What are your thoughts on accidentally having a kid at very young age with a dumb bitch you probably will break up with as soon as the time is right? What would you do or feel you must do morally? How would you deal with the kid? how would you deal with its mother?
>>17242047
Not up to you. She's going to take you for child support for 18 years. Have fun with that one.
As for being in the kid's life, that's up to you. If it were me, if I have to pay for it anyway, I may as well play with it. At least then I'd feel like I'm getting something for my money.
But you could just as easily sign away all parental rights and never see/speak to it.
Really depends on how you feel about kids, if you're an emotional type of person who feels a duty to their own kin, if you think you can manage to not murder the mom for the next two decades when you two have to co-parent or at least interact for the sake of the kid.
>>17242047
How do you "accidently" have a kid?
>>17242063
lmao!
>>17242063
Yeah I've accepted the fact that I'll be paying child support. Might even encourage to file for it as soon as possible to get it over and done with.
I think I'll want to be part of its life but at the same time I want to also do whatever the fuck I wanna do anyway. I really enjoying traveling and getting out of my shitty town whenever there is an opportunity. I feel like I want to have a uncle type roll in its life at least until I've grown up a bit and the child is older and can form memories and talk and shit.
I've never really payed attention to situations like my own in the past even though their so common. So I don't really know choices are going to be typical easy choices and what will be hard.
>>17242069
I was playing with fire. But I genuinely thought she'd get an abortion.
>>17242098
Ever hear of a condom?
>>17242047
Have you considered giving the relationship a try? What are the reasons you think this can't work? Having a child changes people fucking loads.
>>17242111
We're just so unalike. I never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place it just kinda slowly escalated. Im desperate to be single lol. I mean she's okay, she's not completely batshit crazy like some other girls I've dated. she doesn't use drugs or drink etc. But I feel like being with her will heavily stifle my growth as a person. Not to mention I hate feeling bad about checking other girls out and stuff but I really want to meet and date different people.
>>17242140
And this was all a good reason to not bother with the simple, inexpensive, elementary practice of putting a rubber on and instead having a kid?
>>17242047
>What are your thoughts on accidentally having a kid at very young age with a dumb bitch
Well, that was stupid of you. But you will adapt, if you allow yourself to.
>you probably will break up with as soon as the time is right?
The time very suddenly became Not Right. Unless she's going to hurt you or the child, best get to work on rebuilding that relationship. And if she WOULD hurt you or the child, best get to work on gaining sole custody.
>What would you do or feel you must do morally?
Care for the child, or if you absolutely cannot, then see that the child is cared for.
>How would you deal with the kid?
What kind of question is that? As my child, of course.
>how would you deal with its mother?
That may be a trickier question, depending on circumstances. What would remain constant is that she would be the mother of my child.
>I was playing with fire. But I genuinely thought she'd get an abortion.
You accepted the risk. You got burned.
>>17242094
>with a dumb bitch you probably will break up with as soon as the time is right?
>I feel like I want to have a uncle type roll in its life at least until I've grown up a bit and the child is older and can form memories and talk and shit.
It isn't going to work that way, man. The "dumb bitch" will be a horrible mother, she'll resent the child for "holding her back" and that resentment will show through in her parenting.
And every time you leave him alone with her, so you can go "travel and get out of your shitty town," he will hate you more and more and more. Parenting isn't really something you can just do on your own schedule.
>>17242153
>>17242157
Well I have reason to believe she won't be a terrible parent. Mainly because she has her families support. And Ive been making an effort to get on their good side and show them that I'm a reasonable dude. so that if shit ever went south between us she would at least have some sense talked in to her by some adults who are wiser than both of us.
I feel like I will be a better influence to a kid by becoming the best I can be overall. Even if that includes dropping it's mom like a dildo on fire.
>>17242216
Why are you playing with dildos?
>>17242226
just a metaphor. bump
>>17242047
Hopefully your child turns out to be less of a retard than you.
>>17242253
agreed. bump
>>17242216
>I feel like I will be a better influence to a kid by becoming the best I can be overall
Do what you want, but don't tell yourself you're doing it for the kid. Just be real. You should at least feel some shame over this shit, you're doing a selfish thing. I understand it, I might even do the same thing in your position. Just understand that you're putting yourself ahead of your child.
As a wife and mom of 3, I was going to write out this huge thing about how you should attempt to be in the child's life but then I realized you're extremely young and dumb. The fact that you think you can be that "fun uncle" to your own child is proof that you should just drop this woman and let her parent on her own.
Dump the bitch, let her take care of the child. Makes sure she uses your money for the kid, visit at least once a month (maybe 2) be super nice to the kid (but don't actually take care of him/her). So later he thinks you're a nice dad, and then cash in when he/she gets a job.
>>17242098
Might not be yours
>>17242300
Yeah I can understand that. My father is still to this day intensely and deeply fucked up because of his childhood and his alcoholic father. He was honestly the best father he could be to me. With that being said what I'm afraid of is raising a child as a broken man myself. If I took full on 100% responsibility traditionally expected by society I'm afraid of what might happen. For example marrying the girl and all the things that could go wrong with that.
>>17242287
>>17242300
these to be honest family
You seem like the scum of the earth and quite frankly it would probably be best if you just weren't in its life at all. It'd be better if the mom could make up a story about why you aren't here instead of you coming by for an hour once a month then fucking off and flaking on important events (graduations, sports games, etc) and reminding the kid that you didn't want him/her. Kids take that stuff extremely personally and become guilty easily, so your presence will probably just make them feel very inadequate and wonder why you don't love them.
For the sake of the kid just leave them alone. Pay your shit whatever but you can't just be this half-parent of convenience. If you want to be in your kid's life it should be all or nothing.
you are a piece of shit btw, just get a vasectomy
>>17242345
From your other posts, you seem more worried about other women than your 'broken self'.
Just be fucking honest with yourself, dude. You're not some sadly broken person that has to save the people around him by fucking them over. You're a manwhore that doesn't want to give up his ways until he's fucked every hole in town.
>>17242362
I was thinking more along the lines of experiencing dating in my twenties like normal people. Eventually finding someone I truly love.
I don't know if I'm a good person. I'm deeply selfish and absorbed but I feel like we all are.
I just feels like everybody is miserable and especially in my town families are so depressing. I'm sure they all have the best intentions. I don't want to be like that
>>17242421
Jesus fucking Christ, man. I'll bet your parents told you that they just want you to "be happy," and nothing else is more important. And you really bought it.
>>17242421
you're in your 20s and still this much of a fucking child lol
Yes there are many selfish people in the world, but even those people can own up to the mistakes that they themselves have made. If you're going to be an absentee father then fine, that's your choice, but at least be honest with yourself and don't make excuses for your shit behavior. You are pretty much gonna be a nigger dad, at least own up to it.
if you didn't want to be a dad you should have worn a condom and fucked a girl who is on birth control. full stop.
>>17242435
Yeah happiness is kind of what I was aiming for. I feel like I'm missing something here.
>>17242457
You're an idiot. When you father a child, your child's happiness is more important than your happiness. The world does not revolve around you. It's like when you fuck up at work, you have to own up to and make up for your mistake. You don't get to put it on other people and make them miserable because ~*your happiness comes first*~.
>>17242457
I don't think that guy was encouraging you lol
Adult life is about compromise. You're never going to get that 'skipping through a field of wildflowers with your twoo wuv' canned Disney bullshit. Shit always happens. You get in a car accident and end up with a crippled leg or huge hospital bill. An investment doesn't pay off and leaves you in debt. Your 10/10 true love holy grail girl cheats on you and leaves you in shambles. Or you 'accidentally' father a child with a woman that is less than your dream girl.
What you're experiencing is FOMO, the fear of missing out. The fact is that no plan of action survives real life and you're going to have to settle for less than perfect happiness at some point. You've basically fallen for this meme, but that's all it is. Even the rich and famous aren't completely happy, they kill themselves with drugs and are constantly getting married/breaking up.
Well let me tell you, if you keep searching for perfect happiness you'll be chasing it forever. Then you'll be 50 wondering, where did the time go? I wonder how my kid turned out.. and then it will be too late. You don't have to marry this girl, but if you want my honest advice I think you should try a relationship with her and at least help her out in the beginning when the kid is an infant. She'll probably have stitches from the birth so she'll need an extra set of hands. Give her and the baby a chance. You might just be surprised.
Otherwise just fuck off from their lives and my advice for the future is to not fuck girls you wouldnt want to wife/marry.
>>17242457
You conceived a child. You made a choice, and now you have a responsibility. You're seriously going to abandon your kid because you think you deserve to "experience dating in your twenties like normal people?" And you're just going to write that off and excuse yourself because "hey, everyone's selfish, man?"
If the father chooses not to be around because he'd rather do other things, the kid will be fucked up by that. That's a fact of life. It doesn't mean he has no hope at all, it just means he'll be sad as fuck and worse off than he would've been if his father was there for him.
So no. It isn't better to "be the best you that you can be." That's some Disney-movie bullshit. If you are a decent person, responsibility trumps happiness every time. Be there for your child, or skip town completely and let the mother tell him you're dead. That's an easier pill to swallow than "Daddy felt like you're tying him down, and he'd just be happier if he found true love so he could have a REAL family. Sleep tight, son. Maybe you'll see him in a month if he feels like it"
>>17242492
>"Daddy felt like you're tying him down, and he'd just be happier if he found true love so he could have a REAL family. Sleep tight, son. Maybe you'll see him in a month if he feels like it"
lol this hurts because it's true. pretty much my childhood in a nutshell: having my heart broken by my dad constantly.
>>17242468
>>17242478
>>17242492
Fuck, yeah I can see what your saying. Maybe when it's born in a couple months my mind will change completely who knows. I'm really taken aback though to be reminded how strongly people feel about this. Maybe it's because I've been spoiled with love from my parents. If anything there was even a point when I thought my dad cared way too much about me and wished he would fuck off and care about someone else and let me do my thing.
>>17242516
>If anything there was even a point when I thought my dad cared way too much about me and wished he would fuck off and care about someone else and let me do my thing.
You've never experienced the other side of this, and I'm getting the sense that there are a lot of people in this thread who have. Growing up with a single parent is really, really tough, even when they're trying their best. My dad was dead, and that was bad enough. But I can't even imagine how fucking angry I'd be if I knew he left us alone by choice, because he felt like he had better shit to do.
>>17242516
A lot of people on this site have been fucked over by one parent or both, and it's fucked them up emotionally. so ya they react strongly when people talk about abandoning their kid for no real reason
Be a man and step up to the plate but if she's crazy don't stay together just for the kid. But try to make it work. Don't sacrifice your divinity though if she is being a bitch leave her but still take care of the kid.
>>17242521
Yeah. Like, I love my mom and she really kicked ass at being a single parent. She truly was a superstar, worked her ass off to provide because my dad was a fuckoff, and raised two strong kids without any help at all. Most of the time I never felt neglected, but every time dad didn't show up or made some excuse I really did wish I was dead, and it's pretty fucked up for a 9 year old to want to die. I just thought I wasn't good enough or did something wrong to make him not want me.
I'm better now, but my relationship with my dad is not great. Now that I'm a grown person, he wants me to come by and hang out with him and act like we're a family when he put in none of the effort. So I don't think you can hope for any kind of good relationship with the kid if you're not going to give it your all, OP. You don't have to stay with the girl but be there for twice weekly visits at the very least and don't miss any of their dumb school plays or whatever shit is important to kids because they do care, and they do notice.
Watch the movie Liar Liar. 100% serious on that.
Why did you post a picture of a white baby? Everyone knows accidental pregnancies produce black or Mexican babies.
>>17242935
OP is acting like a nigger too
maybe he'll be appearing on maury soon
