I am in a relationship with my gf who i find attractive and we get on perfectly, however she has an out of shape body and is quite vanilla and always sticks to the usual sex routine
I lost my virginity to her 3 years ago (I am 24 she is 22) and cant help but feel like i am missing out, I am looking for porn tier sex; anal, 3somes, even daddy daughter role play and all kinds of shit the average 4chan user is into.
I am always trying to be experimental but she doesnt feel the same way, this is summed up by our anal experiences, she cant even handle/enjoy a finger while I have let her put anything she wants in me and I would probably let her peg me, anal is becoming like an itch i need to scratch, seriously wanted to do it for as long as I can remember.
Is it realistic to expect this kind of thing from a relationship? In my frustration I cant help but look at other women and want to go swinging have threesomes etc but she would never allow it, what should I do?
I feel like it won't last unless she is willing to do something. I've had gfs that say they don't want anal but might be OK with swallowing or feet stuff or submissive things. She has to have some kind of kink but maybe doesn't know it.
You should try talking to her about the way you feel. Crazy, I know.
In the same boat as you OP. Explain what you want and see if she'll open up to some things. However anal is a do or don't thing on some girls, if she doesn't like a finger she will probably never ever enjoy it.
Communication is key in getting her to try new things or open up about what she's into. It's also key in explaining to her what you're into. But realize this is unreasonable:
>I am looking for porn tier sex; anal, 3somes, even daddy daughter role play and all kinds of shit the average 4chan user is into.
Porn is not a good metric to judge real relationships or real sex lives on, and if you do use it as such then it's probably time to lay off the porn. You need to refresh your mind.
>I am always trying to be experimental but she doesnt feel the same way, this is summed up by our anal experiences, she cant even handle/enjoy a finger
Anal isn't pleasurable for a lot of women. In fact it's quite painful for many, and just flat out unenjoyable for others. If anal is non-negotiable for you find someone who is willing to do it and enjoys it. But realize that's going to be fairly difficult. Again, it's not the standard porn makes it out to be although it's one of the more common things you've mentioned.
>while I have let her put anything she wants in me and I would probably let her peg me,
Let's be honest. Does she want to do that? Sex isn't "I fuck your butt because I want to and then you can fuck my butt to get even despite not wanting to" Tit for tat is going to get you nowhere fast. Communicate and find out what sort of sex you both want. Go from there with compromising.
http://mojoupgrade.com/question/list
You can also use this quiz as a jumping off point to talk about what you guys are into. It'll only show you each others answers if you don't put no in it. So if one of you puts no, the fetish is a secret. If they put 'if my partner wanted to' or 'yes' or such, then it's shown.
Thanks for the responses.
I know I should talk more and its something i will work on, the reason i have avoided it is because she tells her self that is kinky and we have spoke about it plenty in the past, when we met she was even open for a threesome with one of her friends who later got in a relationship. The adventurousness looking back now seems to have just been said to impress me
In any case I feel like talking about it now will only make it come across like i am pressuring her, and i am well aware that you cannot pressure someone into enjoying something, we discussed it she gives cagey responses trying to show she is open to new things scheduling them in for the future, nothing materialises and repeat
>>17252304
like above, she says she is into anal and it 'feels nice' when i rim her, but she is overly tense, gets nervous and we give up, repeat
>>17252478
Then stop fingering her. Do whatever she likes that you want to do so long as it doesn't involve penetration or other things that tense her up. Get her really, really into it, and play with her clit as well. Wait until she's completely relaxed and into it- not starting to relax, and start playing with her in ways that might be slightly more intimidating, like putting a finger against her entrance and playing with her there- with lube and making sure your nails are trimmed and filed neatly with no sharp or irregular edges- but do not make any move to penetrate. Wait until she completely relaxes with that, do a tiny bit more like just barely entering her - so little that she's not sure that you actually have - and continue with other things she enjoys just leaving your finger there. Then a little deeper once she's totally relaxed again, and so on.
If you force or speed up in anything you're just going to make her more anxious, and your previous attempts have likely made her more anxious as well. In addition to the above talk to her about what things make her anxious in regards to it, fear of pain, fear of it being dirty (literally), fear of it being wrong, or the pressuring associated with it? The more relaxed you can make her and the more relaxed she can learn to be the more successful sex will be.
If you're of the opinion she's faking kinkiness to be with you then you've probably let that opinion slip to her and she's aware of it. The girl likes rimming, she's obviously kinky. She might not have liked everything she tried with you or want to try it again. And she might like other things that she's really anxious about trying and needs a lot of reassurance on. But either way she's probably resentful of the feelings you have about her "faking" kinkiness. It's no wonder that she gets defensive and cagey if that's the way you've approached it.
>>17252478
This is kind of a bad way to get what you want but I'll let you know what worked for me. I wanted to try an before too and my gf wouldn't let me and the sex was extremely vanilla. Well eventually I just stopped wanting to have sex with her. She noticed and felt unwanted I guess. She decided to let me have anal eventually and she actually kind of enjoyed it. When you do get your chance don't ruin it by being too fast/rough. Give her a lot of time to adjust. And make sure to play with her clit so she gets some pleasure.
Just contributing my thoughts on anal.
The times I've done it, out of curiosity and also to please my partner, it never "felt good". The best way I can explain it, is that it feels like a huge bowel movement, and I can't wait for it to just "be over already". Majority of my girlfriends have felt the same way. I definitely think it's going to be difficult to find a female partner who is going to want to have anal sex on the regular.
That said, I'm pretty experimental otherwise. If your partner isn't willing to meet you half way on some things in the bedroom, I doubt that's going to change. I would start having an open, honest conversation with her about your concerns. Eventually it will ruin your relationship if you aren't on the same page sexually.
You should do whatever you think is best for you.
>>17252533
Let me just add on to this. I don't think she found anal pleasing as much as me wanting to have sex with her again made her feel desired ect. Women are really mental.
Also it really wasn't that much better than regular sex. Just something I wanted to try. We went back to normal sex after with rare anal here or there, sometimes initiated by me an sometimes her.
