should i be concerned if my boyfriend is acting mre affectionate?
we were going through a period for a month where we were getting into fights A LOT. there was a week straight where we got in a fight every time we hung out.
recently, hes been a lot more attentive to me.
I know his best friend has been seeing a girl for a month or so. my bf hung out with her and his best friend before without telling me. I met her like a week ago, and she was flirting w my bf most of the time, laughing at ALL his jokes (even if it was a coupley joke directed only towards me) and it seemed like they were really into each other
last night, my bf took me to dinner and then after we went to his home, had sex cuddled for like 2 minutes then he started playing ps4, where he talks to his best friend through with one of those mics. his best friend was with that girl, and my bf was asking about their day &talked to her briefly. I got upset (because I really don't like her, I'm pretty sure she wants my bf. before I even met her, one of her friends followed me on Instagram to creep on my account-I figured out who she was after I met her). I know that I'm kind of aealous person and stuff, I tried not to show that I was jealous of him talking to her even though as far i know they only said "hi" but i left after like sitting there for 40 minutes (he clearly wanted me to leave)
anyway, i left after, it was 1am. i usually sleep over whn we hang out late into the night, but i was just like i have to go, he let me go. then he sent me a text that said "i had an amazing time with you, im glad i met u u really r perfect for me" and that seemed weird as we've been together for more than a year.
am i overthinking? I'm kinda nervous because I'm going away for a family thing (he cant come) and going to be gone for a week and that girls birthday is during that week.I'm scared hes gona be hanging with them & maybe some of her friends. i don't think shes really pretty BUT shes my boyfriends type.
You're a piece of shit and I hope your boyfriend wises up and leaves you.
Jealous insane women are cancer.
>>17238204
so...
your relationship is going well so there must be something wrong?
>>17238204
also shes 18 or 19. I'm 24 and my bf is 23. i really think she has a thing for my boyfriend, and the fact that shes so young means she might be into trying to steal someone elses man, you knw? i mean i don't know her personally obviously, but i know that younger girls/immature girls are like that.
ive hung around my boyfriends other guy friends with their girlfriends there, and they don't hit on my boyfriend, and ive never thought twice about any of them.
>>17238206
well yeah I'm really jealous :/ but i don't think I'm THAT bad. i mostly keep it to myself. everyone has their flaws, and I'm not a bad person.
>>17238210
well idk ive just read stuff places that if your bf acts more affectionate and stuff towards you it might be because hes guilty of something
>>17238215
"Not that bad"
You're a terrible person and you don't even know it. That's the worst kind of bad person.
>>17238218
lol,how exactly?
its normal to feel jealousy. if i was out cheating on my boyfriend, i'd be a terrible person. getting jealous over a girl flirting with your boyfriend in front of you doesn't make me a bad person. I'm not responding to anything else you say
>>17238211
>but i know that younger girls/immature girls are like that.
bruh, you sound like a child too. age has nothing to do with maturity.
maybe she does find your bf attractive but she's in a relationship and so is he. more importantly, she's in a relationship with his close friend. takes a lot to ignore those two factors for some pussy.
maybe you're just one of those girls that enjoys having drama in their life since everything else in your life is so fucking mundane. you certainly fit the requirements of glaring insecurity and overactive imagination.
>>17238224
shes not in a relationship with his best friend. they are just "seeing each other" and i don't think they will actually ever be in a relationship. i think they are more of a fuckbuddy/friend type of thing, from the vibe i get and everything else i know.
>>17238218
Don't be so salty. Did your gf find out you're cheating?
>>17238229
well, she and his best friend are still involved. that's still a barrier to get through.
if you think he's acting strange then you'll know better than any of us. jumping to an assumption that something must be wrong is hasty though. doesn't help you, just makes things potentially worse.
your bf is going to interact with females from time to time as he goes through life. some are going to be attractive, some not. some are going to be into him at some level, some not.
i'm not sure how you intend on addressing each and every female that comes around. the best means of resolving this issue would be to speak to him and to address the insecurities that you have.
>>17238204
don't listen to these asswipes. if the genders were reversed they'll probably deduce cheating/planning to cheat.
that said, you don't really have any solid evidence. should you jump on your gut and dump the guy before really figuring out what's happening, then you'll probably feel like shit or feel like you made a mistake later on and maybe beg to get back with him....
but if you have a more reasonable explanation of him cheating or better, if you catch him in the act, then you sure as hell would have no regrets dumping his ass.
here's what i'd do: be the sweetest girlfriend you can be to this guy. like literally, be the best. be super considerate, don't start fights, communicate, etc.... if the guy is cheating and he has ANY sort of empathy, he WILL feel guilty and possibly even fess up... or he might act out and behave really strangely and even lash out on you and it will seem like it comes out of no where. a very, very classic sign of someone who feels very guilty about something they've done. by which, at that point, you should be dumping that asshole anyway. and don't even think about taking him back, because if you're reacting like this on the possibility that he's cheating NOW, imagine finding out afterwards and dealing with the fact that he HAD cheated on you. i guarantee it will only cause trouble.
otherwise, if he responds by keeping up with your "best partner" attitude, then you got a pretty solid dude who probably isn't cheating... AND to boot, he will probably love you more and will even disregard his "dream ideal" because he'll realize that the partnership he has with you is much more valuable. also you guys will probably learn how to trust each other better, so it's only win-win.
>>17238242
i mean true like... i know its fruitless even if they are into each other, like its a dead end for them, but I'm just scared that my bf is going to like her so much and forget about me, and ill just be his boring girlfriend...
and i know i am a jealous kinda person, but none of his guy friends girlfriends like flirt with him or make me feel uncomfortable ever, and they are attractive too.
i don't even think this girl is really pretty (outside of this stiation, i wouldn't look at her twice or feel any sort of jealous whatsoever) but she has qualities that i know he likes (green eyes, shes super short and thin, plays video games, is younger than him, likes other things/humor that i personally don't really like).
idk and yeah i know that's true and i just have to trust him. i don't really want to talk about it i guess i just have to fight my jealousy and try not to care.
>>17238204
maybe he just saw his friend being really affectionate to his gf, and so he felt bad about fighting with you and decided he should change.
>>17238251
true youre right. ill just play it off, i don't have concrete evidence, if he is up to something I'm sure ill find out eventually so i think ill take that advice and just be a really good girlfriend for now.
what you described about him lashing out at me and stuff he was kinda like that during the month where we got into fights all the time and he acted strange=/ so it basically went from that, to him acting like hes so in love with me again (which is how he acted for most of our relationship besides the month or two where he acted weird and we got into fights a lot)
>"i had an amazing time with you, im glad i met u u really r perfect for me"
I would never be in a relationship with someone that writes like this.
>>17238269
trueeee, but the two of them don't really act super affectionate/ in love with each other to be honest, they act like theyre just friends. (and desu in my opinin i don't think they will actually ever be in an official relationship i think its a friends who fuck thing and probably always will be, i could be wrong tho but the girl doesn't seem very into him either desu)
>>17238276
he didn't write the grammar like that i was just running out of space and had to shorten things so i could post this
>>17238279
Oh, ok.
Not a strong advise but sometimes when i'm feeling down i over apreciate people i really like, maybe he is like me.
I'm also a woman, but my guess is he senses your jealousy and is trying to show you through his actions that he values you and your relationship. But I understand your paranoia and jealousy - I'd probably feel the same way.
>>17238292
hes been a lot happier lately though. idk it just makes me think he like found someone else in his life that's making him really happy and its not me =/
>>17238292
hes been a lot happier lately though. idk it just makes me think he like found someone else in his life that's making him really happy and its not me =/ like itjust seemed weird to say "I'm so glad i met you" like i met him more than a year ago, so i feel like its misplaced to say it now, when we've been together for more than a year. it just seems like he was thinking of someone else and placing the affection he has towards someone else on me
>>17238295
hopefully youre right
>>17238204
You really have no idea how bat-shit insane you sound.
>>17238301
Kek
2 years ago i was on tilt and cried to my best friend that she was the best person i've ever met and that she was like an angel and shit. I started doing this more frequently and it fucked our relationship because she was scared and shit.
Funny how your boyfriend is kinda in the same situation but because he is happy.
Shit is crazy...
>>17238319
lol. well idk hes not overly praising me haha, hes just treating me how anyone who is in love with their gf/appreciates her should act. which is how hes been for most of our relationship besides a couple months right before this where we were always fighting, i thought our relationship was going to end (it actualy almost did a couple times, we both got so sick of it)
>>17238326
I get it.
Good luck.
Jesus Christ, maybe he actually cares for you and wants to be more loving. Expecting more from others and yourself also means that you love and openly be loved, and expect that the other has good intentions. Reading this, it seems like you either have little esteem for him or you lack esteem in yourself.
>>17238334
thanks, best of luck to you as well
>>17238349
yeah I'm just gonna chill for now and let things be i actually think >>17238295 might be right, and i hope she is haha
>>17238274
have you really been the tip top best girlfriend you could be at that time? are you sure you haven't done anything to escalate the fight? maybe the dude was feeling stressed at the time... you'll never really know.... but next time be prepared. MAKE SURE you do not under all circumstances press his buttons or try to start or escalate any fights, to give him a reason to behave badly.
when in doubt, just stick to being a good girlfriend. if he's being crabby, try doing something really nice for him. you being the best girlfriend he ever had is literally your best weapon and asset.
eliciting guilt in him will do wonders for you... when he has no one but himself to blame, and he doesn't calm down by realizing he's being a shit all by himself, then that's when you know you have a douchebag in your hands, and you should probably consider dumping him. it's a TEST of his character as well, and you should ALWAYS be evaluating your boyfriend as a partner.
if he starts a fight for no fucking reason, be sad and put on puppy dog mode but DO NOT CRY (save your tears for when you absolutely need it just so he knows it's a big fucking deal if he makes you reach that point. and if he keeps escalating things, DUMP HIM.):
>"hey are you ok? :( i don't understand why you're acting like that, but i'm sorry if i made you react this way somehow..." <- my favorite line
if you're being a good, mature gf, and he's not keeping his end of the deal, then you probably don't want him around anyway. like, why should you have to do all the work being the best partner right? it takes two to make a relationship work.
best of luck op, try not to let your jealousy get the better of you, and try to keep your own emotions under control. it's the best thing you can do.
>>17238381
i know it wasn't just him starting the fights. i know its was me too
and true thanks that's really great advice youre completely right if anything, if we break up someday at least he can look back and see me as the best he had haha.
thank you for all your help best of luck to you as well
>>17238274
>>17238381
also, i should add, i've been doing this for YEARS and i only had the best possible results.
being the "awesome, super nice girlfriend" not only gave me a chance to evaluate my bf's at the time to see if i should continue my efforts or not.... but they ALWAYS came crawling back and begged for another chance at least TWICE. (which i did just because i was curious to see if they have changed, but they never did. so i just dumped them again and it felt much easier to do so knowing their behavior is consistent.) literally, all the power is in your hand.
now i have a really fantastic boyfriend who does his best to be the best boyfriend i ever had, and the both of us couldn't be happier with each other. i never feel the need to be jealous around him because he makes sure i feel safe and loved. :)
you got this girl!
>>17238435
thanks so much girl.
i actually was thinking and i was wondering if maybe that's what hes actually doing to me at the moment??????? whch makes me kinda nervous bc I'm scared that he wants to maybe breakup with me and is just waiting for me to have a freakout or something
thank you so muchhhhhhh though i really hope my relationship becomes like that. feeling jealous or threatened by other girls is not cool, (I'm normally not even like that- i mean with other guys- so i feel like it could be on his part to make me feel like that, but obviously i don't know for sure and cant blame him)
>>17238435
also just curious like what did your exs do?
>>17238453
>>17238457
that's a good point, and he very well may be testing to see if you might freak out and give himself an easy way out. but honestly, this still gives you the advantage to prove to him that you're fucking awesome and not crazy. feelings change, and you can definitely persuade him that you're the best he'll ever have.
my exes all ranged from different kinds of wtf's, but
first ex was a PIECE OF SHIT lol... started fights for no reason, accuse me of cheating all the time, say nasty shit and try to pass it off as a "joke"... a real character. i was kind of a mess too, and this is where i started trying to be the better half to see if his behavior will improve... and not only did he KEEP doing his shit, but he got EVEN WORSE.
and that's how i found out he was cheating on me because HIS friends felt bad for me as much as my OWN friends because they knew i was doing my best to be good. of course he flipped his shit, but he still begged for me back and promised me the moon and stars only to keep being a piece of shit. harassed me for a good half year to get back with me and it felt good to reject him over and over.
second ex was actually a pretty nice dude, but he was just kinda lazy and wasn't too interested in trying to keep me happy. he didn't even want to put a GF label on me because "hurr durr, i don't DO the labels thing....", even though we were exclusive for 8 months! i dumped him, but he begged for me back THREE TIMES even promising the gf label but i was already dating someone else who seemed more promising at the time, so you snooze you lose... he still messages me and asks me weird shit like if i want to move in with him...
third ex had a similar problem to second ex, but much more intense when he was trying to get me back. he promised me money, gifts, and trips... even after i blocked him, he found ways to message me and try bribing me again. he was loaded, but im not a gold digger. and by that time, i found my current sooo yeah :)
>>17238556
oh i forgot to add; my current boyfriend wasn't perfect from the start, but my general drive to be the best girlfriend to him really influenced him and helped motivate him to be as sweet and kind as he is today. :)
so it's alllll win-win-win. ditch the ones that take you for granted, get missed, and find/influence someone who will appreciate your efforts. DONE.
>>17238556
yeah i mean idk i kinda think theres a 50% chance hes acting like this for the reasons you told me to act like that. like hes just teasing me at how awesome he is so i can look back and think i was the crazy one who fucked up... (maybe hes testing me with that girl or something......??? why would he have to talk about/to her on playstations during our time together like what?). and yeah like I'm definitely going to be the best he had not the other way around hahahah. I'm so glad you gave me this advice even though I'm feeling so confused right now.
and wow at all your ex's. well i guess you live and learn, right??
youre amazing girllll,you restored my faith haha.yeah i mean i really hope my byfriend like stays like this and isn't playing games with me and shit. like that's not cool. but I'm just going to take your advice and be the best girlfriend, and never get jealous/crazy (or let him know i am).
THANK YOU! this is weird but do you have like snapchat or something? i feel like it'd be nice to talk to you/get advice sometimes maybe, but if you don't do stuff like that i totally understand lol
>>17238556
oh and yeah i really kinda think theres a really good chance that's what hes doing. i mean i asked him like a fucking month ago to take me out to my favorite restaurant we made plans and he blew them off in the worst possible way, and he took me there last night, and wanted to buy me things at the mall, and stuff like that. and like actually tried to talk to me and shit (when we were fighting for a while, if we went out to eat he was so moody, would barely speak to me, would eat like3 bites and say he wants his food to go so we don't have to be there)
so hes definitely made like a drastic change all of the sudden.. it was pretty much following when i met that girl. we got in a fight after and i told him to have patience with me (he alsmost broke up with me though) and ever since then hes been more affectionate/and everything like that. also when i got a job too..maybe hes scared ill find someone else. who really knows but i love your advice
>>17238837
>>17238852
keep faith op; as long as you know you have no reason to be in the "wrong", at least you know you tried your best. even if his sweet behavior is sudden, give him the benefit of the doubt and out-sweet him... if he has malicious intentions, at least you can make him feel bad about it.
no problem girl, i'm glad i could help! relationships and dating can honestly be like the most frustrating and heart-breaking thing sometimes so i totally get you. on the bright side, my exes make one hell of a great story and learning experience, and helps me appreciate my current boyfriend even more.
i do have a tumblr you can reach me by if you just want another perspective... just warning you, i'm not a "pro" by all means, but just a chick who's trying to get by and sick of bullshit. but feel free to send me an ask there anyway and i could answer on my main account. :)
http://vvsmj.tumblr.com/
>>17238852
He's being so nice to you because he has already cheated on you with her. He feels guilty so he's trying to get you whatever you want in order to ease his consciousness. Don't worry though, either his old ways may very well return or he'll break up with you beforehand.
>>17238908
hmm yeah idk. like he hasn't answered me for two hours which seems really strange like he just disappeared from the planet so I'm honestly feeling sick right now because i know he got out of work five hours ago and iwonder what hes doing
>>17238985
i mean that would be SO fucked up.. but i guess it could be true....
>>17238908
like I'm actually freaking out that he hasn't responded to me for like three hours and he got out of work five hours ago, and i have no idea what hes doing right now. I'm legit freaking out :///// i snapped him, texted him, and called him .. (not a million times or angrily, just once for each thing) it just makes me think hes doing something he shouldn't be, or doming something he doesn't want me to know (like hanging with that girl) so he doesn't wanna tell me
>>17238908
i honestly would drive by his house if i had another car to use to see if hes there/if another car is there haaaaa. is this bad? i feel like its bad..
>>17239093
You sound like you're being paranoid and clingy. Maybe you have a right to be, if he actually is doing something, but I'd wait until you have concrete proof (do look for that concrete proof though).
I'm 99% my boyfriend has never cheated and he's sometimes become really affectionate after a bad period. Sometimes people grow in relationships and genuinely want to change, after noticing how negative they've been or how they're destroying a relationship. Maybe he's cheating but you don't have any proof yet and you shouldn't punish him until you do (unless you want to create another fight).
i feel like my boyfriend lies to me and i don't trust him, honestly i should probably just fucking break up with him.,.
>>17239105
how do i get proof though..?
i mean why would this girls best friend follow me under her account before i even met her. seems fucking sketchy.
also, i messaged the girl when i got a follow request from her because iknew it seemed weird, and i said oh you look familiar do i know u? and shes like oh sorry you looked familiar too, i thought i knew you from a job a while back. meanwhile my profile is public and my main piciture isn't of my face. then i found out after i met the girl it was her friend from going through her friends list.
like what.. why would a girl want to creep on a guy shes seeing's best friends girlfriend??????????
>>17239093
>>17239100
mmk, you're kind of crossing over to paranoid activity. the last thing you want to do is act out. that'll give him another reason to call you crazy and start a fight which he'll blame on you.
boys are notorious for being bad at texting and will take hours sometimes. that's not enough evidence (unless we're talking like, a whole day or two without texting or any contact, if you guys are used to texting every day)
don't worry too much about what he's POSSIBLY doing right now. observe how he acts around you AFTER you treat him like the way you want to be treated and judge him from there. like i mentioned, if he's cheating and he knows he's guilty for it, he will respond in a very WEIRD way and will likely not reciprocate your affections equally.
if you MUST, ask him directly in your calm, gentle, sad puppy tone: "hey babe, i'm sorry for asking but you aren't seeing anyone else besides me are you?" if he's as sweet as he is to you now, and he means it; then he'll be re-assuring and kind and maybe a little sad you thought this way. if he reacts with anger and a lot of defensiveness, you got him, but try to stay calm. follow up with
>"sorry, i was just feeling a little insecure :("
he's still mad?
>"wait... i don't understand why you're so angry? :( i was just asking because i know she's your type..."
if he still isn't sucking up to you yet and re-assuring you that you're the best thing on earth, and he's STILL mad... chances are, he cheated or at least has strong affections for her.
i'd dump just because he made an ass of himself out of a innocent question, even if he didn't cheat. that's what i wish i did with my first ex sooner.
>>17239239
THATS WEIRD BECAUSE IVE ASKED HIM STUFF LIKE THAT BEFORE IN THE SAME WAY AND HE RESPONDS IN ANGER!
>>17239260
Maybe because he associates questions like that with guilt trips, anger, and overreactions when he hasn't done anything wrong. Your paranoia and bad feelings don't give you a right to transfer bad feelings to him.
>>17239264
i know. its just that it's 9pm and i haven't heard from him since 3pm, when he got out of work, and i just don't get what hes been doing snce then that made him disappear and not be able to contact me
>>17239260
why haven't you dumped this asshole yet???
the fighting, him blowing up from a question like that, you feeling insecure about his activities.... all bad signs my friend, and not worth the headache. find someone who won't make you feel that way.
>>17239277
kinda true desu
You shouldn't be with someone if you don't trust them, u could be wrong but it's always good to confront a situation, don't be shy to say what is up with that, if he starts yelling at u and getting defense most likely he is a fuckin liar, be careful u don't sound like some freakin weirdo though
>>17239260
and i guess 'nother thing to consider is to look back and see how you actually asked him and be honest... did you ask out of anger and were accusatory? because then his angry reaction would make a bit more sense and he could be perfectly fine.
but if you followed or done something similar to what i suggested... yeah he's piece of shit.
>>17239290
>>17239290
>>17239287
he always yells/gets mad when i confront him about stuff.
i honestly don't remember but i don't think ive ever straight out accused him of something in a bad way. i usually ask calmy and he gets defensive over EVERY thing i ever ask him
i just don't get why i haven't heard from him since he left work at 3.
its 9 pm
...
all i can think is that he is hanging with his friend and that girl and doesn't want to tell me/invite me/ doesn't want me to know. or doing something worse
>>17239300
well first of all you shouldn't be asking him "are you cheating on me" too often. like pull it out when absolutely necessary.
second of all, jesus christ what are you doing with this trainwreck?
get out of there, and dump him. ask him one more time though. you did say his behaviour changed for the better lately. if he gets mad and pissy as expected, then you'll remember how much of an asshole he is.
seriously, if he loved you or cared about you at all, the least he could do is roll his eyes, heave a deep sigh and be like "no, for the last time..." instead of going apeshit at you.
>>17239277
This, pretty much. A similar thing happened with my bf. I had this weird gut feeling that he was cheating, even though I trusted him 100% before that and am very confident in myself and my worth. A few weeks later after I had that feeling, we ended up playing monopoly with a girl we'd never met, and he flirted with her. In front of me. He thought he was being subtle, or maybe didn't realize he was doing it. I went thru his phone after agonizing over whether i was being paranoid, not wanting to believe it. And he was. Sometimes your intuition just knows. I think it's a compilation of all the things we pick up subconsciously, and the brain figures it out for us and 'lets us know'.
The fact that he reacted in anger when you asked about her is a dead giveaway.
>>17239324
wow I'm honesty scareddd now that's hesbeen cheating on her with me.....
ITS 930 AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE HE LEFT WORK AT 3. LIKE WHA THE FUCK IS HE DOING HONESTLY???
>>17238206
>jealous insane women
jealous men are worse, typically ending in over bearing attitude and abuse.
Honestly op sounds reasonable to be upset.
>>17238218
>worst type of person
... lmao you're the worst type of person, bitching on 4chan
i think murderers and shit like that are the worst type of person
everyone calling women crazy in here chill out. The saying goes "if your gut feels like something off, there's probably a good reason."
l3ddit may give you a better insight
welp. he texted me at 10 and said he was sleeping. not sure if i buy it. my friend and i went out and we had a fun night and i just got back at 3am and totally got my mind off it.
my friend told me that when her ex was cheating on her, he started smelling differently. its weird because i have noticed a couple weeks ago that my boyfriend smelled different. i knew because he smelled like how my brother used to smell like ten years ago and it was really turning me off... he usually wears the same cologne everyday since we been together, when he ran out of that he even ordered a new one in the same kind and i really don't think hes run out again. =|
idk but whatever
