How do you lower your standards when it comes to dating? I never get the interest of someone I'd like and I just can't stomach settling for someone who'd like me.
Would the person you want to date, ALSO want to date you? What can you offer to a relationship, and what sort of girl would realistically be interested in that? I really hope you're not a basement dweller who only wants to date jennifer awrence
>>17258899
Guy.
I'm a bald ugly LGBT clusterfuck who'd like to date a normal guy who isn't the ~Tumblr~ kind of stupid.
I don't really know how to answer that since I've never been in a sane, normal relationship. I could offer affection, love and support, sex within reasonable measures and for the time being probably pay for most of the dates. Not that that'd mean dinners at 5 star restaurants with a limo, but reasonable things.
And I don't have a gag reflex. I'm not a fan of sucking dick but I'm still putting that out there.
>>17258922
>I'm a bald ugly LGBT clusterfuck
And what kind of a person is into that in the first place?
>>17258895
Standards lower themselves with repeated rejection. It takes a while though.
>>17258963
I don't approach guys a lot because I don't live anywhere where there's gays. The journey to the capital in search for a gay bar is always a huge ordeal, and by the time I get there and there's actually people showing up, I'm just tired and want to go home.
>>17258895
Improve yourself until you can do better.
>>17258983
I can't stop with the whole LGBT thing and my hair will take time to grow back.
No matter what I do 99% of men wouldn't take me anyway, and I don't know where to start.
>>17258986
Get fit, dress well, become a positive and fun person, make a plan to move somewhere you can be happy.
>>17258994
My body is fit but the wrong model, I have no reason to invest large sums of money into a wardrobe that eventually won't fit (still trying to get into treatments, I don't know if I'm talking 3 months or two years here), I do think I am a positive and fun person, and leaving this hellhole is for the time being not an option.
>>17259002
So everything you need is time-dependant, you're aware of it. You'll be fine.
>>17259008
Yes but I don't know how much time and I don't know how long I can last without any support at all.
>>17259024
Have you tried therapy? Meditation?
>>17259034
Therapy is not an option. The psychologist is going by the outdated official guidelines, I am to be in no stress, anxiety or any other source of anxiety before they can deem it safe to allow me to transition. Irony is that the only thing turning me to a ticking time bomb of total mental collapse and suicide is that they've made me that way. They just have the connections the wrong way around.
Trying to explain to them that just allowing me to begin treatments would be the best course of action is out of the question.
How does meditation work? I've tried it s few times, in a much less stressful situation in my life, and found no effect.
>>17259047
This can take a while to explain, is that alright?
>>17259048
I have all the time in the world.
>>17259056
OK, as soon as I finish what I'm studying, I'm gonna write how I understand meditation to work and recommend a practice protocol based on it.
>>17259056
Meanwhile, if you want to look up a couple of references, try The Mindful Way Through Depression and Mindfulness in Plain English.
>>17259095
I know some of the mindfulness stuff and how nothing really ever matters but I still kind of want to be loved.
Every once in a while I have this stupid fantasy of getting sick so people would look after me. I've been throwing up and feeling faint all day and besides getting to the bathroom to drink and throw up, haven't been able to get up from the bed.
Mom came to peer in once but just to tell me they've put up my own hand towel in the bathroom and that I should make sure to wash my hands and use the sanitizer a lot so I won't contaminate the whole house.
Nobody's even brought me food.
>>17259105
Be patient. The explanation might make sense to you. My approach is a little different from the stuff you'll find in the books referenced above, but I still recommend them.
I'll get to it as soon I can.
>>17259105
Before I start, one thing to keep in mind is that meditation isn't a linear process. If meditation is working at all, it's because you're uncovering shit that's hard to deal with. Were it not hard, there would be nothing to uncover and no dysfunctional attendant cognitive processes to correct.
For this reason, I recommend you find a Psychologist to discuss your practice with regularly, even if you have to drive a few hours once a week. You can also talk to a Buddhist monk and ask for their orientation. Buddhist monks usually don't care if you're Buddhist or not.
(Cont...)
>>17259105
I'm gonna try to be concise. To complicate matters, english isn't my first language.
Here's my take: most of our misery comes from the automatization of a dysfunctional response to stressful stimuli, whether real, present and external or imaginary, perhaps future, probable or not - it doesn't matter.
While I'm sure the dysfunctional strategy we select is influenced by factors outside of our control, like our genetic makeup, it's the habit we make of them that creates problems.
If every time we experience stress we run to our beds and declare ourselves impotent to handle its cause, enjoying the relief in freeing ourselves from the responsibility of doing so, we're setting ourselves up to be depressed.
If we frequently turn to TV, video games and online chat, say, for distraction from the cause of stress, we might lose our ability to concentrate and develop an attentional disorder.
And so on.
What I find is that at the root of these behaviors is a strong aversion to suffering that ends up creating more suffering in the form of a mental disorder. Not immediately, but in the long run, as the harmful strategies become as natural as breathing.
The good news is that if you reduce the strength of this aversion, you'll have emotional freedom to deal with its causes and won't feel the need to adopt the mindset and behavior that generates longlasting suffering.
>>17259105
But if what we're doing wrong was obvious, we would have no problem spotting it and fixing it. Why don't we?
One of the reasons is that we avoid observing our flaws by creating emotional blocks. Emotional blocks are things about ourselves we avoid observing because they make us feel emotional pain.
In the beginning, we somewhat consciously avoid them. After a while, we don't notice their existence anymore, we forget what they're about, the flaws they conceal become invisible.
Wow, the thread has this many replies and no one bashed OP for being a fucking faggot?
OP, you probably have HIV and no one fucking wants that. And if you don't have HIV you probably have chlamydia. Percentages don't lie!
>>17259244
Alright. Makes sense.
What if I'm not sure if I WANT to unblock it?
My gender identity has been such a massive part of who I am, I don't want to accidentally unclog something that'd just make me stop being trans.
>>17259105
Of course, we can't conceal all of them all the time. But most people have several that they can't handle, as the mere mention of them may exceed their stress tolerance.
Emotional blocks are the main reason dysfunctional mindsets and behaviors are perpetuated.
If our goal is to attack the issue at its root, aversion, we have to figure out how to cultivate its opposite, acceptance - or even inclination. Acceptance is what happens when you're not actively opposing something. Most of the things around you aren't bothering you now, because you haven't made them into problems, they're just there. You could do that, however, no matter how arbitrarily.
>>17259264
You don't want to, that's why you haven't and why you suffer, if the above is correct. I'm not saying they're related to your gender identity, as I don't know your unconscious.
>>17259264
The reason meditation is almost universally uncomfortable is that no one wholeheartedly wants to deal with shit that they spent their lives trying to avoid.
It's our own minds we fear.
>>17259276
If happiness means giving up being a man, I don't want to be happy.
>>17259284
I don't know what that will entail in your case, I only know how you can find out.
>>17259291
I'm not sure if the risk is worth it.
I will really rather just see how long I can take it with no help and just kill myself once I run out.
>>17259324
Can't you find a therapist elsewhere, though? Therapy wouldn't be nearly as deep as meditation but it would help you achieve emotional balance for practical purposes.
>>17259332
How do I cheat on my therapist with another therapist without either of them finding out?
The clinic has me hostage. One wrong wiggle and my future is ruined.
>>17258895
It's not a matter of "lowering" anything. It's a manner of completely rewriting then such that looks are no longer at the center.
>>17259335
I don't know how things work where you live, but a priori I can't see how they would know about each other.
Anyway, wish you the best.
Stay strong. You're too close to get what you want to give up.
>>17259341
Looks wouldn't be a big deal, there's just body types I prefer not touching, and I still can't imagine myself being happy with someone way older than me.
>>17259346
*ting
It's not about having standards in terms of physical attraction and lowering them to increase the pool, it's simply to shift your standards from one thing (like physical attraction) to something else, like intelligence. I did that and got a gf from pic related.
To me she is pretty good looking, but not so attractive overall to the point she gets tons of unsolicited attention from other guys. In fact I didn't even notice how pretty she was until after I got to know her and then asked her out.
The point is, I went after her because she is smart, not because she is attractive. Though both are true. Once you value what's inside a woman instead of what's outside, you'll get a girlfriend. Hell, I'm not that good looking myself, but I still have a girlfriend.
>>17259363
My primary standards for a guy is wanting to touch him and not being scared to let him touch me.
And not being a vicious, toxic person, I guess.
What should they be?
>>17259367
You're are fine, if you are being honest about them. Problem is many people avoid those who do not look good, even subconsciously.
I've seen many posts on r9k with pics of girls who are "too ugly" to date, yet personally I'd gladly date them if they fit my standards that cannot be assessed through a single image.
>>17259377
I mean, I probably wouldn't be into a guy who has something obviously wrong with his face, like the down syndrome kind of disortion, but I guess it'd have to be a case-by-case basis.
Not having my brain go "!!!!!!!BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH" any occasion he lays a hand on me would be a bigger deal.
>>17259390
Do you have any particular trauma concerning being touched?
