I'd been with my boyfriend for 5 years when i broke up with him back in January. He'd been going through a rough time for about 9 months, since he told me he'd been sexually abused by his grandmother as a child.
At first I felt so relieved to be away from him, but then i started to miss him. He's finally getting help, and we are talking about getting back together. I feel like I should run away from this fast, but i still love him so much. Anyone who have similar experiences or can relate?
>>17245195
yep. had a few gfs like that. not my job to fix them. got out of there.
>>17245199
What was the biggest reason for leaving?
>>17245199
this guy seems sadly right
I had gf with rape trauma, she would behave like a bitch and the play a victim and blame everything on the rape she went through
I thought I can heal her but it became an excuse for totally unacceptable shit. I always like to believe that there is a chance for those poor people but I always learn it the hard way that shit is beyond me
On the side, what do you think anons, do such people can ever get "normal" and make a good relationship? Any stories?
>>17245206
that it was a constant drain on them as a person. i get that its traumatic and it limits them emotionally and personally but again its not my responsibility to fix it or deal with it. i didnt say "see ya bitch" and ride off on my bike while putting my shades on and flexing, but honestly im in a relationship to be with a person, not a person and their problems.
Besides the abuse he comes from a loving and caring family, is well educated, have long term friendships, and i have stayed through the drug abuse and the depression, because he always treats me with love and respect. He is my best friend and has never been abusive or in any other way mistreated me. My problems are the depressions, the self-harm and the fact that he told me that he maybe never wanted a family anyway.
>>17245232
there is absolutely no reason for you to go through that shit.
>>17245220
Have you found that?
>>17245246
yea, been married for 9 years. covered this in another thread. you marry a person, not a fixer upper. its a relationship, not a project.
>>17245212
>I thought I can heal her but it became an excuse for totally unacceptable shit. I always like to believe that there is a chance for those poor people but I always learn it the hard way that shit is beyond me
That's just it. You can't heal them. You can help create an environment where healing is possible, and you can even urge them to take an active role in their own healing. But that is as far as you, or anyone else who is not them, can go. The last steps, they have to take: a choice to heal from the theft of choice.
>>17245253
For how long were you with your ex-girlfriend? I dont want to fix him, i just want him to get back to the way he was before this madness.
>>17245257
What if they were willing to take those steps? Is recovery then a possibility?
>>17245268
Not the guy, but I'm this guy
>>17245212
Well, I've helped her to some degree I hope, she became open about this rape to someone else for the first time, she was hiding it deep till this time. Maybe it will help her work this through.
But she will have to work this through without me from now since fucking bitch has cheated on me. Then she would cry again "ohhh I'm so fucked up, I'd better kill myself" to make me feel sorry. This is a deal breaker no matter the circumstances.
>>17245260
>I dont want to fix him, i just want him to get back to the way he was before this madness
thats fixing him. or you want to live with the shell he was putting on. not healthy.
i wasnt with them for long. as soon as i found out i gradually and respectfully removed myself. its wasnt that hard cause the chicks i dated didnt become that dependent "OH I LOOOOVE MY BF!" girls. but i knew i didnt want to deal with that drama.
look i know this is coming off as me being selfish. but a girl that became paraplegic vs. a girl with issues are two completely different things. if i had to wipe my wifes ass for the rest of her life no fucking problem. but if i have to take the back seat when those mental flares come back, the drugs, the abuse, the ptsd, no. those are so far out of my control that there is no helping that.
why do i know this? because i was touched as a kid too. nowadays who the fuck hasn't. it was by a family friend. it took me some introspection and time but i know its there and i dont ignore it. but it is a problem that i took on by myself, i was reclusive and scarred, bad fucking anxiety. but because i already stood on those tracks and met that train face first, it does not bother me anymore. it is there. i remember it all. but it is something that has already washed over me, and theres no reason to stay there.
i made sure that I was stable enough, balanced and not broken, when the day that eventually came that i would run into my wife. i basically expected the same out of my significant other as i do out of myself.
>>17245283
Shit that's really heavy! So sorry abut that. The thing is that he is not abusive. He is kind and good to me. But he isn't good to himself at the moment. I dont know if things get worse or of it gets better from here. I dont know if i should stay with him and ride this one of or just let it go. Cant stand the thought of him getting through this in a year or two and then getting another girl friend...
>>17245305
In my case If not for deal breakers she pulled off I'd keep the support, because I loved the bitch. But I wasn't expecting her to get much better in time.
You must think if he is somehow harming you (dunno, he remains unemployed, apathetic, suicidal, causing you stress you can't cope with - it's still harming even if he is not intentional about that). If shit is not killing you, and you can function normally while giving support, then it's only a question how much you care.
I was ready for much and I can deal with lots of shit in life, but man has to remain a man and keep his honor, bitch is done for me. She fucked up big this time, wish her luck but not with me.
>>17245291
>>17245291
So you've actually recovered from sexually abuse and managed to have a family life despite of past traumas? I salute you, and you don't come off as selfish at all. I left my boyfriend to take care of myself, you do what you got to do.
>>17245291
So you've actually recovered from sexually abuse and managed to have a family life despite of past traumas? I salute you, and you don't come off as selfish at all. I left my boyfriend to take care of myself, you do what you got to do.
>>17245318
We are not living together right now to make sure none of us get too stressed about it all. You're right, its still harm even if it is not intentional. Have to watch out for that!
>>17245326
Seconded. Such stories give me hope in people.
Thanks for all the responses. I appreciate it
My kids mom left us in December, it was hard, but I've realized that it was the best thing for all of us.
The negative energy, the paranoia, anxiety, depression, anger, etc. were all very difficult things to deal with on a daily basis. 9 years of dealing with someone who has serious mental health issues was enough to turn me into a husk of a man. I'm extremely grateful that I have this chance to become someone I want to be.
She's had a hell of a traumatic life, but me and the kids shouldn't have to get dragged down as well.
In the end, I wish her the best, were still friends, and I'm finally free.
>>17245469
I'm happy for you and your children that you are finally free. I have felt that negative energy and i couldn't take it. I had to leave to take care of myself.
You've become so strong from this and hopefully good things will happen to you. I hope your wife is in therapy and you and your children are getting help as well. Cant imagine 9 years of that.
