Anyone ever have to cut off a close long time friend? What did they do for you to cut them off?
after he tried to influence my relationship with other friends in negative ways it was an easy decision to cut off contact.
>>17225380
Yeah, my best friend was secretly dating with my gf, ruined my life and he will marry her. Then he had a great idea: sent me a wedding invitation.
Sorry for my english.
Looking for me when she needed me, but turning me away when i needed her.
It's usually the other party who does that since they find someone else to hang out with.
I was in love with her and admitted it to her after a long time of no contact and her response was equivalent to "lol don't worry I'll find you a shiny new bf!!"
I can't crush the feelings for a continued friendship. Life would have been almost perfect save for the conservative eyes in this area all over us if she could reciprocate. The idea of loving another girl is not even existent on her radar, it is a mere joke. I hate this.
>>17225380
Plenty of times. Sometimes it was nasty relationship business, other times we just got into different things and sticking with them would've held me back too much.
Yes, a friend started to stop hanging out after I told him I'm bisexual. So I stopped trying.
>>17225380
Yeah we used to hang out but then i realized he only hung out with me when he had nobody else to hang out with. Thats when i fell into a deep depression. It's even worse now because he's a complete poser and now hangs out with gangster wannabes and listens to rap etc, when he made fun of those things. He legit throws up gang signs and has a blunt in every other picture when I remember him wearing cowboy boots and chewing dip. Life is strange.
>>17225713
And now I don't have any friends at all.
>>17225380
It really depends on how entrenched they are in your life; how many of your friends are their friends too.
You'll have to cut off their connections with your friends too because your friends will try to patch you two up. You'll have to justify to your friends that they did something very bad.
>>17225713
Same here. I have too much self-respect to be anyone's last resort.
Although it made me feel more isolated and depressed because I don't have friends here to begin with and it's difficult finding someone who has as good a grasp on the english language.
i wouldn't say he was a close friend but at least someone else talked to me. i am really hungry for connection with other humans, but i can't connect to anyone here. uhh... i feel like i'm rotting.
A few times.
I had this best friend, he was closer than a brother to me. Shit happened, and I ended up picking up his ex-girlfriend. I was young, stupid, and desperate for somebody to actually care about me. I don't blame him for hating me, but I couldn't just stay and pretend things were okay.
There was this girl I liked, I'm still unsure of the exact nature of our relationship, she was hard to read like that. I really cared about her though, probably more than I'd ever cared about anybody before. Well, the problem with that is that it was absolute agony to try and spend time with her. She always told me, "I don't find you boring, I enjoy hanging out with you" yet, her body language always spoke otherwise. I'd felt like I was being pitied, and perhaps worse than that, that she was wasting her time trying to make me feel better. A very interesting woman, very opinionated, very open minded and outspoken. Over time though, I guess I just realized that I was nothing more than a fallback option, a body that would listen.
My feelings have never changed for these people. As much as I want to hate them, I still love them both as much as I did back then. The latter friend, she still contacts me on occasion. Same story. I'm always torn. I'd like to be somebody that others can rely on, but I don't want to be a fallback option either. It hurts.
I've cut every friend out of my life except two. One I've known since birth and another who is too kind to let me go. I'm not worth people's time so if they don't keep in touch with me I drop them. I've lost dozens of good people.
1. turned into a druggie
2. more of a friend than best friend, told me he fucked my gf, didn't believe him at the time cause my first gf and I totally knew her and there was no way she'd do that blah blah blah
3. more of a friend of a friend but increasingly hung out with. also told me he fucked my gf. at the same time as the other dude.
>you'll start noticing a trend of shit here. might be because I've never punched anyone in the face when i should have.
4. realized i was an orbiter after a prolonged period of us kind of liking each other but never matching up in timing. after I left she was all over me and all I could think about what everything that happened over all those years and it was just weird.
5. wanted to be with me, I didn't go that way, screwed with the friend group to turn them against me. screwed over possible relationships with beautiful women. was told all this by the one person that he never turned against me but was his best friend till he did all that. messy dramatic group, everyone got cut.
6. whole lotta strange/interesting/fun/shitty things happened but it started leaning more toward shitty and got real shitty when my gf came home incredibly hostile after any time hanging out with this person. there was obvious manipulation. conversations where people tried to be intimidating, bullshit all over. to be fair, I caused some strife in someone's chest and they thought i fucked their gf I learned recently. didn't happen but they obviously decided to screw the group against me based on things they said to me. didn't really bother me desu, I've gotten really good with burning bridges and not feeling much. everyone including gf got cut out.
unfortunately every person I've started forming really good friendships with in the last 5 years has moved away from this city... the best people left before we ever got really close.
>>17225637
>>>17225380 (OP)
>Yeah, my best friend was secretly dating with my gf, ruined my life and he will marry her. Then he had a great idea: sent me a wedding invitation.
>Sorry for my english.
Wow that's pretty fucked up of him I hope you shit on it put it in a bag and mailed it back.
I've had to do this a couple times for different reasons and I feel perfectly OK.
A girl dumped me and it hurt like hell.
This friend would NOT stop trying to get us back together. That was never, ever going to happen, and all he was doing was keeping the wound fresh.
I had to cut him out so I could move on.
>friend for around 4-5 years
>stole my 20 sack
>confronted him, and he denied it
>let it go
>make bet on football game
>i win
>doesn't have it on him
>follow up
>says he gave it to me but i wasn't home, so he left it in my screen door
>i live in the ghetto
>my screen door doesn't shut
>he knows my work schedule
>it's closer to my work than to my home for him
>fucking faggot piece of shit
>>17225380
I did.
I cut them off, because I was an autist and thought I was better than them.
I was so wrong, and I regret it even now.
>>17225380
She was one of my closest friends since we were 13. After years of her attitude growing more and more hostile due to family problems and an abusive, alcoholic boyfriend (which I was the first to help, pick up the pieces and be the only person who listened in her life), I had to end the friendship due to her verbally and emotionally abusing me and telling my other friends about very personal, intimate things (like my Dad attempting suicide and my boyfriend cheating on me). She would be so nasty to me for absolutely no reason and it was almost bully-like behavior.
I couldn't stand being told that I was a bad friend to her when I was literally the only person who would visit, pick her up, drive her around and overall be there for her. She always told me I never hung out enough, even though she expected me to hang at the drop of a hat... funny considering I made all the effort to visit, make plans and SHE would ditch long standing plans to do pills with another friend.
When I would come over the environment was so toxic I ended up having panic attacks before leaving the house... Thats when i realised I was putting in much more than i was getting out of the friendship and she was still criticizing me for apparently not doing enough for her.
She has since tried making best friends with my family on facebook but was not successful. However she was successful in making friends with my future mother in law, whom after my fiance and I got engaged went from loving me to being downright CRUEL from jealousy of our future union. (Mainly because we dont want to support her and her two sons in a trailer.)
She has done everything she can to desperately be a part of my life since we've stopped being friends... except for apologising or reaching out to me. Basically the textbook definition of a bad friend.
Short story is NEVER feel bad about forcing toxic people out of your life. They'll continue to spread their brand of poison, directly and indirectly until you're done.
>>17225380
She kept hanging with people who fucked both of us over. She's the type that wants people to desperately like her so she'd submit to those who talked shit about her rather than be friends with me. I don't care who you choose to be friends with but that is such a huge red flag to me.
I had a close circle of friends from high school of about 5 guys. When we were 21 we had a party at the place where 3 of us lived together. One of the guys, Saul, slept in the same bed as one of my buddies and my buddies gf. Us sleeping together was a fairly common thing considering how drunk we got so we didn't think too much of it. The next day when my buddy woke up, Saul was actively trying to penetrate his gf, who woke up from his advances. Saul was sober.
After that he texted my buddy an apology but apart from that gave him nothing. He acted like he hadn't done anything wrong to the rest of us. So we all cut him out. No room for a rapist in our crew. It sucks, we knew him since we were 14, we'd grown up together. But what happened wasn't a mistake and he neither suffered, atoned or apologized for what he did. So we cut all contact with him. Last I heard he was a coke head and playing in some shitty band.
>>17225380
On the day highschool ended, for some reason I deleted Facebook, changed my number, and cut my whole social life off. I was decently popular too. It's been 6 years, and I've just started seeing old friends again. Some refuse to catch up with me though cause they see what I did as being really fucked up and claim it to have hurt them. The others say they understand even though I have no clear reason to offer them (it was pretty random and I'm not sure why I did it). But regardless of the reason, it fucked me over and I've been having a difficult time finding good quality friends ever since.
>>17226997
I did that too. Buf I wasn't popular. No one got hurt from me, and I did it because I was always forgotten. So, why stay friends? Some people care, but you'll find friends.
Apparently college is where you usally find your closest friends.
Basically my story is all to similar to a few here. Basically friend I cut out would bitch and throw fits when you couldent hang out and say things to hit you under the belt.Not to forget their lack of care when you needed them. And then pretending not to know why we don't speak anymore and making up a story about the actual last time we spoke lmfao...these are the people that will compare themselves to murderers to make themselves look good. b u bu b bu bu I'm not a bad person anon ha lmfao
>>17225380
several. both were long time, very close type friends
first one robbed me while i was putting him up for free and prividing him with free weed to help him kick heroin (another important lesson- NEVER trust a junkie, no exceptions). caught him red handed, fucked him up and threatened his life if i ever saw him again. this incident took place while i had a couple of grills over, may have been able to make a threesome happen until the ruckus ensued, causing said grills to depart. second one also robbed me. no violence that time, i just disregarded him and told him to stay the fuck away from me or anyone that i care about. neither has shown their face since.
I cut all friends off if they start dating someone. Not out of jealousy but because they become shitty friends who don't have time to hang out with anyone besides the person they're dating, talk about anything besides the person they're dating, and even if they do they drag the other person along and ruin it
>>17227145
So you don't give a shit about their happiness if it doesn't includes you too? Man you're the best friend anyone could want to have, I'm sure they cry so many tears when they lose such a friendo as you
>>17227284
When they constantly drag around their partner when we hang out, and ditch me and flake on plans because their gf wanted to do something instead, they're even worse friends
>>17227398
But you're saying you cut contact with them before that even happens, as soon as they find someone. So you generalize and extrapolate based on a handful of shitty past experiences. You're one of those 'friends' who only see what they can get out of a relationship with anyone. Have fun feeling alone.
My father didn't have the balls to admit he didn't want me, he just showed it in every action ever.
So I did what he couldn't and cut the fucker out.
Once I remember this popular girl trying to make friends with me, while at the same time being a bitch to me, y'all know the type, the kind that smells weakness and just goes for the jugular every time.
So I just started ignoring her, even though we were sitting next to each other every day.
One day she demands to know why, I say "I don't want to be your friend"
She looked shocked, like she never heard that before. She asked why again.
"You're a bitch" like it was obvious, but she looked confused, doesn't she know how she acts?
At least she finally left me alone.
Mostly I just make a general rule to not deal with people who don't mind hurting me.
It's kept a lot of toxic out of my life, and now I'm surrounded by nice people.
Posted elsewhere
>>17226211
>>17228093
How did you cut your dad out? I have a father who doesn't hate my brother and I, but he cares more for his family back home (even neices and nephews than us).
>>17226997
I kind of did the same, except stretched out over the course of 3 years.
I dunno. Social media fucks with my head. I love people, but I don't like being connected to them ALL THE TIME. I don't like the endless, 24/7 feeling of social obligation. I don't think it's good for people.
>>17228106
Ugh I'm not gonna lie, it was hard.
Sounds like we're in a similar situation though, he had this other family, and he cares about them more.
But he was taught family values, so denied it.
I didn't just give up. I wrote him a long ass letter, and explained everything, it was basically 25 years worth of "this is what is wrong with us, this is how we can fix it"
He replied with the equivalent of "that's not how I was raised, that's not how things are done, too bad, I'm not going to change anything, this isn't my fault."
So I said "whelp, I tried" and blocked his numbers.
I also lost a lot of family, everyone on his side, but I wasn't upset about that, because they all had the same problems he did. He was right about one thing "it's how I was raised".
Pfffffft. Guess I'm lucky he didn't bother raising me.
My mom still bugs me about it, but she's learning, eventually she'll understand.
I was just fortunate enough that it didn't effect my mom's side of the family at all, so no drama there.
It was hard, but it's was soo worth it, I've never been happier.
>>17225671
Are you with someone else? Are you saying she doesn't want you to be with someone else? Initials?
>>17225850
Initials?
>>17228224
Initials?
I tried once, but it was just too much for me.. even though I felt he was the toxic one in the situation. I eventually got back in contact with him, we kissed and made up and it's a pretty stable friendship now, more than before for sure.
>>17225380
Yup, I cut people out of my life when they no longer are beneficial to have around.
I'm friends with a shitty NEET. He got a degree in Economics from a good college and decided to do absolutely nothing with it for the past 5 years. He still plays the part of a Wolf of Wall Street wannabe douchebag, which includes abusing amphetamines (Adderall). I also take the same drug at about 1/10th the rate that he does, so I give him some of my supply. He invites me over for a week of having fun, and after the first day I notice that MY supply of Adderall (about 10 pills) is empty. For several more days we hang out and he doesn't say anything about it. I finally "surprise" him by telling him that I'll share what I have left, and bring out the empty bottle. He just kinda shrugs it off, so I left. He texted me to death about not understanding why I was so pissed. I stopped contacting him for about a month, but we eventually became friends again. I feel shitty about it because I'm only his friend right now out of pity, since I'm his only friend.
Now my wife doesn't want to be around him because of his abrasive sense of humor (imagine someone trying Always Sunny jokes in real life) so I can't invite him to my place. He's pretty insufferable around other people anyhow.
He's a smart, funny guy. I just wish he would get his shit together.
>>17228426
Someone might read this and think you're being a leech, but I know the exact context you mean. (Unless, of course, you truly are a user.)
>>17225380
I've that done to me coz I wasn't musical enough..?
>>17227461
There's the other side to this too. When people who work full time (for those of you who are still in college) pair up they usually only have so much time to dedicate to social life so they spend most of that with their girlfriend/boyfriend or on gatherings with other couples. As a single person I'm lucky to get a chance to catch up with my coupled up friends outside of organised hobbies twice a year at most. I know couples have more important priorities than friend stuff but don't talk like it doesn't hurt for singles to go from hanging out every week or texting everyday to becoming basically invisible to your coupled up friends. I make the effort keep in touch with my all my friends but it makes me uncomfortable if they treat me like a second class citizen for being single by doing things like consistently flaking on plans at the last minute or letting their partner tag along every time we hang or trying to set me up on pity dates with ugly/desperate singles.
>>17228809
My reasoning for cutting ties is simple, relationships must be mutually beneficial. If a friendship is not mutually beneficial there is no point in maintaining it. People come and go from your life constantly, the you ten years ago isn't necessarily the you of now.
>>17228861
Ah, I knew it! This is what I meant. The wording is a bit abrasive but I completely get what you mean.
This chick on tumblr (inb4 go back to tumblr REEEEE) was blogging about such a thing and it made me reexamine how I handled relationships both platonic and romantic
>>17228884
I should have specified the wording in your OP was abrasive
>>17228379
I was with a guy, and i tried to drown out my feelings for her, but I didn't love him and he was all around a terrible person.
She wants me to be with a guy. She gets some kind of voyeuristic pleasure from imagining me with a guy, but the thought of us together no matter how serious was something to be swept under the rug, like it could be cured by taking a dick. She has this mindset where she only enjoys an ideal of things. How to explain... she wants to be with a guy so she can shoehorn him into her favourite ships from anime and things of that nature. She is romantic but romantic things never happen to her. Everything is painted pink in her mind.
Her family has drilled the idea of success into her mind to be getting married, going to church regularly, and popping out some kids who are in turn dragged to church.
>>17225380
I've recently cut contact 100% with a so called "friend" that was literally pissed because I wasn't helping her with school work (aka literally giving her my whole project or useful materials like courses).
Mind you I am not that big of a bitch but at some point she didn't come to any course the whole semester because she didn't feel like riding the bus 20 minutes. And I'm living at the dorms and literally coming 175km distance from home to go to courses.
Of course I'd get overly frustrated.
And when I did give her the materials she wouldn't be thankful and would talk shit behind my back. She had this problem of always talking about other people's personal lives to others (Others being other fucking coleagues, and literally creating a shit image of you) and then telling you to keep your mouth shut.
She was urgently asking us (me and another common friend) to talk to her just so that she would tell us that this other friend of hers did oral/didn't know how to make tea/didn't know how to cook and many other things. And SHE NEVER EVEN GOT IN A FIGHT with that friend so that she'd have a reason to say these things.
Oh and another thing is that she loved talking about her life /sexual adventures and then she wouldn't listen to you when it was your turn.
>>17228861
But sometimes relationships become imbalanced and it's normal. Someone gets in trouble, you help them. At that moment the relationship stops being beneficial to you, you can only hope they'd do the same for you if you get in trouble, but you may as well never need their help - and yet you help them anyways because they're your friend. I think that's a real friendship or relationship, you know, for both good times and bad times. Someone may not give you benefits at the moment, but in a year, if you're still friends, they may be the one to help you when you need it.
It's like with a family. You don't cut off your parents the moment they're so old it's you who needs to provide for them.
I shut out all the people from a group of friends because I was sick of them all. I always had to hear about their problems and gave them advice, supported them but they never showed interest in me or my life. (Like ask about my study, my job or generally how I'm doing) Time was the only thing that bonded me with them and I've outgrown them.
