I am going to preclude this by saying that my husband and I have been married since last October. I'm 21, he's 29. We're expecting a child this October. It was planned and he was the one who wanted a child.
We live with my MIL and FIL. They work full-time and we have a great relationship. My husband and I work part-time; me because I'm pregnant, him because he gets paid well as a coach. That being said I have lots of time and rightly so do the vacuuming, cook lunch half the week, take care of all our fish, make our bed, occasionally dust, and do the dishes. My husband does chores as well, but I want to point out that I don't laze around the house all day. During my whole pregnancy I have not lost my temper, have never cursed him, or been malicious. I can confidently say I am a superb wife. If he is angry or frustrated, I will apologize just to keep the peace. I value a happy home more than being right, and this has worked against me.
My husband had an absolute hissy fit when he picked me up from my PT job. I asked for a piece of cheesecake. He thought I had enough sugar for the day, but I'm pregnant so obviously I disagreed. I should point out that I mostly had bread and fruit. No sweets or candy.
I don't want to make this long but he called me annoying, stupid, retarded, a bitch, a motherfucker, and so much else. I'd been verbally abused by my stepmom earlier on, and this shit gave me an anxiety attack which made him angrier. When we got home my MIL was pissed to high heaven and tried to cheer me up, took me for a walk, told me she loved me and that I did nothing wrong. Husband sulked on the computer playing LoL. Slept on the couch.
I thought today was Father's Day so I bought gifts for my FIL and my husband. It annoyed me but I love the holiday. I gave them both a rose and some great wine. My husband gave me a hug and a kiss but that was about it. I really wanted to start Game of Thrones but he was too tired to watch it? So he played LoL for 3 hours instead.
>>17226394
What is a FIL and a MIL?
>>17226394
Your narrative sounds heavily biased.
Gotta communicate m8 if it's not a shouting argument I don't see a problem with telling your thoughts and feelings. Plus you're fucking married and pregnant he should be more considerate
My FIL took me on my nightly walk because my husband was too tired to. My MIL told him me was being ungrateful and my husband just mumbled.
I'm tired of this childish shit. I did not marry a 13 year old dumb ass. He is too dominant in our relationship and shows a blatant lack of respect for me. I've always been submissive and I don't want him to continue believing this is acceptable. How do I properly put my foot down? My birthday's in 5 days and this has put a huge cloud over my head.
>>17226405
what are those things?
>>17226397
Father in law, mother in law.
>>17226400
I literally asked for a piece of cheesecake, told him never mind when he got mad, and was berated for 20 minutes. This is a situation where I am absolutely certain I didn't mess up. I just cried. I never shouted, cussed. Usually I always second guess myself but this is fucked.
>>17226394
>He thought I had enough sugar for the day
Well he's already wrong, because up to a reasonable point that's really none of his business.
>I don't want to make this long but he called me annoying, stupid, retarded, a bitch, a motherfucker, and so much else.
He sounds absolutely insane. But can't expect much else from a 29 year old who thinks it's a good idea to marry a 21 year old.
>>17226394
There's something else going on. He has problems at work or with his health or family or something.
The same gene that keeps men from asking for directions when they're lost makes them unable to say "I've got a problem and need a hug." Instead, we retreat into our caves and sulk, lashing out at anyone who comes near.
Chances are that if you just leave him alone for a while, he'll come away from the computer and apologize, and maybe even tell you what the problem was. If not, you're going to have to ask him.
>>17226420
I don't think it's right you sacrificing yourself to keep the peace. You're pregnant for fucks sakes and he wants you to stop eating and calls you a bitch.
Maybe he's angry because he's not getting sex?
What the hell did he expect? He's gonna be a father now.
Honestly he seems irreparable to me.
>>17226414
He is cracking under some kind of pressure and trying to hide it. Make sure he knows he can count on you to support him emotionally.
How often do you two have sex?
>>17226428
I suspect it's his work...he used to be a professional soccer player, and he's always worried he lost his dream. I've always encouraged him. I think he's amazing at what he does, and he's dedicated. I can't find him a job, however. But I support anything he chooses. I grew up poor and don't go when the times get tough if they have to.
>>17226435
This is my greatest fear. I refuse to not give my child a father-figure. Our child will be half american, half chinese. If I ever left, or he did, our child would lose a bit of their chinese heritage.
>>17226447
> having sex while pregnant
no
> having sex right after children are born
no
> having sex while breastfeeding
no
>>17226447
We have sex maybe once a week, sometimes twice recently. I offer often, and when we do it, it is spontaneous and loving.
>>17226452
Is he the one that is Chinese?
>>17226455
Every woman has it different. Some lose all sex drive after the first baby, some can't get enough. I've had an easy pregnancy.
>>17226460
He's Chinese.
>>17226467
Welp. I'm out of this thread.
>>17226457
Good on you both. Tell him to keep his chin up.
>>17226447
>Make sure he knows he can count on you to support him emotionally.
Fucking why? Being an emotional infant is not an excuse to abuse your partner.
>>17226394
You're making it seem so biased that we have to side with you. So I can't really give you a straight answer on this because I only know one side of the story
>>17226520
I understand, but regarding the cheesecake incident I'm clueless as to what to do; I didn't provoke him, and didn't engage in his behavior. My in laws are with me on this and everyone is confused. I can't understand his reasoning, so I don't know how to approach the issue. Should I put my foot down? Be cold? Be loving? Stop making lunch for him? Try to do more? If he won't respect me, do I stop respecting him? I feel so lost.
>>17226414
Okay - your life isnt like most people bc you live w his parents.
Also- maybe he was genuinely concerned? Bread and fruit are sugary and gestational diabetes is real...
You guys fight about cheesecake and tv... It sounds immature from both directions.
Also having a kidfreaks many men out.
Are you guys having sex?
>>17226455
Whhat??
I did ALL these things........
>must be biased!
If OP is THIS biased, she's fucking crazy. If she can be fucking crazy, stands to reason her husband might be fucking crazy too.
I am pregnant with my 2nd child. I get in fights sometimes with my boyfriend. There is a lot of pressure on a man who is having a kid. You two are married so I guess he is not thinking about dipping, but even for our second child I see there are points at which my bf gets very upset and he gets angry for no reason and wants to create a fight. Because the unknown can be overwhelming and any baby, whether your first or your fifth, brings unknowns.
>>17226545
He's lived with his parents his whole life, part of their culture in this region. It's not something we needed getting used to. I know having kids freaks anyone out, especially around the 5-month mark. I never got snappy with him about the cheesecake. When I noticed him getting annoyed I told him we could go home. When he flew off the handle I cried and that further annoyed him. We didn't fight about Game of Thrones. I asked to watch it but he just said he was too tired to watch it and is still playing LoL. He plays it every night.
We have sex, and I always offer when we have time.
>>17226561
What do you fight about, if I can ask? When you fight, is it like mutual bickering or one-sided?
Lots of people in the thread are pointing out a bias, but our pattern of argumentation ALWAYS follows with one of us getting annoyed about something. I'm not an angry, person, though. I cry. He'll cuss and get angrier the harder I cry. It is draining and I always apologize first just so I can have him love me and hold me again.
The cheesecake seems to be a thing. Could your husband be unhappy with your pregnancy body?
You want to "discipline" a 29-year-old man?
That doesn't exactly sound like a healthy relationship.
I guess you could try smacking him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.
Sounds like you maried a loser, 29 and lives with his parents playing a 13 year olds video game.
>>17226394
Op he sounds controlling and psychotic and people don't just change and snap randomly. His instability is not going to improve and you can't change him if he's incapable of controlling his anger when you want a piece of cheesecake. Theres no arguing or standing up for yourself with someone who has the possibility of physically harming you when you're vulnerable. This is on you and you chose to be with this shit type of person, and you'll be complacent with his tyranny as long as you do not leave. So stay and live in your eggshell lined cage or leave now and preserve your life and sanity; it's your choice.
Hes a chinese and he doesnt like big white girls and now she is pregnant and he is flipping out.
Like everyone says the story is one sided at the moment, but if it really went down as you said...
That is not acceptable, him calling you these names.
There's a line and he crossed it with verbal abuse.
You can only stay with an abuser IF AND ONLY IF he apologies, never does it again, and agrees to get some kind of help or counseling (or both of you).
Otherwise nothing is going to stop it from happening again, and that is not a good safe family for your unborn child.
You need to have a serious talk with your husband, set down the rules, what's acceptable and what's not, and communicate.
Something's probably wrong with him, and you've got to figure out why.
Talk talk talk talk talk talk talk and talk some more. You're keeping too much bottled up. It's not a healthy relationship right now.
>>17226394
You know you are in the right when the mom sides with you. Husband sounds like a manchild. Doesn't even have good taste in game. LoL is shit. IT'S SHIT!!!!!
