Hey /adv/ I'll cut to the chase.
>be me
>have scizophrenia though no longer have symptoms, rare episode of insantiy or sevre panic attack
>eh not too terrible looking, 6/10 ish or something nigga I dunno
>19 going on 20 soon
>when I was little I had a CUNT-TON of friends though I was so very naive at the time
>moved twice, lost a LOT of friends the first time
>made better ones then moved again
>now
>no friends
>no job
>graduated high school and haven't done anything after
>tried talking to my oldest best friend after 14 years, she's 12/10 now and completely ignored me
>fucked me up for a little while ( though I wasn't expecting anything back in the first place )
>never applied myself in school and got decent 85+ average all around
>probably getting a job soon, but every place I've gone to has dragged their feet
>overweight, but not obese or anything just have fat that makes me really self conscious and unable to really be myself
>all my friends are online and i really don't know the city i moved to that well to go out and make real ones
>haven't had a real relationship in at least 5 years, dunno how to get back into the arena
>living with parents still, and they've been making it clear that within the next few months they're gonna split up and I'll have to move on my own or pick one
>unironically consider suicide at least twice a week, though I just play vidya and forget about it instead
I'm terrified of dying alone /adv/ and don't know what to do. Is this just because I don't go out often or am I overreacting?
wat do?
>>17252015
>Is my life worth living?
we can't tell, we're not you.
do you want to continue playing?
>>17252015
I've been there bro.
Seriously, 2015 was the hardest and worst year of my life for almost the exact same reasons.
I had moved to a new city all by myself and expected friends to just pop out of thin air. I had a job that forced me to either travel 5 days a week or work from home, and I hated it.
I left that job, Got a roommate to help with rent, and got a different job at a bar working with people my age.
My life in the past 8 months has gone from depression, and feeling worthless, to thinking I might actually have a really good shot. I have friends now, I have the ability to call people up and ask them for help, and there's even a couple girls on the table right now.
Get a job OP. Start there. Your grades don't matter, just find something, anywhere. That's your zero point on your way to independence and being able to start making adult friends with similar interests.
>>17252024
Most of the time I'm don't know, this game's learning curve sucks.
>>17252034
well, just keep on until you're definitely, 100% completely, zero doubts about it sure that you want to quit.
>>17252015
You're not overreacting, and you have options. But you have to start your road to recovery by yourself, no one else can hold your hand the whole way.
>>17252033
I used to be pretty happy until I moved the final time, I just haven't felt honestly satisfied or happy with myself in a long time. I never expected to be in such a hard place without anyone who isn't related to me to call out for help and that's what scares me the most. My parents said that friends would just come, but they never really did.
>>17252043
That's one way to think about it.
>>17252048
I understand. I didn't expect for it to be easy nor to have anyone to really help me, but it's the first step that's always the hardest for me.
>>17252066
They will, but you have to put the investment in yourself. You can't just sit around and play video games and expect friends to come knocking on your door.
Start with a job. Then get a hobby, something outdoor. Then start exercising to get better at that hobby. Friends will come if you place yourself near them doing things that you truly love.
>>17252015
>>17252100
Also, you're not even 20, man. You have so much time to figure out who you are. You just have to actually try to do that.
Are you the kind of person who's okay with staying at home all day playing video games? That's fine, but that's not how you make any friends, or how you build your self-worth.
>>17252100
I can see the merit in that. It's just that during High School I tried to be more outgoing and put myself out there and it really didn't seem to work on anything.
>>17252115
Yeah I know, I just feel like that I didn't have a normal childhood or a chance to really be myself in high school and that with the real world bashing my door down I'm out of options.
But I'll start with the job and trying to get a decent exercise routine going, hopefully that'll get me moving some way.
