I'm in a relationship in which I can meet my girlfriend once a week at best. I completely fell in love with her. She's eighteen, I'm twenty. We've known each other for two years and we're in a relationship for three months. Turns out she lost her virginity to a boyfriend of ~six months when she was sixteen. It completely shattered my trust, - since we've been talking in the meantime and I haven't heard even half word of him - my image of her in my mind and my respect towards her. How am I supposed to swallow this pill and keep going? I'm too far in to just let it go but it's pretty fucking tough. It's been three days and I still can't talk to her like we used to. I wish I never heard of all that...
>>17225960
I don't understand, how does the fact that she's not a virgin make a difference to your relationship?
She's not your property, bro.
>>17225963
Because the way she acts with me, the kind of person she is with me and that I fell in love with wouldn't do that. I know it's my fault for creating such an image of her in my mind but I didn't do it by myself out of thin air. Having sex for the first time with somebody she claims she didn't even love while being sixteen at the time is not normal in my experience.
>>17225968
What do you mean "she wouldn't do that"? She obviously would, because she did
>Having sex for the first time with somebody she claims she didn't even love while being sixteen at the time is not normal in my experience.
Your experience isn't her experience.
Get the fuck over your insecurities, you're absolutely fucked if you expect every girl to be a virgin.
>>17225973
I don't expect every girl to be a virgin. From where did you get that? It's the fact that I was sure she wasn't one because she hid her previous boyfriend from me while we talked in the meantime and the fact she not only had one but fucked him too is too much for me to swallow and what I'm struggling with. Please read my post again because you seem to be attacking me over weird assumptions I didn't have in mind.
>>17225978
Okay, so start again. How is her having an exboyfriend who she slept with a bad thing? What impact does this have on your current relationship?
>>17225968
>>17225978
You've got some fucking problems mate
>>17225985
It's the fact I was sure she was one*
And yeah, I actually see how you've understood my post. Eh, it's not really the fact that she's not a virgin. It obviously doesn't change anything physically, but psychologicaly - I'm dissapointed. The kind of person she is - or claims to be in front of me, fuck if I know at this point - wouldn't do that. She acts so, I don't know, pure? It all just made me loose my trust to her which is a fucking foundation of a long distance relationship. That's what I have a problem with in this situation. I obviously struggle to swallow that and just keep going like nothing happened. I can't look at her the way I used to because of the false image of herself she created in my mind.
>>17225996
Obviously. I wouldn't be here looking for help from anonymous people who don't know me nor ever will. I'm this desperate to understand the way I feel right now because I can't properly deal with it myself.
>>17226009
It sounds like you love the image you made of her in your head more than you love her. To be honest this is all petty shit and you should be able to get over it.
>>17226009
>The kind of person she is - or claims to be in front of me, fuck if I know at this point - wouldn't do that.
Who does she claim to be?
>She acts so, I don't know, pure?
Guess what? Most women you've met aren't virgins anymore, and I bet a fair few of them 'act pure' too.
> It all just made me loose my trust to her
But she hasn't done anything, it's all in your head
> long distance relationship
Of course it is. Again, she hasn't done anything
> I can't look at her the way I used to because of the false image of herself she created in my mind.
She didn't create anything, you did. If you assumed she was a virgin when she didn't say anything about whether or not she was, that's not her fault. It's your own fault for making assumptions.
And like I said, get over your insecurities. Unless she straight up told you she was a virgin, she hasn't done anything wrong here. The entire 'problem' is in your head.
>>17226009
You're fucking twisted. Unless she said that she was a virgin, she didn't lie to you by not disclosing her sexual history upfront.
If you can't respect her, break up. She'll come to hate you for it otherwise. And get some fucking therapy. The way you view women is going to drive them all away.
>>17225960
You lost respect for her because she had sex before you?
...bait thread, bait thread!
>>17226020
>>17226017
>>17226021
Yeah, you're right. I felt it was my fault but I guess I needed some validation; I needed to hear that from somebody else and I have noone to talk to about it.
It's not like I created that image out of thin air - it's the only side or her I knew the whole time.
>>17226036
Get some therapy. Seriously, the way your mind works is not normal.
>>17226036
>it's the only side or her I knew the whole time
Well, probably she doesn't feel comfortable revealing this other side of hers, if you freak out like this over it. Maybe the problem is that she doesn't trust your love for her enough to actually be herself.
>>17226025
No. Because the way she acts in front of me doesn't suggest she'd do that with the kind of guy she did it with.
Look, I don't live in the west. I don't know many girls around me who lost her virginity this early and the ones I know are not something I've been looking for in a partner. I've been taught something else. It's hard to just "get over it".
>>17226046
Not that anon, but you have two options. Either accept it, or break up with her. There's nothing you can do about it otherwise.
>>17226054
I realise that. I obviously don't want to break up over something as trivial but I can't quite grasp why I feel like I do which is why I'm here - I can't deal with it by myself.
>>17226058
We're not therapists. Go and talk to a therapist.
>>17226061
I spend a little bit more than I'd like to to meet with her so frequently so It's not really an option for me to just "get a therapist". And yeah, I know you're not ones. I have noone to talk to about it and I needed some perspective from somebody who's an outsider on the situation because I can't look at all of it objectively. You've all helped a little bit though. Thank you I guess.
Did you know that talking about an ex with your partner is a sign the person might still love him/her ? Yes, she lost her virginity to a person you didn't know but virginity is not some kind of award. I don't know if you are a virgin because that would explain a thing but at my age (23) I don't expect, like the others, that I'd date a virgin.
I'd say you're just jealous but you'll get over it with time or a conversation about it with her. Chances are she will understand.
>>17225960
The average age of loss of virginity is 17.5, which means that at your age you are unlikely to meet many virgins. Get used to it.
>>17226068
It's the fact I met up with her when she was 15, we talked the whole time until a few months ago where I finally could commit and make a long distance relationship happen and it suddenly turned out she hid a boyfriend she was close enough to lose her virginity to while talking to me in the meantime where I thought we're telling ourselves everything. Even though we weren't together then - I feel kinda cheated. It's fucked up but I didn't choose to feel like that. The feeling of dissapointment, jealousy and being lost as to what I'm standing on with her eats me away and I'm trying to properly diagnose and dissect it before it'll affect our relationship. I desperately don't want to fuck it all up but I CANNOT pretend it's okay and move on.
