26M been with my girlfriend 23F for almost two years. Lived with her for most of that time. We never argue or fight. There is really no big problem we have ever had with each other. The only negative is the “routine” that we have gotten into. We go to work, then see each other at the end of the day. The sex has become “routine” and the conversation has dwindled. It is hard for me to look her in the eyes, kiss her, and say I love you. Recently have met someone at school that I feel infatuated with. Have hung out a lot with this person and still have these feelings. Just ended things with my girlfriend so that I could pursue this new person.
How do you know when your confusing infatuation with love and when your confusing a long term relationship with routine and boredom?
I don’t want to be perpetually taking people for granite and end up a lonely old man because I always want what I cant have. But also do not want to end up in a relationship where I can’t look into their eyes when I come home and feel that I love them.
Also I am moving to London in 2 months to go to grad school. My girlfriend was going to come with me and now is not.
Uh, have you tried talking to her? Or trying to change things up in your relationship? Problems don't just magically fix themselves, you have to do something to fix them
>>17258508
It takes effort to keep a relationship from settling into routine and boredom. Any relationship. You have to work at it, we wouldn't call it the infatuation phase if it lasted forever. The good news is it's not all work, love is cyclical; if you gut through those periods of boring contentment then you end up crazy butterflies-in-your-stomach in love again for a while. And then, unfortunately, that wears off and things feel settled for a while again. If things don't cycle back around, then, yeah, it's probably time to end the relationship.
>>17258508
The grass is greener where you water it, dingus.
I just dont think its fair to ask someone to stay with me when I am not sure if I am "in love". Also ask them to move across the world with me. Its hard to tell the difference of boredom in a relationship and falling out of love. I cant tell if there was a problem with the relationship or a problem with me.
yeah I know I need to water it, but is there such thing as feeling in "love" or is that just some bullshit fairytale that I am expecting? I know it takes work, but shouldnt you want to do that work?
Understand what you think 'love' is is an endorphin/hormonal process in your brain. You and your gf have lost that but despite that still like each other, fulfill each others needs.
Some newer girl comes into your life and your brain fires up the reaction again.
Break up with your gf, you've wasted your chance with her and her time.
Water the grass by making a relationship an ambition and life goal rather that a source of "feel that I love them"
>>17258555
Infatuation isn't love. Love is when you care for the other person and wants her to be happy, and you take pleasure in making her happy. It's not being horny or excited in any way.
If you're emotionally detached or selfish, the problem might be that you lack the ability to care, in which case trying other girls will probably fail. You should fix yourself.
>>17258555
Also ask yourself if you're not using other people as feel-good drugs.
yeah I guess infatuation doesnt really accurately describe how I feel towards this other person. I was there friend for awhile and then feelings developed for both of us. We can stare into each others eyes and kiss and hold hands and it all feels really right. Something that I have lacked in my relationship for awhile. And its not just about the sex or excitement. It is about the feeling of looking at them and them looking at me and feeling a contentment that i did not feel before. but i know I may just be tricking myself into these feelings.
their*
>>17258588
These feelings are exactly what happens during the infatuation stage. They usually don't last longer than 2 years.
Honestly, even though people are giving you a little bit of shit I think you might have made the right decision here. Normally I'd agree with them and say that you were a little too quick to get rid of a good thing, but your situation is exceptional; asking somebody to uproot their life and move across the world with you is no small thing and if you weren't sure the relationship had a future then I do feel it would've been too much to ask of her. You also deserve some credit for having the courage to actually make a decision (whether a right or wrong one) and then follow through on it rather than just dithering around hoping for things to work themselves out, like a lot of the people who ask for advice here end up doing.
