I have a girl dilemma, /adv/.
I asked a girl whom I am really good friends with, and who I have loved for years, out on a date. I knew she had a "thing" for some other guy and that the feelings were mutual but nothing was official at the time that I asked her.
After I asked her, though, it turned official and they're an actual couple now. Even though we're good friends, it is extremely awkward for me to go on a date with the girl, knowing that she is in a relationship with the other guy. The girl, though, won't cancel, because in her mind we are really good friends and we're going out as friends.
What should I do? I feel as though my options are:
>Go on the date and struggle through the awkward feelings
>I make up an excuse to get out of the date, such as being sick or family in town
>I confront her directly, saying that I don't want to go on the date due to me having feelings
I'm most heavily considering the direct confrontation, but I feel as though I can't because me declining to go out with her could be taken as an ultimatum, saying "drop the other guy or we're not friends anymore", which I don't want.
I'm really lost and my heart is shattered. What do I do?
>>17230328
tell her in no uncertain terms what your intentions were with the date and that you are not interested in going on this date as friends. Maybe another activity can be arranged at a later time, but you would be too uncomfortable with this date given your intentions.
>>17230328
do this: >>17230332
If you care about her as much as you say then be honest with her. Suck it up. Be an adult for once in your life.
>>17230328
>What do I do?
Depends how much you value your friendship. If you care go through with it. Either way bail out. Give some bullshit reason why you can't. Hope for the best she won't pressure you for explanation.
>>17230387
How does this solution work better than
>>17230370
Or
>>17230332
Would it destroy our friendship at the basic level for me to tell her how I feel truthfully?
>>17230450
>Would it destroy our friendship at the basic level for me to tell her how I feel truthfully?
>destroy
Can't say if it will "destroy" the relationship you have now. It WILL, absolutely CHANGE the relationship, though. How the fuck were you picturing having a meaningful relationship with her if you feel like you can't be honest with her?
Fucking do it.
>>17230587
>"hey I was actually just interested in being your bf so now that I see there's not a chance I'm just gonna bail because I DEFINITELY don't want to hang out with you as a friend."
Yeah, how could she POSSIBLY misinterpret that?
OP, go on the date and stop whining.
>>17230602
>hey I was actually just interested in being your bf so now that I see you're with someone I can't go through with this date. My feelings are kinda mixed up about this whole thing, and it wouldn't feel right going on a date with you while you're romantically involved with someone.
Or maybe you could learn how to fucking talk to people.
If she just thinks you're friends then just keep your dignity and ask if its OK to reschedule some other time because something came up... But then DON'T reschedule. If she secretly likes u too, the ball will be in her court to remind you. But since you're only friends, don't make it awkward. Don't tell her you like her and look like a rejected fag . you'll never get her affection acting that way. Play it cool, cancel and pretend it didn't happen. Then if she becomes single again bring up plans or if SHE beings it up to YOU, go for it
>>17230587
Telling her his feelings now will just make her uncomfortable. It will RUIN their friendship. She has her guard down thinking theyre just friends. If he throws feelings on her she's going to be uncomfortable around him.... And even if he assures her that he's not hurt or understands there just friends, it will still be awkward and she'll start to have to act differently around him due to PITY. HE WANTS LOVE, NOT PITY. you can't win a girls heart by making her pity you. She'll only distance herself.
>>17231219
This sounds good. Do this. I like this.
