I've become a weird and anxious guy after getting fired from my job and spending 2 months sitting at home all day. It was a shitty job anyways, but it was the only thing to force me into talking to people I didn't know, and it made me feel like I was doing something even though it was a shitty job I was about to quit.
I've always had anxiety, but for some reason now whenever I go out, I literally get body shakes when I am paying for something at store, and I just feel very self conscious and awkward everyday. I go to the gym everyday, but whenever a girl works out next to me I always move because I think that they might think I am looking at them, and I start shaking and can't focus.
My old coworker who was very interested in me sends me snaps of her every now and again, but I usually just throw my phone across the room because I am to scared to respond to anything, this comes off that I'm not interested in her, but I am too scared to talk. I feel like I am not even the same person. I lost about 5 friends in the same month after quitting, and I mean they are seriously gone forever. I fucked over two of them, and then my best friend for 3 years who I always knew was a narcisist fucked me over but I should've seen it coming, but I lost the other 2 since they are closer to him then me.
Not sure how to get back to my old self, I try to do things other than gym and internet, but I lack the spark I used to have and I can't get excited about anything. I should also add I have a minor opiate addiction that saps a lot of energy and makes me satistfied with my shitty state.
I feel like I am so fucked and I have no idea what to do, anyone have any advice for bringing myself back to normal? I can't get a job or start school until after summer
what are you so worried about OP?
i understand social anxiety but what do think is gonna happen? is some one going to just call you out for buying something with cash at the store? if a girl works out next to you that's her decision to go there and might think youre good looking.
Whats this stuff about your friends fucking eachother over?
and no one is normal. that girl who sent you snaps was probably nervous about how her message would come off to you
>>17247584
I think I have a pretty huge underlying fear of rejection ever since I was a kid, and I still haven't gotten over it. Also as far as being at the store and stuff goes, I am not 100% sure, but I feel like they think I might be dumb or something, or I think I'm acting really weird. I can totally justify how stupid everything is in my head, but when I am actually there in the moment I can't apply that there is no reason to feel that way, I know nothing will happen, but I still feel scared for some reason.
As far as losing my friends goes, one of my buddy's invited me to hang out, and my closest friend was driving, and he told me to be ready to get picked up, and so I get dressed and get ready, and 20 mins pass and I see a snap story of them all of my friends hanging out at a party. So I ask why the fuck I didn't get picked up and one of my friends said he didn't know, but my closest friend told everyone that he thinks I am annoying, and then the one that invited me didn't tell me they weren't picking me up, so I dropped contact with them because they fucked me over, besides one. And the others were coworkers I got close to who I bailed on too many times so I understandably am disliked by them.
I'm not even sure why I feel so anxious about everything out of nowhere, maybe it's from losing my friends because that has really made me upset
>>17247610
yea it just takes practice to get used to not caring how you think they think of you. just keep trying to apply the rationalized mindset when dealing with strangers. this part sounds like me and i'm working through it well enough. just be friendly using the store example, ask them how they are. it sounds cliche but you would probably be the first person to ask that day and they would be off guard and appear more vulnerable/not threatening to you. i was afraid of being called out for acting strange, shaky hands paying with exact change or whatever. what i did was prepare for the worst, kinda expect someone to yell from the line "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" or have the cashier do something similar. no matter how you play out this scenario in your head if you would ask "whats your problem?" in response they would be in the wrong. has anyone ever called you out for shivering or being nervous?
>>17247648
You're right, i remember the last time I felt this way I did this thing called mood gym and it changed my mindset to be always positive, so I will start doing that again tomorrow. I am always the one to start conversations with cashiers and stuff and am possibly overly nice which is weird cause that's usually their job.
thinking of the worst possible idea sounds pretty crazy actually since I kind of realize that the worst possible thing that could occur from my daily interactions isn't even bad at all lol
And a lot of my ex-friends would comment on my shakey hands and ask me why and I would just say it was from kratom (partly true). But people probably don't think it's as big of a deal as I think it is because at my old job whenever I would charge another coworker who I thought was cute, my hands would shake so badly the whole time, it would be impossible for them not to notice, and I would like nervously look at the computer and my neck would freeze up. But the girl who I did that in front of the worst, like totally nervous, is the one that keeps trying to talk to me.
I kinda feel some positivity now and think I can change this, but I feel like somethings going to mess up and I will spiral down again. Also not having any close friends sucks, I will probably have trust issues with any new friends I get now... I feel like I'm broken hearted
goona go to bed will be back in 6 hours, not sure how quick threads pass here, but it would be cool if someone could bump it if it gets to the bottom and there's something I could miss, thanks
>>17247567
Is that Marcus Aurelius?
