Have a long engagement, first of all. Really really take your time planning out the wedding and all that. Gives you a chance and time to breathe.

As far as telling your family, I don't think they're going to freak as badly as you think they will. If anything, bring your fiance with you for moral support. They might warn you about being young and dumb, and I'm gonna warn you the same (hence long engagement) but I realize when you know, you know. So just take it at your pace with telling them. Good luck.

20 isn't a bad age to get engaged at. I think it's pretty smart to wait a few years to get married, like you said.
Anyway, you should definitely sit your family down and tell them. If they react negatively, just tell them you're happy, and you don't plan on marrying right away. It's your decision, not theirs. You're an adult. Best of luck, OP.

That's funny. I got engaged 4 days ago too and haven't really told anyone yet. The ring is a bit too small and needs to get fitted first. I think the reason i haven't told anyone is that my fiance (saying that still feels strange, but good) is younger than me and we have only
been dating for 7 months now. But we move in together in a few weeks and we won't get married till atleast next summer. We are taking this very serious, but i'm afraid some people will not be thrilled. Especially his parents. And honestly, i hate that. We're very happy about it and i wish everybody could just be happy for us. I don't want them to ruin this with their narrow mindset and pessimistic worldview. That's why i haven't shouted it from the rooftop yet. But it makes me a bit sad. I actually WANT to shout it from the roof tops and have everyone be happy WITH me.

>>17230639
They aren't narrow minded, the only thing that has ever mattered to me, the deepest feelings all come from my perfect girlfriend. But at 7 months as much as we were in love there were definitely things around the 1.5 year mark that we started to understand and work out with each other. It's not possible to get to know someone entirely in 7 months, and the things you don't know are probably some important ones too.

>>17230592
>being engaged at 20, almost 21 is taboo
Says who?

>No one in our family ever got engaged so young
So what? If no one in your family went to college does that mean you cant go?

>I'm not excited about the backlash
Are you in an ultra conservitive catholic community? If not then i doubt there will be much of a backlash. Once your hit 18, by legal defintion of the binding contract that is the law, you are an adult and incharge of your own destiny.

Besides, an engagement isnt eloping. An engagement is sort of like a trial marriage. If things dont work out, you break the engagement.
I think he should be the one to do it tho. That way if they have issues, they can bring it up to him. Plus it shows he's man enough to take full responsibility. And if he doesnt, you learn that he isnt.

>>17230661
Like what? What where the things you sorted out at 1,5 years that you didn't know about each other after 7 months?
I know it's early and fast. But it's just an engagement, not a marriage. We can be engaged for a long time.

>>17230663
OP here, thanks for the vote of confidence!
No, my parents aren't hugely conservative, yes they're Catholic but they wouldn't exactly be church goers.

I did go to uni but dropped out of my course after the end of year two (I can always return to finish it) and changed to another one and finished it and they were not very pleased and said I couldn't make good decisions. My Mother doesn't exactly have the highest regard for the choices I make on my own.

There are times when I feel mature because I can handle the big bad world and then I cower in the presence of my parents because their approval means a lot to me.

>>17230685
How things over time with them can make you question the relationship. I realized that some of the mental health issues that my girlfriend had were becoming unbearable after 1 year even though is promise I could deal with them forever. Let's see at 1.5 years we realized we have communication problems when we thought we were perfect with that the whole time. At 2 years we learned how it is when the being away from each other for a long time, this revealed facts about my deep jealousy problem that we worked on. At 3 years I'd say I am solid on what we are, and we are strong from those things, however if we both weren't very very dedicated to the relationship then at each of those steps either one of us had full justification to leave. 7 months does not harbor enough time to fully understand each other and the relationship.

>>17230639
OP here! Congratulations on getting engaged. I'm assuming you're the same age as me so at least some people are getting engaged at my age and aren't pregnant. I know you're a little more advanced than me in that you have a home lined up soon and you have a much more positive outlook, but I feel like you should definitely try to at least prove your maturity by treating his parents with respect and acknowledge their concerns - purely to gain their respect back and they'll be more accepting of their son marrying you. Please don't be offended, I obviously don't know the whole story about his parents but sometimes it's better to try the quieter life and have everyone satisfied.

>>17230719
i do understand his parents perfectly fine. But it still hurts to not have their approval. I'm a bit older, already 27, but my fiance is only 22. That's the big problem and i see why that might concern them.

>>17230726
Ah, so the age gap is a significant matter. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware how much older you were than your fiance. That said, I don't believe it to be an issue myself. I have two uncles whose wives are 8 and 10 years older than them. They're still madly in love 15 years of marriage later. If anything, I would say that it's an intelligent choice because you were definitely informed and old enough to get engaged. Keep up being respectful and considerate to his parents and at least they can never hold that against you. If you acknowledge their concerns and continue to have a successful relationship and marriage, they'll be the ones who cannot say "I told you so". I understand that if you don't like them, it's easier said than done, but if they break away from the family because of your love, that's their problem.

>>17230754
My mom's second husband is also 16 years younger than her and it works perfectly fine. That's why i don't see a problem with that. My bf's parents are rather oldfashioned. It's not that i don't like them! They are awesome and i understand that they wantes something moren"usual and traditional" for their son. It's just sad nonetheles.
However, to not further derail your thread: a close friend of mine is in a very similat situation. She's only 20 (her fbf is 28 tho) and got engaged last winter. Her mom is against it because she's so young. But so far, it works. And they are happy.
On how to break the news: just say it. It will take courage because you fear the reaction, but most likely it won't be THAT bad. Make an emergency plan in case it turns ugly and just go.

>>17230771
We're gonna try and break the news to his parents later on today when he comes home from work. I am kinda surprised that they haven't noticed the ring on my finger. Maybe because it's not blindingly obvious bling as you can see from the picture, but I love it and it suits me well. Best of luck with moving in with your fiance and organising your dream wedding anon!

If you're uneasy about something as small and trivial as announcing your engagement, how do you expect to handle things when you're actually married? Are you sure you're ready for this?

>>17230726
What? That's like barely an age gap. It shouldn't be that big of a problem.

>>17230875
Yeah, I know it sounds pretty pathetic. I was diagnosed with pretty severe anxiety last year and I've had it all my life, my mother being a bit difficult and discouraging of my life choices doesn't help matters.. I am obviously going to be nervous about anything major happening in my life like a lot of people. I was hoping for some tips on how to bring it up or do you suggest I just go for it straight out?

>>17230877
I guess an age gap is entirely down to the person's perspective. It's not much of an age gap to me either, but it's a big deal for the in laws.

>>17230698
>catholic
Nailed it, because i know that chatholics have that "married for life" part of their faith so they want you to pick someone you not only see your life with but afterlife with as well. I see their point of view even tho im not religous myself.
So its honestly on him to prove to them that he can take care of their little girl (You).
Tell him exactly what i said so he understands. Tell him: he's the man, take control of his new families destiny. Or step down and let you find one.
Rough? Yes. But you know you cant life a life with a boy pretending to be a man. You definately will be a mom in the next few years so he HAS to step up.

>>17230954
I'm hoping that he will step up to the plate. I hate to admit it and seemingly disrespect my fiance, but I do feel I am slightly more mature than him. I'm hoping he will work hard for me, as I will for him. I may be unemployed right now, but I have a degree and I'm applying for every job I am eligible for, not even relevant to my degree. I'm working towards a future for us and future children though they're not gonna be making an appearance for several years, not just my own future. My parents' marriage isn't exactly wonderful and always loving but they've stuck through 24 years of marriage together so I don't think they will toss it aside. That's what marriage is supposed to be after all, unless your spouse turned out to be a total shit, then I'd say get out.

Girlfriend, I understand the anxiety but honestly, if this shit is killing you, marriage may not be the best thing right now. Married life is about having a life between you and your husband. How are you supposed to have a happy marriage if you're worried about what others think?