This is something your girlfriend should be dealing with, not you. Can she not move out with you?

Too cheap for a hotel? thats probably in everyones mind that has heard of your situation.

>>17253484
>This is something your girlfriend should be dealing with, not you.
This is how I feel too, but she has no balls. I WISH she'd just tell her friend something along the lines of "Just fucking deal with it, I'm dating him. I'm sorry that things aren't working out for you, but I can't be responsible for your feelings too".

A lot of the time when she vents, she'll ask me what she should do, and I've never actually come out and said that, but I do make the point that she should feel a bit more free to enjoy HER relationship the way she wants without having to step on eggshells. Although like I said, I AM very mindful that it is also the roommate's place, so that complicates things a bit.


>>17253484
>Can she not move out with you?
Moving in together is something that we don't consider to be an option. Even if we both wanted to make that happen, we'd both have a load of shit to deal with from both of our families.

>>17253491
>I've never actually come out and said that
Then come out and say it.

>>17253480

No, you are not wrong to feel frustrated.

You have less influence over your relationship because overall you spend less time with her than her friend does. her friend lives with her, and your girlfriend does not want to stress her living situations any further than they already have been.

I can understand her perspective. You don't want to work fucking erratic hours and then come home to a potential shitstorm when all you want to do is sleep and eat and maybe get some snoo-snoo.

Hey, it sucks. It's a shitty situation. You need to be a port in the storm. Stay frosty and stay froggy. You flipping out or hell even citicizing the current situation will cause her stress, make her feel bad, and further withdraw, isolating you further from influencing your relationship.

So what you need to do is make sure when she spends time with you, all her worries melt away. Take her on a weekend vacation, just rent a hotel room so she can spend time with you away from her shitty living situation right now. And get some along with it. Doesn't even have to be a nice hotel room, you can find motels for like $20 a night or something.

>>17253490
What, you mean like every fucking time we want to be together? How often would you suggest doing that? Don't get me wrong, with the roommate situation in mind, I've told her that I want to find other ways for us to be together and find some other things to do and have fun so she can have her space, but those simply aren't happening, much to my frustration. Like I said, her work hours are ridiculous, leaving only a small window of time when we can laze around, and the most practical place for it is at her apartment.

We DO go on trips every now and again (we're overdue for one). I'm currently trying to set up a 3-4 day getaway to a nice hotel/casino.

>>17253497
This.

OP, stop beating around the bush with this shit. You're trying to find a magical solution that doesn't exist. The solution is communication. It's ALWAYS communication. You either tell her what's up, or you continue down this path of nonsense.

>>17253497
I feel like it's going to have to happen the next time I see her. Though I feel like I need to word it differently.

This whole time, I've been trying my hardest to be understanding of her roommate and "sensitive"/socially responsible with the situation because I can't even imagine how tough it must be on her. Still, it's infuriating that I have to play into this delusion of hers that she can play house with my girlfriend and pretend like she's single. I feel like my girlfriend isn't defending our relationship, and that kind of hurts.

>>17253501
It was actually a pretty big relief to read that, anon. Thank you so much for your input. What would you do, though, if she just had barely any time? Because of her schedule at work, she tends to sleep until it's time to get up for her shift, which literally means that the only time she's even conscious and free on work days is at ungodly hours of the night/morning. Her overbearing and jealous roommate still takes up quite a bit of her free time (not to mention fucking LIVING with her), so I'm very lucky to get to spend more than 5 uninterrupted hours with her a week. I still see her every now and again if I visit her at work or she comes by after her shift for a kiss. We also plays games online with each other, so I'm definitely in very frequent contact. I just hate that every time we have alone together, I feel like it's a rush to try and accomplish all the things I want to without a realistic amount of time to do so.

>>17253521
>This whole time, I've been trying my hardest to be understanding of her roommate and "sensitive"/socially responsible with the situation because I can't even imagine how tough it must be on her. Still, it's infuriating that I have to play into this delusion of hers that she can play house with my girlfriend and pretend like she's single. I feel like my girlfriend isn't defending our relationship, and that kind of hurts.
She doesn't respect you and her BEST FRIEND'S relationship, you don't owe her anything. I get that you're trying to be the bigger person here, but that's not always the best approach.

>>17253532
>She doesn't respect you and her BEST FRIEND'S relationship, you don't owe her anything.
Well shit. I guess you're right. That's kind of a relief to think about. What exactly would you ask to be done, though?

The main thing I feel outraged over right now is that they had a talk, and our plans were consequently cancelled because her roommate plays the part of small injured animal who needs time to "recuperate". I think the roommate is shitty for guilt tripping her over having a relationship. I think my girlfriend is shitty for allowing the roommate's feelings (which CANNOT be fixed or changed, by the way) to have a very tangible effect on how often we spend time together, and HOW we spend that time together. I feel shitty because I sympathized with both of them and I let her fucking FRIEND wear the pants in OUR relationship.

Should I just demand that she make more time for us? It really doesn't matter to me if we don't spend the majority of the time in her apartment. It DOES matter to me, though, that the roommate gives her shit for not spending enough time with her and therefore lands herself a VIP pass to more of the precious time that I'm NOT getting with MY girlfriend.

>>17253568
Tell her what you're telling us. That while you acknowledge that her roommate doesn't approve of your relationship, that you're feeling disrespected and you feel like you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells if her friend can't grow up and act like an adult. Tell her you're feeling neglected and, while you're not making this a 'me or her' situation, you feel like you're less important to your girlfriend than her roommate.

And, you know, the rest of the stuff you've said. They're your feelings, I'm sure that you can put them into words better than I can.

>>17253480
show this thread to your gf?

>>17253480
Having been on the receiving end of having feelings for someone who's in a relationship, i'd just ask you to consider maybe not doing affectionate shit in her home. Do your relationship however you want to, just not in her home.
It's kinda rubbing salt in the wound when you do it in their home

>>17253840
I get the feeling OP tries to do that as much as possible. And at the same time, his gf's roommate also needs to learn to manage her feelings and realise the world doesn't revolve around her.

>>17253840
Maybe the friend needs to get over it and stop being a little bitch. OP seems to be trying not to rub anything in but the friend is still being selfish.

The gf is being a cunt by letting their friend totally control her and OP is being a pussy by not being honest and actually communicating.

The entire situation is fucked honestly.

>>17253599
Couldn't be more appreciative of your input, anon. You've outlined a lot of the bad feelings I've been dealing with, and at the very least, it's great for my thoughts to be validated. It's nice to be reminded that I should look out for myself every once in a while.

>>17253829
>show this thread to your gf?
I'd certainly love to, but a big part of me says she she wouldn't appreciate that I've decided to get advice from people I don't know (she doesn't much like the idea of 4chan in general). More reasonably though, she might not like that I've been holding this back for so long.


>>17253840
> i'd just ask you to consider maybe not doing affectionate shit in her home.
What exactly do you mean? I'm not sure how clear I made it in the OP, but I LITERALLY haven't seen or talked to the roommate in months. As in, my girlfriend wants to avoid conflict, so she asks me to leave before she gets home. When she is home (which is the majority of the time we spend together), roommate has her door closed and we slip into gf's room with absolutely no contact. We're just very quiet and respectful of her space. Even during sex. Apparently last week was the first time the roommate actually heard us.

On a side note, I know it may sound unethical to ask "Should I have sex with my girlfriend while someone who has feelings for her is in the next room?", but the fact that roommate heard my girlfriend moan a little last week was completely an anomaly. My girlfriend's room is the only place we have where we can have sex semi-regularly without spending a bunch of money on getting hotel rooms just for that. And it's not like I wouldn't love to get away and go to a hotel for the night, it's just that it isn't practical.

>>17253939
>Couldn't be more appreciative of your input, anon. You've outlined a lot of the bad feelings I've been dealing with, and at the very least, it's great for my thoughts to be validated. It's nice to be reminded that I should look out for myself every once in a while.
No problem anon, good luck. It's not a bad thing to put yourself above others sometimes, and you're not an awful person for calling someone else out on their bullshit.

>>17253480
Have threesome with both girls. Feed off of friend's hatred for you to create sexual tension.
Move in and have crazy sex all the time.

Eventually tire of it and find a more normal relationship. Marry the normal girl and eventually grow tired of each other, sexually, maybe after having some kids. Masturbate in the bathroom while thinking about the crazy group sex you once had with the crazy pair.

You look into meeting back up with them--you recall that they ended up marrying each other--and find that one of them has died of a drug overdose. Have sad sex with remaining one. She goes crazy, being that she still uses drugs and is unstable, and tells your wife. Your life falls apart and you only see your daughter on the weekends. But you thrive in this dark chapter of your life, essentially reinventing yourself and finding career success. You become insanely wealthy and travel the world having sex with women half your age in countries where you don't speak the language.

>>17253853
I do try. I actually like her roommate and wanted so badly to get along with her in the beginning. I know now that any hope of that ever happening is pretty much fucked though. I know she hates my guts. She knows that I know she hates my guts. Even if by some miracle she makes peace with reality, I can't see her ever looking me in the eyes in a friendly light knowing what a weird and pointlessly dramatic relationship we were both entangled in. Fuck.

>>17253927
>OP is being a pussy by not being honest and actually communicating.
I don't disagree with you, but there is KIND of an explanation for that part. All of this shit has been escalating for a while now, and about 2 months ago, we decided to try to give her space. I stopped trying to talk with and get to know her so she didn't have to see my face anymore. That was basically the last time we ever had any face to face contact. Since then, I've been getting more and more fed up with the situation, but I haven't brought it up just yet because my girlfriend is going through something pretty awful right now, and I don't want to add to her stress. I think what I'll have to do is just follow >>17253503's advice and save the whole ugly truth for another week or so.