I plan on confessing (just telling her I am interested in being more than friends - not in love) to a good friend, I have known for more than 5 years. I have reasons for thinking she might mirror these feelings.
She is a very important person to me and we share many mutual experiences throughout secondary school.
But we currently live 45min apart (via bus), and have different time schedules at different universities and subjects.
We both are often very busy, with university projects and (in my case) study associations. We both are in demanding study programmes
I am not sure how a relationship/dating would play out in our situation.
In case she is also interested:
>Is it ok to start a relationship, when already living apart?
>Is it even a good idea to confess in such a situation (I really feel that is time, as I have been thinking about it a lot.
>Do I still need to do the 'dating routine' with somebody I already know so much about?
>How to go about it?
Please share your opinions and experiences (with LDRs).
Don't! You will confuse her. You will hurt your self.
Just facking end collage and start dating once you are out of the child pen. When settled in a city then start dating,
But if you just want to fuck her brains out while the short time you got together , go for it. But don't expect something good....
>>17226710
Thanks for the opinion.
>confuse
In what way?
To me, knowing all the hurdles, i would not be phased by a rejection.
But i dont know about her.
>end university
That would be 2 more years. Didn't get laid throughout secondary school. She is among the only few girls i have felt genuine chemistry with.
>child pen
Just to clarify, we both live in own apartments far from home.
Hook up
>regrettibly, she is not the hook up 'type'.
45 min is not long distance. My girl is one hour away.
The important part is how much time you can dedicate to it. If you're busy with school, you shouldn't look into it. We're able to see each other 1-3 days a week, between one of us or the other driving and stuff.
>>17226686
45 minutes by bus is not a LDR. That's like, across town.
>>17227044
>>17227051
Exactly. 45min theoretically does not seem like a large hurdle.
I simply happen to be very inexperienced when it comes to such relationships and only have control over my own timetable. (Neither of us has a car).
I intend to mainly put the cards on the table, letting the rest play out as it happens.
I have thought long and hard about a potential relationship, weighing the pro and cons. And feel like i have spent too much thinking about it than just taking a leap of faith.
Of course it could not work out and make things weird for a while. But i currently feel that comes with the territory.
>what do you guys think?
>>17227044
>45 min is not long distance
This wtf. That is how long it takes for me to go to uni each day :'D (am from Hong Kong)
>>17227114
This happens to be a semi rural affair rather than HK-connectivity.
Edit.
Did some recalculation and public transport would take roughly 1h10 (rather than 45min - which was car). >Don't know whether this changes anything.
>>17227112
she'll either be receptive or not receptive.You make it work by making plans you can both keep, just like any other relationship. If that's a few hours a week then that's a few hours a week. that will either wind up being worthwhile or not to either of you.
The big thing is that you will both take one another into consideration when presented with choices that may improve that situation (such as expiring leases or break plans).
>>17227309
>better situation
She bought the apartment she is now living in, while i currently am in a close to ideal living situation. Changes are very improbable.
>Receptive or not
i am very well aware that my interpretarion might also completely be off and she might not be interested at all.
Then again, i personally would not have a problem with receiving a no. I yet i am not sure how she might react, considering we have had fairly little contact over the last year due to many different things coming in the way of us meeting regularly.
>>17227492
>Changes are very improbable
then there is probably no profit in pursuing this with your current schedules being stuck in stone and your inflexibility in living situations.
>>17227495
That is a one of my main concerns.
I am aware that things are not ideal. I am also aware the situation is not likely to change to accomodate a relationship like this. I have thought long and hard about it. Even before occasionally in secondary.
>But i am sick of overthinking and keep having her in the back of my head.
>i feel that asking her, getting that no (whatever reason it may come from), is the only way from moving on.
I am sick of her being the only one casually popping into my head from time to time. People (incl. Her sister) casually suggesting that we wouleld go well together.
I never pulled though in secondary due to us being in the same class. But now i feel that l, whatever the fallout, it is 1h away. And i could live with that...and hopefully purge her from once every few week popping into my head.
>>17226686
>Someone lives 45 mins away
>It's long distance
Lol are you 12 or something? What in the world?
>>17227554
It is more like 1h10. But the it is not the distance, but rather the hugely different time schedules and even break schedules. We are in completely different education systems, both unis, but different edu systems.
>>17227535
also, if you aren't japanese, just ask her on dates. don't "confess" to her, that's a weird thing that jap guys do.
>>17227572
I don't plan on telling her that i love her. Just that i would be interested in being more than friends and meeting more regularly.
>dates
In my experience dates are to get to know one another and scout for compatibility.
I have known her for 5 years, going for drinks, eating, biking tours...which is probably why i like her so much.
I hardly ever feel attracted without having a formal connection to that person.
>how date if you know so much about a person already?
Anon, that's not a long distance relationship. It's a 45-minutes-to-go-to-her-place relationship. Those are pretty average.
>>17227592
Dinner, then kiss her. That is a date. Day dates are not dates to girls.
>>17227624
Again, it is about the different time schedules more than the raw time.
>I have exams every 2 month.
>Both of us are at very demanding unis.
That being said, how is one expected to have a relationship when one is not willing to compromise with other aspects of life.
>>17227640
I have done both, but never made that connection that girls make that strong of a difference according to time of day.
>>17227651
a day date is something you do with your friends, like getting lunch or going biking or drinks just after work.
>>17227561
It takes me 1h and 30 mins to get to work. It used to take me 2 hrs by bus to go to college classes. That's not a long distance relationship.
>Different time schedules
Yes this is normal in any kind of relationships, especially new ones cause before you both were doing your own things now you have to make time for them and your schedule could take a hit. Also, I don't know why it took you 5 years to tell someone you love them
>>17227662
...which what i am trying to more consistently move away from with this girl
>>17227672
I never pulled though in secondary due to us being in the same class. But now i feel that l, whatever the fallout, it is 1h away. And i could live with that...and hopefully purge her from once every few week popping into my head.
>apparently telling a girl over dinner that you want more than a friendship scares them away and makes them freak out.
>one needs to be subtle, slow and cunning.
>>17227690
no dude, you just kiss her before you part ways for the night. girls aren't mind readers.
>>17227722
...which is the goal. Which again demands subtly building up to it. Setting the tone, scanning for signs for the OK.
Sadly i am not one of the guys who can get away with spontaniously kissing girls.
We will have a lot to talk about as we haven't met in person for almost a year.
>>17227796
no it doesn't. it demands going 90 and making her go 10. You're making a much larger deal out of this than it is.
>>17227801
I plan on approaching it casually, seeing where the night goes. Even the situation permits it i will just ask her about the possibility of being more than friends. No real game plan, just going with the flow.
>which some people have warned me not to do.
Only thing i can do, as i have never spent a lot of time in her town.
My question is more concerning whether attempting something at 1h15 distance is even worth it. With the possibility of only fairly limited together time.
I would try my best, but the situation is inherently limited.
Even this thread has churned out very conflicting reponses.
>>17227881
this thread has had conflicting responses because you're shooting down everything, good or bad. You're second guessing everything so nothing seems right. You're sperging out big time. it is not a big deal.
>>17227933
Most people did say no, due to various reasons.
>What is your opinion?
>45 minutes away
>long distance
kek, try 13 hours like i am
>>17228112
How is it working out for you?
>>17226686
I had a real LDR. I'm in NJ, she was in Vegas. It hurt, man. I couldn't deal and broke up with her and I still regret it years later. LDRs suck.
I'm doing a 5 1/2 hour one OP
Yours ain't no long distance relationship...
>>17228112
mine was 14 hour distance
check mate
guess i'm superior ;) *tip*
>>17229277
How's that shit going ?
>>17229195
Pretty good so far, fairly frustrating at times but I don't regret a single second desu
>>17229287
Likewise , I'm being upfront about everything tho , feelings , life , thoughts. No surprises kinda thing , not sure if fucking up or not... Not playing games kinda thing. I talk to her almost 4+ hours a day tho.... Not op btw
>>17229284
>was
i broke up with her in uh late september/early october
ironically it was basically after i stayed with her for 3 weeks in august
my psyche was just fucked after
in those 3 weeks it was a lot of sex and weed and when i came back i was too emotionally fucked i guess because of the endorphin release
and those 2 weeks that i was fucked (when i came back home) took a toll on her (and she has borderline on top of other shit) so there was an incident and it wasn't really the same after that
my family caught on to the events shortly, and just sort of pressured me a bit to get the fuck out of there
and so i did
i still think about her daily tho
had a dream about her just last night lol
wouldn't be with her again though
>>17229308
That honestly sucks , cuz with ldr you tend to fall for the person and really get to know them , which is great n bad when it's over.
>>17229296
Nah, its important to be upfront with this shit, relationships and all, especially in an LDR. If you can't trust the other person it'll never work. Been with my gf for awhile now, not long enough for a visit apparently but we're getting there, it would be easier if she weren't on the other side of the planet obviously but I'm not complaining. I'm just glad I found someone to actually love. I've had LDRs that I fucked up in the past though so I am a bit cautious.
>>17229315
i mean She was my first senpai...
i would NOT be with her again tho lul
fucc a crazy bitch
>>17229321
Lol I feel you on the fucking them up. How long you been talking to your female for ?
>>17229327
Met in early Jan, talked and became friends before finally getting together at the beginning of April. Like I said awhile but not an incredibly long time. My last LDR was around 3 years ago though so I feel like I'm fucking new to this again.
That situation is not as extreme as you think, if you both like each other you will find the time to be together, so go ahead and remember that you should regret about what you did, not about what you did not ;)
>>17229341
Even if she says no, i feel like having tried it is the only thing i could have done.
I wouldn't be sulky.
If she says yes, we can try to make it work. If it does not, we can part ways with no hurt feelings on my end at least.
