We've been together a little more than a year and living together for most of that time.
Here's my issue.
I work 5 days a week from 830am to about 4pm. So I'm out the door at like 745 and home at like 5. So 5 days a week she has 9 hours to herself to cook, clean, play on her computer, watch TV, etc... So 45 hours of alone time for her.
She only works about 3-4 evenings a week and only for about 5 hours on average. So 3-4 evenings a week when I get home from work I have about 5 hours of time to myself. So 15 hours of alone time for me.
I feel it's really fucking unfair desu and it sucks for me. I have lots of hobbies and interests and I like more intellectual TV shows/movies than she does. I feel like she gets so much free time to do what she wants, that when I get in from work, she just smothers me because she's been alone all day. Whereas I've been at work dealing with assholes (as well as on the commute to and from which are both during maximum aggressive/asshole driving time).
It honestly pisses me off so much. Sometimes I want to watch a documentary or even just a schlocky horror movie and I know I can't because she'll be bored by the doc and scared by the horror movie.
Or I want to work on some hobby stuff and I know she will just natter at me while I am trying to concentrate. Hell, sometimes I just want to play some video games and she will complain the whole time.
I feel like I know what the problem is. She gets MORE alone time than she's really comfortable with and I get LESS than I'm happy with.
How the fuck do I bring this up without starting a fight/hurting her feelings? No, she can't start working more for medical reasons. 3 days a week is about all she can handle physically. No she's not fat.
Bet it feels good to post all that.
I was in the same situation. In many ways I still am. My wife is studying to take a series of intense exams which will let her enter the career she's spent her life working towards. She studies every goddamned day, 8-10 hours a day. It's nuts. And I'm really impressed by her.
Yet I, too, wish I got some alone time every once in awhile. The thing is, I don't *need* it. I want it, and I want it all the time, but I can get by without it.
What's really happening is your inner bachelor, struggling to regain control of your time. You want time to just goof off, de-stress. I get it. But left to your own devices, I'm willing to bet you'd waste a whole lot of time doing things that don't matter.
What you need to do is find an understanding with your gf, that sometimes you need alone time, when you can goof off. And at the same time, you need to understand that being unproductive doesn't help your relationship or personal situation. You need to want less goof off time, and she needs to let you have some.
Try 10 years of that AND being married. If she loves you she will agree to compromise your "me time" which is an understandable, healthy needed thing in your job field to help relax after being around people and noise. Just describe it what you go through outside your home and she should understand. If she has friends or relatives (i.email. sister, close female cousins or mother) maybe she can go out window shopping or just talk on the phone with them while you do what you want to do. Good luck
>>17224799
The god-tier solution would be a hobby for both of you
tell her to get a normal 9-5 somewhere and stop waitressing or stripping or whatever else degenerate work one does in the evenings. she'll be home when you are and get less alone time. then you just set some boundaries for you to be able to do your own thing, even when she's around, and come to agreements. that's how relationships work.
>>17226023
She teaches music to children you fucking creep.
>>17226239
Your girlfriend is a cunt and you deserve her.
See? We can all resort to name calling. It just gets us nowhere.
>>17224799
Talk to her. If you've been with her long enough to live together, you should be able to communicate good enough.
Maybe ask her to see her friends more during the day. If she doesn't have many friends, she could take some class, do sports, volunteer... just something to spend time with others, so she'll feel less lonely and more useful.
Maybe dedicate two hours to her every evening and after that ask her to leave you alone, and spend the weekend doing activities together.
>>17226259
You/he called her a stripper.
>>17226761
>imblying striper is n inslt
>its current year
>>17226273
old married anon here. same problem with my wife. she stays home and I know she does the laundry and cooking but she's alone so when I get home she has the need to chat.
I, on the other hand, just spent an hour in traffic after working about 10 hours talking to every kind of person imaginable... assholes, helpless people, nice people who won't shut up. When I get home I just want to pour myself a drink and decompress.
What I have started doing is as soon as I walk in I spend about 20 minutes talking to my wife. Full attention... no TV, no computer. Then we chat during dinner.
After dinner we go our separate ways or, if there's something on TV we want to watch together, we'll do that. You need to divide up your time but you can't ignore her.
I'm the gf in this situation.
My boyfriend works 8-4 while I work from home, in average 4 hours a day.
Look OP, I get it. We all need some alone time, but you can't ignore her or blame her for wanting to talk to you.
The only solution here is to communicate. Tell her how you feel, but don't be soo negative about it and don't use rude words such as "nag" etc. Just talk.
