tldr; should i even try to date if i'm mentally ill?
i'm a 20 year old girl, never had a long term relationship. i tend to attract guys that either have hardcore commitment issues or clingy guys with a crazy girl fetish/savior complex.
i'm diagnosed bipolar (mainly depressive/mixed states) and EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) I'm medicated but i still have anxiety/mood instability/low self esteem/self destructive tendencies
90% of bipolar marriages end in divorce. should i just accept being single eternally?
You need to accept your condition and find a guy who puts up with it for some reason. This reason may be a crazy girl fetish or a savior complex, or a myriad of other reasons.
You have to think realistically. there are women who are more fit than you for an emotionally balanced healthy relationship than you are. Men who choose you will have some other reason than choosing the girl with whom they can have this the most easily. They will like something about you that makes them forget your condition or gives them motivation to help you with it.
Don't stay single forever, just accept what you have and bring the best out of it.
Shit I feel you OP, kik a nigga.
Kik: voxxey
Bipolar 2 here. I've given up on relationships completely. I guess I'm fine when I'm "stable", but when I go through episodes of depression at any time I just nope the fuck out of being around anyone.
I'm sure there's people that can make it work, but personally; it's been really rough.
>>17235361
>I'm crazy but I shouldn't have to settle for someone who actually LIKES crazy people and wants to help me
You're right, you are mentally ill.
>>17235361
I'm borderline and I still date, bro. I even have cutting scars and burn marks from self harm. Plus I'm a dude with cut marks like damn, but I still pound the pink.
op i'm mentally ill too (i have severe anxiety-- not nearly the same thing but i get how being crazy affects dating)
you just have to be honest with your partner and manage to not get upset if he needs to leave. way easier said than done, but communication is mad important, and you'll be able to sift through those who can handle a relationship with you and those who cannot.
of course i don't mean open up a chat with "yeah im bipolar" but after some dating time, it might be time to open the can of worms
>>17235361
I'm not sure if it's the guys that you attract to that are the problem. Have you ever thought that you might be the one overreacting and thinking that they have really big problems because of your mental problems, when they might aswell could have been pretty decent.
>should i just accept being single eternally
Nope, you are 20. Your life has barelly begun.
If you want people with good values and good personalities, then look among people of faith or any religion, they have a good tendency to be decent
Sorry for bad english, not native tongue
The big question is how are you handling it? From the way you describe it, I'm going to guess poorly.
I've known a couple of women who were bipolar, that had their shit together. Their relationships had their ups and downs of course, but it wasnt defined by her mental problems. Very few people are going to stick around if they're always worried about setting her off or being yelled at when they did nothing wrong.
>>17235456>>17235456
nah man. when i say fetish, it just feels like some guys fall in love with the idea of you and not who you actually are. the whole manic pixie dream girl thing. and as for "wanting to help" there's a difference between being there for your partner, and taking credit for every improvement you make in your life because they're "such a good influence"
are you saying i should lower my standards? because i may have to.
>>17235361
If you give up what's the point of posting.
Either give us whatyou got and what you need, all you did was say I'm hopeless here are my problems do I have a chance?
The answer is no but if you're ready to work through it and search for a guy that you like then the chances of you finding one will increase by a lot.
You've basically given up already so what's the point?
>>17235521
define having your shit together
i don't do anything too erratic. i never get angry at other people, and tend to bottle up my emotions and blame myself for things. it's mainly the self esteem issues that i think put people off.
>>17235529
I haven't. I guess my question should have been how much of a turn off is moderate mental illness to guys (in terms of long term relationships)
>>17235530
>define having your shit together
It's ok to have mental ups and downs, especially if you're bipolar. But you should have some coping mechanism in place to handle it. If you're feeling manic, you obviously shouldnt just do whatever comes to mind right? That's what I meant by having your shit together, you just don't act emotionally. Most bipolar women I've dealt with were more manic than depressive anyways.
>tend to bottle up my emotions and blame myself for things
That's an ineffective coping mechanism however. If you repress it and let it fester it just becomes something significantly nastier than if you had just been open about it to begin with. This snowballs, as you push people away your support diminishes even more leading you to bottle up even more negative emotions and it becomes a difficult cycle to break.
Like it's totally possible to have a good healthy and loving relationship. But you need to have it under control, rather than letting it control you.
>>17235551
thanks anon. I'm starting CBT soon and continuing to tweak my meds. I'm really trying to get "better" i'm just not sure what to do (relationship wise) until that happens.
>>17235534
That's a stupid approach because you're not looking for guys you are looking for one guy who fits the description of what you like and can stomach your issues, even if every guy in here gave you his opinion on the matter you wouldn't have a big enough sample size for it to even matter and even if there were enough guys for a statistic approach it wouldn't mean anything because you cannot apply statistics unless you do it on a big enough sample size so if let's say 3 in 10 guys say they would date you it doesn't mean anything because you won't have to just go through 7 dates with guys who don't like you and the 8 will be you guy you'd need to do it with a large number of guys and 30% of those would fit your criteria.
So don't look for nice words on here but maybe actually just go out there and find 1 guy you like who likes you back, that is all you need.
What we say what we would do with or to you shouldn't mean anything to you as we are just anonymous internet people.
Obviously mentally ill people of all kinds find dates and are in relationships because almost everyone who tries is, you need to just get out there and try your luck the guy you like won't come to you on his own when you're sitting in front of your computer all day you need to get out and present yourself
>>17235361
At the least you should give a guy you might be interested in a chance.
See what the chemistry between you is like because you never know
>>17235564
>I'm really trying to get "better" i'm just not sure what to do (relationship wise) until that happens.
Honestly if I was in a similar position I'd just start with baby steps. Just explain that you want to take it slow because you're dealing with some personal problems if they ask. Having personal problems going on doesnt mean you have to live as a shut in.
>>17235361
>i want a guy, who's into me, but not too into me.
>ughhh life just succksss
>>17235361
"Mentally ill" is just yet another description for a person. There isn't anything about it (or any other description) that makes you less lovable or able to date.
If it helps to know such people exist, I respect you already for being aware of your issues and working on fixing them. Everyone has problems. How you deal with them is who you are.
>>17235523
People cannot love you properly unless you open up and give them the chance to know you. It sounds more like guys you weren't attracted to wanted to date you but you didn't want to date them. If you want to date somebody you don't make up shit like "they just want me for sex" or "they don't really like me for me". I'm not saying you should date guys you don't like though.
At least you're not like me, a lame 22 year old schizophrenic who never had a girlfriend. Do you constantly hallucinate? It makes reading signals really hard.
>>17235361
fuck off Cindy
>>17235681
lol
>>17235361
Go ahead. Just because you have serious issues doesn't mean you can't experience companionship and fulfilling relationships.
Only people that should really refrain from dating, imho:
1: non-fully-treated schizophrenics (ie with uncontrolled symptoms)
2: people with cluster-B disorders (eg borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, etc).
Because their problems make maintaining a healthy relationship incredibly difficult if not impossible over a significant period of time.
Even if 90% of bipolar marriages end with divorce, the last 10% ended up happy. They would have been miserable if they gave up without trying. Don't give up. Be the 10%. This number is not a random chance outside your control, like throwing a dice and hoping you get the correct result. Every stable relationship is the reward that comes from doing efforts to communicate with your partner, to resolve problems together and to create a positive environment. If you do all these things then your chances of success climb toward being 100%. Other bipolars have done it and so can you.
why the fuck are you asking, you're gonna still date anyway you desperate loser
I would recommend not.
Im 24 and I tried getting into a relationship 3 times, all ended the same way.
I found myself getting really anxious no matter how "understanding" the other person is, started to avoid them and always felt like I needed to be few weeks on my before I could interact with them in any way. This was of course not OK with any of them. It just started to stress me out a lot.
I also had trouble coming out with my self harm scars, nobody irl knows about them so I ninja around quite a bit because of it. I did almost have sex with the third girl, but then remembered my fucked up left arm and backed out, she got upset and stormed out.
Thats when I just kind of decided that I am never doing that again. Im not getting close to anyone ever again in my entire life.
Deciding on that and coming to terms with it has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I feel oddly enough much happier, but there are those fleeting moments of "tfw no gf". The only one who knows everything about me is my first online friend ever whom Im still in steady contact with over the e-mail. Even she had her doubts about me working in relationship and wont you know, she was right.
>>17235361
I would love to fuck a crazy girl oh my goddddddddd.
>>17237655
What's your diagnosis? BPD, avoidant subtype?
>>17235361
>relationships with bipolar people
>not even once
Can we see a pic of you cuz to be honest that's like 70% of it.
