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Heart Ripped Out, Ripped Apart, & Crushed
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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>Have long term, long distance 10/10 gf
>Plan on getting married as soon as we have the money to move
>Everything's going great
>I sometimes have panic attacks, which she always somehow manages to stop
>she falls asleep when we were on the phone while I was having one, she also accidentally hangs up as she does.
>I think she hung up because she doesn't care enough anymore to deal with me
>I text her "I thought you were the one person I could always count on to make me feel better..."
>She wakes up the next morning
>Sees the text & gets super pissed at me
>I send literally 13 messages apologizing for being such an idiot
>She gets more pissed because I'm being too clingy for sending so many messages apologizing
>"I love you. I'm sorry. I promise I'll never be clingy like this again."
>She responds "Just stop."
>She blocks me on all social media, and probably blocked my number too
>have not talked since then
>Her best friend texts me, "I'm sorry, but you should try to get over her."
>One month later = Now
>Already have new 8/10 (not long-distance) gf who literally adores me and we fuck constantly
>still gets panic attacks
>New gf tries to help but never can
>still entirely in love with previous gf
>can't even fuck new gf without missing the old one
>Literally no joy left in life
>depressed as fuck

What do?

>pic not related
>>
Is your new girlfriend aware that she's a rebound?
>>
>>17249766
Entirely. She still thinks the sun shines out of my ass anyways, and I feel like shit I don't love her like I do my previous gf.
>>
First of all, don't depend on someone else to make you feel better because it makes you cling to them, when they aren't there you feel abandoned, and it doesn't help you learn to deal with your own issues. It was wrong for you to put that panic attack burden on her and it's still wrong that youre doing it to someone else you hardly like. I get panic attacks too, but I don't expect my husband to fix them for me. Learn to deal with that on your own.

Second, you need to work on yourself. Build confidence. Get selfhelp books and some new hobbies. This will help you overcome the other girl.

Third, stop seeing this new girl. You're only playing with her feelings and that's fucked up.
>>
If it makes you feel any better, relationships this close don't end out of one small fight like that. You really shouldn't have been apologizing that much, not because you were being clingy, but because this break up wasn't some isolated event. She blocked you on everything and had her friend text you to get over her. Whatever she figured out on her own, she's talked out with her best friend. At worst, her actions could be motivated by anger and frustration with you, and at best, by guilt. Either way, she's made her message pretty clear.
>>
>>17249793
Seriously, what is with girls dumping dudes over text in disingenuous ways as of late? In the past month I've seen at least 10 threads about guys getting dumped over text while not exactly like this situation, still sort of similar.

Anyway, she probably had other reasons for breaking up that she's not gonna say. Maybe it's a build up of shit like what you said, maybe she just doesn't like you anymore.
>>
>>17249786
I agree it was wrong of me to put that burden on her. That's why I don't do it with my new gf. I've told I'd rather her not have to deal with me when I'm like that, but she insists.

The weird thing is that I'm actually a very confident extrovert, and never had any feelings of dependence on someone prior to my ex.

for the third thing: I would, and I tried before, but she begged me to stay with her. She's apparently wanted to be with me for a very long time, and she insists that she doesn't care if I still have feelings for the other girl and that she wants me to stay with her anyway. Basically, I fucked up bad by getting with her.

>>17249793
Well, she didn't ask her best friend to text me that. I'm friends with her as well and she said it on her own. But yea, it's pretty clear my ex has no desire to ever speak to me again, and it's probably out of frustration.
>>
>>17249759

For a start, seek some help. That's not something to be embarressed about. These panic attacks are a real problem, and I sympathize. They shouldn't be something you rely on your partner to handle, though. You need a partner that understands and is supportive, but you also need a support network that exists outside of your romantic relationships. That could mean a doctor, a support group member that has agreed to be your lifeline, or just a really good friend. But you need someone you can call for help that isn't a person you're dating, because those areas of your life present very different demands, and one person trying to fill both roles is going to burn out.

On to post-break-up emotions:

You're just going to feel like shit for awhile. Things are not as bad as they seem, and you've already begun the process of working toward feeling normal again, it just takes a really long time.

You will feel joy again. In fact, you will feel happier than you ever felt with your ex. But between now and that day of joy are some really sucky days and a lot of just blah days. Lean on your friendship network, stay away from drugs and alcohol, keep fucking this rebound girl if it makes you feel good, but stop if it's only bumming you out.

Best of luck, anon.
>>
>"I thought you were the one person I could always count on to make me feel better..."
holy shit op, you are such a faggot.
there's already so many things in your post that gives so many signs that you're a bad person.

>tries to help but never can
what do you mean 'ever can'? do you seriously expect other people to solve your own fucked up issues for you?

you need to be alone OP. that means no dating. At least until you get your shit together. You're just using people left and right and it's just not right. your old girlfriend deserved better, and she knew, and she did the right thing by leaving you. Your new girlfriend also deserves way better, so you should do her a favor and leave her. Of course you won't do that because you're a weak loser who even has to resort to shaming his own loved ones to get sympathy.
How old are you, by the way OP?
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>>17249877
Yea, I know that was a really shitty thing to say, and I felt terrible about it. That's why I apologized so much.

Also, I've expressly told my new gf multiple times I'd rather that she not try to help me deal with this, exactly because it's not fair to her. But she insists anyways.
And finally, this post was never meant to shame anyone, I entirely consider this to be my own damn fault. This post is about me being fucked up, not to blame either of them in any way.
>>
>>17249894
>This post is about me being fucked up
So leave her. You're already did enough damage to your first girl, don't do it to your current one.
You said before that you felt terrible about shaming your previous girlfriend, but I seriously doubt that's the first time its ever happened. That's why she reacted by leaving you like that. The obvious flaw here is your character. You're so terribly insecure and your fear of being alone takes over the well being of others. Don't be selfish. The only proof that you've actually learned anything from your "heartbreaking" experience is if you leave your current girlfriend right now.

What tore apart your first relationship is the same thing that's carrying your current one right now: your own crippling insecurity and unrealistic expectations you have for others. End it, and you'll become a better man. Don't, and you'll remain a faggot that you are
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>>17249934
It actually was the first time. But yea, I agree the flaw is in my character. Not really in the fear of being alone though. It was just the fear of being without her specifically. I've literally never felt pain over a breakup before this one, so I guess that shows I was pretty fucked up to start with. I'll take your advice on breaking up with my current gf though, because that seems like the right thing to do.
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