My girlfriend keeps complaining to me over me being 'closed off' ever since I had to temporarily move out of her area (coming back in a week though) and I have absolutely no idea why she feels I'm closed off. Can anyone help me figure this out?
>I send her a romantic message expresing my love for her and how much she means to me every day for her to see either when she's waking up or when she comes back from showering/dinner
>I talk to her, as in actual discussion and conversation, for at least 1-2 hours a day. In the past week I've been doing most of the talking
>I've explained to her numerous times that I've been working a lot more and I'm exhausted from it
>Despite that I still make it a point to think of topics to talk about when we're talking, and again recently I've been talking even more than her. She's even complimented me on numerous occasions recently on how talkative I've been
>I take an interest in how things are going back there, I make sure she's eaten, I ask her what she did that day, etc
>Always respond quickly to her messages
>Give her all the affection she wants (though, I'm the more affectionate and needy of the two of us. She's complained about 'too much' before but I try to only ask for as much as I need.)
>I express my feelings about her constantly
>The only reason she gave me as to why she thinks I'm closed off is that I got kicked out of a club, told her, she asked me about 20+ questions about it, and I didn't want to discuss it further after that
I don't see what I'm doing wrong here or to give the signal I'm closed off. I tell her "I'm not closed off, just exhausted usually but I still think I'm pretty open" but her response is basically "No, you're closed off! Why are you closed off?". I don't understand what part of her expectations I'm not meeting. I asked her what she wanted me to do, and she refused to tell me. This is all very frustrating and I feel like pulling my hair out.
The only thing that's different at all since I left is that I don't have that much to talk about. My life right now and probably until I return in a week is basically work and in my free time talk to her and maybe listen to music for a half an hour and watch a few youtube videos. I still make it a point to think of topics to talk to her about so we can have nice conversations.
>>17225768
Look, you're far less closed-off than most guys, so I'm not sure either what the hell your girlfriend wants.
If she won't tell you, there's not much you can do about it, other than telling her that ("i want to improve the situation, but you have to help me understand what exactly is wrong so i can fix it").
Otherwise, just wait out the week until you get back, since it'll probably resolve itself when you're back to interacting in person (i'm guessing that's what she misses).
>>17225883
She has told me about this before and that she mentioned that I was giving her too much affection as opposed to conversation (which is understandable, when I'm tired or exhausted while talking to her and I have nothing to say I have a tendency to shower her with love and affection, both as a natural urge and so there isn't silence), and that I'm not very talkative over the phone (which was true, I was extremely exhausted from work in the weeks leading up to that conversation), both of which I feel I've corrected.
I asked her today what she would want me to do and she didn't give me a response.
>Otherwise, just wait out the week until you get back, since it'll probably resolve itself when you're back to interacting in person (i'm guessing that's what she misses).
She's currently upset with me over it though. We had a big fight tonight over it which pretty much boiled down to
>You're closed off! Why are you closed off?
>I might seem closed off recently because x is troubling me, which you know, and y is troubling me which I'm ashamed of it troubling me so I didn't tell you, but ultimately I'm not closed off to you
>Why are you closed off? You've seemed closed off for awhile
>I am not closed off
>Why did you close off to me?
I think the gist of her opinion is "You're open with me emotionally in terms of your affection and love and feelings towards me, but not towards other things". Which doesn't really make much sense to me because there's really nothing going on for me to express my feelings on.
I don't want her being upset and feeling bad over this, is there anything I can say to make her realize "He's not closed off to me, he's just off because of exhaustion and lack of sleep"?
It's probably the distance making you seem closed off. If you actually do the things you say you aren't distant at all. If you're really exhausted like you say you probably are are closed off even if it's a little. She probably just misses you.
