I'm 24/m/usa, I graduated art school a year and a half ago and am currently living with my parents. They always told me growing up they'd pay my way to school, and I always knew I wanted to be an artist, and that finding a way to make money off it after graduation would take time, so here I am a year and a half later living in their house. I expected this to happen, and I was prepared to deal with it.
I just had a job interview go really well for a full time job at an autobody repair shop, and I could start working there in a month or so once the owner gets back to me. I'd be making easily enough money to move out of my house and live in an apartment somewhere, and spend all my free time drawing, looking for better jobs, and just generally living independently.
But here's the thing: My sister is a fucking maniac and my parents can't deal with her or control her. Without going into details, she's got three kids with one wannabe rapper boyfriend whos been in and out of jail, and those three kids spend six days a week at my parents house, sometimes seven. My dad works during the day so my brother and I help my mom watch the kids when they're not at preschool/kindergarden. During the school year I drive them to school and my brother picks them up. Maybe twice a week I'll spend half a day having to watch the kids, usually any day they're home I'll spend a minimum of an hour around them.
They're great kids, but they're not mine and they're not my responsibility. I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a college graduate who moved back in with his parents, or helping mop up my sisters mistakes while she continues to fuck up her life further and further. I want to move out and do my own things. But my mom keeps trying to convince me to stay at home. She says she wants to help me raise money, but I know its because she needs help with her grandkids. (1/2)
(2/2)
I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I really, really love the idea of living independently and being responsible for myself and so on. Every older person I know has always told me to take my younger years and be as selfish as possible, only focusing on bettering myself and my career. To never bother with getting married until I'm at least thirty, if then. Work hard now, get a good job, then relax and settle down later, etc. But on the other hand, I'd feel guilty leaving my parents to deal with my sister and their grandkids all on their own, especially when they so graciously paid my way through something as volatile as art school without asking me to pay them any money in return.
I really wouldn't mind sending them some of the money I make for a babysitter, or daycare, or for someone to come by once a week and clean the house or something. But living here in the house I grew up in is just making me listless and tired. Every day I get less and less work done, and every day these toddlers and their reckless mother grate on me more and more. I don't know what to do. Staying here is just going to slowly make my life awful, but moving could end up making my parent's lives worse.
What do you guys think I should do?
You know you can move out and still lend a hand at home when they need it. Just get a place in the same town.
>>17264657
Yeah, thats what the original plan is. The job is only a 10-15 minute drive from their house, and whatever nearby apartment I can get (I've scouted a few cheap ones) will hopefully be reachable on bike, so if they really need me I'd be like 20 minutes away absolute max. I think my mom knows that, but she's still apprehensive.
>>17264672
Just lay it out to her that way, you know it's not just that she needs your help with the kids it's also that she loves you and is worried once you move out she won't see you much compared to now. Just gently remind her that you're a grown man and you need your Independence, but you're not disappearing.
I remember when my brother moved out to LA not long ago my mom was really torn up about it even though she knew it would be good for him. It means she cares.
>>17264694
Yeah, maybe this is it. Maybe I just need to sit with her and explain to her that I'm glad she wants to help me but it's time for me to fly the coop and be my own man. And I can still help her if she needs it every now and then.
OP again. Something just happened.
I've been sitting in my room drawing when my mom came in and started crying while she was talking to me about what happened between her and my sister this morning.
Yesterday my mom was exhausted so she had me drive the kids to my sister in the city and spend the day with her so mom could rest.
This morning my mom went personally to pick up the kids as well as my sister with the intent to let them go to the local pool and cool off. But first my sister needed to go to the bank or something, and she was screaming at my mom because she was gonna take them so long to get there, but they got to where the bank was supposed to be and it wasn't there because my sister it turns out had no idea where it was. So they're driving all around the city trying to find this bank and my sister is flinging slurs all over the place at my mom whos just trying to help, right in front of the grandkids. After all was said and done they ended up going to McDonalds and my mom had to pay for it. The whole thing took 3 hours.
They're at the pool right now, and my mom texted my sister about how she'll need to take the subway to work instead of having one of us drive her, and my sister started exploding on her again. She was calling and texting her all things things about how my sister wishes she wasn't her mother, and how she wishes she got in a car crash and died this time(mom almost died in a car crash a few years ago) and on and on. So now in a few hours I have to take my sister's work clothes to her at the pool, and let her change in the locker room while I wait with her kids in the car, and take her to the metrolink that way, because my mom doesn't want her coming into this house. She started crying on my bed and telling me how fucked up all of this was and how none of us should have to put up with her.
I really don't know, guys. Her crying like that, I couldn't even bring myself to mention I still was planning on moving out. My sister is a bitch.
>>17264820
I think it's high time you and your mom stopped putting up with this entitled nigress' shit.
If she wants her family to help her she better start showing some damn respect. If that was my family my mom would have slapped the shit out of her.
>>17264572
>>17264580
there is no perfect solution, so ultimately you are going to have to do what is best for you. i dont know if thats staying. i dont know if thats going. its hard to say.
my advice would be to stick it out for one more year, tell your parents that. that way you can save up and actually have a savings before going out on your own.
in the meantime offer to help with the kids, BUT set aside time each day to be alone. even if it means driving out to a cafe and spending money on your milkshake or whatever. make sure you have a place to be away from the kids so you can relax, unwind, and do your own thing.
though i guess a big question is, will you even have time to help if you have a job?
>>17264820
wait til this blows over for sure. you dont need to move out immediately right? you havent even started working yet. at least wait a month since you'll need to to save up money. but yeah your sister is one fucked up human being. maybe you need to put her in her place.
>>17265350
the issue is kids unfortunately. they might not be perfect but its hard to imagine what would happen to them without family support.
NOT op, just an anon observing the situation.
