Why do I care so much about my parents' opinion of me? I've been wanting to make some friends, for example. But I feel like my parents would think I'm weird for suddenly talking to people. I believe my parents eavesdrop on me and talk behind my back. Essentially I'm afraid of their judgements. Is this a kind of social anxiety developed in childhood? I feel like I have to meet their expectations of my usual self (being introverted, sad, etc.), otherwise it feels incredibly awkward. Whenever I try to be more talkative, my father stares at me like I'm drunk (I did it before so he probably clings to that memory). If I make certain changes to my behavior, my mother acts like I've gone insane. When I started exercising I was breathing loudly, so mom busted in my room very worried as if I was snorting cocaine or something. Yes I know I'm a bitch and can't stand being judged/mocked/teased especially by my parents. Yes I will move out in a year, but what can I do in the meantime?
>I feel like I have to meet their expectations of my usual self (being introverted, sad, etc.)
>I believe my parents eavesdrop on me and talk behind my back.
>Why do I care so much about my parents' opinion of me?
I had thought that too. Turned out, they do. They still say to me that everything will be alright, they smile, however, I happen to hear their judgemental utterances in my side, blaming me for being retarded, making false assumptions and wrong decisions when I'm not around. Able to overhear, though.
Might be a tactic where you are subconsciously trying to avoid their disapproval, it is developed in childhood. Clearly not your fault, but theirs. Friend had the same kind of problem, however, he started to abuse it as much as possible, causing them to be irritated and meeked over the time.
Your parents are inhibiting your growth as a person. This is fairly normal, but also extremely unhealthy. For your growth as a human being, I strongly encourage you to find a way to move out of your parents' house. The good thing about new situations is that you get a chance to reinvent yourself. The new you that you find is no less valid than the old one. But here's the thing: people HATE when you change. Especially people who are invested in the old you. They will question you for it and slow you down. Don't let them. Distance yourself so you have some room to breathe, and if your parents' opinions are holding you back, then it's your duty to yourself to ignore them and distance yourself.
>>17229948
>you are subconsciously trying to avoid their disapproval
How can I stop doing that? It seems impossible from my current point of view.
>>17229957
It will take another year until I can move out. I can't distance myself from them yet, that's why I'm wondering if I can do something psychologically to stop being limited by their judgements. Or at least, by my perception of their judgements.
>>17229964
As the >>17229957 said, you have to distance. Seek privacy at home and people where you don't have to act as they expect. I had to cut the contact and start resuming it back eventually, coherently. Be aware of their representations of ideal child, however, it's not always that bad. Are you the only kid in your family?
>>17229916
I suspect you inherited some seriously unfortunate psychological traits from your parents and you need to be stronger than them to conquer those tendencies.
See a therapist if necessary.
Good luck.
>>17229994
>Seek privacy at home
Yeah, I don't have any. It's a small apartment and everyone can hear what I'm doing, or enter my room because there's no locks.
>>17229998
How can I be stronger than them? Their judgements influence so much of my behavior. I think that it's actually self-fulfilling, I make myself sad to uphold their image of me, and thus I become actually sad. Mindfuck.
I need some guidance guys
>>17229916
Believe it or not, your parents want you to be "normal" and happy. But they have gotten so used to the "old" you that any change seems like a downward slide rather than an upward turn.
Try to teach them what you're doing. If your mother suspects you're snorting drugs, show her how you exercise and explain why. Instead of suddenly getting talkative at dinner, preface things by saying "I realize I have been moody for a while, but I'm trying to come out of it and be more open. For example, let me tell you this funny thing that happened at school . . . . "
>>17230164
I think the issue is feeling awkward whenever I attempt something new. I'm embarrassed that my parents will hear me and secretly judge me. And say things like "what is wrong with him, is he drunk again?". Things like that.
If I start talking to people, they will ask why I haven't been doing it before, what I am talking about, who am I talking to, etc. as if they're suspecting me of something bad.
>>17230192
also, another example is exercise. I've heard them from the other room saying I'm weird because I "randomly" decided to exercise. They were also making fun of the noises I made while exercising.
>>17230192
why the fuck would they judge improvement? if anything they're happy you're making moves instead of being a shut in insecure fag
i have this too OP, but worse
i had selective mutism until 16, but anytime i have to take any of my parents to something and talk to someone for example, i freeze up and cannot speak, not because of the SM, but because of what you said
>I feel like I have to meet their expectations of my usual self (being introverted, sad, etc.), otherwise it feels incredibly awkward.
>>17230217
Because they are close minded and driven by routine. If something changes in my behavior, they think I'm either drunk/high or that something's wrong with me.
I once told them I'm trying to improve myself and they sat there awkwardly staring at me. I had to walk out of the room.
>>17230234
Or maybe I read too much into it, and my parents aren't really that close minded. But I'm still reluctant of doing something unusual out of the blue, even if it's something good. Like talking on the mic to online friends I've just made. Parents be like "why are you talking like that?" and so on. Even if they're just curious, I feel judged due to the way they express it to me. Maybe I'm overly sensitive of other people's opinions? These aren't any people though, they're my parents. And I feel nasty for making my parents think I'm weird.
>>17230227
>selective mutism
Do you mean you can't physically speak, or just too emotive in some situations? Why do you think you have to meet their expectations?
>>17230276
>Maybe I'm overly sensitive of other people's opinions
exactly, if u cant even do this shit (which is not weird at all) in front of your parents, i cant imagine you living with strangers
>>17230293
It's weird to my parents only because they don't know me like that, and they wonder what's happening with me. But whenever they do it, it's in a suspecting way behind my back or treating me with awkward expressions.
Strangers wouldn't know my old behavior, so I'd be free to act however I want without fear of being judged as not genuine or weirdly unstable .
>>17230281
>Do you mean you can't physically speak, or just too emotive in some situations?
i dont really know how to explain it myself
>Why do you think you have to meet their expectations?
i dont, thats why it bugs me
i guess deep down in my subconscious i do?
>>17230321
You might be feeling this pressure to uphold their expectations of you. If you're only mute with your parents or other people you've known for a long time, this might be the reason. It's quite weird.
>>17230353
its weird
i'm perfectly fine talking to my parents and to other people, but when both of them are in the same room, i get nervous and can barely speak
>>17230359
Do you feel like they'd be judging you in some way, if you were to speak?
>>17230391
in a positive way, yes
like something to the likes of "im glad you speak now"
but even though they'd take it as a good thing, i still feel weird and akward
>>17230409
Same here. I wonder why does this happen? Does anyone know the psychology behind it?
