotions so I started crying right there and then and he said, "You're an embarrassment to me" I still think of those words to this day.
The thing is though I don't hate him, it's just a really strong annoyance at his attitude towards me relative to everyone else. Like what did I ever do to you, I have already come into terms with most of it, but on days like this where you see everyone saying how they have such great fathers, it's a shame I can't say the same cause I wouldn't even be meaning it and it feels fake to me cause he literally makes no effort to show that I am his son and that he cares. Him showing concern is opening any important mail I get or making sure I don't get home past 2 am.
>>17272621
on days like this i end up calling brothers and uncles to see how they are doing if they're fathers. it doesn't have to be about your dad.
