Hey /adv/, I come to you in need of some help.
My girlfriend over 1 year has a problem with being social. She's extremely introverted, doesn't talk much around my friends or family, and when we're at my relatives, she hides in the room when me and the family are out talking. she either naps, or just stays on her phone instead of socializing.
Now, when we're alone together, she's very affectionate, quirky, funny, and just... normal. I'm a very extroverted person, and when i'm around other people I can talk for hours. I can also meet and make new friends easily. She's the opposite. It's honestly becoming a bit awkward, when we are out with friends (whom she's met and hung out with before and should have become comfortable with by now) she just sits there silently. I try so hard to get her to join in and try to give her openings, but she just sits there.
She's constantly coming up with excuses for not being social, but honestly, i'm just getting tired of it. I love her, she's amazing, she makes me feel amazing, but I just can't take her anywhere with others and it always turns into her wanting to stay in alone with me, while i'm very extroverted and want to go out and be with friends.
What do i do?
>>17223336
this goes for both genders, but why do people feel an obligation to bring along their bf/gf out with them? Is it because it's a "normal" thing to do? If I ever got a girlfriend (lol) I would be annoyed if she constantly wanted me to go everywhere with her.
>>17223356
This.
I'm sometimes annoyed that my friends girlfriends always have to be there whenever we do stuff.
If she prefers to stay at home while you go out, and if your friends don't mind, let her.
>>17223336
>mfw this is exactly the kind of girl i'm looking for
>mfw no girls like this at my uni or anywhere else around here
Anyway, this is likely not something you're going to be able to change overall, it's a pretty deep aspect of her personality. If it gets on your nerves enough, the only real long-term solution is to break up. You guys are frankly not really compatible and I've never seen such a relationship work longer than 3 years, but if you want to keep trying, maybe you can be the exception.
>should have become comfortable with by now
She obviously isn't. You can try to fix that with more activities together: typically, stressful activities like rock-wall climbing, ziplining, etc help, as well as emotional bonding like getting hella drunk together and talking about your lives.
How is she when drunk, anyway? More talkative? If so, events with alcohol are a golden opportunity in general.
Other than that, some people really need adrenaline in their system to be more outgoing, they usually realize this eventually and take up extreme sports and such (or abuse stimulants, but "get your gf hooked on speed" is the kind of advice that ruins lives).
As an introverted person myself I would probably be pissed or made uncomfortable if my partner tried to push me to be more social. She probably is just the type of person who prefers one on one hang outs.
Fact is, she's not gonna try to change this unless she sees a reason to do so. Some people are just quiet, and that's their nature. I have a friend who in groups will only talk like 5% of the time but me and his friends just accept that is how he is and we still love him. Might be a similar situation with your girl and her friends.
If you are really that frustrated with her, try to talk about it and convince her to work on it, accept her, or break up. Those are pretty much your options.
Just to give this another perspective
>My girlfriend over 1 year has a problem with being social.
>I try so hard to get her to join in and try to give her openings, but she just sits there
>I just can't take her anywhere with others and it always turns into her wanting to stay in alone with me
To be quite honest, I think the person with a problem is YOU, not her.
Look - people are different. Some people want to be with tons of friends, some people want to be left alone. And it's FINE.
The only thing that's not fine here is that YOU see it as a problem (which it's not) and YOU want her to change (while she probably doesn't want to).
Here's what you must do:
1. Realize and ACCEPT that this is the way she is. She might change in the future, or she might not, but it's up to her.
2. Give her space. Don't push her to do things she doesn't want to do. If you need to get out, get out - don't drag her along, and don't stop going out for her sake
3. After practicing 2 for a while: are you happy? If you are, GREAT. If you aren't, TALK to her about it.
>>17223356
It's not necessarily an obligation. Sometimes you enjoy their company and want them along.Usually people bring them along because they enjoy their significant other's company and want to do stuff together.
I'm not trying to "force" her to come along. It's just when she does want to go out on a double-date, its usually her just sitting there not talking.
When we go to family events its the same thing.
>>17223336
i'm exactly like that girl. it's not like i don't want to socialise but i'm just too anxious and awkward and weird. all my boyfriends have been the same, i just can't imagine being with an extroverted person.
anyhow, pressuring her won't do any good. idk. gl.
Does her introversion actually prevent you from going out and doing your own thing? I mean, she's your girlfriend, no one else's, just because she's affectionate with you doesn't mean she has to share that with the rest of the world. So long as she's not insisting you stay home with her rather than going out and seeing your friends, I don't really see the problem.
