Alright, I'm only going to do this once.
You want to get laid? You want a qt3.141579 gf? Want to know what muscles to work out?
Just one.
The one inside your skull.
Yeah I know a brain is not a muscle but you know what I mean, don't be facetious.
You want a good idea of how to get a gf? Get ready to read, nigger. If you can't take the time to read, you don't have time for a gf anyways.
Getting girls to touch your weiner is a side effect, not an end goal. It's a process of self-improvement that just so happens to earn you the respect of others and more imporantly, yourself. That self-respect is contageous, it makes people believe that you are respectable because you know and believe it. It is a form of social power. Women are attracted to power, and power comes in all kinds of forms, not just physical appearance and aggressive mannerisms. In fact, even if you have a 6/10 face, a ripped body with low fat %, and stand 6'5", but you're still socially awkward or suck at conversation / small talk, most girls won't even give you the time of day. Your brain will get you laid more than your body will.
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>>17266012
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First thing's first: Unless you are objectively 8+/10 in terms of facial aesthetics and over 6 feet tall, you can give up the idea of taking bar girls home with you. Bar girls are literally kids in a candy store. Why go home with a stick of Double Bubble when you're surrounded by all different kinds of free Toblerone bars that you can take your pick from? In bars, women will choose the most immediately large, handsome, and masculine man they can find because it's a bar. You can't hear shit and everyone's drunk, so it's not like you have a chance to present your personality or humor or intelligence or whatever. It's all just based on heat-of-the-moment visual decisions and body language. Also bar girls are mostly just young skanks who want to get plowed by a big dude who reminds them of their dad. You might be able to pull it off, but it's not something you want to make a habit of anyways. The appeal of bar girls wears thin very quickly.
So what does that leave you? Happenstance one-night-stands and relationships. We're going to cover relationships, because trust me, they're usually easier to initiate, and lead to a steady supply of sex, so even if you don't plan on making the relationship a long-term deal, you can at least get some good sexual experience without having to find a new girl every time. And trust me, you'll want the experience for when you DO meet the kind of girl you want, especially if you plan on living the one-night-stand kind of life. And don't worry too much about looks. You know those ugly, out-of-shape motherfuckers you see walking around with 7/10 women? They don't have the looks, but they have the confidence and personality to be appealing.
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>>17266015
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So where to start? We start with self-confidence. Center yourself around this fact: You can do it if you try. When all things are falling apart, your attempts are failing (and yes, attempts will fail. Trial and error is essential in gaining self-confidence in social situations), and it feels hopeless, remember: As long as you keep trying, as long as you keep getting practice and learning, as long as you make some kind of effort at all, you can do it. ("WE'RE ALL GONNA MAKE IT BRO" etc.) It's a process and it takes perseverence. Rome wasn't built in a day, but you better believe everyone was working at it around the clock. You are going to be Rome. Time to get building.
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>>17266020
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Building Rome: Let's start with self-awareness. You need to take a look at what you've got in order to know where to start developing. How old are you? Do you have a job? Are you a student? Do you have a vehicle? Do you have your own living situation (apartment, house, etc.)? What are your allergies? What are your hobbies? What are your talents? What are your tastes? What are your fears? Know all your negatives and positives. Be realistic about it, but don't be too hard on yourself. Determining all these things paints a picture of yourself, but more importantly: it paints a picture of what kind of girl you should be looking for. If you're 41, 5'2", unemployed, uneducated, live with your parents, can't drive, collect animu figurines, listen to K-pop, and are allergic to oxygen, then YES, you CAN get a girl to touch your penis! Willingly! BUT- you're not going to get a 23-year-old, 5'9", fit + thick, intelligent, sociable girl with a pretty face, big round tits, and a shapely ass. It's not impossible to get a girl like that, but don't hold your breath. You'll have to start small. You should be looking for girls who have similar (if not the same) kinds of hobbies and tastes, are at least an inch shorter than you, are slightly less in-shape than you (sorry, it's just a fact that girls don't really have to be in shape to get guys, and if they're in shape they expect to get guys who are in extra good shape), and most of all, girls who are okay with who you are. NOT who you are pretending to be in order to win their favor. That brings us to our next point:
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>>17266027
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NEVER put on a mask. That's a big flashing neon sign of insecurity and low self-confidence. You should always be yourself, because at the end of the day, FUCKING LOGIC ALERT: you are yourself. Either your true self will come out at some point, and scare her away because she thought you were someone different, or you'll be living in fear and uncertainty forever, unable to remove your "mask" no matter how uncomfortable it starts to get. People often suggest pretending to be someone else to help you get used to talking to randoms, in order to grow more comfortable in social situations. Don't do this. It only makes things easier WHEN YOU'RE PRETENDING. It becomes so much easier to pretend than being yourself, that you get used to wearing masks. As soon as you start trying to be yourself, it just makes it that much harder to put the mask away. Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld where George decides to finally cut the bullshit of trying to look cool and impressive, and just straight up introduces himself to a woman by saying that he's unemployed, short, fat, balding, and lives with his parents, and it actually fucking works? It was an exagerration (especially given how much of a '90s bombshell the woman that he was hitting on was), but it is scarily true to reality. Women are natural born actresses. Being more social creatures than men on average, they naturally learn very quickly how to bullshit people into believing what they want them to, from an early age of manipulating their parents and such. Even if they have grown tired of manipulating people or consider it beneath them, women are surrounded by other women's bullshit all the time, and they'll see straight through yours in a second. So don't give them any bullshit. Introduce yourself proudly. Don't dwell on any negatives, in fact, don't even see your negatives (the ones you can't improve on) in a negative way. See them as the quirks that make you who you are.
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>>17266037
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Be proud of who you are. You're you. The only you there will ever be. Think of all the stupid or sad people around you. You already know you're better than them, and that you can get even better than that when you practice and learn! You're smart enough to want to improve yourself, and strong enough to make it happen. That alone puts you above everyone who is content with being mediocre. So yeah, if you watch anime, don't pretend that you don't! Be proud of it. If it's just one of your hobbies, maybe don't start with it (which would imply that you're an "anime guy"), but if it really is your primary hobby, then YES, state it outright! If anime is a huge part of your life, then OWN IT. OWN your life. Think anime isn't "cool"? GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE FUCKING WRONG. ANIME IS COOL BECAUSE YOU LIKE ANIME AND YOU'RE COOL. Anime becomes cool when you're PROUD of liking anime. Pride doesn't necessarily mean obsession, so I mean, don't just gush about anime and nothing else, but if the subject comes up, don't avoid it! Be honest! You're just a well-adjusted dude who happens to like anime. It is but one part of your complex life. If you like anime but you try to hide it and are ashamed of it, then yeah, that's not cool. Being ashamed of the things you like isn't cool, no matter what it is! if you OWN 'liking anime', then you MAKE 'liking anime' cool. If you're honest about your life, proud of the positives/neutrals, aware of the negatives and are working to improve them, that's the opposite of a mask. That's a big LED highway billboard of self-confidence. But I mean, those billboards don't just erect themselves. It's hard to seem comfortable around people when socialization is so uncomfortable, uncertain, and awkward! And that brings us to our next topic:
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>>17266040
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The seeds of social confidence: Gotta start somewhere. SO GET TALKING. YES, TO PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. Small talk is a stepping stone to feeling comfortable around others. Comfort = confidence. I'm going to give you a few tasks to combine, and try as often as possible:
(the first one's a pretty big/important one so I have to break it up like this)
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>>17266045
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1. Every day, talk to AT LEAST one stranger. Consider context: Does the stranger look really busy with something/someone? Then maybe don't try talking to that person, but look for someone who doesn't seem too shy, and doesn't seem like they'll try to mug you. Talking doesn't have to mean a big conversation either, it can be a simple statement-reply transaction. Keep the topic simple - things that anyone could relate to. Think of your immediate surroundings or goings-on. Just make eye contact with your stranger of choice and make a casual, comfortable statement like "Man, it's been raining like crazy the past few days, huh?", "It's been super nice out lately, huh?", (if near a movie poster or something) "Hey, sorry to bother you, you ever see [movie]? How was it? I was thinking of going, but I don't want to waste my money, you know?", "You hear about that [politically-charged world event in the news]? It's insane!" ("controversial" topics are very good for starting conversation. All you have to do is bring them up and people will generally immediately inform you of their stance on it. You can then discuss things from there. Remember! Conversation isn't about being "right". It's about learning about people and things, and sharing opinions. You don't have to agree with them, and they don't have to agree with you, but just accept that it's what some people choose to believe. Keep it peaceful, and don't let things get heated! Keeping a cool head is very respectable).
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>>17266056
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And they may just reply with a "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." or "Sure.", and that's cool. Just means they don't really feel like talking right then. Conversation over, you win! Closing a conversation is another thing. Remember that especially if you're talking to people going about their day, they have things to do, people to see, etc. You don't want to hold them up with small talk for 10 minutes unless they're really into it. After a while, you can close with a "Yeah. Well hey, nice talking. I gotta go though, see you around!", provided they haven't already said something similar. If they have to leave, or just start losing interest in the conversation, it's okay to let it trail off with a "Yeah...", but it's better to just reply to their "gotta go" with a "Cool, see ya!" Either way, just carry on with your day, or, if you're doing nothing, just move to another location and try talking to new randoms. Another conversation tip: Statements are good for conveying info, but questions are what keep a conversation going. If you ask a question, people are compelled to answer. They can either start going in depth talking about a topic, or their answer might lead you to reply with a related statement or question.
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>>17266068
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2. Every time you talk to someone, try to make them feel as comfortable as possible. This gives YOU an air of being comfortable. Make sure your everyday speech is clear, smooth, and at a relaxed pace. If you're talking super fast under your breath, people will feel uncomfortable because they know how uncomfortable you are! When you're comfy, others are more likely to be. Don't be too aggressive with conversation. If people lose interest or seem awkward, don't push things. Remember: Make them comfortable. If people are comfortable around you, they'll enjoy being around you.
3. Maintain eye contact with anyone you talk to, only breaking it for a bit to think about a topic that came up, or to break a constant stare into their eyes if it goes on too long. Constantly avoiding eye contact makes you look uncomfortable or disinterested, and again, if you're uncomfortable, they are! Eye contact is a good way to tell if someone is engaged in talking to you, too. If they don't make eye contact at all, they're most likely not interested in talking to you. Even if they're replying, they're probably just trying to be polite. If they engage in eye contact, they actually are listening and usually want to talk. If they made good eye contact, but then clearly start to avoid it, it means they no longer feel like talking. This is a good time to close the conversation.
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>>17266071
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Do those combined three things as often as possible. That's not just how you grind conversations to level up your speaking skills, it's also how you level up your charisma as you learn the things to say or not say in conversation. By talking to randoms, it doesn't matter if things get weird or don't go well. You can just walk away, and not only will you most likely never see that person again, they'll have forgotten all about you 5 minutes later anyways! That's the biggest lesson to take away from life:
Nothing matters. It's not a philosophy about being emo, it's just being liberated from your insecurities and mental constraints. But what if things get awkward? But what if I get embarassed? But what if she turns me down? What if what if what if? You want to know what happens? Fucking nothing happens. It doesn't make a difference. Anything that you "fucked up" can always be made up for with improvements later. Even people who are super charismatic get turned down or have awkward moments. Remember what I said about grinding for social skills? It's all too true. Everyone who got good at socializing had to fuck up many times to figure out what works and what doesn't. The reason they got such a head start is because they took the risk earlier, put themselves out there, and learned things the hard way earlier in life. You should never treat fucking up as a flaw or mistake in life, IN ANYTHING YOU DO. You should always see it as a lesson learned. Think about what to take away from the event, what you could do better next time, and try another strategy! IT'S LITERALLY HOW YOU LEARN ANYTHING, AND LEARNING THINGS QUICKLY LIKE THIS IS WHAT SEPARATES HUMANS FROM THE ANIMALS.
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>>17266076
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Okay, opposable thumbs are important too, but let's focus here. The thing to take away from this point is that no matter how many times you fail, every time it happens, it just means you're one step more charismatic than before. You'll look back on this time, over a year from now, and be all like "Oh man I was so fucking worried about nothing. My life is so much more awesome now and those awkward moments are all long gone." Also, on the note of nothing mattering: Girls don't matter. They're just people. That smoking hot perfection bombshell you saw at the club that one time? She takes rancid shits after nights of drinking herself into a blackout. She tells shitty jokes. She believes in "spirituality" and thinks that "healing cyrstals" (regular semi-precious stones like Quartz, Agate, Amethyst etc. holy shit I never thought I'd sincerely say "it's 2016" but it's fucking 2016 how is this superstitious shit still so common I can understand religion but come on) alter her personality and health and luck depending on how much moonlight they've "absorbed". She can't even begin to understand basic shit like Darwin's Origin of Species, and her voice is nasally and grating. Girls can be just as shitty as guys. The only difference is that some guys treat them like they're superior to guys, and those guys are the ones who get walked all over by those girls. Treat women like people. You would make friends with a guy like the girl I described, so why give girls like that a free pass? NO, THE BOOBS AREN'T WORTH IT, YOU'LL FIND OTHER NICE BOOBS.
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>>17266084
>You wouldN'T make friends with a guy like the girl I described
Fixed.
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Once you're more comfortable and confident, you're about ready to start trying to engage in a relationship. Yes, with a lady! Real boobs and all! Dating is the first step here, and thanks to the fact that "UM, IT'S 2016", internet dating has never been more widely-accepted, and it's made things EXPONENTIALLY easier for people. There's only a few things to learn here:
1. Don't use Tinder. From what I can gather, it's basically an online version of the bar. "I don't like his face, NEXT.", "Ew, a pimple. NEXT.", "Way too skinny, NEXT.". I may be wrong, because I don't use Tinder, but I've basically understood that you don't actually have any real required stats for each "profile" on tinder. Just a picture. Go somewhere free like plentoffish or okcupid. Trust me, you probably don't want the people who are so desperate that they have to PAY to flirt with people. You have to fill out a pretty extensive form describing yourself, but TAKE THE TIME TO DO IT! If you show that you're serious about dating, can speak/type coherently and intelligently, and can insert your own sense of humor into your profile, you're already MILES ahead of every other guy with nothing more than a "26 M want 2 fuk?" on their profile. Upload pics of your face, and also a full body shot doing something casual or whatever, just not looking like you posed for a Wal-Mart family photo, unless it's an ironic joke or something. One face pic and one full-body pic minimum. Don't upload nude pics or shots of your muscles or abs or whatever, it looks slutty and stupid. girls won't take you seriously. And also fill out as much personal info (that the form asks for) that you are comfortable with sharing (you don't need to put income level or fetishes or super personal shit). The more people know about you from your profile, the more things they'll have to talk to you about!
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>>17266095
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2. As a guy, YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. Trust me, I hate this part. Especially with how SJWs and such are always going on about breaking gender stereotypes, IT SEEMS THIS ONE IS PERFECTLY FINE. But point being, it's not going to change anytime soon, so you have to work with it. If any girls DO contact you first or make the first move, that is a red flag. As someone who desires confident and independent women who don't buy into the "girls have to be girly" mentality, I used to desire women who made the first move, until I started noticing the pattern that it's usually CRAZY DESPERATE girls who make the first move (unless you're like 8+/10, then they might honestly find you so hot they can't let you get away), because of some sort of feature or quirk or personality trait that is an even bigger red flag and scares guys off. Once in a while, you might actually get a cool, well-adjusted girl making the first move. Times are changing, and it's more likely than ever, but STILL VERY RARE. ALWAYS CONSIDER FIRST-MOVE GIRLS WITH A SUSPICIOUS EYE, UNTIL YOU CAN PROVE TO YOURSELF BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOU. How do you make the first move? Send a message that says something simple, but invites conversation. Usually things like "Hey, how's it going?" get auto-blocked by girls because they get 8000 of those a day. But something like "Hey, you watched/played/did [movie]/[game]/[activity]? What did you like about it? I liked [feature] the most." is 100x more likely to get a real response. This obviously requires you to actually READ HER FUCKING PROFILE. YES, THE WHOLE THING. DON'T SKIP OVER ANYTHING OR IT MAY COME TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS LATER. You can choose to compliment her in your first message, but only do so in a way that invites conversation. "You have really nice boobs" is almost a 100% deal-breaker.
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>>17266111
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Something like "You seem to have good taste in food, do you cook any of those dishes yourself?" could, at worst, lead to "No lol", which opens you up to "Yeah, I'm not much a chef myself. You could say I'm a skilled restauranteur" or "Well I probably can. If things go well I might just make you one someday.". Proceed to basically ask every question that you feel is important to know the answer to (is religion or lack thereof important to you? BRING IT UP. Unless it's already on her profile, of course. Also, keep in mind the whole "private info" thing. Don't go asking her about sexual partners or bedroom activities until you're at least a few dates in), until you feel that you know enough about her to go on a date with her. At that point, just plainly state that "Well, you seem pretty cool. How about we go for coffee/ice cream/lunch?" Make sure you state the activity you have in mind. She'll either respond that it sounds good (in which case, you ask if she's good with a specific day and time of your choosing, she'll tell you another time if it works better for her), that she needs to know a little more about you first (in which case, you say no problem and ask what else she'd like to know about you, REMEMBER: BE HONEST), or that she just wants to talk and isn't interested in dating (in which case, ABORT!! ABORT!! GET THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE YOU GOT AN ATTENTION WHORE ON YOUR HANDS WHO IS DEAD SET ON WASTING YOUR TIME. IT'S A DATING SITE, YOU'RE THERE FOR A REASON. REMEMBER THAT. But be polite. Just tell her that you're sorry, but you're looking for a relationship {or just a hookup, no shame in that}, and you have quite enough friends as it is. Being polite shows that you keep your cool, and she'll lose any sense of superiority she may have had.)
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>>17266118
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Activities like those three I mentioned (coffee, lunch, etc.) are perfect for first dates. You want to have one-on-one time with her to really just talk and get to know her better on a personal level, as well as just enjoy the conversation. If you can't think of anything to talk about with that girl, THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING ON A DATE WITH HER, WHAT ARE YOU, RETARDED? That's why you have to know yourself and choose someone compatible. You should be dating girls who you can just openly and comfortably talk about whatever you like, who are on the same page. Trust me, I've tried dating girls I had nothing in common with, just because they were attractive, and while the sex was fun THE RELATIONSHIP WAS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE AND EVERYTHING ELSE WAS HORRIBLE AND IF WE WEREN'T FUCKING I JUST WANTED TO LEAVE AND DO SOMETHING INTERESTING WITH SOMEONE INTERESTING. DON'T GET INTO RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THAT, THE SEX ISN'T WORTH IT. JUST GETTING OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP WILL BE HELL AND A HALF.
GOOD GOD, JUST READ THOSE LAST THREE SENTENCES AGAIN JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T STRESS THAT ENOUGH.
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>>17266122
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At the end of your first date, reschedule another date. Offer to take her somewhere different, maybe a walk if you did the sit+snack thing or coffee/lunch if you've already gone on a walk. If she seems eager to schedule a second date, things are going well! If she seems hesitant or avoidant, perhaps it isn't going well. Just stay in contact with her, and she'll most likely text you if she's just not feeling it, or she'll avoid contact with you completely and try to ignore you away (for some reason girls think this is more polite, I don't buy it that all these guys lose their shit because a girl turned them down). Note: EVEN IF IT'S GOING WELL, DON'T TRY TO KISS HER AFTER THE FIRST DATE! THE "RULES OF FIRST KISS" ARE DIFFERENT FOR EVERY GIRL AND BEING TOO FORWARDS AFTER ONLY ONE DATE CAN GIVE THE WRONG MESSAGE. End of the second date is usually a good time to go for a kiss. She'll let you know if it's not, but she shouldn't be offended. You'll still have a chance.
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>>17266128
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TO KISS HER FOR THE FIRST TIME: When the talking dies down and she's about to leave (can either be before or after "goodbye"), make solid eye contact (make sure she's returning it), then, taking just a half second or less for each action: relax your eyelids while opening your lips ever so slightly, and look from her eyes to her lips, then back to her eyes, then to her lips, then finally back to her eyes (body language for: "I'm feeling things right now. My lips. You. Your lips. Yes, you. Your lips.), then with bedroom eyes (like half-closed eyelids), slowly lean in towards her face. THIS PART IS IMPORTANT: If she starts leaning in and lowering her eyelids, YOU FUCKING DID IT YOU HERO. Close your eyes completely, and with relaxed, slightly parted lips, just touch your lips to hers, slowly close them across her lips, and lightly pull your lips away. NO TONGUE UNLESS SHE DOES TONGUE HOLY SHIT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN THAT. NOW THIS IS IMPORTANT TOO: If she DOESN'T lean in, open her lips, or lower her eyelids as you're leaning in with your half-closed eyes, it means she either isn't down for it, or she's totally socially inept (almost all girls are, they get a free pass for this) and she doesn't know what you're trying to do. At this point, just keep slowly leaning in until she says something. It's the only way to find out how she feels about it, and no one can fault you for trying to find out. This is where she will say something if she's not down to kiss you. If she doesn't say anything and doesn't move while you slowly go in for a kiss and kiss her and she STILL claims that she wasn't down for it, GET OUT WHEN SHE DOESN'T WANT TO CONTINUE THE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE A WOMAN THAT SUBMISSIVE PROBABLY WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY NO WHEN ANOTHER GUY HITS ON HER WHILE SHE'S DATING YOU.
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>>17266137
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That's basically all I got for now.
Shit, if I can think of anything to add, I'll try to revisit this thread and add to it, but this is basically your "getting started" guide to getting a girlfriend. Feel free to ask me questions and I'll answer them to the best of my knowledge. If I don't know the right answer I won't bullshit you.
>>17266012
I stopped reading after the bar nonsense. You couldn't be more wrong in terms of what I read. This leads me to believe that you have little to no experience or you're just generalizing your ineptitude towards women. Please stop giving advice.
>>17266179
Thanks for your input.
I stopped reading after the first word, so I can only assume the rest of your post was helpful advice for guys looking to breach the world of dating. We're all just here to try and help, using the individual knowledge and experience we possess, keeping in mind that nothing works in absolutes. Together, we can all help each other try to make sense of this world.
>someone wrote all this shit and posted it to a Tibetan bird spotting emporium
Im gonna try ur guide. I'm more into the be the strongest vesion of urself right now so i havnt been working at getting girls that much but this is gr8 advice. Especially the part about nothing mattering and the mask. I really need to remember that, its useful for all parts of life.
Also could someone please turn this into on big photo i could save to my phone? Im on phone and dont wanna screen shot it all unless i have to.
Also for the okcupid. Its great advice about going for interests and less about looks. I used to go for looks almost completely but i realise so are those girls. I'm 5'6-5'7". I have nice face and have good proportions so that helps but, as a shorter man online dating which heavily relies on one aspect of people can be tough. I always stuck to irl meeting girls cuz of this.
After reading ur post will now try and go for girls who physically attract me but mostly have common interests. If they dont lead anywhere at least its practice. Thanks for advice!
