We're here to listen.
Last thread: >>17257366
My wife has finally come to understand I am an introvert and I think she secretly hates me for it.
Holy shit I hate my husband. A couple hours DOES NOT MEAN 8 HOURS, THAT'S 4 WHOLE COUPLES
i'm going to cut off his hair in his sleep and then i'll wipe my ass with one of his rare foil mtg cards
>>17267906
kek
voices are telling me to go for a pizza
I'm going for a pizza
the voices made me do it
i am fucking FUNNY but my husband doesn't think so and doesn't find me amusing
>>17267958
i bet you're not ;^)
my class went to the pool for a field trip at the end of the school year and while i was sitting on the steps one of my students came up and she sat on my lap
I tried so hard to control myself but i ended up getting hard while she was sitting on it
she felt it, wiggled around a little then got up and put her hand under water and grabbed it really quick and let go
I'm not going to lie
it felt great
Im stressed as fuck /adv/, pharmacology exam on monday
my eastern European medschool is demanding as fuck and I feel like a dumb looser.
thats all I wanted
>>17267958
I was not entertained
>>17268185
Boyfriend is more than likely cheating or has lost interest, or both.
He makes all kinds of "distractions" when we're together. Like, suddenly everything else other than me becomes SO interesting, or he gets up to do things like washing the dishes - things that he's perfectly capable of doing when I'm NOT around. It hurts, because I only get to see him once every couple weeks or so (long distance). He hardly ever texts or calls anymore.
That's really the only thing I want to bring up though, the details that he's probably cheating I don't even want to get into.
This hurts so fucking much, why can't I just accept that he's using me as a placeholder and let go?
>>17268185
So, for the sake of science, how old are these students?
I guess we're done?
>>17268244
Break up
>>17267945
the voices won't exercise for you when you get fat
I'm gonna get judged abysmally for this and people have every right to, but hey, it's a venting thread.
The harder life gets, the more I just want to give up and be a camwhore. I grew up a fat shut-in because of extremely poor health. Any penny I got I used to spend on online friends to thank them for being my friends. I studied my ass off in university and I couldn't afford to feed myself because I come from a poor family, so I lost a lot of the weight from comfort eating.
I work more than full time and I study part time as well. Despite working more than full time, I don't know when my next pay cheque will be from month to month because of constant bureaucracy and delays and budget rearrangements. I haven't been paid in months.
I go on Twitch and I see girls getting thousands of dollars in donations just for being on camera and existing. I love video games but I barely have any time to play them any more and I can't afford a new PC which I desperately want, I use a laptop that can barely play videos.
I've been screwed over by life pretty much, I want to take advantage of the fact I could barely afford to feed myself to take advantage of other people.
>>17268440
>so I lost a lot of the weight from comfort eating.
Meant to say that I ended up losing the weight that I gained from comfort eating while being in university. I wish I could afford to comfort eat.
>>17268440
If you can sleep soundly at night doing what you do than do it. There are chicks who do WAY worse for far less out there.
>>17268446
I know a girl who loves chocolate, so she programmed it into her meal plans and calculated how much extra exercise she had to do to account for it. The result was that the chocolate went straight to firming her butt because she squatted and stepped like crazy.
It can be done if you plan appropriately and remain disciplined.
>>17268457
It's not the worst way in the world to make money, but I still struggle with it because I grew up like "I'm not like one of THOSE girls! I'm better than those girls!".
The joke's on me really, I don't have the time or money to enjoy my favourite hobby while they get paid to enjoy my hobby.
>>17268459
Damn, she sounds like she has it all figured out. I'm medically underweight now and my ribs stick out through my skin so I can probably 'afford' to eat chocolate calorie wise, I just don't have a lot of money to buy junk food.
>>17268469
Shut up and post pics already whore
i went to the store to get a coke, and it was a polish one -- i live in bosnia
just to say my last goodbye
>>17268492
That doesn't sound like a profitable business model senpai.
>>17268504
Bitch you ever heard of free samples?
You're not going to make it; its called advertising
The fuck.
I failed a final with like a 45% and ended the class with a B or B-. And better yet I made the deans list at the school.
I fucking hate when you go to the bathroom and just as you approach it someone else goes in
happens EVERY FUCKING TIME
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
I got so laid last night. Holy fuck can life get any better?
I hate sarcasm, it gets me pissed off real easily. It makes me feel like a idiot and a pushover.
>>17267783
I am waiting for my lucky break. They say good times come after the bad, but it's been tough for years. I put as much work into everything as everyone else, but maybe some people just gotta work harder?
I'm just so on edge. I'm not angry or sad, I'm just emotionally drained. Completely emasculates me, but I want to cuddle with someone and forget about my stress, even if for a minute.
I fucking love sucking my boyfriend's cock. I'd do it for hours.
I am a legitimate gay pedophile. I want these urges to go away because I still have my morals.
Last night I was thinking about her.
And I don't get it. There was never anything between us both. Maybe that's the reason.
We just danced a few times. But I didn't ever make a move. And then she got back with her ex and shortly thereafter I had nothing to do in town so I moved out.
But I still think of her, even though, as I said, there was never anything between us both. I can't imagine what it would be if we got together at all. It would've been hell. She'd soon realize who I really am and she would've probably dumped me before a month passed. And then I would've been legit depressed.
Over a girl.
What a shitty situation. Now I am kind of glad I was too omega to ever make a move. It's probably best that she got back with her ex, at least, you know, she loves him or something. Would've never worked out with me
We could dance tho
>>17268839
>>17268834
You two should hook up
Is listening to sad music a bad idea when im having a depressive episode again
Apparently I sound "posh".
There's nothing posh about me. I'm just well-spoken and I never use chav slang.
>>17267958
i am not funny i'm legitimately pissed you miserable neckbeard piece of trash
go cry in your dakimakura about tfw no gf some more you fucking sock fucking manbaby
I'm a skinnyfat loser with sticky skin and i get all my clothes from my mom who shops at thrift stores
should i kill myself or spend all my time on 4chan making fun of people who are able to achieve intercourse with that special someone?
I don't want to kill myself, I just want to get rid of expectations. I wish I could move out and live alone, doing what I want to do all alone. It's almost like wanting to quit, except I'd still be living. I'm sick of people telling me what I need to do and how I need to do it but won't even listen to me or take me seriously about my mental issues. It's frustrating.
I'm severely depressed,have about 5 mental outbreaks a week. I feel bad about it because my parents give me almost everything i want/need on material shit but... i get almost to no attention from then. They don't know about my depression and outbreaks since i try to hide it from then.
>>17269015
Why no therapy
Stop trying to toy with my emotions. This goes for a lot of people trying to get a reaction just because I've been around lately. One simply needs to say "Yes, I have a new boyfriend now" instead of trying to hint to it without actually saying it. It's annoying. The others need to stop trying to constantly refer to that same person whenever I'm around and how loved and adored they are.
Enough. I gave up. Not once did I not regret ending it, but I gave up after I forced myself to avoid trying to fix it. So knock the games off.
tears in eyes anons
have to stop taking lessons from my long time guitar teacher. He's taught me so much. About music, about guitar, about life. Every saturday at the same time for years and years. I never asked for his last name or asked about him, he seldom asked about me, we never had long conversations or whatever but you still get to know someone from sharing a tiny room and playing guitar together for half an hour every week. You learn little things. He takes a phone call, now i know he's got a wife who wants him to pick up pet food. He mentions he won't be there one weekend because his daughter is touring colleges. He hands me a book and out falls a crayon drawing he mentions belonged to his little daughter. He tells me a story about how he learned a really famous rock song from the writer himself when he worked in a guitar shop and he came in [don't want to give away information could identify him]
we've filled up two tablature books from lesssons, almost three, i have a folder of print outs and handwritten music.
It had to end sometime but goddamn why now.
Here's to seven years of excellent service, Tom.
I frequently bite off more than what I can chew when it comes to social situations. I wanted to go to a real college and meet people, but as soon as my mom suggests we schedule a tour, and I start panicking and I think, "There's no way I'll be able to handle this".
This has happened so many times. Tried to work, quit. Tried to volunteer, quit. I feel like I can handle it and suddenly I can't when I'm there and its really demoralizing.
I should just take the safer route and go online for awhile, so at least I'm making SOME progress towards a degree. I should take in small steps, but not too small. I've progressed since I moved, more than I have than the past 4 years spent as a NEET who doesn't leave the house for months. I can't let myself give up, but I can't push myself too hard either.
>>17267958
I laughed
Feels weird having everything going so well for once. I got a good job, have plenty of alcohol, got laid, live with my awesome cat, go to strip clubs regularly, and am perfectly happy. I know there's always something that comes along and ruins it but for once, I'm just focused on enjoying this all while it lasts
I'm at my third year at uni, I can't work full time yet due to my schedule. Full time jobs are well payed in comparison to part time jobs.
My family is in a really critical economic situation right now, I feel useless for not gaining money to help my family and I kinda want to quit uni to find a job.
i wish i were dead or didn't exist, but i'm not suicidal and don't want to take my own life
I am sad, lonely, and tired of life.
Outside of my parents, I got nobody who cares about me, and I am just a financial burden on my folks.
I have no reason to live, and I am so damn tired. I just want to fall asleep, and never wake up.
Pathetic bitch kill yourself already please jesus christ the amount of times i have to lie to people that you're just an aquaintance is embarrassing because honestly you're physically repulsive just like all cum receptacles. I kept you around purely to enjoy your misery and humiliation but now i'm getting annoyed.
Word of advice from a sadist don't stick your dick in ugly or you'll be sorely tempted to torture it.
OK. What the fuck. Lately I have been feeling anxious, and I can only think about M. Every thought is either about her, or if not, it morphs into that.
I don't know what to do.
YOU FUCKING CUNT. I SAID I WOULD TRY. I'VE BEEN BEING PATIENT WITH EVERY FUCKED UP THING YOU DO BUT HOLY CHRIST, YOU'RE REAAAAAAAAAALLY FUCKING TRYING ME HERE. YOU FUCKING BITCH. HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THIS MUCH SHIT BACK TO BACK? HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO KEEP THIS SHIT UP. HOW DO I CARE LESS? HOW DO I CARE LESS WHILE TRYING TO WORK ON YOUR DUMB ASS?
You're an asshole.
You fucked someone else and you talked to me about it, even if you know I have feelings for you. You talk to me about your crushes just to tease me. You fucking forgot about my birthday, after promising me you'll remember about it. You disappear for weeks and I don't know when, or if you're coming back. You never stand by my side, you never say anything nice about the way I look or the person I am. You never reciprocate anything I do for you - the presents, the worries, the affection.
And still, I do love you. I don't know why I do, but I fucking do. Every time you thank me for being by your side, or you make me feel appreciated for what I do for you, I feel happier than I've ever been before.
I think I should just be brave and leave you. This is getting so fucking tiring, you made me retarded.
>>17269449
Holy shit, what the fuck happened you?
>>17269449
>>17269796
>>17269908
yeah I'm curious too. but at the same time I really don't give a fuck. odd feeling, this.
>>17269912
I know someone like this guy, he thinks he's above everyone and has achieved exactly nothing in his life. The rage he feels because of being a loser doesn't take long to figure out. I find him amusing, he's not funny, just good to laugh at.
I hate feeling 20. I barely even feel I've gotten past 14.
I really wish my life would've gone differently.
I have more fun dreaming about that than anything else.
>>17269940
hate BEING 20, rather
>>17269936
Sounds like your the one with the the over developed ego and assumptions. I can pretty much assume with a certain confidence you're no where near as successful as you believe yourself or portray yourself to be.
Plus if you even read those posts they seem to be aimed at a female.
I really want to talk to you again. I don't have your phone number anymore though. I don't dare look you up online because I'd rather not find myself looking through shit that doesn't concern me. I'm sure you're just fine, but I still haven't moved on after all these years.
I feel like such a shitbag. I'm at uni, my parents pay for everything I ever need, my life right now is better than 85% of people living in my country's. Still, I'm so unmotivated. So fucking lazy. I keep flunking disciplines by lack of studying, I cannot work the nerve to reach out and create any intimate relationships. I've always had big dreams, and now I can't seem to muster the willpower to go after them. Heck, I can't muster the willpower to just be an average boring person. This sinking feeling, it just deepens and deepens
>>17269950
Or perhaps my sense of self is exactly how it should be and reflects who and what I am. Your wizardry failed you.
Being in the midst of a sadist was debilitating, he was weak, and pretty dumb in many respects, which ultimately enabled me to leave.
The last 5 years of my life have been utterly pathetic and it eats away at me every day.
I had a thing with this one girl for years. I deeply cared about this girl in a very real way. We were really close for awhile and i was the happiest id ever been. We dated on and off, hooked up once but never went all the way. We would talk, get close, then shed get a new boyfriend and stop talking to me. The cycle repeated many times. We started dating officially once, I was so fucking happy and one day, out of the blue, she cut it off by inviting me to the beach to show me the heart her new boyfriend and drawn on her inner thigh. Another time she invited me to the beach, told me to meet her there at like noon, and she just didnt show up and didnt text me or anything. It was an hour long bike ride in august to get to that beach. I was a pothead with no plan in life when she met me. I was so convinced that I loved her, I went to a shitty college for two years and managed to transfer to a much better university. I worked so hard those two years, i almost completely lost my muscles and did other bad things to make ends meet and get the best transcript i could. I loved this girl a lot, and i never felt like i was good enough. She was the only person I was ever able to open up to. I told her i loved her, told her that she was the most beautiful girl in the world. I miss her every day even though I know how much pain she caused me, god help me, people have no idea how bad it still hurts. I have a good social life, great friends, my career prospects look pretty decent but i cant enjoy any of it. I want help but i dont know who to turn to. I cant even form meaningful relationships with women anymore because I get flashbacks and I get anxious, angry, sad, usually ill drink to make it stop.
>>17270043
Bro, I've been in a similar situation. It just takes time, and it takes courage. The connection that you made with that girl can be made again with another girl, when you get oneitis everything just kind of goes on repeat and that's all you ever think about when it comes to girls and it sucks. But the only way to get rid of that is to get new material, you also probably think other girls arnt the same or don't measure up that's because you don't know them the way you knew her. When you think of her you think of late phone calls, laughs, intimacy, long walks and just all the memories that overshadow what she may have looked like, or made her all the more beautiful. But there are other beautiful girls and people out there, you just have to get to know them well enough, let them show you just as good of a time as she once showed you. Only new memories and smiles can slay the old, dead ones.
Sorry if this didn't help at all, but cheer up mate, you got this.
It'll all be aces tomorrow.
It was my birthday yesterday and no-one seemingly gave a shit for the third or fourth year in a row. People I've known since I was 3 years old seemed to have just completely forgot about it or ignored it. The worst part is I feel so apathetic towards it all, like I expected it. I'm not as close to the people I care about as much as I thought I was and I'm having difficulty even caring, even though I'm whining and making a post on fucking 4chan about it. I didn't make a single friend the entire first year of University either because it just felt unbelievably tedious.
I genuinely can't remember the last time I was happy. For the last several years, I just thought me being mopey and unmotivated all the time was just teenage blues of being scared that I have to grow up one day. But these past few months, I've gained a ton of weight and going out in the streets scares the shit out of me. Every time I hear a laugh, I just get insanely paranoid that they're laughing at me. I have to avoid wearing glasses when I'm outside so I don't have to look at people's faces. I know I have depression but I'm terrified of admitting it and getting help. My father's very much the same, except he's actually diagnosed with major depression and it scares the living shit out of that I'll be just like him when I'm his age. All I want to do is sleep forever.
>>17270075
I can relate with the teenage blues feeling, its made out to seem like you'll wake up one day and suddenly know how to deal with all the bs.
Try to see your dad as a motivation to do better, because it's your life and no one else is going to feel sorry for you. If you want to be closer to others, talk to them more, you'd be surprised how much everyone else may feel the same secretly. Find something that you enjoy and let it distract the shit out of you, and next year at uni look for people who share it, start exercising in small chunks (I.e 100m jog 1 day, increase)
You have the power to make the changes, not us on 4chan
P.s happy birthday :)
I'M FUCKING DONE WITH EVERYTHING. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I WANT THINGS TO GO BACK TO THE WAY THEY WERE. WHEN LIFE WAS MUCH SIMPLER. EVERYTHING IS TO, TO. TO. TOO. DUDUDUDUDUDUDUUUURUUUDUDURUU
I've realized that what is probably a big reason I like video games so much is the absolute second I'm not distracted by something I think about killing myself in great detail and often break down crying
At least this realization has seemed to make me not get really frustrated with games as I used to
>>17269908
Strung along an ugly cunt for my own amusement but i dragged it out too long now people outside my inner circle think i'm a sucker for supposed 'inner' beauty garbage.
As fucked up as it sounds im known as the typical good kid with a good education everybody in my inner circle thinks its a hilarious joke because im already fucking a knock out so the comparison between the two is just comically absurd.
I've already had my laughs over this so everybody else laughing at a now ancient joke is really ridiculous for me play along like i've never heard it before.
I swear i'm having third parties seeing me in a 'new' light so much so that they think i want to attend downy parades for the severely retarded.
>>17270197
That's what you get for being an asshole, it seems. Now sit on the corner and think about what you have learned
My boyfriend of two years whom I adored and worshiped dumped me a few months ago because he didn't love me anymore. I accepted that reasoning until his reasons felt more like excuses, and everything was starting to contradict and soon he was already with another girl. That, I'm over. I've already went through all the grieving but one thing that really helped were his best friends who always supported me and reassured me the way he treated me was wrong. But now, after sadposting and doing my fair share of angryposting on facebook (posts in which his friends CONTRIBUTED to in shit talking my ex) these dudes have all blocked me. And I just found out today they did it because of something my ex told them. There is nothing, good or bad, about me and my ex that his friends didn't know. I am terrified and angry at what awful things he could have said for their opinions to sway so hard. It's awful.
>>17270240
Start rage bangin randoms. That'll show em!
I wan't to die every day but i dont tell anyone.
>>17270249
im not trying to catch an std desu
I want to break up with you so bad but you won't accept it. I fucked up so many times but you won't accept it and try over and over to try and let us "fix" it.
You're paranoid, have no job, no education, no money. You don't control your life. I used to justify it, but I can't anymore. Your friends hate me and I hate being around them. Why don't you listen to them now?
Whatever I saw in you that I loved, I don't see anymore. After every argument we are good for a day or two but it blows up so quickly and I keep telling you it is not good for either of us.
I wish everyday you would just end it with me.
I feel so distant from people.
I'm always in my head. I fell like I don't live life. I'm all into self-development shit, but I do nothing, I have no passion.
Jesus, I have so much knowledge about human behavior, the universe and deep perception about reality, but all this dont materialize in my life. It's like I don't live all that I have inside.
I had this girlfriend, she broke up with me 7 months ago. Last week she wanted to come back to me, we hang out.
I'm addicted to porn. I cant have sex without imagining scenes in my head and this blocks me from connecting with girls. That' the reason she broke up with me in the first place and that's the reason she said she doest want nothing with me anymore; I had Erectile Dysfunction; she saw that I didnt change shit.
The worst thing is that I'm selffish as fuck. I didnt realise this, I could not see it. I live for myself only, All I want is instant gratification, jumping from beer to coffe, to porn to games, always looking for the next high.
We were at a bar, I got really drunk and exposed her to my friends. Later I went to her house and scremed that nobody loves her. WTF?
I don't remember because I was drunk. But WHY I did it? Why I had to cause pain in her?
Why this little creature wants "revenge" for being rejective? this little creature that dont see that other people have a life and problems like I do?
I suffer from Depersonalization/Derealization disorder and Porn Addiction.
Maybe if I succed with Nofap I'll become "normal".
I don't know. I don't want to think anymore. I just want to live.
Hurry up and announce your new relationship already, M. You beating around the bush constantly when anyone can see it, and the person who feels the same way for you is constantly trying to show it off. It doesn't help that his messages are more attention whorey than your own. I have no issues with you, that shouldn't need to be said, but we both know you seek attention endlessly. So when his need to stand out after constantly talking about how much he loves you overshadows your own need to attention whore, it shows how ridiculously annoying he is. Hurry up and tell him how much you love him, go on to be happy together and then our own past can dissolve completely. At the same time, hopefully he'll stop posting his stupid captioned images.
Goodbye, enjoy your new loving relationship. Enjoy your birthday on Friday. Enjoy your new boyfriend. Enjoy more reasons to smile. Now stop beating around the bush.
I think I am succumbing to depression. I don't really have many pals left and what's the fucking point, I understand that it's because of my cynical and bitter nature but I don't know how to change and I don't want to end up like my pal who's just miserable all the time.
I'm a 21 year old neet and that has to change because this isolation is fucking killing me and I want to be relevant and cared for but I have nothing to offer. seriously, if nothing changes by the end of this year, I am extremely tempted to off myself. I've already seen what I've needed to, I've loved and all that other melodramatic bullshit.
idk what the point of writing this all out was, it wasn't exactly therapeutic but anyhow. life is pointless and I suppose that was the point of this long winded rant.
>>17270075
Happy belated birthday, Anon!
Is there anything this random Anon can do for you?
>>17270197
>physically repulsive like all cum receptacles
>banging a knock out
uh huh... lmao
picture of op's knock out here
>>17270170
I can relate to this so much, that's why I love dark souls, just because it is so engaging and even when you get your ass handed to you, it gives reason to think about how to tackle an enemy.
>>17269247
i samefag my own posts too because nobody cares about an ugly cunt like me
>>17270340
I care about you, anon.
I used to come on /adv/ to laugh at all the pathetic retards on this board. Then I become one of those pathetic retards. Who's laughing now haha?
>>17267783
I want to kill myself because I'll never ever be perfect and nobody will ever be able to be completely, truly love me without thinking of leaving me for someone better. There's no point in existing if perfection can't be obtained
Guys, ive written a short text to my mom that i need help, serious help.
Asked her to meet me tomorrow, and let me spill my secrets on what has been wrong with me lately, for YEARS.
I dont know if i can press send..
I've been losing it lately, becoming pretty mental.
My mind doesnt work as it should, so i believe, and ive become to develop some small tics.
Increasingly paranoid, see things in a negative light, that seems to be a couple levels above the thinking of the average joe.
I go through big period of lows and highs in a week/month basis.
Theres times where i feel like my past is the past, that i was just depressed and that ive moved on.
Then theres periods were i am sooo low, that everything has a second meaning, that everything is negative basically.
Of course the obvious thing to do, after reading something like this, is to say of course you just press send!
But im legit afraid. Through all the numbness, and all the alcohol, i fear asking and receiving the supposed help i need.
I feel once i press send, the so-called can-of-worms will be opened, and i wont be able to....idk.
Idk.
I'll admit, i believe this is one of the most major points in my life, not this moment/week, but this period in my life.
Im screaming on the inside.
I'm lost, confused, and numb.
Any thoughts on the manner would be helpful, i hope.
E,
I can no longer allow hope to sway my actions, or to linger.
I have deleted the E-mail accounts you are aware of. My phone number, which I have never changed, will be new come Monday. I have also realized I must leave this site, and will do so Monday.
I hope that you will call, or contact me, before all possibilities of reaching one another are lost to us. That is why I must do this...
>>17270369
No one is perfect, and no one can ever be.
But there is always someone out there who genuinely will love you for who you are.
>I've been trying to pick up alcoholism.
>One problem though: it doesn't fucking work!
>God knows exactly how much i've drunk tonight.
>Couple of strong beers. Few glasses of wine. Several shots.
>Then a full tumbler of whiskey. Just gulped that shit down.
>Then 300mcg of clonidine. Chased with more bourbon.
>Yet I'm sitting here feeling fucking stone-cold-sober. Fuck me!
>Might as well go work out.
Forgot to hit "post" on that last night.
Woke up at 6 AM sharp this morning. None of that hangover bullshit.
I hate this feeling, though: the same feeling i had when the shrinks tried to give me xanax, valium, etc, and none of them worked.
It's like I'm under some goddamn ancient spell or gypsy curse or some shit.
Can't relax and numb myself even with drugs. At least normal drugs.
Next step is what, fucking ketamine? With my luck, it won't work either.
Goddammit.
>>17268192
>my eastern European medschool is demanding as fuck and I feel like a dumb looser.
I'm also at an eastern european med school.
Everyone else is probably studying in panic right now, we have 4 big finals left (biochem, anatomy, cellbio, genetics).
But I barely study and still ace all my exams with perfect scores.
Sometimes I wish I was stupid, so i could just kill myself with a clear conscience.
>>17270369
Hello, me. Except we handle it differently. I believe that same thing, yet I'm the one that cut a relationship short without him even leaving me. Essentially, I ended it before he could.
I've finally reached the point where I'm closing the door to my heart, making it impossible, soon, to regret that same decision. Even in regretting my decision, I never tried to fix it, in fact I only ever kinda cheered him on in finding someone new. Now that he has, it can completely close.
Searching for someone else is a number game in finding the person you're compatible with. It isn't one I'm interested in participating in. Nor should I, if there would be a chance I'd be insecure enough to doubt the compatibility as a result of my own traits.
People claim there's someone in this world for everyone. I'm working on completely shutting off that hope with the intention of never looking again. I just need my ex to confirm his new relationship with a buzz of joy like he had a while back, him to show how happy he is and I can congratulate him, close that chapter and the door all together.
I swear on the memory of my brother, I will make 2016 the start of many years without romance or close bonds in my life. The start of my withdrawal.
I met an old friend at a party and we talked about housing. I told him I'd be interested in roomating even though I have plans to kill myself soon
>>17270373
guys?
>>17270397
Good on you though. Im so enmeshed in my current relationship that I honestly feel like I'd die if they left. Ive doomed myself to a fate ill never be able to change. Our attachment styles may be different but you're all the better for it.
Why is it bad to be alone? There's nothing wrong with taking time for self discovery, trying new things, travelling and building friendships. If you're not ready to trust someone youll end up sick like me and hardly able to function. You say you won't have romance but perhaps you need this time to heal and build confidence in yourself to better deal with trust related issues in a relationship in the future.
When the time comes a trustworthy, understanding person may show up that you did not expect and youll build an intimate bond with them. It isnt something you look for. It surprises you and enhances an already fulfilling life.
>>17270379
>there is always someone out there who genuinely will love you for who you are.
I want to believe, but this is like saying "there is a God up there who loves you". Why should I believe it?
>>17270373
Go for it. Better than doing nothing, really.
>>17270397
How about getting therapy for your crippling insecurities instead?
Avoidance isn't a good or healthy solution. There's a reason that pattern of behavior is considered a personality disorder, after all.
>>17270480
There's what? 7.1 billion people in the world. There is bound to be someone out their that us meant for you. They may be right in front of you or they can be is some far reaches of civilization half way across the world.
One day love will find you
>>17270501
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wY6i5vRlUU
kek i love how you get life advice from a journey song
actually fits me being on the Lunar Base in Woflenstien
>>17270373
>>17270373
Not that anyone really cares it seems, but i sent the message.
It was harder than it would seem, but i guess the cats out of the bag.
here we go..
I love my best friend and have for almost 4 years. She has feelings for me too we just never talked about it because we're loyal to the people we're with, waiting for the other to slip and therefore lose part of what makes us attracted to each other.
Every time we break up with our SO we're always taking a break from talking to each other until we find someone else and I genuinely crave for the kind of life I'd have with her.
Its such a weird feeling knowing that eventually it'll be there but constantly awaiting it...
I still love who I'm with but I just can't help but imagining how great it'd be every now and then.
>>17270376
Send me a message.
What in the fucking world is wrong with you?
>>17270554
It's always about fucking you you you you you you fucking you.
You were the fucking highest on my priority list.
>>17270313 here.
Guys, what I could sent to my ex-gf after what I did to her?
>>17270313
This sounds like schizoid, man.
>>17270565
An apology.
I don't know what the fuck you want from me. If you don't text me tomorrow I'm fucking done. Don't even bother apologizing after that, not that you'd ever fucking apologize. If you expect everything to just be okay Monday night I honestly might block you everywhere.
>>17270122
See, the issue is, while I was reading your post, I just made a million excuses as to why I wouldn't do any of those things. I'll make a million and one excuses for literally everything. I definitely need to work on that. Thanks anon, it means a lot.
>>17270319
Thanks lad. You having a nice day on my behalf would be satisfactory enough for me.
>>17270504
I honestly only realized it was from the song after I wrote it. I don't even listen to them.
Don't tell me you want to be my friend and then ignore me. I've been trying to bridge the gap between us simply because I know we're going to have to work together and see each other more, but you haven't made a single iota of effort. You're just running away from the problem. That's all you know how to do, is run. It's stupid and childish and you're never going to learn how to deal with hard shit like this if you don't every try to face it like what I'm doing. If you don't give a shit about me anymore then at least be honest and say it to my face instead of hiding from me while pretending things are fine so you can still pretend that you're in the right. I screwed up, and badly at that, but stop pretending that you're blameless here because we both know that you're fucking not.
Also nice job on picking up a new boyfriend so quickly after dumping me. Did your parents pick him out for you? I honestly wouldn't be surprised, you're basically still dragging around a 20-year old umbilical cord. Well, I certainly learned my lesson about dating homeschooled girls. Fucking batshit, repressed, emotionally stunted womanchildren, all of you.
You're pathetic and I pity you.
Stupid bitch, it's just chess!
What the fuck are you doing online? Go suck his dick! Go ride his face! Coming at me with that bullshit...
You basic Nigga. Go be a girlfriend and get the fuck offline.
Why the fuck are Koreans so severe? Fuck? Especially the women? Is it because I'm beautiful?
Why can't we be friends?
>>17270318
im here anon, and basically the exact same, except im 25.
I know i dont have much to say, but i know how you feel.
I wrote a good long passage on here, and noone cares to even call me a fag lol.
Stick it out, ive gone years in your mentality, and good has started to rise, though so has my mental problems.....he
Even constant supply off things that annoy you is better than constant nothingness, right?
>>17270613
if youre not trolling...
She did say shes with her boyfriend, she didnt tell you to fuck off or anything.
Maybe shes out and about with her boyfriend, and cant play chess??
>>17268884
Probably
I don't understand why you treat me this way.
I use to worship the ground you walk on.
>Why do I mean so little to you?
>>17268884
Its only a good idea if you have a knife with you, so that you can cut all those bad thoughts from your head when they appear.
>>17269940
I hate being 20 because I get judged for being married.
>>17270670
are you surprised that while you grovel on the ground worshiping it, that people step on you on the way in through life?
Is it really that surprising?
>>17268252
5th
>Haven't spoken to long distance GF 14 days
>Says broken phone
>Friend says GF left phone at her place
>Tfw GF has phone
>Tfw ignored
Anyone feeling me here?
>>17270675
No and yes. It's only surprising because they held a significant role in my life... I guess I had higher expectations.
I always have higher expectations.
I'm the incarnation of submission. Submission personified. Everyone get their way with me, even kids. I don't have the courage to just crush their skulls on the pavement like they deserve. I want to make it stop.
I was raised to just accept anything and everything no matter what. I don't even know what it is to stand up for myself except in a emotional and girly fashion. The only way I know would be to kill people. help
>>17270692
Dump the fuck out of her.
I am utterly fucked off. Lived in my country for two years with a woman totally supported her financially. Sold everything Car, TVs etc, left a nice job and moved to her country. Spent a month and several thousand pounds doing up a business that she inherited. Relationship broken down and moved back to my country, patched things up and moved back to her again. Found a nice job there.
She was always very controlling to the point that i wasn't allowed a private bank account or sim card. Got tired of living under constant suspicion. Left again, after i left she had me arrested for domestic violence. Left the country again had to tell work why i was not coming back. Now I'm back home living with parents and having to start all over again. Ex has been suggesting trying a 3rd time, i can't believe it. She won't pay back any of the money i put into her business. Checked her FB yesterday and see that she has brought a new car and is going on holiday to Italy. She says that if love was true, i would find a way. Because of her spitefullness and vindictiveness I am not allowed within 200m of her, so how the hell can i find a way, and i have to slap myself to stop thinking that i would ever go back again.
I am so fucked off with her, never been more angry at someone before. Desperately want to hurt her, but will not decend to that level. I don't want to become a bitter person, but it's difficult not to be right now.
Fucking pissed off that i have to start all over again, look for a job, look for another relationship. Fucking puta.
>>17270380
don't to ketamine senpai
i was hooked on that shit for years and it fucks you up
Why do LGBT people hold pride parades, walks n shit?
I mean if you're gay, that's cool too. But pride? I'm not proud of being straight because there's nothing to be proud of. Besides, a lot of people resent gays for shoving the fact in their faces like they deserve special treatment so perhaps prancing about screaming shit while wearing fetishwear in public isn't the way to go.
I don't get national pride or feminist pride or anything of the sort either, mind you. I don't see the point of having pride in things you either did not do (history of your country f.ex) or having no say in the things you have or embody (like being a man).
It's like morgan freeman said about attaching race labels to things to perpetuate racism. Nobody goes "Oh my god I'm SO straight you wouldn't believe! Let's have a movement for straight people!". When being LGBT gets no special attention and becomes another cultural fact of life, then there's progress I think.
>>17270797
You need to realize that your own people pleasing tendencies are the cause of your own distress. You can stop being a doormat without resulting to violence as long as you stand firm and stand up for yourself.
I also had a similar problem with other people. I had a household brimming with anger, so out of a defense mechanism I became incredibly passive and people pleasing. Unfortunately by not recognizing the fact that you are a flawed human being and that you have to cater to other people your anger builds into an unhealthy form of expression. The very anger I sought to avoid began to passively leak out in silent treatments.
My advice to you is you first must realize you aren't as nice as you think by catering to other people's emotions. You also shouldn't expect to do so. Just as you are flawed, other people are flawed, and deserve to be called out on it. But do it constructively. Talk it out with someone. Don't react in violence, firmly express your feelings in a constructive way and be willing to take criticism when necessary. You cannot avoid conflict though passive aggressive means thinking that is the only way to settle conflict. You actively have to accept your flaws and make clear on what you will and will not tolerate.
I have also had to learn the hard way that not everyone thinks the same way you do. People are different, and if you cannot take the friction that results from others in a constructive manner you will not be able to make lasting relationships.
Realize that yes, other people are cruel and do cause problems. But your methods of dealing with those problems though catering to them allows the cruelty to continue. You have to take responsibility for your own life.
So I look decent, style my hair, been working out, etc.
Have a closet full of nice clothes. Got a nice new pair of shoes too.
Utterly pointless though. I don't know why i put in the effort.
I'm a textbook schizoid and haven't even had a friend in years.
It'd be nice to have someone to dress up for, though.
Someone to dedicate these drawings to.
All I want is a blowjob from you. I do literally every fucking thing between drivin you to work, taking you out. Could you quit being a selfish fuck for once please. I'm not asking for much.
Sad. Sad, sad sad sad sad. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this, I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know I know is you have a huge problem(s?) and it hurts me the most. Affects me the most. I got the worst end of it. I feel okay for now though. I know that won't last long
My gf is getting heavier and refuses to do anything about it. I'll tell her to go to the gym, hell its even gotten to the point where I reject her for sex cause I just can't handle the chub and the nasty stretchy fatty feeling of her body.
I should probably break up with her, but we've been together so long and our families love each other
>>17271233
Do you know why? Is there an underlying problem? Give it some more time and keep working on her.
>>17271233
>we've been together so long and our families love each other
Two problems that aren't "real". I hear these kinds of reasons so often I'm starting to get sick.
Your relationship is YOU and HER. It's based on trust, love, physical attraction, sex and communication. You need to have all 5 to have a good, strong and healthy relationship. You can try to fix, but if your partner won't listen to reason, then it's time to take your leave because your physical attraction is dead, your sex life is dying, your dislike of the situation will shatter your communication, her stubborn will wreck your trust and finally you will fall out of love.
this does not concern anyone else. Fuck what your families think, you're the one having to deal with this shit 24/7 for the next few decades, not them. And "We've been together so long". I empathise but nothing lasts forever, man. Enjoy the good memories but if she doesn't want to listen, you shouldn't sacrifice your future and potential because you're too lazy or unwilling to find someone else. You're doing yourself a disservice. You are #1
>>17267787
>My wife has finally come to understand I am an introvert and I think she secretly hates me for it.
How did you even get her?
>>17271124
I wonder if it's worse to be isolated and (legitimately) alone in a big city than some small town?
Man I don't even want to vent anymore. Like, I'm just annoyed at this point. Fuck this is so irritating. Why do I make myself suffer for someone who does this to me and might not even be worth it
I think I'd rather just kill myself now.
I'm not sure yet, but I think my gf is starting to get annoying.
We are both 27, and have known each other since we were 17.
In a way I think her real self is not really clicking with me. When we meet she was a bit more stoic and seemed to be heavily into education. That drive and goal orientated mindset also inspired me to way to do better in my own endeavors.
Now that time has passed and I have gotten to know her throughly, as she was I, I find her annoying.
She acts like we are still in HS, and it's extremely exhausting. I'm always the one that has to plan, set up, manage time for pretty much both of us.
I feel like the only adult in this relationship. I care about her, but it doesn't seem like she can handle working, going to class and being in a relationship, along with her family and her pets (who she calls her babies, which I find very off putting).
It's starting to rub me the wrong way, but I being seeing this change of hers over the last 3 years or so. A part of me wants to leave, but an other continues to feel guilty about wanting to leave. Fuck.
I'm frustrated because I put together fun plans for me and my friends a month in advance so everyone had time to request off. Or get their PTO in order and when the time comes to leave nobody shows up to go. They all forgot or didnt care enough to attempt to request off. Friends that have known me for over 7 years. I feel stupid going alone but I will because I like kayaking.
>>17271344
>10 years
How did you not notice?
I work at a job I hate, getting shit money. Then I come home to a wife who treats me bad. I'm not even sure I love her anymore. Not sure if its love or I'm just used to her being around.
>parents divorced, dad was constantly verbally abusive
>goes after my mom's pension because she got the house temporarily before moving somewhere else
>dad moves in next door
>the grass in the yard is getting high as fuck and the mower is broken, i kept asking him to help me fix it and he didn't because he wanted the neighbors to see the house looking all shitty
>had affairs, yet accused my mom of cheating
>fast forward 10 years
>he has the house now, would constantly tell me how i'd always be welcome there if i needed help, because it's my home
>mum's depression is affecting mine, complications with doctors keep me from getting proper treatment and i can barely leave the house without having a panic attack
>ask if i can stay at my dad's for a little while
>"I don't think we'd get along"
>"this is Terri's (girlfriend's) home now"
>reply with "so i guess it isn't my home at all anymore"
>"well, no, it isn't"
Fuck yourself, dad. Your own mother told you to stop being so hateful when you would treat mom like shit in front of everyone. I love you, but I don't like you. You're a spiteful, vindictive, spoiled child. You could have bought me a $150 mattress when I was a kid and sleeping on the 70-year-old piece of shit you had when you were a kid.
I'll always remember asking you for a few extra dollars after doing a chore when I was like 7, and you got pissy with me. I heard you go out into the kitchen and say to my mom "do you want to know what that slimy sonofabitch just did?"
You're a shitty father. You never beat me, and I know you love me, but you're a shitty father.
You didn't even fucking come to see me when I was in the ER last month when you knew I was there. You would rather have gone to a fair with your girlfriend on my birthday because you already bought the tickets for that day.
Happy Father's day, asshole.
>>17271367
I guess being blinded by emotions and shit. To honest at first it was cute, we were young and she didn't act like this.
Over the years, I changed and she changed as well. She became lazy, somewhat naive at times. To the point that I wonder if it's all a long con and she's just acting this way.
Maybe I just grew bitter and jaded, too cynical for my own good?
Maybe it's became I'm pretty much her only point of stability in her life. We were both antisocial kids growing up, but I think my time in military taught me to that I had to deal with people. She acts like she doesn't know what is socially acceptable, what interactions are needed in certain situations. At times it's like I have to explain to her these things. Like I have to be a replacement for her shitty parents.
It's exhausting mane.
Holy shit, shut the fuck up. You have been bitching nonstop since you got back. If you fucking bitched 24/7 with your last roommate too it's no wonder he moved his shit to his room, I'm about ready to too.
So fucking what if the fruit in the trash can smells like fruit.
It's trash in a fucking trash can, do you want me to personally walk trash out to the dumpster? I wake up and the first thing I hear is bitching about the trash in the trashcan smells, bitch fuck off. Oh and I'm so sorry for playing games on my ps4. Your unemployed ass should have it all day so you can watch skate YouTube videos. Fuck you, I bought it to play games and I will. if you hate it so much then I'll fucking move it, and probably listen to more bitching about that. Yes I get it, the last roommate played his games and never talked to you and eventually went to his room all the time and ruined everything with his single player games.
No fucking wonder, you nag like a woman.
I recently graduated highschool and celebrated a bit with my work "friends" by going over to my general managers place and hitting a bong and drinking some alcohol. The crippling thought of my father's horrible reactions to alcohol and the eventual split between my mother and my father because of it came to me at that moment of drug influence. Now I have the lingering thought of becoming my father and not making my mother happy and proud of me. I'm beginning to shed my lurk phase on 4chan and I'm posting more. I'm seeing myself in 4chan and I see myself being a worthless leech on my mother through my 20s. Oh and I got fired from work just yesterday.
I'm glad to see some cats sleeping on my old couch outside of the house. Reminding me of my cat that died 3 months ago. I miss him.
I finally deleted all the contact info, facebook, whatsapp, etc, of the girl I had a crush on, when it became obvious that I had only been a disposable, easy source of attention to her, not her actual friend, like she had told me I was.
You don't just inexplicably ignore every attempt your friend makes at reaching out to you.
Hopefully I will forget her soon, and the pain will go away. I liked her, I really did. It was the first (and probably last) time, I felt like I had found someone who actually liked me, and enjoyed my company.
>>17270073
Thank you bro
>>17271611
Hey man. I had a small story arc of my own while yours was going on. Also ended not-so-well. Can go into detail if you want to hear it.
>deleted all the contact info, facebook, whatsapp, etc
Sure that was a good idea? Most (normal) people keep everyone on their contact list.
Just in case, for "networking" and shit, ya know?
>had only been a disposable, easy source of attention to her
I wish i could do this. I wouldn't mind, i like it when i can brighten someone's day a bit.
Unfortunately I'm probably too robotic to provide any meaningful "attention" (ie the emotional kind that girls presumably enjoy).
>not her actual friend, like she had told me I was.
>You don't just inexplicably ignore every attempt your friend makes at reaching out to you.
I know that feel. She just thought she wanted to be friends (or more) with you, but all she liked was an idea in her head.
Guys like us aren't regular toads (hence why girls get ideas and approach us), but we're not princes in disguise. We're... something different.
Once she realized you weren't her Prince Charming, she moved on. You have to move on too.
Gonna eventually realize it was never going to work anyway, it was just Hope fucking you over once again.
>It was the first (and probably last) time, I felt like I had found someone who actually liked me, and enjoyed my company.
Bullshit! I like you.
In fact, I wish we were in the same town so we could go down to a nice empty pub, talk and drink ourselves blind.
>friend's gf asks what kind of gift she should present for his birthday, considers some tech and ask me which and how to choose
>explain thoroughly
>didn't even read
Cunt.
>>17271904
Sure, go ahead.
>Sure that was a good idea? Most (normal) people keep everyone on their contact list.
Dunno desu.
I didn't want to be reminded of her every time I opened facebook, because it reminded me of how she hurt me, so I thought that deleting her would be better and help me get over her.
And I didn't want to be a disposable source of attention to her. I wanted to be her friend, and more, but apparently she didn't see me that way.
I hope that I'll just forget about her in time.
fucking fuck
help me out 4chan
kick me in the ass, throw me into the air, drag me screaming, get me to do it
So I'm a budding creator, artist etc. I got a comic/manga (in b4 weeb) all set up; setting's all ready and steady, beginning's really solid, characters are waiting in the wings. It's almost perfect. Been working on it for a long time, gonna be offroad mainstream; I don't trust publishers these days due to economic climate and how they work, how they aren't helping anything etc.
Problem is that I can't help but feel there's something missing, something not exactly too right. Probably going through another internal dilemma but I can't fix it asap. It's like a huge mountain in front of me.
I feel.... alone. Not "oh i has no friends" alone but like that feeling where you've climbed and climbed to somewhere high and far but you realize no one's there with you. Since a few weeks ago I came back to 4chan for.... finding that something. No surprise, nothing found. Only bits but nothing really. What I am looking for... one of them is wanting to see if anyone else out there is creative, who can hope for the future, both in ideals and charging through in life to know where to tread.
Do I start with courage to spread what I have on this road alone, or do I do something else?
deleted thread because it was superflous
I'm trying to get over my ex, been on /soc/ trying to meet new people, see all the dick pictures and some hot bodies, but it just makes me crave for my ex's dick even more :(
I run a pretty popular tech YouTube channel. I have a wive and kids, but I have been having an affair with my co-host. Sometimes I dress up as a girl while he fucks me with his fat cock.
>You want something, but you can't have it
Correct.
>You have your heart set on something, a goal or ambition
Yes.
>But you can't have it.
Yes.
>This should not be a cause for concern or agony
No, you're wrong. You're wrong because of all the reasons to be unable to have what I want, I cannot blame circumstance. I cannot blame coincidence. I cannot blame any other person. I cannot blame any other thing in this world. I can only blame myself. I can only blame myself because I had exactly what I want. Who I want, and now I can't. I never can. I have to brush myself off, pick myself up and apparently tell myself everything will be fine and I'll look to someone else.
So long has passed. Out of the two of us, I should have, logically, been the first to get over it. But I'm not. Anyone else will say "there are plenty more fish in the sea" and every other stupid phrase. But the fact of the matter is that the only reason I am not with who I want to be with is because of myself. I couldn't blame "destiny" or "fate" or "God" even if I wanted to, because I can only blame myself.
Now I have to get over it and move on, in the hope of actually getting over it all together. I can't even vent anger anywhere because I can only direct any frustrations at myself, because I am the only person I can blame.
Long story short, I had a miserable childhood and a mostly absent father. I've tried talking to him, going to see him, etc. now that I'm an adult but things never work out. We don't fight, he just isn't very good at keeping plans.
I texted him happy Father's day and said I love him. We got talking about some old home videos but after a couple messages he stopped replying. It's like he just forgets, or that he expects me to put in all the work to cultivate a relationship I've been happy without.
Sometimes I think back to playing N64 with my dad and wonder where I fucked up to make him not care. I'm not a loser, I have my own place, a car, a college education, a salaried job making more than both my parents combined ever did, I'm getting married next year. Where'd I fuck up?
i'm feeling oddly at ease. Better than usual
Not wistful or missing her or anything. Her birthday passed and i didn't speak to her and i feel fine. I've thought on it lots and come to see she wasn't as perfect as i had thought. We're all flawed of course but we were incompatible and it's clearer now. I'm actually feeling good, I can move on, to other things. Maybe i'll find someone else, someone more conducive to happy living. I'm feeling damned good. I'm getting back out there. You ever seen one of those motivational speeches? Feel like that. You can't keep me down
Look I know I have done you wrong and messed things up for you a lot, even if unintentional at times, but you really need to get over this. You say you are, yet you keep making vague passive aggressive comments about it around mutual friends who have no idea what it's in reference to when we both know its in reference to me. I know it hurt a lot , and please believe me it hurt me a lot. But I truly got over it. Maybe that's because I wasn't the one being lead around and stuff, but I truly believe you can get over it if you just stop dragging yourself through the mud with it. I have quite literally done everything I can to help you, but the only thing I can do now is stand right next to you and pray that you overcome it. I don't want you to be bitter about this for the rest of your life because I honestly know that I'm not worth it. Just fully release yourself from it your sake and the sake of our friendship. I want to see you happy again.
Tomorrow would have been my first day off in three weeks.
I probably would have been called in anyway considering we had a lot of people quit last week.
I'm the number one to rely on, which isn't bad, I was allowed about 10 hours of OT for this week. So, that's a pretty nice paycheck.
I would have really liked to have tomorrow off, though. I'm missing important stuff to work this shift.
I work so hard for this job and the woman I love who doesn't give a shit.
I want to die.
I need to move out of my shitty town, but every time I make plans, I can't seem to go through with it.
I need more motivation or gumption or whatever.
I've had feelings for this one girl on my dance team for months, but I never really made a move on her since the one time I tried to ask her out she told me she had a boyfriend. Well, she's never said a word about this guy, nobody in our group/team has ever said anything about this alleged guy, and at the end of last semester her attitude towards me seemed to shift just a little. She seemed pretty eager for me to meet her sister at our professional performance. Granted, everyone met her sister. I'm also in on some inside jokes that only four of us including her know about. She's also shared some personal stuff that she only ever told me and one engaged couple who are mutual friends of ours.
Then, I mention that I might be going under the knife soon, and if I'm doped up out of my mind I wouldn't be able to make it to an event a bunch of them were going to. She then talks to me one on one, away from the group, and asks me to clarify if I meant I was going to have a surgery. (A LOT goes over her head). I tell her that I indeed have a surgery coming up soon, and that it's related to some old injuries. She then asks me to let her know what day it is as soon as I find out (insurance is a bitch). I get confused and she says that she asked because "on that day I'd like to support you however you want me to/I can. I suppose if it were me, I imagine that's what I would want."
She has *never* acted like this with me before, nor with anyone else I know of, and I'm more confused than anything. Since when was she so close to me? Is she just playing with me? Is this shit normal for people about to have a surgery? Am I over-analyzing this? Could anyone else on the team have a hand in this?
>Pic only kinda related, but I thought I'd lighten the mood.
I feel completely and totally disconnected from everyone and everything around me. I have no friends, and, despite my partner, I feel totally alone. I'm so tired.
>>17273526
Same position except I have no partner and live by myself. I feel like I'm losing it.
>>17273533
Getting a partner makes it no better... if anything, it makes it worse. I feel even less grounded than I did before.
>>17273544
If I had to take a shot at it, it's likely because your partner diverts your attention onto them instead of introspection and improving upon yourself. It's easy to care for someone else and stop caring for yourself. Trying to improve yourself as a person instead is harder. Doing both at the same time: a daunting task. But not impossible.
I hate myself and every single day, every single night, I wish god or whatever would just take me. I don't want to kill myself, I just want to stop existing. I want to stop hurting.
I go on adv all day and its affecting my view of the person Im with. I am realizing how fickle people are and its making me feel so jaded about the relationship.
I start wondering if they ever wish they werent with me because theyre attracted to someone else they cant obtain or if my physical appearance isn't good enough and theyd drop me for someone hotter. Im worried that the only reason they havent dropped me is because they havent met anyone better or those people arent in their life anymore/arent interested or dating someone else. I feel like a last resort and i wonder if given the chance, theyd go back in time and choose a highschool sweetheart in place of me.
you guys always talk about the honeymoon phase and im worried thatll happen with me and them where everything loses its spark and we cease to love and be attracted to each other. Just generally feeling so depressed because of the impermanence of life, love and people.
Every day I make it a habit to go to the highest point in town and scream out that I hate everyone and that you're all filth.
I take the scenic route. I start from the very bottom of town and walk. The trek is quite steep, and as the scenic route is on a narrow road going up to the lookout point via this way can be a bit dangerous, especially around corners.
I get to the top of the scenic route and the Japanese Gardens are there beyond the park. I head for the summit.
Depending if I'm in the presence of others, I'll either raise my hand and flip off the town or I'll start screaming out fuck you to everyone and call them scumbags. The ferocity of the insults depends on the mood I'm in.
I'm waiting for a thunderstorm. I really hope one comes soon. I will make the trek to the lookout point. I'll spill everything there. If I get electrocuted, so be it.
This may sound like an edgy post and it probably is, but I find that it's a good way to get rid of anger. I walk up the hill, to which very few people do let alone every day. Only when I have reached the top via the hardest way possible, that is when I believe I have earned the right to call the town a bunch of junkie scum.
I've been in denial about something important and the topic has always bothered me. I want to commit suicide. I've always wanted to commit suicide. Before, I would always remain steadfast and confident that I wouldn't want to commit suicide but I realize now that's because I would think about ending my life so often.
I have a couple months left and it feels like a relief. I just want to live these couple months and graduate. That way when I do it I can do so quietly. I think I can finally relax knowing that this suffering will end soon.
I just want to hug myself and convince myself out of it but that just doesn't work for me anymore. My mental health is deteriorating. I don't know if I can make it for very long. Instead of suffering for my entire life I can just end it.
In an ideal world things would change in the coming months but history has proven otherwise. I'm a broken individual who has used up all his tricks. I just want to die and get it over with.
>>17273680
This desu But it's even worse for me because I was already insecure. I'm trying to power through it but I should probably just stop coming here and maybe work on my problems instead.
THis girl who i just met and hung out barley twice wants to a least fuck me, Ive never a sexual partner outside of a relationship before , so its diffult for me to not blow it emotionial. you know when you like someone or you think theyre attractive you get all caught up in your head, well yeah.. i just cleaned my whole house basiclly incase she coes over, which i needed todo anyway but its seems just a bit extreme. I'm going to ask her out to do tsomething tommorw and i need to not caght up in my head space and just act as normal as I can or not act at all and bee who i can be at least socially speaking. Yes i know bad grammer and spelling what ever. either way... I'm nervous and high. shit.. i need sleep, i need money, i need confidence and cool. wish me luck. and i hope i dont act like a dick or weird scrub or if i do its because i'm being genuine
>>17267783
I am in love with my best friend, I know it sounds childish but I've felt this way for a long time.
>>17273688
jump from the summit to make the world a better place.
I feel like I've totally lost control of my life. I have a 3.3 GPA at the moment, but that's with two Cs because I was an idiot. I have no idea what to major in and I haven't made a single friend in my 2 years. I went to clubs, went to all the orientation events, and even tried talking to people in class. I upload writing on the internet but my only sense of self-worth comes from what other people think and I don't get a ton of reviews/positive comments, so it's become increasingly difficult to do it, although I have been told by many people throughout my life that I'm exceptionally skilled at writing. I used to play this multiplayer video game with one of my only friends and I was insanely good at it and he really wasn't, but now we've moved on to this new game where he's exceptionally skilled and I'm absolutely terrible. I used to play the older game because it gave me a sense of self-worth in the sense that people were forced to acknowledged that I was very good, as pathetic as that sounds, but now I feel totally powerless. And a lot of times whenever I play my teammates will specifically single me out and berate me for my lack of skill, which totally crushes my confidence even though it really shouldn't. I wish I had friends. I wish I had a sense of security. I wish more people read my writing. I wish I was good at Overwatch. I wish, I wish, I wish.
This song is beautiful
"Would you lay with me in a field of stone"
As I listen to it more, more I want someone to love me
But I know it won't happen anytime soon
I'm a piece of shit. I'll work dead end factory jobs for the rest of my life, just like my dad. I'll probably also end up a bitter alcoholic, also like my dad. I'm 24, and my best shot at love is some woman settling for me when I'm in my 30's. We'll have a loveless marriage, because I'm a sarcastic, cynical asshole who doesn't know how to show how much I care for other people. I already feel like I'm in my 50's, physically. I'm overweight and showing no signs of gaining any modicum of self control. I hate myself. The only things keeping a barrel out of my mouth are my mom and little sisters. But even then, I know I am mostly a burden in their lives. I've wasted a good portion of my life on meaningless pursuits. I know that I'll probably take my own life in my mid 40s. And Calvin, I hope you die in a fire and have your remains unceremoniously dumped in a ditch with the rest of the garbage, where you belong.
Today's my birthday and I just really want to push away everyone I know within a 100 mile radius and fucking disappear, but my dad holds me back. What do?
God, I wish I could get a time traveling machine and go back to the mid 60s to fight for and help solve Rhodesian and South African international affairs and relations with the UK.
>>17270541
i care
keep us posted, anon
>>17274025
Nah. I love life. The fact that my existence bothers you so much motivates me to continue.
I'm worthless and I desire love in people that I know will never give me it. I tend to become an orbiter, and I'm completely fine with being one because it fills this void I have. It's really pathetic.
I have no friends IRL anymore, when I tend to get a job/go back to classes yeah, they come back. but I have lost all motivation. I used to have the motivation to go to the store or ask for things, sometimes ask for the money to do things. I'm not in uni as of yet. I'm 18, not in classes and unemployed. don't see any point in doing either, because I know I won't hang tight to any job or any field and I'll just switch like usual. I'll orbit coworkers or something, and enjoy the fleeting "romance" that ensues, then I'll stop talking to them for a reason I can't even name and then I'll feel like shit again.
I'm just sick of this unending cycle of doing nothing and sleeping all day, not because I want to sleep all day but because I don't feel good being awake. And it's just miserable.
>>17274345
And just a last note, the depersonalization, the derealization, the dissociation. It keeps getting realer and realer and it gets worse every time. I'm fucking sick of it. I try to take my pills but I can't bring myself to keep a schedule of getting them daily. I take them for maybe two days and the derealization, etc all stops. Then I stop. Just a lack of motivation. I'm completely apathetic and I don't even like games anymore. I used to play them so much because they were genuinely entertaining but now I don't know what fun is. I genuinely can't say I've been entertained in a while, just kept busy, I guess. I watch shows to pass time, I play games to pass time, but I don't enjoy them. I just don't at all anymore. I don't anything. I don't feel anything. I don't do anything. I don't love anything or anyone. I just give up.
>>17273490
Haha, she sounds a bit like me.
She probably wants to help/support you somehow but she's too awkward to realize she's not doing it properly.
I'd say she likes you, but since she has apparently has someone, better to just consider her a friend for now.
If she lied about having a boyfriend, she still has some issues to get over on her own.
>>17273680
>Just generally feeling so depressed because of the impermanence of life, love and people.
Hey, we're not all like that.
I don't forget people, and I don't have any "ex-friends" (just like how there ain't any "ex-marines").
>>17273971
Keep going. Don't do it for yourself. Some of us aren't ever gonna be all that happy.
You just have to realize that our lives, our minds, our labor: they're valuable.
We can at least do some good in the world. Build shit that lasts. Help people.
Make things a little easier for all the other poor bastards stuck here with us.
>>17274266
I feel ya. My old man got married at 38, to a totally incompatible woman. She was miserable and "stayed together for the kids", except it didn't do us any good, they were shitty parents and I grew up never knowing what it was like just to be liked, let alone loved.
I'm not gonna end up like him or any of the other bastards in my family. Not gonna drag any poor girl down with me. Die alone if i have to.
>>17274345
>>17274365
Classic description of depression. Take your fucking pills. If they don't work, go tell the doctor and they'll give you different pills.
I don't sleep in because I'm lazy, I sleep in because I see no point in getting out of bed.
>>17270613
You've been rejected leave the poor girl alone you ducking autist
>>17270985
It's about overcoming adversity. You just can't see the point in things that don't involve you,
>>17271233
You need to tell her directly that her weight is making you feel unattracted to her. Don't be nasty or bring it up in a fight, be supportive and help her lose weight if you want to keep her. Go to the gym with her, learn to cook healthy meals and learn about women's portions and nutrition, give her help esteem and build her up and you might have earned yourself a keeper.
If you've been together a long while be aware that she could be picking up your bad eating habits but putting more weight in because women gain much easier.
Don't be lazy and give up if you love her
Don't settle with being with somebody you're not attracted to.
Also, talk to your mum
>>17271380
Sounds to me that she's just got a ageplay fetish from being on tumblr too long. Maybe she literally just likes being infantalised
I wish I didn't hurt my boyfriend's feelings anymore. I went almost this whole month without doing anything and the past two days I fucked up.
What the fuck does he see in me? I'm awful. I put up with him disagreeing with my compliments for months but it finally got to me and hurt me and in turn it hurt him. He's traumatized from past abuse and automatically disagrees if I say something nice about him.
I understood for so long and now it just hurts.
I wish I wasn't such shit. I wish I was worth it. I don't know why the fuck he's staying with me.
Things should get better by the time I move, but god knows if we're going to survive the next 3 months.
I try my best to be good for him, but I fall flat on my face. I'm the worst and I don't deserve to live.
I'm not happy.
Falling in love with you was the dumbest thing I have ever done. I'm not sure if I'll ever heal from this.
Just texted my crush saying how much I miss her etc, my heart is beating like crazy, I shit myself every time my phone vibrates. I feel so beta right now holy shit.
I'm sorry I haven't been horny at all over these past few months. It's like I can look at you and you'll get a boner and we'll mess around in hopes that I'll get in the mood too, but not even watching porn or foreplay is getting me wet. I know it's really unfair for you and I'm sorry. I wish I liked giving blowjobs so I could at least do that for you.
I'll talk to you about it soon.
>>17274917
Some pills have this side effect of just killing libido. Look into it.
>>17270376 here.
>>17270552
Posting here, where you will see it, was that message.
Prove me wrong, or let me go.
I'm gonna ask out a girl over facebook to go to the movies. Both are generally considered bad ideas but it's my best or only shot right now. Wish me luck! (no need to reply this post)
>>17275106
Good luck, Anon.
>>17275106
>>17275106
NO GOD NO. Get her number and call her. Don't do it over facebook.
>>17275076
Huh, I had no idea acetaminophen could affect your sex drive. I was only taking that because of some dental work I had recently and haven't had it in a few weeks though. Maybe I should see a doctor about this.
>>17267783
i hate that as a man i can't last as long as a girl while having sex
>>17275165
Is there a huge difference? Should I ask her for her number through facebook and then call her?
We never talked on the phone before, only irl and facebook. Also this one movie that I think would be perfect only shows this week, gotta go fast.
>>17273464
You need to ask yourself: What do you want out of this life?
If you move out of that shit town into a big city, but without a goal, or a dream to make come true, eventually things return back to the same thing you wanted to escape from. Believe me, I've experienced this before.
Plus, you have to realize, not on a level that society demands you to follow for its welfare, what you want.
Dream big too. Go and be young. When you get older you will realize responsibility and stuff like that, and you'll want to find something you will be happy with.
I say this because even as you grow older, no matter what material thing or pleasure or concept it is, nothing will bring you happiness other than what you want. Even locations, cities, countries, entertainment, physical comfort, and natural beauty. Those just carry you along.
I'm very socially awkward, in a sense that I can't think of anything to fuckign talk about and I hate myself for that. I'm still in high school atm and I try my best to socialize with my friends, but usually during lunch breaks I'm usually the quiet one, only because I can't fucking think of a word to say or a topic to discuss. I was also in quite a few relationships, as a matter of fact I just got into one yesterday. however, seeing that all previous ones ended due to lack of communication, this one will end soon too. and I have no clue how to fix this. I know it might sound very dumb but this is a serious issue I have and would love some advice
I've had sex with women, men, and trans. It all started when i was 5.
Since 8 I've been praying for death.
Now I sit alone, Iie about everything in my life, and hate everything about me.
I wanna talk about 'her'.
Been my best friend for 3 years, spoken every day since. I think she sort of knew how I felt but was always seeing other people so I never got anything from her. She has always maintained that she felt the same about me. She broke up with her LTR and started seeing me more - the catch is however she still claims to like me but doesn't want anything serious yet. She also says she doesn't want something casual from me because it could ruin something serious in the future. I know for a fact that in the time she claims she needs she is gonna sleep with other people.
She claims she isn't ready - I just feel she isn't 'ready' for me. I think this is the first time I've been proper cut up over a girl.
I've since called her out on it and said we can't talk anymore because of it, it's only been 48 hours and it honestly feels like it's killing me - I feel like there is a massive hole in my life where she used to be.
I don't come to these stupid fucking family things because you retards only bring up old memories and you people bicker to much
Most of them aren't even good fucking memories. how can you dopes not understand I don't want to talk about this boring shit? EVERY FUCKING TIME.
And let's not forget the fucking virgin jokes.
Christ fuck off I just want to eat and leave
>>17275090
Initials?
>>17275695
Dude, I'm sorry to day, but you're going to have to bite the bullet and move on. Think on all the bullshit you don't have to put up with anymore, then let it go as soon as you remember it.
Pick up a hobby, find a new bar to frequent, go hiking. Do something where you can find new people. If there's anything I've learned in my short time on this earth, it's that you can't just cut out one person at a time from your life. If you truly want to get away from her, you need to cut off the people associated with her, too. It'll hurt, you'll question everything you've ever done, but give it a little while and a concentrated effort in reshaping yourself, and you will truly be glad you did it.
You can't just burn that bridge. You need to lace that bitch up with C4 and leave no path back across that river. Gif related.
>>17275090
I let you go a long time ago. It would never work between us as it never did to begin with. Go find someone else to truly make you happy.
>>17275090
What are your initials? I'm only curious because one of the names I was once called started with an E, and I'd rather there not be a misunderstanding if one was possible. Especially since a post like >>17276223 is similar to what I would write. I wouldn't want some misunderstanding to arise where I was assumed to have written something in response to something I wasn't aware of.
I've accepted that I will be sad for a long time, and probably won't ever be able to do anything about it and will crash and burn ultimately. And the only way I could have avoided this is by being smart enough to not try in the first place. All paths collapse to the same root and I'm to blame.
And I have no idea where to go or what to do but something in me keeps me from killing myself every morning when I wake up and exist once again. I don't know how to stop carrying this weight without another person because I've never been happy on my own in my entire life, just distracted. When I think of the way I think of people, it's disgusting that I think that anyone would ever want to be around someone who is so weak they need someone else to calmly exist in this world.
My only relaxing thought is that one day I will die, and even if it is alone, I won't have to wake up like this anymore.
My ex was an emotionally abusive, narcissistic jerk who loved to see me suffer. It hurts knowing that our mutual friends will never suspect a thing and keep believing he's a swell guy. I cannot say anything about what happened in fear of inciting drama and having them think I'm crazy since I was emotionally damaged by his actions. I just wish they knew how much of a jerk he was though.
Hitting that point where I feel like completely giving up. I've been teetering on that edge for a long time now but I feel so fucking tired.
Nothing has worked out. I dabbled in college but didn't commit. I had a good job until 2013-2014 then lost it. I was just working up the courage and money (paying off debt) to move out. Nothing after that worked out, I'm constantly rejected from jobs I'd love to do and never even hear back from ones that would just be for the money. The last one I was at I left because there was a manager that hated my guts for some reason and would do everything in his power to screw me over.
I'm still living at home in my late 20s and feel like a complete waste of space. I try to help my parents, I really do, but it never is enough. They're bickering and fighting daily so I deal with that. They both told me they were embarrassed to even speak about me to people last week when I just simply wanted to talk about help finding a job. Here I thought they were rooting me on to get my shit together, but they secretly are disgusted by me. I'm trying, can't you see that? I'm sorry if I don't have a house or a family right now. I just want a job and I can't even fucking accomplish that!
>>17267783
I'm starting to think that nobody will ever fully appreciate me for what I have to offer. I've been alone for so long. Anyone I crush on will be an obsession... My sanity has almost completely eroded by my isolation and it only stands to get worse. My partner is the most important thing in the world to me. I'd do anything to earn her love and keep her with me. She is everything.
I can't stand the idea of a partner leaving. I'd ask her why, I'd ask what I did wrong... I'd offer to fix it. I'd ask her not to leave, then I'd beg her, I'd start crying, I'd ask again, tell her what a mess I am without her, until she is scared beyond all belief by what I have in stowage for her.
I want someone who will love me and be there for me in bad times, who I can repay by making her happy.
And we can be together forever... :'(
I want her to be possesive of me, but if she isn't, I will possess her instead. I hope and crave for love and partnership... So that one day she will see how crazy I am and appreciate it and tell me she loves me more for it... So that I won't have to hide it forever.
My depression gets worse, nothing to live for but this dream of the future, spiraling down.
I feel like people just tolerate me, and really hate or detest me. They'll put up with me, but I really think they don't care for me. I get this vibe from everybody, even those who I am close with. I don't know why. I don't stand out, I don't try to draw attention or anything, but I can't shake this feeling.
>>17276323
You sound absolutely insane
>>17276234
...then it was not for you. I am the E, idiot.
>>17276422
Did you contact them?
>>17276422
Call again, I'll answer.
I seem to have an instinctive hatred of reality. I do everything that I shouldn't, everything that is harmful to my being. I don't eat all day long even though I am hungry, I set myself up for embarrassing and agonizing situations at work almost intentionally, when I realize something that will bite me in the ass later I let it linger, I consciously refuse to visit the doctor for the leg pain I experience just walking a few blocks from my house to the bus stop every single day and the heart fluttering / tightness that I occasionally feel. I told my only girlfriend to fuck off about 7 years ago for no reason whatsoever, but now it seems obvious that it's because I relish in doing perverse things to myself. I let my relationships whither and I deliberately poison family connections over time. I know what I want to do in life but I don't do anything towards it. I stare obsessively into the eyes of things that I shouldn't do, that I know would be bad for me, like the vulture eye of the old man in The Tell-Tale Heart.
The slave can never overcome the master. Such stories are a myth. The slave is doomed at birth. I fucking hate slaves.
In these brief waking moments, I desperately want to kill myself.
>>17269765
What are your initials?
Hey Nicole,
I'm sorry.
-No one of importance.
I'm getting extremely tired of my gay friend. he fucking knows how uncomfortable everyone gets with his ads grabbing and constant need to make the atmosphere gay and uncomfortable.
if let it slide of he were cute but fucking no.
I'm tired of trying to politely tell him no. I even have a girl after me now that I constantly mention to let him know I don't want a dick in my ass
It's been 8 years man fucking Christ.
>>17276465
omg keep us posted if this is real
>>17276549
I thought it was, but she did not call back; a spoofed number, but she wanted me to know it was her.
My phone was on silent, I did not ignore you.
Should I not change my number, then?
Real stupid shit but wtf this is an anonymous board
>So I have this friend, a girl, who is really socially anxious and depressive and all that jazz
>we know each other through a mutual friend, >we speak only through IM, at least we used to, when I had a fb account.
>We had some stuff in common, mostly our like for complex difficult subjects, complex systems, and overall knowledge. We both have a special love for math.
>We always talk about how we want to be hardcore ivory tower mathematicians, but the real world kind of gets in the way (I know it's an excuse for both of us but it kinda does anyway).
>She starts her major in medicine, I'm too old to go to uni and self-teach computer systems.
>I delete my fb account because it's a waste of time. Now I waste my time on 4ch, not much of an improvement
>We keep talking through skype, until I ditch skype for being a botnet.
>We don't talk much anymore.
>I got a tablet, so I can now read all those dank math books I have in queue.
>I am also getting tired of computer systems, at least, I'm not as excited about that shit lately
>Think that maybe this is a good time to actually read all that math shit
>The idea excites me and I want to share it with my friend
>Come to a windows box where there is skype to tell her
>Been a week
>She's never online
>We don't get a chance to talk
In love with my ex who is currently in love with someone else, totally cut off all ties with her because I know she is doing better than when she was dating me but think about her all day. Still wondering if it was selfish of me to cut her off because she wanted to stay friends since we started as friends but became more but I don't want to hear about her boyfriend and don't want her to remember me as someone who tried to ruin her relationship
>>17276595
shes playing games with you, if she doesnt call you back tonight that much will be obvious
change your number if she doesnt, it takes two minutes
I knew I was right. Take care, Mari. Be happy with K
My dreams of becoming a filmmaker are crushed when the only school that accepts me, Columbia Art Institute, won't let me take out a student loan of massive size. I only received three scholarships that barely scratched the surface. My dream job would have my loan paid off by the time I'm in my 60s, and I'm fucking 19.
The family now stares at me blankly. They see I'm just a failed dishwasher who has nothing left to go for. Even my short film is failing halfway through production and there's nothing I can do about it because I'm not good enough.
I can't even look at myself. If I do I'll become nauseated.
I think the reason my mother say nice things about my qualities as a person was to overlook the fact that i'm an unemployed, still in school (that i should've graduated years ago of a community college) with no friends or boyfriend, hardly go out, 27 year old. Now i have doubts that she loves me. She literally told me to my face that i was a burden. She tried to apologies but even her apology sound like the same thing she shouted at me. Its true, i feel like i try to delay adulthood because i'm absolutely terrified, i don't feel that there's anyone that knows how i feel. I refuse to talk or acknowledge her. Social situation gives my an anxiety attack, talking or getting signals of flirting makes me scream and job hunting is difficult for me because jobs asks for potential employees with experience(even at a corner store)were i have very little.
My anxiety is literally ruining my life.
>>17276619
You're right.
I got gyno, a good combination of body acne and hyperpigmentation, loser, no real skills, never had gf, kissless virgin, insecure, born in a poor-dangerous country, 1 friend that probably hangs out with me because he feels bad for me, ugly, no family and socialy awkward.
Is breathing helium really the best way to go
I'm stressed out and depressed as fuck living in my grandma's basement. I was going to college until 2016. I can pay my tuition but I keep putting college off. I'm going insane. It started when my ex broke up with me, I guess. I can't seem to move forward.
>>17276537
Sounds like a pain in the ass.
I'm banging a few girls, working a decent job and generally living a "good" life. Yet, I can't stop thinking about her, and knowing I walked away from her only makes everything else seem hollow. I can't seem to bring myself out of this funk, and medicate with alcohol to numb the pain of her.
I feel like everybody hates me, but in reality, I bet nobody cares about me enough to hate me.
I start my job on Wednesday. I am so unbelievably nervous. Here's a list of all the things I am not looking forward to:
Extra wear-and-tear on my car
Having to visit the gas station more often when my car's fuel efficiency is already ridiculously low
Having to navigate through the insane roads around the city; seriously, who was the retard who built these roads?
Having to deal with the idiots on the road; not only are they incompetent drivers, but they're also jerks
Having to worry about the fact that, on top of the insanity on these roads that you're just not going to find anywhere else, I'm going to be in big trouble if I get into an accident; and by "big" trouble, I mean "bigger than usual" trouble
And who do I have to thank for this? None other than the retarded manager of my previous job who thought it would be funny to cut the hours of half of his employees down to less than twenty per week, forcing most of us to quit! Thanks a lot, buddy! You've done us all a real solid!
I think I'm going to go ahead and pray that I don't get into any accidents, at least none until after I quit and move back west.
"You're blessed to not have what you want, because you can get what you need"
Your advice was usually fine. But this has been the worst thing you've told me ever. I can't hate you for it, but you will never know just how much it makes me want to kill myself
I intentionally killed one of my cats about 8 months ago. I'm troubled that I don't feel guilty about it.
I beat her with a bat. Squirted lighter fluid on her as she ran around my apartment. Then eventually stood on her neck until she suffocated.
I was surprised when her tongue turned deep blue. Wrapped her up in a trash bag with bleach and threw her in the dumpster.
>>17276732
All of your anxiety revolves around driving. Do you have bad memories of an accident?
I didn't quit on you, you quit 3 days before I did. Technically five, two days before we broke up.
But you told everyone I did, everyone thinks I turned my back on you. People who literally never met me think I abandoned you. I never defended myself on this because I didn't want conflict with you, but you have no idea just how much it hurt for you to keep saying that. You even said it earlier this week.
Do you remember what you did after we broke up? You gave away the thing I gave you. I gave away mine because the person you gave it to wanted two for his wife as well. Why does no one remember that?
In fact, why does no one remember anything positive about me? That's not even why I'm sad, it's just that I hate myself. But why is everyone's memory wiped of anything I ever did? Why does it instead seem like I just get the negative memories associated with me? Why couldn't they outright forget me instead? Those memories aren't even legitimate, they're fabricated as a result of them not knowing me and misunderstanding your version of the story.
But ultimately, why am I such a moron that I could end it with you to begin with? Why am I venting on a board you don't read? Why am I so fundamentally flawed?
Why did I fuck everything up for myself? Why can't I have been a victim of circumstance, not a victim of self stupidity? This is a situation where no amount of effort or determination can get me the result I want. A single road. My self hatred is eating me up more and more.
>>17276765
Why would it make sense for you to feel guilty?
You've made no mention of the act being difficult for you to perform, and you had enough sense to erase the evidence by soaking the body in bleach. If none of those actions were to trigger an emotional response, then I highly doubt you'd feel any guilt after the fact.
Why were you surprised that her tongue turned blue? I'd imagine the knowledge of the coloration and pigmentation of our skin is much less of a secret than how to erase biological markers from bodies.
>>17276765
Why did you do this man?
>>17276769
Why don't you tell this girl exactly what you wrote? Seems pretty good
>>17276773
Most people would think it's a bad thing to do.
From a social perspective, other people would be very concerned.
Logically, from what I understand about other humans (well, at least people in my culture), I <b>should</b> feel guilty.
>>17276776
Catharsis? She was the type of cat that would passive-aggressively want pets, and reminded me of times I didn't stand up for myself to my ex (who convinced me to adopt her)
>>17276765
I'll try to be as non-judgmental as I can here, because this really disturbs me, but are you a sociopath or something? Have you ever done anything like this before?
>>17276782
Because it's pointless, it's meaningless. I should have said everything months ago. Months and months ago. I should have said this at least in January. But I got caught up in my own self-loathing, seeing them post their pictures on /v/ of all places again, and my deceased brother's funeral.
But this is no excuse, I should have said this when I had the chance in February, when we last had a proper conversation. But I couldn't do it then, I couldn't be honest and I shut down once the words "when you're in a relationship in the future" were said, because it felt like the point where any possible hope for us was gone. Then later they hooked up with another guy who was so, incredibly flirtatious and open.
I convinced myself the opportunities were gone from there, but I still should have tried. Once April hit, and they met their current partner, I had already lost all hope. Yet I watched, wishing.
We're in June now. That's too much time. I can't do anything about any of this. Even if I say this directly, it does nothing, it can't do anything. I messed up by ending it, messed up by waiting, messed up by watching and now it's gone. All opportunities are gone, I would only bother them by saying any of this now. They're together, they're happy. All I would do is inconvenience them by saying any of this.
There's nothing that can be done. And no reason to ever voice this, because it's all too late.
>>17276799
I can't even use the right words
*deceased brother's birthday
>>17276795
I've been diagnosed Bipolar II with a myriad of other things. I don't feel much empathy for animals, but I know I'm not a psychopath.
I'm generally a kind person, but sometimes I explode. This is the only time I've killed something in this manner.
>>17267783
White people don't have real problems
>>17274310
I went up the lookout again, this time I made a new condition; I can only make the trek if I find 5 shopping trolleys scattered around town and bring them back to the store they came from. To spice things up, if I'm pushing 1 trolley I must pick it up and carry it across roads.
I ended up doing 7, +2 from my quota. It actually puts a bit of perspective on what people who are actually employed as trolley pushers have to put up with. One trolley had two plastic bags in it that was filled with shit. Literally shit. I'm assuming some lazy faggot picked up dog shit and threw it in a bag, or maybe faggot teenagers being faggot teenagers who knows. I pushed and carried those fuckers back to the shops, went and got 2 drinks from the grocery petrol station store after I was finished. I think I ended up getting discounts, haha.
I made the trek again, up to the summit. Same shit. Yelled out fuck you, flipped the town off etc.
I might spice things up. Maybe instead of pushing trolleys I'll go to some random garden and start pulling out weeds. Or some other shit, don't know yet.
>>17276808
nice pick of JJL Hirose
Well, I guess that is that.
Nothing else needs to be said.
Thanks, /adv/.
>>17276799
1. You don't know how happy they really are.
2. Unless I've missed something, they aren't getting married.
3.??????
4. Look for other opportunities. "all is lost" is a short sighted way of looking at it. You never know what will happen. Some day there'll be another girl that sweeps you off your feet.
>>17276789
Well you aren't programmed to feel anything by default. What you feel is based on your understandings of your environment, your actions, and the repercussions they have.
If we simplify what you've done:
>Reminded of past relationship due to cat
>Dislike cat
>Kill cat
>???
Logically, killing the cat doesn't make sense to me. It has too many potential repercussions, and requires too high of an energy expenditure. Your projected actions also don't seem to follow any sensible train of thought.
I would assume there is more to this story than that.
The reason why this would be considered an undesirable result by society is due to the fact that you have little to gain by the death of this animal. The act of killing the animal was an expression of your emotion, and not a necessary or required action.
So given that it's an expression of emotion, and not representative of function, I would conclude that the reasoning behind the lack of remorse for you actions regarding this animal would either be due to a lack of empathy, or a lack of understanding regarding the circumstances of your actions.
>>17276825
It's not my place to inconvenience them regardless of how happy they are. They're together, it isn't my place. If they weren't together, I'd understand but I can't do that, that's morally wrong.
You're right, in the future someone else may or may not come along, but this goes with what I said before. As a result of my own stupidity, the only way ahead I can see is the one where I have to gradually move on from this. If I had the ability to will the result I want into reality, then I would. I'd put in the effort and commitment to make "us" a reality again. But I can't, they're together. I can't do that. I have to get over this and kill my feelings, and then look to a different future.
I just hate that it's impossible, and I only have myself to blame.
