Let me summarize. I am 21 years old currently, just turned 21 9 days ago.
I graduated from school 2 years ago and I did nothing at all since then.
I moved back to my dad's place 1 1/2 years ago and since then I did also absolutely nothing at all with my life.
I do not work (I tried to apply for a couple of companies but I never heard back from them, back in summer of '15), I actually never worked
a legit single day in my life. I unsuccessfully graduated from school when I was 15 years old and stayed with my mom (parents are divorced since I was little, but never had real problems with that) until I was 18 when she basically kicked me out and also stole half of my stuff. I never cared about getting a job and I never liked being around people.
So, when I then was 18 and moved to my dad, I went to school again for 9 months and finally got my school certificate when I turned 19.
Back the I also didn't look for any jobs at all, due to me not knowing what to do and also trying to just procrastinate and not think about it.
I got money support from the government while I went to school, but I don't get anything anymore since over a year now, since in order to get welfare money you need
to have worked at least 6 months without breaks in between.
I have social anxiety since pretty much 6 years now, though it was manageable while I went to school and had my own apartment.
Fast forwarding to now. My day pretty much looks like this: Sleeping for 8-12 hours a day, being up for 12-16 hours, watching youtube (mostly just rewatching old videos) and browsing the internet
meanwhile. I used to play videogames like TF2 and CS:GO until a few months ago. but I stopped playing altogether. I also used to play emulators until like 2 weeks ago, but I have also lost interest in that. I mostly sleep during the day and stay up all night. I have basically no feel for thirst anymore, sometimes I don't drink anything in 12-15 hours and also not go to the toilet for that long. I usually force myself to drink half a water/soda bottle twice a day. Even after sleeping, it doesn't matter how long I sleep, I'm always sleepy, tired and exhausted. My body and limbs just feel weak. I don't do any sports, I literally spend 99% of the time in my room, either in my bed or at my PC. I feel like I'm just burned out. But, isn't that something only people that work a lot get? Or have actual stress? I feel like, I can't tell anyone/talk to anyone about it. I kinda try to talk about it to my few online friends, but I don't wanna bother them/feel like it's not appropriate.
I really don't wanna tell my dad to make an appointment for the doctor, because I fear the conversations with him and also the doc/psychologist. I don't even know if any medication could
help me. I still don't know what job I want to do, I doubt I have any real choices besides labor worker. I'm missing 6 years of worklife experience, since people start working at 15/16 years old in my country. I don't wanna learn a job/apprenticeship, because you have to go to business/work school and for certain jobs you have to go to schools that can be halfway across the province.
And then there would be other young people again. I have to interact with/be around. I'm not dumb, nor am I that smart. I was always interested in technical jobs and also in computers.
But I doubt I can get any job at all. There is no big demand for that in my country and even if, there are people with more experience and talent than me. My grades from my high school graduation aren't that bad at all. I got A's in every subject besides the 3 main subjects and the coupled other subjects to them, which I only got C's, but in advanced, which are normal A's.
The final exams I did weren't layed out for advanced so you could only get adv. C as best grade. The exams were pretty simply and easy to be honest, so that's why I got all dem A's.
But I doubt that a normal high school certif. will get me anywhere, even if I went to college (or our version of that) for 2 years, that doesn't help really either, since a lot of people do that and the job market is overflowing with them. I live on the country side and pretty much all public transp. vehicle connectivity is really bad, like really really bad. I do not own a car or anything.
And there isn't that much going on here anyways. Also not in "near" towns" or cities. In 2 or 3 weeks I'll have an appointment and I possibly can work at a job program for young people to help them get into job life. I don't know how I'll deal with that.
I just don't know anymore. I don't know if I actually have any type of depression or burnout or if I'm just imaging it, because I can't deal with my situation.
I can't talk to people without breaking into stuttering at times and my stomach gets upset and I have the fear of getting diarrhea while in public.
I don't know what to look at, what do do with my hands etc. while talking to people, not like that happens that often at all, since I never go out anyways.
tl;dr, I know I should go to my dad and tell him about this all and get help, but I fear that I'll make myself just look stupid. I fear talking to the doc/psychologist about it.
I feel like it's getting too bad now and it's threatening my life.
I'm sorry about the bad formatting of all the subjects, I'm tired and English isn't my first language.
tl;dr?
>>17262529
tl;dr, I know I should go to my dad and tell him about this all and get help, but I fear that I'll make myself just look stupid. I fear talking to the doc/psychologist about it.
I feel like it's getting too bad now and it's threatening my life.
I'm sorry about the bad formatting of all the subjects, I'm tired and English isn't my first language.
looks like its gonna go 404..
>>17262532
You probably inherited it from your dad.
>>17262558
My dad also has often worries about certain stuff, like money, but he isn't shut down/isolated like me. Nor is my mom.
tl;dr get a starter job
