so i\m fairly addicted to benzodiazepines, at least to the point where i get full scale epileptic seizures when trying to quit cold turkey (yes it happened).
this abuse has been going on for about 9 months to a year now, aside from special occasions i try to keep the doses as low as possible and mostly use Z-analouges rather than "real" benzos.
anyway i originally started taking zopiclone for severe insomnia. back then was before i abused it, maybe 3-4 years ago. but now it has ramped up for various reasons. i've gotten to the point where 40 mg of zopiclone (insert random brand here) barely makes me feel anything. over this year i've managed to be sober for 1-3 days at most on 1-3 occasions, one of whitch was said time where i was stupid enough to go CT and woke up at the ER.
im afraid of many things, not getting enough sleep, becoming afraid of sleep again which was the root cause of my insomnia, and im scared to death of the withdrawal symptoms in general and im scared of getting a seizure in the wrong time & place etc and end up dying or crippled for life.
someone please help me out of this hell. write anything. there must be a lot of people other than me who have been in the same situation or are currently in the same situation. tell me how you cope.
TL;DR desperate benzo addict in need of help
Are rehab centers out of the question?
>>17271295
depends. it's a maybe if you'd asked further up the road. the thing is that i was recently forced to move back to my parents for various reasons. they're really conservative/christians in every regard so it wouldn't be too weird if they disowned me if they found out their son fucked up his life and became a decadent drug addict. and as a friendless neet it is kinda hard to come up with an alibi for x amount of weeks or however long it takes.
i expect to be moving out again in two months or less though.
>>17271310
Yeah because I can understand that attending a rehab center sort of lets everyone whatsup. But depending on where you live you could perhaps attend a rehab center further away from your community once you move out? That way you'll at the very least run a lower risk of the word getting out?
>>17271326
yeah i suppose. but i really need a plan for before that. if i can quit entirely on my own that would be optimal. i did have three consecutive sober days about 4 months ago but fucked it up.
anyway how am i supposed to approach this mentally? even just lowering my tolerance from lets say "40 mg" to 10 would give me at least a small bit of hope. and also how do i prevent binging even harder? what kind of mindset do i need?
i pretty much hate my life in general as it is. dumb as a rock, skinnyfat, have manipulative and passive aggressive parents.
please respond or just talk to me fags. life on the line here. withdrawals are so strong i feel like im gonna puke any minute. i cant think calmly about this situation obviously so you do it for me.
what should i do? what should i think?
how do i cope with being a virgin at 22 at the same time as this?
damn scientists and their manmade molecule-herpaderpa discoveries. fuck gaben, james is not an ass.
>>17271959
Is your psychiatrist available on Sundays? Shit's going to be okay. Do you have any medication left that you could use to taper down from? When is your next psych appointment?
Inhale, count to four, exhale, count to four. Fill your lungs up as much as you can with each inhale. Exhale through your nostrils, keep mindful of the way the air feels on its way out.
If you have no other medications of any kind left, get on the phone with someone you trust and talk it out. If you don't think you can handle it and need urgent care, either call and ambulance or drive yourself to the e.r. I went through all of this shit three weeks ago. You're going to be okay. No matter how shitty and hopeless things feel, remember that the worst you feel at any given moment right now isn't how shit plays out in reality. Anxiety warps the fuck out of your perspective.
Hang in there. Shit's going to get better. You're going to make it through this. Asking for help was the first step.
I don't know anything about addiction, but since CT isn't an option, try taking lower doses, more spread out? just enough that you don't have a seizure or something. It'll be hell, but somewhat less so.
