So I'm a depressed 23yo, and I recently came to the conclusion that I'm probably just not a content creator kind of person, which is probably the only thing I ever really cared about trying to become.
>pretty much only had video games as a hobby ever
>tried making literally hundreds of videos of various games for years over multiple accounts with different styles and everything
>never got anywhere with it, the stuff i make just isn't good enough
>always wanted to become an artist and create all sorts of amazing art
>never got better than the bare basics, almost never even tried to actually learn anything, the motivation and energy for learning is absolutely zero
>i tried making my own music
>can't play any instrument i tried, only had minor success with a harmonica once
>don't have the energy or patience to learn to make anything out of computer audio tools
The only things that interest me even the slightest seem to be what I'm absolutely worst at.
>>17267987
Fuck it I'll just keep ranting.
Hell I can't even make myself talk to people or share my thoughts on anything anymore.
I don't even want to meet strangers and get to know them to then become friends, I don't enjoy the experience.
According to various actual test I've made with a psychologist, I'm a horrible learner, I read slow and I have a shitty short-term memory (however, apparently once I've actually learned something I do have a pretty good long term memory).
I'm absolutely garbage at anything I try to do. As mentioned I only really used to care about videogames, but I've never fucking managed to actually get decent at anything I've played. I'm around average tier in everything, no matter how much effort I put into it.
I've wanted to die for years but there's no RELIABLE option for me to do so where I live. I'd really just want an exit bag but they're fucking ILLEGAL here.
>>17267992
The only thing I can think of at all that I still enjoy to some degree, is masturbating and talking about porn with people over at /soc/, /h/, /d/ and /trash/.
I always wished I could be attractive, but I don't have the energy or discipline to exercise and actually lose weight and gain muscle or anything.
And why would it fucking matter anyway, because there's always going to be bigger, buffer, tougher, stronger and more handsome guys around, pretty much literally everybody would be just that either way.
I never bothered to cut myself, but over the last few months I've had a genuine desire to hurt myself. I want to stab myself just to have something to feel other than anxiety, and something to think about other than constant overthinking about everything else.
>>17267999
I haven't had someone to call a friend for years now. I don't even know if I desire friendship anymore. I don't know if I enjoy being completely lonely.
My job fucking sucks and I work too hard for the absolute underpayment I receive, and there's no sort of appreciation from it either.
I hate both of my parents to the core, I pretty much always have. They're everything that is wrong with people, in my opinion. Disgusting attitudes, unreliable, unthankful, etc. Yet I'm forced to live with them every single day because I can't afford to move out. That's right, I'm god damn 23 and I can't even AFFORD to start the baby steps of becoming a decent person.
>>17268006
I hate, hate, hate, HATE everything about myself. I'm a worthless friend, I'm useless at everything I try to do, a goalless unfriendly unattractive person with no future. I'm everything I hate in other people, so I guess I'm projecting a lot.
I want to at least commit social suicide some day soon, by completely erasing everyone I still "know" from my contacts- and "friends" lists and whatnot. Everyone I interact with, as rarely as I do, just makes me feel more miserable.
>>17268012
The only thing my mind is clear about is that I feel like I genuinely do not have anything to live FOR. I suffer through daily life because I have nothing else to do. I have no plans and nothing to look forward to.
I used to have a girlfriend, but we mistreated each other completely, so after a 3 year relationship that did look like it could go well, we abruptly just gave up and have barely even talked to each other since.
That's more or less everything I had on my mind.
So go on and tell me to kill myself like you guys usually do I guess.
>>17267987
Just sounds like you have depression, theres not really anything anyone here can say to help, so i'd advise finding whoever you are closest to in your life and confiding in them. If it's not actually depression and you just "feel" depressed then just keep doing what makes you happy, even if you're not the best at it, do you really need other peoples acknowledgement to find joy in your hobbies? Keep creating content/playing video games/instruments whatever the fuck you want, put yourself out there if you dont have any close friends, im sure you have facebook hit some people up time to time and develop a friendship. You seem like a well spoken, intelligent guy im sure many people would be happy to be your friend.
>>17268073
I don't have a Facebook actually, because I've always liked staying anonymous even before I found the chan. There's no benefit to it either, I'd just be pestered by people I don't know/don't want to know/hate.
>well spoken
>intelligent
I literally just ranted about clear facts over how completely useless I am, and this is what you think of me? I don't even know what to say about that. Just what.
>>17268091
Well, you were able to put your autism on hold for writing these posts so you can obviously write
>>17268111
Anyone can rant, Anon.
>>17268091
You don't have to be a fast learner or successful in your pursuits to be an intelligent human being, it's just the vibe i got from reading your posts. You're young as fuck, if you stick around you won't be the same person in 5 years and a completely different one in 10, you never know what life is going to throw at you, its up to you to decide if its worth sticking around. If nothing is fun anymore and you really have given up all hope then im sure there is quick and painless ways to exit regardless of where you live.
Have you tried sourcing elsewhere? Look around the whole country for a better job, if you find one move there, preferably a place that doesn't cost a lot to live like in rural areas, and work on building up your life and escaping everything you ever knew.
If you don't like your life start it over somewhere else.
>>17268122
>young as fuck
Like that matters when I could get overrun on accident (" ") any day. But no, I already feel too old to be able to have time left to become anything. I've squandered any opportunity I had for a future.
What makes you think that people change, though?
Once a loser always a loser, right?
>>17268134
>If you don't like your life start it over somewhere else.
That requires insurmountable confidence and planning, as well as a shitload of money. If I could just take my most necessary belongings, leave to some place and straight up start over just like that, I would. But that isn't even in the tier of a fantasy to me.
>>17268136
>too old
That's bullshit, you're in your early 20's this is the decade where pretty much every other person your age fucks around and decides what they want to do in life. You could start college/university tomorrow and be part of the younger crowd.
People change based off life experiences and relationships, they will drift towards what makes them happy, your 20's are where you will change the most, this is the same reason relationships that start in early 20's don't last because people change.
>>17268164
>university
My ex went to university, and she began right after school when she was still 18.
Well, two years down that line she became extremely anxious and also developed some form of depression. It's one of the reasons why we broke up, I guess. Used to be such a great person and then just... what the fuck happened.
>>17268176
Imo your ex went in too early, i too tried studying something straight out of high school and ended up dropping out in my early 20's because i just didnt care for it, i know plenty of others who have done the same. 18 year olds are basically children in my eyes. I'm back now doing something i'm actually interested in because i took the time to live my life, mature and find what makes me happy.
>>17268191
You're probably right.
I dunno man. I just don't fucking know what to do about anything. When this thread dies, I'll probably just continue sulking, fapping and doing nothing until I go back to my absolutely meaningless job on monday.
And I do mean meaningless, because right now we're running a small cafeteria at a university... but it's closed for summer, so there's LITERALLY 0 customers some days. We just sit there and wait for up to 8 hours.
>>17268199
If you're experiencing burnout take a week or two off, you live at home still so the money shouldnt be too big of an issue, if the job is making you miserable then i'd consider quitting altogether, try to focus on what actually makes you happy, hopefully even though you hate your parents they will understand and try to support you in whatever you do. Take up some course in something you find interesting, it's a great way to meet people.
Life should only be lived for happiness, fuck working in dead end jobs that you hate, do what you want!
