I have just turned 22 and I have been in a serious relationship with my 22 yo gf for a year. We have bother never had penetrative sex.
Every time I just try to initiate a make out session, she will turn her face away and say she just wants to cuddle. I haven't had a blowjob in well over a month, and I eat her out and finger her whenever she will let me. She will kiss me if she initiates, but it is rare.
I don't understand what is wrong. I tried talking to her about having sex today and she wouldn't really respond. After a while I got her to say she's scared it will hurt. I also asked for a blowjob (she promised to give me one on my birthday last week) and she just blew it off and said her throat hurts.
I am getting super frustrated and I am trying my best to show it to her, mainly by just joking around and saying that my balls are going to fall off from not getting any action.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what is wrong. I can understand if she is scared from penetrative sex, but why does she almost flat out refuse on doing anything else?
You're a beta
>>17260222
Have you considered that you are going after this a little too aggressively? The more you pressure her the worse she feels about it. (This kind of empathy can be a little hard to employ when you are suffering from blue balls, but I suggest you try.)
Also, she might be wanting a "special" first time. So think of some way to up the special factor - and don't let on that you are trying to seduce her. Let the evening progress as normal, and just have protection and lube handy for if/when she is ready. If it turns out she isn't ready, wait a few days and try again.
First times are much bigger for girls than they are for guys so bear with her.
>>17260229
>You're a beta
How so?
>>17260233
You're desperate for sex
>>17260232
>>>17260222 (OP) (You)
>Have you considered that you are going after this a little too aggressively? The more you pressure her the worse she feels about it. (This kind of empathy can be a little hard to employ when you are suffering from blue balls, but I suggest you try.)
>Also, she might be wanting a "special" first time. So think of some way to up the special factor - and don't let on that you are trying to seduce her. Let the evening progress as normal, and just have protection and lube handy for if/when she is ready. If it turns out she isn't ready, wait a few days and try again.
>First times are much bigger for girls than they are for guys so bear with her.
I have considered that. The last time I have talked about sex was over 6 months ago.
Its not just that though, its that combined with the fact that she doesn't want to do anything else with me.
It makes me feel like she is not attracted to me at all, and I have gotten internally pissed about getting nothing in return after getting her to an orgasm.
I'm starting to resent her and I've been trying to communicate that I'm getting frustrated and she won't even talk about it with me.
>>17260237
>>>17260233 (You)
>You're desperate for sex
I have patiently waited a year. How am I desperate?
>>17260222
Leave her.... trust me, just tell hers it's not working because she is withholding sex. Be blunt.
>>17260222
Just force her OP. Most women have rape fantasies anyway, so she'll probably like it.
>>17260408
>>>17260222 (OP) (You)
>Leave her.... trust me, just tell hers it's not working because she is withholding sex. Be blunt.
I can't leave that easily.
>>17260511
Beta
>>17260530
>>>17260511 (You)
>Beta
k
>>17260222
>she will turn her face away and say she just wants to cuddle
>>17260222
Is there anything stressful going on for you two aside from this? My boyfriend barely had sex with me before we moved because we were in a very stressful environment. It was difficult for him to express this to me out of guilt and not fully understanding the way he felt.
Your relationship is going to suffer sex or not if you two cannot have an open dialogue with one another. I can assure you that waiting it out will do nothing, especially if she has a low libido and is legitimately fine with not having sex.
You say it has been 6 months since you talked about it? In a year long relationship? Vaguely pressuring her isn't going to do anything but annoy you both. Sit down and talk about it, and DON'T immediately pull off if she gets upset. Just be understanding and express your hurt in a way that isn't resentful.
>>17260222
Have she had sex before?
The girl i'm currently dating has had painful sex before, so she was also not very fond of initiating having sex.
I started asking her about it, like in detail, and promised we would take it slow and that it should feel right and fun for both parties.
Eventually she agreed to try with lube, and although the first time we had sex was painful for her, it's getting better and better the more we do it.
Maybe you should buy some lube and take a deep talk with her about it?
>>17260222
seriously just cheat on her or end it she has one job and she can't even do that. men are really easy to please just keep our balls empty and our belly full.
>>17260566
>>>17260222 (OP) (You)
>Is there anything stressful going on for you two aside from this? My boyfriend barely had sex with me before we moved because we were in a very stressful environment. It was difficult for him to express this to me out of guilt and not fully understanding the way he felt.
>Your relationship is going to suffer sex or not if you two cannot have an open dialogue with one another. I can assure you that waiting it out will do nothing, especially if she has a low libido and is legitimately fine with not having sex.
>You say it has been 6 months since you talked about it? In a year long relationship? Vaguely pressuring her isn't going to do anything but annoy you both. Sit down and talk about it, and DON'T immediately pull off if she gets upset. Just be understanding and express your hurt in a way that isn't resentful.
She has really bad anxiety when it comes to her health. But that is something that is always going to be a thing.
I don't know how to get her to talk about it. She shuts down, and the last time we did talk about itnshe started crying and saying its because she's insecure.
>>17260576
>>>17260222 (OP) (You)
>Have she had sex before?
>The girl i'm currently dating has had painful sex before, so she was also not very fond of initiating having sex.
>I started asking her about it, like in detail, and promised we would take it slow and that it should feel right and fun for both parties.
>Eventually she agreed to try with lube, and although the first time we had sex was painful for her, it's getting better and better the more we do it.
>Maybe you should buy some lube and take a deep talk with her about it?
No, she has not.
And I have told her that we can take it super slow and with lube, and that we can stop if its too bad.
It has gotten to the point that her mom has bought her sex stuff like condoms and lube and I've seen a text where she was pushing her to do it.
>>17260610
>No, she has not.
yeah a 22 yo girl is totally a virgin
dump her, she's probably cheating
>>17260612
R9K GO HOME
>>17260610
OP, I think the scope of her problems are pretty far beyond having sex with you. She sounds like she has some huuuge anxiety problems. They aren't something you should accept at face value, they are something she needs help with.
The fact that her mom is texting her about sex with you is fucking weird to me and I'm surprised it isn't weird to you.
>>17260610
Is she physically attracted to you? Do you have good hygiene, watch what you are wearing and do some sports? Do you think that you are a guy that other women would fuck?
>>17260658
>>>17260610 (You)
>Is she physically attracted to you? Do you have good hygiene, watch what you are wearing and do some sports? Do you think that you are a guy that other women would fuck?
Shes a larger girl and I stay in decent shape and go to the gym. My hygiene isn't bad. I don't see why she wouldn't be attracted to me physically.
Women need to understand that men just need sex. I was in exactly the same position, but i managed to fix it a few weeks ago. tell her you need it, or it just won't work. You being stressed and feeling like shit is at least as important as her feelings, you know.
If the situation doesn't change, you should change it. The shitty feeling will never go away, them balls need pumpin'.
>>17260645
>>>17260612
>R9K GO HOME
>>>17260610 (You)
>OP, I think the scope of her problems are pretty far beyond having sex with you. She sounds like she has some huuuge anxiety problems. They aren't something you should accept at face value, they are something she needs help with.
>The fact that her mom is texting her about sex with you is fucking weird to me and I'm surprised it isn't weird to you.
I told her she needs to see someone, but her mom thinks she's fine.
And I did see it as weird.
>>17260677
I wouldn't blame yourself, please recognize that she seems to have problems. If she doesn't get help, you are going to become that help. Consider this going forward and try to be objective in knowing if you are willing to do it. A relationship could help her, but it will likely mean a lot of work out of you both.
I really think there are more problems here than sex, and if she won't open up about any of it, it's going to get worse.
>>17260689
>>>17260677 (You)
>I wouldn't blame yourself, please recognize that she seems to have problems. If she doesn't get help, you are going to become that help. Consider this going forward and try to be objective in knowing if you are willing to do it. A relationship could help her, but it will likely mean a lot of work out of you both.
>I really think there are more problems here than sex, and if she won't open up about any of it, it's going to get worse.
She has opened up to me about her anxiety a lot. I don't know what I really should do. I don't want to be in a permanent sexless relationship.
>>17260694
Have you considered dumping her? Sounds like too much trouble to me.
I know you said she hasn't had sex before but do you think she may have been sexually abused? Not just flat out rape but perhaps she was felt up by someone she trusted or something. I don't mean to offend but there has to be a reason for it since she's 22 and you've been dating for a year.
Unless she's waiting until marriage?
>>17260694
Run bro
>>17260511
>I can't leave that easily.
I have needs you are not fulfilling. I am going to see other people. Have a good life.
It is easy.
>>17260707
>I know you said she hasn't had sex before but do you think she may have been sexually abused? Not just flat out rape but perhaps she was felt up by someone she trusted or something. I don't mean to offend but there has to be a reason for it since she's 22 and you've been dating for a year.
>Unless she's waiting until marriage?
I don't think so, but it could be a possibility. She isn't waiting until marriage. She made that clear.
>>17260694
You can probably work it out, but you need to judge whether it is worth the effort to you. How did your relationship with her begin?
>>17260728
>>>17260694 (You)
>You can probably work it out, but you need to judge whether it is worth the effort to you. How did your relationship with her begin?
We became friends after we both got dumped. I was a mess for a few months and she was there to help me through it. After a while we got super close and we decided to be a couple. She was more sexual then.
>>17260730
Idk man. Something is up. It sounds like she has some problems. Especially since she didn't want to talk to you about sex. It should be natural for a couple, you've been dating for a year. Really don't know what to say to you. You may have to be a bit more forceful with the issue because she seems very insecure.
Or you could just leave her...
>>17260730
So she was more sexual before? Has anything happened that would reduce her self esteem? Even if she is attracted to you, she could just feel disgusted with herself.
Definitely push the issue when it comes to talking to her about it. If she shuts down, being reassuring is the best thing you can do.
>>17260222
if u dont use lube it will hurt afterwards always, so buy that. also she probably thinks ur dick is gross. probably ur mouth too. i think shes legimately sick tho, probably thinks it was from oral.
>>17260739
>>>17260730 (You)
>Idk man. Something is up. It sounds like she has some problems. Especially since she didn't want to talk to you about sex. It should be natural for a couple, you've been dating for a year. Really don't know what to say to you. You may have to be a bit more forceful with the issue because she seems very insecure.
>Or you could just leave her...
She does like me being forceful and rough with her. But I don't want to do that for our first time.
>>17260759
>>>17260730 (You)
>So she was more sexual before? Has anything happened that would reduce her self esteem? Even if she is attracted to you, she could just feel disgusted with herself.
>Definitely push the issue when it comes to talking to her about it. If she shuts down, being reassuring is the best thing you can do.
She is bigger, but she has lost weight since then.
>>17260251
>(You)
>>17260222
The relationship meme strikes again :^)
>>17260222
You are completely wasting your youth on this pathetic excuse for a woman, and at 22 In your sexual prime too.
You are probably less of a man than you feel by not ditching this waste of an axe wound
If she won't give you a blowjob, then stop eating her out
Why are you unable to break up with her? Make no mistake, sex is a very integral part of a healthy relationship. You are not getting your needs met, it is only a matter of time before you start looking for ways to get them met.
Break up with her before then.
>>17260892
>>>17260251 (You)
>>(You)
I'm using clover.
Just talked to her again about it. She said she was worried that our condoms were expired and that she wants to be shaven.
I told her if anything was holding her back she could just tell me and I would understand, but she keeps giving me these fake excuses.
Kind of envy your girlfriend.
I regret having sex 100%.
>>17261992
I bet she was abused or raped as a child or something equally fucked up. That, or she is just incredibly selfish in bed.
She is a lost cause bro. You can't live your life with someone who needs therapy and won't even sleep with you. Dump her and find a proper gf who isn't damaged goods.
The answer is simple and I'm surprised no one's mentioned it yet.
>She doesn't trust you.
Yeah. I'm with the others on this one. You're not getting your needs met. There's probably a deeper lying psychological issue with her but that's not you're problem to fix. Go find someone else.
>>17262097
this
>>17261992
It's impossible to figure out what's wrong with her (or you?) with this little information. And there's obviously something wrong, she's 22, not 15 or 55, you should be fucking like crazy at this age.
If I were you I'd just wait a couple of days, talk to her again and tell her how much this issue is bugging you, how you think she hides something about it and how you don't know whether you can keep up with this relationship the way things are. I know it's pressuring and it can go really wrong and it's horrible etc., but I also wouldn't stay in this kind of relationship. It's basically a gamble, it can either destroy the relationship on the spot or it can make her be honest, or just take a dick (if she really is just scared of it) and realize it's not such a big deal. And the end of the day it depends how much you care about the relationship, if you're really afraid of losing it I don't suggest doing it. But then again I don't suggest having a girlfriend who doesn't have sex with you either, especially at that age. It will make you cheat or it will make you frustrated.
She is either:
1) sexually abused in the past and feels scared to have sex.
2) Not sexually attracted to you
3) Retarded
In any case, you need to confront her about it. Try to get her to open up, in case of number 1. Tell her that if she won't have sex with you, you will find some other girl to pleasure you. I am usually against cheating, but looking for a new partner already now is not a bad idea. In this case, you can drop a bomb on her by saying "I'm going to Stacey's place to get my dick sucked. See you tomorrow."
>>17260222
Nice trips.
Does your gf have depression or is she taking a hormonal birth control?
I was in your gf's shoes for 5 months due to depression caused by birth control. I am very open about sex and would normally have sex with my bf 3x every time I hungout with him. During those 5 months of depression, however, we only had sex 3 times TOTAL and gave him abt the same amt of blowjobs.
It was a very hard time for both of us because he was frustrated and I felt guilty.
We fixed the situation by getting myself off birth control.
If sex is important to you, then you need to talk to your gf again. Just telling her to have sex with you, however, wont fix the situation. You need to find out why she doesnt feel like having sex. Is it depression, stress, lack of attraction towards you, and/or maybe she is just asexual? Then when you figure out the reason, she needs to care enough abt the relationship to make changes. If she is unwilling to do so, she doesnt care (unless she is asexual). Plain and simple. Good luck, OP.
>>17262113
This might be it
OP, I've dated girls with anxiety. If you don't find yourself in a good mood about this, then get out the relationship. It's not going to get any better, so if she isn't providing some serious incentive to be with her, like money, or a car, or something, then you're only hurting yourself by trying to cope with it.
Seriously OP. I've lost two relationships due to the girls falling into depression. You keep waiting for them to get better month, after month, after month, and eventually realize it's been two years and she's only seen you with your shirt off once every three months or so. No amount of support will fix them. This is who they are. This is their life. This is a normal fucking day for them.
>>17260222
I had the same fear as her. I felt self conscious about it. The my ex pressured me, the more I pushes away. My current boyfriend did not make a big deal out of it, so I musterd up the courage drank some alcohol & sat on his dick. It was great! The only thing is I gave blow jobs frequently to my ex cause i felt bad..
>>17260222
she's getting fucked left and right, just not by you
>>17261992
>She said she was worried that our condoms were expired and that she wants to be shaven
this is comedy gold
>>17260222
Get out while you can. My wife started this shit like a year ago. Oh I'm too tired. I'm too sore. I don't feel like it right now. I just gave up desu. When she's close to her period she'll get horny but then half way through it starts to hurt her because she gets anxious.
I'm trapped. Don't make my mistake. Feels like we're roommates at this point. No handys, blow jobs or sex. Even making out is out half of the time.
>>17261992
you gotta be the dumbest motherfucker on the planet, nigger
this chick leading you on for a fucking year leaving you dry, lmao
your thread is a joke and everyone is laughing
kys
Leave.
I was in your boat for THREE WHOLE YEARS, then I gave up.
>>17262097
>>>17261992 (You)
>I bet she was abused or raped as a child or something equally fucked up. That, or she is just incredibly selfish in bed.
>She is a lost cause bro. You can't live your life with someone who needs therapy and won't even sleep with you. Dump her and find a proper gf who isn't damaged goods.
Unfortunately shes been the most normal girl I've been with. She isn't crazy or anything.
>>17263684
>normal
Not having sex after one year is absolutely not normal. There is something seriously wrong with her. Get her to a therapist and if that doesn't help, leave her.
So what your saying this that you have had a close female friend for a year. You don't have a girlfriend op, you have a female friend. Sex is one of the main thing that's separates friendship with an adult relationship. Hate to be blunt but dump her. Try one more time to have a serious chat with her about it. If she still won't even try then dump her. She isn't ready for an adult relationship. If you do it properly sex will not hurt very much the first time. It will be mild uncomfortable but it won't hurt. I have a tiny korean girlfriend who was a virgin when I met her. She took my 7x5 dick without too much discomfort. I took it slow and payed close attention to her the first few times. Now she can't get enough.
One more chance op. That's all she deserves. It's not fair on you.
>>17262911
Did you try talking to her? Thats kind of a deal-breaker
>>17263704
It is normal if your actually looking for a girl stable enough for a long relationship. Would you want to be with a girl who's jumping on multiple guys dicks all the time?
