>>17254480
Then later that day something broke in her house. I called a repairman and he had it fixed. I paid him out of pocket and she said she'd pay me back for it this weekend when she's back.

I texted her asking if she'd like to go to X or Y restaurant Saturday. 6+ hours she didn't reply, but saw she was on/off facebook. I sent a followup reply 6+ hours later. She didn't reply but an hr after I sent the message she made a facebook status & stayed on fb a while. I messaged her on fb (not text) made small talk then asked if she got my text about dinner (which was then 7+ hours ago).

She said yes, she was busy and didn't reply. She said her final day in the city (before flying here) was hectic. She said dinner is 4 days away and she can't think about Saturday. That I should wait to make reservations when she is back. I said 'I see'. 'Ok'. and ended the convo.

Am I doing anything wrong here? I am picking her up later tonight and a friend of her's is cooking us dinner, so after I pick her up I'm taking her out for that. Haven't seen her in 3 months and I've accomdated her by not texting her for 2-3 days at a time. But she is very sparse on talking. We would facetime daily for 15-30 mins and text throughout most days but I felt ignored by her a lot.

Additionally, I am suppose to vemo her money that she is to borrow (the one is she going to pay me back this weekend). But I haven't done it yet cause she pissed me off yesterday. She said she'd pay me back for the repairman and other money I'm vemoing her this weekend.

But I will end up doing it later today.

Am I being unreasonable with my gf? How should I act around her today when I see her for the first time?

I will go straight to the point. Dump her. She doesnt seem very interested in you and the relationship doesnt seem to be going anywhere from what I read.

So, my advice is to wait until she comes back, talk to her, make sure she gives your money back, and basing you on her behavior, take a decision.

>>17254491
Thanks for the response. What makes you think she isn't very interested? I thought it was just me.

I don't WANT to jump to conclusions because once she went out of state to work for 2 weeks and she did the EXACT same thing for those 2 weeks. I flew to see her for about 5 weeks and those 5 weeks went really well and we were back to 'normal'. She's done this at least one other time when she was away for a week.

I don't want to jump to conclusions so I will see how she behaves when she is back. See if she is into me physically, see how much she likes being around me, see if she bitches at me or if she is nice to me, etc.

If she makes a big deal out of dinner and doesn't act physically/emotionally interested in me within the next week then I'm dumping her. But will give her a chance .

>>17254491
Just to elaborate a little more. Her behavior tends to be 'distant' when away but 'warm' in person. It's been this way the 9 months I've known her. So based on this, from post above I'll see how 'warm' she is to me when she returns tonight and for the next few days. I will go ahead and vemo the money to her now and text her "Hey babe, just sent you the money."

See how it goes from here on out. It really does piss me off though to be perfectly honest. But I love her and dont wnat to do anything too dramatic before she returns

I'm the anon who replied to your other thread, and told you not to backtrack, not to offer any apology and to set principles and not be a doormat. I haven't been online, so didn't see if you replied to my post.

I get your situation a bit better now.
Here's my thoughts:

First off, stop thinking that you are in the wrong, and rather consider that you might not be compatible. It's not easy, but it might save you a lot of time, which you could be spending on persuing other women.

Ask yourself whether you would accept this kind of constant distancing/avoidance from someone you just met. There's no right or wrong answer, but depends on how you wish to act in the relationship. Do you constantly want to be questioning her devotion, and begging for her attention, just because the release you get from the little pockets of time she has to offer?

I've been in several relationships that have been partly long distance, and the red flags common to all is whenever they minimize the communication when they are far away. Instead of evaluating the state of the relationship when we are together, women tend to make decisions based on how they feel when we are apart. What you should do next depends heavily on how she acts around you the first couple of days after she returns. At the moment, you should be on your best behaviour, and not rush her into any drama based in how you feel rejected for not getting her replies soon enough, but be on guard and don't accept that she continues to hold you on an arm's length after spending some time together. If you're in a relationship, you should both be working on getting it to a stage you both want to be at, and you should back out if you continue to feel like you har to chase her.

It will not end well if you constantly feel like an underdog in the relationship.

>>17254512
Thank you for your reply. I saw your post yesterday but she had called me by the time I was about to follow up with a reply, but then I had to immediately leave and run unrelated errands the entire day.

Your advice is very grounded. She told me upfront that she is not the lovey-dovey girlfriend, she will be gone a lot, has certain expectations within the relationship and isn't the type to be around someone 24.7.

We practically spent 6 months together everyday before she went overseas for 2 months and in another state a month. She may be getting a permanent job in that state and I'll have to take it as it comes. I often flew out to see her. But she is also going back overseas near the end of the year. She has a job where she is required to fly around a lot but owns a house in my town.

I'll go ahead an text her "Morning babe, sent you the money." Then will pick her up later tonight... won't say anything about her not texting me back / will be on my best behavior. Then will see how she acts within the next few days. I know primarily she will be focused on her house as she has someone renting from her soon.

I'm glad you pointed out there is no right/wrong but what is right for me. I will determine what that is based on how she behaves next few days.

Your post strengthens me.

>>17254521
I'll add

"Hi dear, sent you the money. Looking forward to seeing you later today." -- then not text her until she text me to pick her up.

>>17254521
Glad to be of help, bro.
One thing I would like to offer as further advice is that no matter how long people have been in relationships, women still need to feel attraction. Attraction is something you build, every day, and not some point in a graph that you've already reached. Guys tend to get lazy, men know that seduction is something you have to work at mastering throughout life, even if it is with the same partner. If we neglect this, women will grow bored and resentful, if they themselves are not mastering the art.

When she returns, you should work at building attraction. Remember to flirt. Consider your meeting a fresh start, and don't take anything for granted. The absolute worst thing you can do, is to communicate neediness - she will not want to return to that.

>>17254546
Good advice.

>he absolute worst thing you can do, is to communicate neediness - she will not want to return to that.

In her mind I believe this is exactly what I've communicated to her as she even made a point of saying she didn't need my neediness one night after an argument. I then went on to do no contact on her for several days and she broke the no contact by calling me first. When I answered she was very excited to hear from me and we chatted for a long ass time. I haven't heard that amount of excitement from her in a while. Then I went no contact on her several more days then broke it and think I said something that went right back to conveying neediness which has been ongoing (in her mind) the last week or so (hence the sarcastic reply by her saying she was cheating on me with her girlfriend when she didn't text me back that night). and I think I reinforced it by calling her out on facebook message last night for not responding to my text about dinner.

I just sent this text: >>17254533

What would you recommend here on out to de-empathize my perceived needy behavior?

The only reason I am 'needy' is because I've been calling her out on not replying to me when I see her post on social media etc and she perceives this as needy behavior when I 'check up on her'.

In other words I should have plain not texted her and showed her I have a life outside of hers, but I didn't do that except on a few occasions and then went back to the way I was. Anyway, she will be in person soon. how should I build that attraction? I think since I WFH, even though I could technically work from her house I won't. I'll spend less time around her during my working hours. I won't make ANY plans about us doing shit until a day before or the day of (since she doesn't want to plan far in advance with dinner) and not be touchy feely when I see her.

>>17254563
In simple words, yes, stop with the checking up on thing. It's what makes her feel smothered.

Instead of feeling like this is a restraint she puts in you, start thinking about it as part of a strategy to make her think about you on her own initiative. Your no contact experiment is evidence enough that this works.

I'm guessing that you and I are quite similar, at least in the sense that we're emotional dudes. Nothing wrong with being in touch with one's feminine qualities. BUT, women still need to feel like women, and to have a guy constantly reaching out to hear what's up and to confirm that everything's alright, will put strain on certain women, and your girl seems like she might be the type.

Can you fall in love with the idea of dating someone who won't always be available, and need their freedom to live life seperate from you, especially when you're not around? The flipside is that it means you'll have equally the amount of freedom to live your life, and this could be a strength in the relationship, but only if you choose to value such an arrangement.

Your question is whether you're being unreasonable with your girlfriend, but you should be asking if you're being unreasonable with yourself. Always wanting to stay in touch, facetiming each and every day, is all lovey dovey, and I speak from experience, but if you want it when you can't have it, you are doing yourself (and her) a big disservice by communicating this to her. Own your longing and pain, but don't make it hers, when she clearly don't need it. Learn to appreciate the pace and oscillation between silence and unity, or at least ask yourself If this is the type of relationship you want.

>>17254616
Btw touchy-freely isn't wrong in and of it self, but she might need some time to reset, after being away from you and having had some resent towards you neediness. Your main concern should be to come across as an outcome-independent, lovely and pleasant man, and remember to have fun together for goodness sake. It's not a trial, so don't hover over her shoulders looking for answers to where this is going. Act according to how you wish to feel, don't feel according to what you wish to avoid.

Borrows money from you.
Keeps you running her errands and house.
Has you pay for her tickets.
"She's independent"
Top kek

Seriously, she's not into you.

Wow she's giving you the run around pretty hard. She's using you, anon. Get your money back and dump her. She's clearly going to leave you eventually once she's done using you, you may as well get out now with your dignity still in tact.

>>17254619
Thanks man. She replied, her response was much more uplifting. So I'll carry it on out from here.

>>17254633
>>17254637
I know it seems that way. But she's been paying me back. Will see how it develops. Whenever we are together we are together 24.7.

She's probably cheating on you

>>17254521
You are her bank account hahaha
Also like other guy said good job being a doormat

Im the first replier, and let me apologize for creating a poor post and not explaining myself correctly.

Look, from what I see, there are two possible explanations:

1 - shes just like that, I mean, when shes far from you, shes likes to be on herself and detach from her habits/routine, and that would include you. Assuming shes not doing anything wrong from a relationship standpoint, and if you accept her for that, then I believe you are right and that the situation would be fine in my eyes, again, only if thats really ok for you.

2 - shes tired of being in a relationship with you, for whatever reason that is, and enjoyed being away from you, which might explain the lack of interest in replying back. This could be evidenced in the first 2 weeks trip she did before, she acted exactly the same. Now, the money thing wouldnt be a mayor issue if she always gived you every penny you borrowed to her in time and form, but still, asking you for money often is not always the best thing I believe.

My honest opinion: the chances of her seeing other people during that trip, given by what you told us, are high. You need to be sure that she didnt/doesnt cheat on you, but at the same time you cant be paranoid as its not good for yourself. You will notice if something is odd when you are with her, if shes distant, if you notice shes not that interested in having sex with you like she probably did before, if shes not very open or confortable when you are both cuddling/kissing eachother, you know, the little intimate things. You need to open your eyes and be cautious, not paranoid.

Also, you need to evaluate if this relationship, the way its being handled, makes you happy, because after all, if you feel you are not being cared/loved and insecure, then those are clear signs that things are not working out well.

The best thing you can do is to talk to her, see what she thinks, and see if shes honest with you.

You're being used.

>>17254720

cont.

Concluding with my post, let me give you my best advice: Respect yourself, and for all things, do whats really best for you and makes you happy. You are the most valuable person you will ever know, never forget that.

Whatever you do with your relationship, always think about you first, and if it makes you happy.

I'm a guy, and I'm very much like your girlfriend. I love my girlfriend, but i can easily go for many hours without communication. Sometimes it's because it's inconvenient (I try to swype out full responses with decent words and grammar so it can take me a while), other times I'm just too distracted.

I think a few years ago i would have reacted like your gf and discuss my SO of being smothering and needy, but now that I'm thinking about marriage and the like I'm starting to realize that i can't just behave as if everything needs to revolve around me and expect everything to work out.

In any case i think what the other poster said is right in the money - it depends on what you're looking to get out if this relationship

dump her you're a fucking moron for dating not even a year and buying all her shit you're the beta provider she was looking for