I've been here with this boy for almost a year now, he goes off and on with me either we are dating, friends with benefits or we are just friends.Now I've been broken up with several times by this boy and him going back and forth with his ex and I've gone through hell and back with feelings and the saddest part about it all is i love him with all my heart and not once have i ever thought to myself i wish i had someone else. He always wants to be free thinking im trapping him but i never tell him he cant do something. One night he kept hiding his phone from and all his friends and me so i got worried and curious and i took him somewhere we could talk and i asked him what is he hiding, he freaked out and told whats wrong with me.. i told him i felt like shit about what he was doing and i wanted to know if i was overreacting or whatever he said i don't care anymore i said thanks and sat outside for a couple hours around 11pm outside my friends bday party. He never went to look for me or cared on why i was outside and well just he didn't care i was balling my eyes out.. in that moment i thought to myself is he even worth fighting for anymore.. to me and in my eyes he is a perfect guy for me because he can be pretty great, from paying for my food and driving me home but he can be pretty awful from wanting the option to meet another girl without me balling my eyes outside his window and his feelings change like the weather..
I'm very comfortable with this boy, i never want to have to lose everything we have... I wish he cared about me as much i care and love for him. I do some stuff for him to, i give him massages if his back hurts or if he needs a nice massage. I'd do anything for him and its makes me sad because i know loving him isn't warm and sweet, it feels like heartache and i don't know why i even stick around anymore.. i feel like I'm not even good enough in his eyes and I'm having bad times everyday and i feel like shit all the time, i get panic attacks, i stop eating sometimes i get so depressed with what he puts me through.. how can love be so fucking painful when all you want to do is make someone happy and you get tossed to the side like you are worth nothing.. sometimes he makes me feel like i deserve it. I am at the point where i don't want to be around cause i can't deal with it anymore but i don't want any other boy.. if it comes down to it, it'd take me long time to meet another boy because i have never felt this way about someone before, I'm still young and i have a whole world to explore and many people to meet just he was the first love that i fell hard for and i keep falling hard for him.
First off, it's bawling.
Secondly, he does not care about you - he cares about fucking you. DROP HIS ASS. You will not regret it. Leave him and never look back. You can do better. This kid just wants to fuck you and be able to go out and fuck other girls too. Don't let him use you like that.
>>17235299
Lol you fucking tool
You know what needs to be done. Why are you here? So we can tell you the obvious?
It's time you WAKE UP and stop acting like a god dam stupid ass girl, and stop being so dam predictable.
You're in love with this boy because he's not giving you all of his attention. You like him because you can't have him, OBVIOUSLY. He likes having you around but probably can probably care less as you've all ready stated. The fact he's fucking his ex is a slap in your face, yet you're still there. You're too caught up being a clingy girl and I have no doubt in my mind your boy knows this and is taking full advantage of it. You'll always be there, and he has your around his finger. It's time you get a life and stop going for guys that don't give shits about you.
You're infatuated, he uses you as a convenient cumrag. Snap out of it or you will get hurt much more than losing what you have now would hurt you.
