I've had two separate girlfriends who didn't know each other tell me that I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

It's been 4 years since I've heard it and it still bothers me, so I've got nothing. Sorry bro.

>>17257083
It's okay. I just hate how some girls are so quick to emasculate a guy, yet we guys don't do anything of the like.

>>17257089

I have come to believe that it's due to the perception of

"You're acting like a man"

sounding positive

and

"You're acting like a woman!"

sounding negative.

>>17257109
It's a good theory, probably something related to that.

Although manly women probably have issues too?

>>17257111

It would seem women who have positive "male" qualities such as extremely strong muscles or the ability to fight don't experience many issues.

The negative male qualities I think multiply on women. What I mean is, a man who has a beer belly from drinking too much can still be considered highly attractive, whereas women cannot do the same.

On the flip side, having positive female qualities on a man -- perhaps acting cute or being very skinny-- are huge no-no's.

Again, on the flip side, having negative female qualities on a guy doesn't hurt him as badly; overweight guys aren't nearly as sexually wanted as overweight girls.

I'm pretty high right now. I apologize if none of this made sense.

>>17257131
It's okay, I'm reading on other things for the time being.

What you say makes sense, it's a huge possibility. I really can't argue your points, although I still need help on my issue.

About that, and as an extra point: I lost my virginity at 23, with my first official girlfriend. I'm reading that people who lose their virginity later in life tend to have more issues, or those issues were the cause for it. Maybe it might give more useful information...?

>>17257141
23 and still a virgin but might also lose it this year. 2 girls that I've tried to go out with who didn't know each other said that I'm 'weak'. And some of my friends believe I'm gay.

My advice that I applied for 4 months before I realized how douche I acted is : don't care about what people think.
Like for example if you want to speak to somebody in public transport, do it and don't let your body stop you.

For the douche part, it is because when you do that, you also tend to not care about the consequences and what moral value it may have i.e. it might hurt their feelings but it's a good self-esteem boost.

>>17257131
Although you may be high, what you said is very smart imo. I often think about this sort of things but I've never thought about it that way and this explains why for example gay men are looked at this way. I'm not gay, as far as I thought about it, but being seen like that often hurts my feelings and makes me hate my friends.

>>17257177
If I tried acting douchey, I'd surely regret the consequences once I realize what I've done. I don't know if I can do that shamelessly.

>>17257068
> I'm not physically attractive
> I'm not physically strong

Gee I wonder what you should be doing.
Maybe go to the gym, bub.

Get fucking fit, this will give you energy, aesthetics (good looks), and strenght (mentally and physically).

You only need discipline, or money (hire a personal trainer).

Go to the gym, now, right now, turn off you pc and fucking go.

>>17257068
>I'm emotionally strong
>I'm insecure

I'd have thought those two things were mutually exclusive.

>>17257190
Uh? I've got a decent face. But that's the least of my concerns. In fact I despise working up. It's not fun, it gives me no energy, I end up tired and wanting to do nothing, and I see zero results.

I may take martial arts anytime soon, only because I like it. I don't care about getting fit.

>>17257191
I meant like I am resilient. I don't fall like many people to heavy stuff.

>>17257194
Meant working out

>>17257183
Well I'd say find some people with whom it won't have consequences, like strangers or people you don't speak with on a regular basis. That way they won't act different and you will feel better.
Personally, I did that with some of my female friends but it didn't really change the relationship/friendship I had with them. But then again, except strangers, I choose how I act according to the person I'm with. I also think everybody does that.

>>17257194
>I meant like I am resilient. I don't fall like many people to heavy stuff

Yet you are here now whining like a bitch

>>17257199
Even then I'd feel bad. I can't bring myself to do it.

>>17257211
Fine, I'm emotionally weak. Happy now?

>>17257068
Sorry for the long reply, but I really hope you read it :)

I'm suffering through something similar. I became self confident when I entered college, but events brought me even lower than ever before. I failed to get into a phd program, my ex messed me up as far as relations go, and maybe what I read online is having a subconscious effect on my self esteem.

Where I am going with this is, Rome wasn't built in a day, and it took perseverance. Some days will be more difficult than others, and you might feel like you are falling back down, but you just need to continue finding your value. I'm struggling with this right now myself.

Try to improve yourself; get a hobby that you are good at, and preferably something which has tangible products, like a craft or music, hell even lifting. When you see that you made something which others can't make, it reminds you of your value and importance.

Try to "be a better man." It's a vague statement, but what it means is be like Walt Whitman, Emerson, Lincoln, heck even that Carnegie guy who wrote "How to win friends and influence people". Personally, I think self help is a bit b.s., but it has some good points. In short, by learning your values, appreciating others, and striving for something, confidence comes as a side effect.

Like I said, I'm working on this myself, so i don't have all the answers. And it is not an instant fix, but it is a good solution. Remembering to value others helps with being more comfortable with yourself, gaining a hobby/skill helps with finding importance, and taking pride in your work does as well.

Best of luck man, remember you are not alone in this. I hope we both eventually get there!

>>17257177
Freud had the whole theory of a "shadow gender" or something like that. The shadow is of the opposite sex, and the older you get, the bigger the shadow gets. That's why old men who used to be drill sargeants, or whatever, will cry over something emotional in their old age, when they never would've qhen in their prime.

Just some extra food for thought for you and stoned guy

>>17257239
They cry because they lose their capacity for emotional self-repression, which they were raised to cultivate, unlike women (for the most part).

>>17257068
I also advocate working out. The mental, sexual, social and physical benefits of working out to gain mass will make you immune to the criticism that hurt your self-esteem.

I passed out last night. My apologies.

>>17257231
Thank you for your words. What you said makes sense. I just finished crafting a website for a school, so there's a "tangible" thing I will feel proud of once it's fully released, and my undergraduate thesis isn't something most would be daring to do.

I have my hobbies and skills. It still doesn't make me feel more attractive, but I think I can find some value on them.

>>17257335
Deal is, how do you even find the motivation to do something you'd rather avoid like the plague.