I have a dilemma regarding an ongoing issue in my relationship with my partner of 3 years, she has become all but consumed by social media, any time she isn't busy she is scrolling through facebook/instagram/snapchat or whatever else keeping up to date with celebrities lives and taking screenshots of food/bikini bodies for motivation and what not. The issue i have is there doesn't seem to be an end to it, she will do it nearly the entire time we spend together, we do see each other practically every day so i completely understand spending time on herself but whenever we try to do anything couple-y like make dinner, go out to dinner, go see a movie, watch a movie at home she will have her phone in hand for a good chunk of it. She has needy friends that she has a facebook group chat with and that thing is going off 24/7, i don't mind her going and seeing her friends at all, in fact i prefer her do that then to be talking to them while she is with me. She plans on starting a youtube channel in the near future and i'm supportive and everything but part of me is worried this will cause her to spend even more time on her phone.
I recently tried voicing my concerns but she didn't take it well and thought i was being dramatic and acted really defensive about the whole thing, saying she "feels me watching her" when she is on her phone and she hates feeling guilty for checking it around me because she knows how much i hate it. She really like to downplay how often she does it, and even when i bring up specific examples she will bring up the fact that we spend a lot of time together so it shouldn't matter. It's frustrating because she makes me feel like i'm being controlling and possessive when all i want is for SOME of the time we spend together to be completely phone/distraction free. She thinks because i am on my laptop when i get home that it's not any different to what she does, but i do not take it everywhere with me and i wouldn't mind putting it away for her.
>>17236905
I would like to also add that it wasn't always like this, obviously in the beginning she refrained from using her phone all the time around me as things were new, she also recently lost a bit of weight so she is feeling better about herself therefore spending a lot more time doing her make-up and taking photos for these media outlets, which in itself is fine, but after posting a photo she will literally be checking on it for hours seeing how many likes she gets and replying to the comments of "beautiful xoxo".
>>17236905
She's bored of you. Instead of trying to control her, make her want to pay attention to you.
Stop taking her to the same places. Plan interesting activities for the two of you to do.
Do you compliments her enough?
Not enough for her to get all the power and cuck you.. but enough?
It's an addicting thing. Getting all that positive feedback. More than you could ever get IRL. Be careful, this is when dudes sneak in, you accepted her as a fatty so you must be beneath her (this is how bitches think) and she's never been attractive to hit guys before , now she is and she needs more attention so she sucks a dick.
Make sure it's really just friends. Sorry nigga.
If it really is just girls talking g and shit start spending less time with her till she takes the hint
I was on /g/ and there was this guy who bragged about having bought a signal jammer. You could maybe try to get a short-range one.
>>17236935
Yeah this is possible, but by that logic she is bored with most people because the only times i know she isnt using her phone is when she's seeing a friend she hasnt seen in a long time and feels like she owes those few hours to them.
>>17236939
I do compliment her, but as the boyfriend of 3 years they tend to bounce right off after a certain point, i've had her complain in the past that i don't do it enough but the times i do she doesnt seem to acknowledge. She was never a fatty, at her worst she was 68kg and now shes about 58kg, she has always gotten a lot of compliments from friends/strangers so i think over time she has stopped believing them to some extent. I have no doubt she is talking to her friends so that isnt the issue.
>>17236957
This would just upset her and make her want to solve the problem
End it , unless you enjoy being a around a vain person.
>>17237010
Well obviously that is a last resort, i was more looking on ways around it, ways to approach my girlfriend, or solutions as opposed to just breaking off a long term relationship.
I'm still undecided whether this is something i can live with in the long term if things dont change at all, thats why i would prefer them to change even slightly.
My little sister has a rule whenever her friends come over. Everyone, including her, have to put their phones in a basket until a set time (usually an hour or two). No pictures, no texts, no checking anything.
It works pretty well. Perhaps just set time aside (perhaps 2 hours a day, in different parts of the day) where neither of you may access a phone. Tell her she may set what times these are, but they must occur. So she has control, but so do you.
Just my .02
>>17237067
I like this idea but i dont see it coming across well, and that she will argue it's controlling behaviour, its basically rules for how to use her recreational time.
The more i think about it the more it seems like a dead end, either suck it up and deal with it or leave the situation all together. I think i'll try to talk to her once more about it and see if she can simply reduce her time on her phone around me to a degree where i notice she has made an effort.
>>17237071
I don't know how i feel about that mang. I've seen girls that spend all their time staring at facebook pages and stuff just to read the replies. You can't really get much out of them.
Have you tried holding a conversation about something that interests the both of you? If so, does she check her phone in the middle of the conversation? Are you the one that constantly has to drive the conversation (constantly being the one asking questions and she's always the one answering)? If you answer yes to any of these then there two feasible solutions to this
A.) Try to change things up. Start getting involved with the things she's interested in. Or propose an activity that is out of the ordinary.
B.) Make it obvious how you feel about her over the phone activities and tell her to curb that shite.
I have major beef with people who can't get off their fucking phones and try to provide their time for those actually care about them. My interpretation of the whole thing is that the only reason people do the facebook shite and such is because something is missing in their lives. They switch to the social media game to plug that hole and it becomes addicting. Perhaps you can try to figure out what it is she is missing. Why is she so obsessed with read comments from a bunch of people who don't care about you meanwhile your significant other is knocking at your front door?
I feel your frustration bro good luck.
