I'm gonna be vague on purpose but I'm having a sort of personal crisis and have no one I can really talk to about it.
I've been in a relationship with this person for 4 years, our 5th anniversary coming up next month. I love her very dearly, we were each other's first everythings and the whole shtick. We met just before college and just graduated together. We're learning how to face the "real world" and whatnot. I'm 23, she's 22.
I'm a creative type and am pursuing my stupid dreams. She works in her field. I have issues I don't even really know how to describe. It's gotta be mild depression and anxiety related, but I'm not seeing anyone for it. For the last month or so I've been thinking about ending things with her because our lives are clearly beginning to move in different directions. She wants to travel and plan trips, plan and save for a wedding, plan the future. Meanwhile I'm still planning on getting my dumb dreams off the ground (while dealing with the thoughts that I'll likely never truly take off and will probably work low-paying jobs for my whole life). I don't know how to reconcile this.
I love this woman so madly. When I look at her my heart wants to explode. But we're diverging, there's just a sense of total dread hanging over my whole life and our future and relationship. When we're together I'm awkward, I can barely talk to her. But she still wouldn't dream of ending things. I have been feeling like I should to keep her from having to deal with the next ten years of my life. I can barely even write songs these days and yet I have these ridiculous delusions of grandeur about conquering my local scene when I'm a barely qualified open micer.
I'm rambling and this all sounds completely incoherent I'm sure. I feel like I'm exploding sometimes.
>>17234126
You need to sit down with her and talk about this seriously. You're at a make or break situation.
>>17234134
I honestly don't know how. It would crush her. I'm torn so in half by fear of losing my love and needing to be alone
Usually the 'creative' type of guys just bounce from one young girl to another, I suggest you to do that
>>17234126
This is pathetic man. You are pathetic. Why don't you tell us your "plans and dreams" and in which field you graduated OP?
You are aiming high, planning to throw away girl of your dreams and future family just because you are "mild depression anxiety thingy".
You are going to end up badly if you keep ignoring hard reality.
>low-paying jobs
>write songs
Mate, go watch Big Bang Theory tv series. You will end up as a Penny.
Take some fucking low pay job, keep your gf around, stop blaming nonexistent depression for you fails and keep songs as a hobby.
>>17234256
I don't even know if I want a family or what. How can I keep her around when we have wildly different visions of the future?
>>17234184
If you don't do it, it's going to come up anyway.
You're looking for us to tell you to break up with her, so I guess that's what you should do.
Sooner or later you'll rationalise a way for you to break up with her while convincing yourself you "had no choice", then 6 months down the line she'll have moved on and you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
Best of luck with your dreams.
>>17234293
You are pretty much right. I feel like I'm gonna regret the rest of my life no matter what. Damn this thread is right. I'm fucking pathetic.
>>17234271
And that is the fucking point:
YOU DON'T KNOW what you want. And I bet you won't know even after you will be alone, 30+ years old lonely guy with no money at all and REAL depression.
And I can even guess why you have such problems with your gf: she is more successive than you. A lot of guys have problem with this. Sure you are young and still have time, but with your current attitude it will be only worse with time.
>visions of future
Yea, marry and kids for her. Pretty average, but the chances of you NOT ending up as loser are high.
What are your plans anon?
>>17234298
Why not grow a backbone and take charge of the situations?
Start focus int on what you want. TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND about how you can strive to achieve those goals while maintaining the relationship (if you actually love her like you say), you may find that her support would be invaluable to you.
>>17234309
I want to play in bands and write songs and record music. So yeah, pretty much a loser by destiny.
>>17234325
Yeah frankly that's very unlikely to work out. There are very, very many talented, skilled, creative musicians out there, but very, very few can make any real money from their music. At best you can play shitty covers at a bar for some change.
I'm not dissing music or art, but it's not a realistic career path.
Work, keep it as a hobby. I doubt you're really working on your music 8 hours a day anyway.
>>17234325
There is no reason for you to give up on that while keeping gf.
There are a lot of positions in music industry, it is just super hard to get in. Just keep writing songs in free time or aim a little lower. Nobody is saying once you get some shitty job that you have to stop looking for opportunities.
Stop being pathetic and keep your gf happy. Chances that she will make you happy in return are high. And start by showing your gf this thread if you can't confess all your feelings to her due to your depressin and or anxiety.
>>17234325
But do you really?
Or could it be that you want recognition for something that you have worked on/created?
If that is the case, perhaps you're feeling frustrated and trapped because you don't see another way to get there besides making music and singing because it is the only thing you feel good at and are extremely familiar with?
Go find different people to talk to about your fears, talk to your gf about it. Approach each conversation as an excavation on yourself and your thought process - NO ONE understands how they're really feeling just by self-rumination, that's why therapy is a thing.
I'll help out a little bit by giving you an alternate possibility:
If you don't strike it big, consider teaching music. Maybe stay in a band, but play on weekends and play at local shows. Try listening to different, OLDER artists besides the metal or pop or whatever shit that you're currently stuck on - a lot of musicians and singers achieve some kind of success because they have life experiences that they translate into music for sharing with others.
Maybe write a song about being at a crossroads in life as a fresh university graduate, maybe, I don't know.
