Anyone here have a happy ending to a long distance relationship? Where do you two used to live? What made you realise that the sacrifise of relocation is worth it and that they will not cheat on you or treat you poorly after relocation?
if there is trust, respect, love, and healthy communication before the relocation, hopefully you'll make it work and both be happy.
When my partner moved to japan for a year, it was tough. We had our ups and downs and times were we didn't think it would work. We were still new to the relationship and our downs were not for lack of trust, but from the time difference of 16 hours and leading two very different lives at the time. We learned new and sometimes upsetting facts about one another this way and because there was no physical face to face or comforting touch, things sometimes got misinterpreted or we acted rashly out of frustration. Wewere never mean or cruel to one anotherand so he was always worth the difficult times. I'd see him every three months for a month at a time and that certainly helped. One year later, back on the same continent, we're still together <3
>>17221365
>Anyone here have a happy ending to a long distance relationship?
Met him on a MMO when I was 13, through his then girlfriend. She did bad shit to him, I tried to help him get through it, and then he disappeared for a time. Then he came back to the game, I pursued him, and entered a LDR when I was 15 or so. With my mom's permission, he was allowed to visit every few months, when he had money for a plane ticket. I'm in my late 20s now and we're still very happy with each other.
>Where do you two used to live?
I've lived all over the place, but I was in Massachusetts before I moved. I relocated to his hometown in Georgia.
>What made you realise that the sacrifise of relocation is worth it and that they will not cheat on you or treat you poorly after relocation?
He's an honorable person and I was able to see how he treats his women. Even when his ex treated him like garbage, to the point where he had to break up because he couldn't take it anymore, he was never an asshole. Before I relocated at 20, he would blow his hard earned money to visit me and my family. At 18, my mom gave me a ticket to go see him. What should've been a visit for a few weeks turned into living with him for nearly a year. We were incredibly happy.
He put his everything into the relationship early on--if I was a bad person, I could've easily taken advantage of him. He's also honest to a fault.
As for cheating and poor treatment, one should always have some type of backup plan before jumping into something like that. Whether or not you're relocating, a relationship is always a gamble.
I've been in a LDR for over 4 years now, in a 5-6 year relationship. I wouldn't change it for anything, even though it downright sucks sometimes. I have no idea when I'm going to see him again. I have no idea when we're going to officially live together. And I'd rather it be this way than if I'd left him for some other dude
>>17221365
I've been playing WoW since launch so I've seen my share of couples meeting in game and moving in together. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The people I've considered to be friends who have gotten involved in LDR have mostly had relationships that worked out well, and that includes relationships that have existed for almost 10 years and have resulted in kids and regular family stuff.
You can get a reasonable sense of who someone is by talking to them for a while, and you can get a good idea of how they're going to treat you just by being around them for an extended period of time. People who are just faking it by being on their best behavior are going to crack after a while, but most people are pretty honest and open about who they are. If you have reasonably good judgment and nothing seems weird or secretive about someone, you can usually trust that they are what they seem to be.
There are no guarantees, but sometimes you just have to say what the hell and trust people.
This is a terrible idea for people who have poor self-esteem and don't have firm standards for behavior that they're willing to accept.
>>17221461
Where are you guys from? Arent you worried about him cheating on you?
Been with my boyfriend for 11 years now. We lived around 3k miles apart from each other, but we were kids when we started dating, we're in our mid 20s now. We just spoke to each other almost all day every day, and when we turned 18 we started visiting each other every once in a while, staying for periods of a month +. Eventually, he moved from his home state to be with me.
>>17221516
we went to high school together, i was senior year and he was junior year when he had to move. we did end up breaking up for a few months after he told me that he'd kissed one of his former high school teachers. we're still working on that, but i truly believe he won't cheat on anyone else. he has a really low sex drive, which is sometimes infuriating when we're together, but it does help my anxiety when we're apart
>>17221505
>I've seen my share of couples meeting in game and moving in together
Are they all Americans?
>>17221505
>The people I've considered to be friends who have gotten involved in LDR have mostly had relationships that worked out well, and that includes relationships that have existed for almost 10 years and have resulted in kids and regular family stuff
Really? I thought most long distance relationships fail
>You can get a reasonable sense of who someone is by talking to them for a while, and you can get a good idea of how they're going to treat you just by being around them for an extended period of time
Those people were online friends though. One could have been catfishing the other
>>17221586
Mostly. One of my real life friends ended up meeting and marrying a European who moved to the USA.
>>17221591
>Really? I thought most long distance relationships fail
Most relationships fail. You meet someone, date for a bit, realize you're not right for each other, and move on to meet someone else.
Most long distance relationships involving people who are basically dependent children are going to fail. Can't support yourself? Don't have the means or ability to easily move from one place to another? You're going to have problems. And that's the thing with most LDR's that get discussed on 4chan: most of them involve childish adults -- legally adults but more like children in how they behave and where they are in life. If it's a relationship that starts over the internet and doesn't have much of a chance to progresses because the people involved don't have their lives together enough to be able to change that long distance situation, it's not really the distance that is the problem.
I also specify "the people I've considered to be friends" because I pick my friends in part based on whether or not I think they're decent people. I've seen plenty of WoW relationship drama involving selfish, shitty people, and have felt that the selfish, shitty behavior would eventually cause problems (which it did). But that's also not an issue involving distance.
>One could have been catfishing the other
Sure, that happens. But it's only possible if you're never willing to meet. The goal in a LDR shouldn't be to to maintain some distant relationship forever, it's to turn it into a regular relationship as quickly as practically possible.
>>17221704
>One of my real life friends ended up meeting and marrying a European who moved to the USA
Were they online friends?
This probably isn't the right thread and maybe I should make my own but I'm too scared to do that, it's sort of on topic anyway.
What should I do if I've been lying to the person I'm in an LDR with about my age? I didn't lie out of malicious intent or with any motive to impress, I only did it because I was being stupid and wasn't thinking at the time and am now too scared to be honest out of fear of rejection. For the record I've been completely honest with this person about everything else in my life.
>>17221746
Just tell them. I told my bf I was a year older than I was for literally no reason and when I came clean he laughed at me and asked why I would lie about something so silly.
>>17221717
They met online, yes. They really enjoyed talking to each other (voice, not text) and she went to visit him on vacation. He came to the states on vacation a couple months later, and they got on well enough that she decided to move to Europe to be near him. They ended up moving in together, lived together for a while, got married, and then moved to the USA.
>>17221759
How old were they?
>>17221759
Not OP but what's your take on this?
http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/17220232/#q17220232
>>17221754
What if I've told them I'm 6 years older than I actually am? Right now they believe I'm 3 years older than them when I'm actually 3 years younger. Our relationship is strong but I can't shake the feeling this would really mess things up.
>>17221791
male or female
>>17221365
Yes. I broke up with her. It made me happy. Now she orbits my thundercock, attracting other Stacies to my astronomically massive penile system (AMPS).
>>17221791
how old are you two?
I have a question regarding LDR. How the fuck do I get in to Canada from the US? My girlfriend and I have met a few times and have been talking about moving in. I'm going to be the one going from the US to Canada. The rules seem extremely difficult to understand and vague. Does anyone have experience with this shit?
>>17221801
I think you should make a separate thread about that during the daytime, you will probably have more luck
good luck though, I've heard canada is very hard to get into
>>17221795
I'm a male
>>17221800
I'm 19, she's 22
>>17221813
That's not a big deal, I think you should be fine. It'll have to come out sooner or later if you plan on ever living with her, so it may as well be on your terms.
>>17221778
Early 30's.
>>17221785
Yeah I saw that when it was posted, didn't really read through it again so I might have missed something there. I don't think the OP posted much about the guy and his situation except that he's too poor to visit the USA (student or unemployed I assume). OP there is a student and is 2 to 3 years from being an independent adult.
I don't really see this as being a good bet.
That she described him as "asexual" means he's less likely to seek sexual gratification with someone else while they're not together, but it also sounds like for most people he'd be a very unsatisfying relationship partner when they can actually be together.
>>17221791
If you lied to make him think that you're legally an adult, that's a serious breach of trust. Otherwise I don't know that he'd give much of a fuck.
>>17221817
That's true, and I do intend on moving to where she lives. I've been stressed as fuck the last few weeks because of this, she deserves to know but I've been too afraid. I really hope she just sees it as some silly bullshit and we can move on from it, thanks.
>>17221825
See>>17221746
And >>17221813
I am legally an adult.
>>17221825
Hey I am that OP.
Both of us are students.
Is my method possible though? See what happens 4 years later and if we find no one move to his country?
>>17221834
I think keeping someone as a backup plan is not really fair to yourself or to anyone you might date in the meantime.
I didn't really understand what your own situation was. Do you just not have much of an interest in having a relationship with someone in person because you don't like spending a lot of time with other people, or also don't like physical contact?
I think if you knowingly are keeping a "backup" (and he's not even really someone that you know if you'd like being in a relationship with) you're going to feel less motivation to explore dating other people and you're going to be less likely be willing to commit fully to someone else who you could be really good with. But I don't know you and your situation.
>>17221832
Ah. Yeah. Well, at 19 you probably haven't been an independent adult for very long (assuming you are now) and that might be an issue. When I was younger, I decided that I was tired of trying to date women who hadn't been self-supporting and on their own for at least two years. I just got tied of dealing with all the stupid kid shit.
So yeah, it may be that she's not interested in dating a 19 year old who is completely unestablished as an adult, versus a 25 year old who has presumably figured some shit out.
You still need to tell her. It would help a lot if you actually behave like a mature adult. When you wrote that you've been honest about everything else in your life, 6 years as a young adult is a huge amount of time. How did you explain that gap? That's a period of time when a lot of people finish college or and have a good start at establishing a career.
>>17221871
I feel like I am very comptiable with him (friendwise). We text each other daily. Never felt this connection with anyone else friendwise (male or female)
>>17221871
And desu I am not planning to date during uni anyway. I am busy and have other commitments
>met girlfriend online
>she's from another country (I'm from U.S., she's from former commie European country)
>we both didn't really like the idea of dating online
>though somehow we both caught feelings for each other
>developed into exclusive romantic-friendly relationship and then flat out relationship
>I work online and I don't make much by U.S. standards, but it's around twice the average salary in her country
>fly out to meet her in her country
>live there for a few months until visa ended
>it was amazing, we worked perfectly together and shared amazing times together
>had to temporarily move back to U.S. until I could get another visa
>flying back in less than two weeks now, hopefully this time I can extend my visa further
>I could see myself marrying her within the next 2-3 years, if not sooner. I'd propose at the airport if I thought she was ready
The biggest hurdle when it comes to LDR is crippling insecurity. You and her will fight or argue a lot more than you would if you were in the same area meeting up regularly. Expect 400-500% more fights or arguments. Talk to her every single day for at least 1-2 hours, even if it's just through text.
>>17221982
How did you manage to move there if you sont speak the local language?
And what is your take on this?
http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/17220232/#q17220232
Met a girl online (to be honest, through an IRC chat about hard sex) a few months ago. I used it to find girls for webcam sex (mixed results), and she was there to get off, but used to send fake pics. We spent like 2 days talking about absolutely anything except sex, she added me to her real Skype.
Really hit it off. If we're free we spend most of the time in Skype. She's from my same country but from the opposite sides. She's coming for 2 weeks in 2 months, and she might start studying in a city that is near me, and we could visit eachother every weekend or 2 weekends.
Really hoping it works. Never felt so loved.
>>17221989
She helped me find an apartment and such. Most people speak english anyway.
Anyway, take on that how? What the OP should do? If they're in love, then stay together and try everything in their power to make it work and be together. The OP should visit him for a month at least before moving there permanently just to make sure they work well in person. It's a big decision to move to another country but it was an easy one for me.
>>17221945
How much of that decision based on your existing relationship with this guy?
>>17221901
I'd be more concerned how it was spending time with him in person. Because this is what having a relationship with him in person is more likely to be like.
I find communicating mostly through text to be really unsatisfying, but that's me.
I think if you both want a committed relationship with each other despite the long distance, that's what you should agree to do. Also agree that if you change your mind or want to try dating someone else, you'll be honest about it.
I wouldn't do this, but it's your life.
>>17222045
>How much of that decision based on your existing relationship with this guy?
None. Am doing poorly for uni even though I have limited other commiymentd
>I find communicating mostly through text to be really unsatisfying, but that's me.
I understand. "Meeting each other regularly is easier, but actually living together is tough"
Do you think it will work though?
>>17222026
>It's a big decision to move to another country but it was an easy one for me
How so?
Regarding that other issue, do you think a case like that will work? Some people said not very likely
>>17222071
Because I love my girlfriend with everything I have. I'm entirely invested in our relationship which makes any decision to bring us closer together a very easy one. And yeah, they should go for it. Not much to lose, a lot to gain.
>>17222081
Hey I am that OP.
This guy said it may not work though >>17221825
I met my gf in my home town 2 years ago, we study in cities 500km apart and usually see each other only during summer months/week around new years/few days for holidays during the rest of the year.
We started as a long distance relationship and got used to it fast, it has its ups and downs.
During some periods I used to get extremely jelaous of her going out but I've managed to control it, I don't go out much myself because of studying and now a full time job so I dont know how she will react when I start doing it once I get a hold of things.
I'm not worried about cheating because (might sound like an asshole here but it's the truth) she has low self esteem and thinks I'm way above her league (physically I am), so she's more scared of me leaving her than I am of her leaving me. Good thing she doesnt know before I met her I was a virgin autist and literally faked being cool for the first few months after I met her until I became cool for real.
She has two more years of school and I am done this year, I will stay and work but after that....she wants to go back home to be close to her mother, and because of what I do I can't live in a small town because it will be impossible to find a job...
>>17222088
Jesus Christ, learn to think for yourself. You're uncertain about it so either get certain or it's not a good idea to visit him yet. Definitely don't move there long term unless you're absolutely certain.
When I think of how I'm moving to my girlfriend's country (more than just a visit) I do it with the absolute certainty that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. If you don't have that same certainty, then maybe you should either not visit him at all or plan a very short (week or two maybe) visit.
>>17221365
I've been in a relationship for 8 years.
We met online when i was 15 and he was 17. We lived 500 km apart. Met each other every month and half during the school year and spent all holidays together till he turned 19 and moved closer to me (20 km) for university. He stayed there for 2 years, and then moved in with me when I turned 19. During the last 4 years, we lived together. He moved abroad for 8 months for his studies. He moved 2500 km from here. I went visiting every 2 weeks.
He is the kindest, most intelligent and funniest man I've ever met. He is hard working, loving and extrmely funny.
We always put a lot of effort in our relationship and it shows. We communicate a lot, we spend quality time together, we still make love every day.
He was worth it because he was the best person I've ever met. And even if I could date someone closer, no one would ever be as good as him and I had to try and be with him.
8 year relationship, roughly 2 years at the start was an LDR, I moved to her and now we live together.
I have learned the local language etc as well, so I have done a lot to make this relationship work, and so has she.
>>17222067
>Do you think it will work though?
If you were asking me to place a bet, I would bet against you. I'm not trying to be discouraging, I just don't see long distance relationships at your age and situation in life working out most of the time. Most "normal" in-person relationships at your age don't last.
That's based on my observations of people as a group. You (and your ldr guy) are individuals though, and just because something is a norm for a particular statistical group you're in doesn't mean that it must apply to you.
It depends on your personalities and your commitment to making it work. If you're really committed to making it work, then it can work regardless of what anyone else says or thinks about it. If it's what you want to do, then don't worry about what other people think and focus on doing it.
>>17222115
>Most "normal" in-person relationships at your age don't last.
I know and that was what I observed too. Long term relationships are not that common.
Me and him are super comtiable though. Never felt this sort of connection even frinedshipwisr
>>17222105
Where are you guys from
>>17222147
Me, NZ, her, NL. I went to her so I am in NL too, obviously.
>>17222170
So far away! You can sepak dtuch? How old are you guys?
Fuck online relationships. It's a myth, they never work. All they lead to is hurt even when you're 100% honest. Most girls are the untrustworthy ones, despite you making your time for them its never mutual. LDR is scary, don't go for them, 9/10 they only lead to hurt.
>>17222182
I am 27 and she is 26, and yeah, I can speak Dutch (not fluent but I passed state exams for it.)
>>17222184
You are literally in a thread with at least a dozen success stories. Go troll elsewhere.
>>17222190
No I'm not trolling. Sorry if I'm.coming off Ile that, but I've literally seen the otherside to it. You can just make it seem all happy and magical. LDR rarely works and it can fuck you up badly because it requires a lot of trust
>>17222190
How long did it take you to learn durch? Did you leanr dutch brcause of her
Do your parentd approve of yoir relaronshup?
>>17222196
Just like any relationship. LDR is only different because it takes much more effort to "see" each other regularly, and yet many people manage that and come out happy on the other end.
Feel free to say "LDR's don't work", but just know thats disingenuous, because a vast majority of all relationships end in failure.
This thread is about the success stories though (even mentioned clearly in the OP), so coming in here to be all negative is the very definition of trolling. If you had a bad time, well I am sorry, that really sucks, but you can't possibly think that your experience is the only possible outcome.
Plenty of people have happy LDR's. I wouldn't be surprised if the divorce rate in LDR couples is actually lower than the standard rate, because it takes an enormous commitment to make the LDR portion work. Let those people be happy.
>>17222190
And how did you find a job there? You dont have networks as ibet you didnt srudy there
>>17222200
Well, I had some trouble getting into a class (the government kept dropping the ball, they were meant to organise a class etc and never did) so I spent about a year and a half waiting for the class, learning the basics from her and her family (I had no opportunity to learn before I moved there so that was the best I could do at the time.)
Once I got into the class, it took me about 3 months to learn enough to pass the practice exams (again the government dropped the ball, I was meant to attend class for at least a year, but they only signed me in for 3 months and refused to extend it). Basically had to leave before I finished the class, but my teacher was confident I could pass the exams (which I did, no need for do-overs.)
I am probably not a good example though, I have always been a fast learner and I was incredibly motivated, so I learned at an extreme rate.
My speech is still a bit hit and miss (probably in part to not being able to finish my class, we barely covered speech) but my reading and listening skills are pretty solid.
>>17222190
>You are literally in a thread with at least a dozen success stories.
confirmation bias.
>>17222210
Thats actually been a challenge. I quickly picked up a paper route that I have done for about 5 years now (near the start I was focused on study and exams, so about half my time working I didn't exactly have the time to upgrade to a better job) and then up until recently the recession made finding anything damn near impossible, so my gf has been paying the bills out of necessity. Hoping my job interview from Friday lewds to a job, pretty sure I impressed the guy (and I shine in interviews, I'd have had a job long ago if I got more interviews) and I hear back tomorrow (fingers crossed.)
Finding work hasn't been a problem for just me though, her brother has also been rejected out of hand for pretty much everything (not even reaching interviews) despite being better qualified than me, and a local, so it's just the job market being awful right now.
>>17222235
How is it confirmation bias when it is the requested topic? OP asked for a specific type of feedback, and that is exactly what they got.
If this was about all LDR's and one person had a success story and then everyone piggybacked, thats confirmation bias. This is a thread specifically asking for positive stories, which is why negative posting isn't welcome and is troll level posting.
If you wanted to go into detail about what part of your relationship fell apart (you know, be helpful) that might be acceptable, but a blanket "woe is me" statement is basically worthless.
>>17222245
And dont you fear ending up in a shitty retail job forever after relocation? Nz is not in a recesson
What id your major? Wjat did you stidy?
>>17222281
Actually, NZ has been in a pretty major recession recently - after the Christchurch earthquakes, it was damn near impossible for people to find work. My stepfather has to work at The Warehouse, despite being qualified for pretty much any IT job in the area.
And I am worried about being stuck in a dead-end job? Sure. But it's worth it. And I always have opportunities out there, so I will keep looking for the next thing.
>>17222307
Did you give up a wellpadi stable job to move?
>>17222325
No. I had just entered the workforce about the time I met her, but I had pretty severe depression from when I was younger, and after I lost my job to extended illness (bronchitis for 2 months) I went to therapy. By the time I had recovered (a little over a year of medication and therapy) we decided it was time to be together and I would continue working once we were together. It's still coming together but I don't regret the decision.
>>17222348
If you had a stable well paid job would you move for her
Waht did you stidy?
>>17222351
I would have still moved, yes.
And I didn't go to uni/college, I had family issues at home that lead to me moving out very soon after I left school. I did a short course in retail (needed something on my CV, was only a month or two) and then started working.
If I was to classify myself, it would be as a "loser", so if you want to know what a more successful person would do, then I am not your man. But the thing is I refuse to give up on a good thing just because my life sucked hard at one point. I can still go study as an adult when I have stable work (night classes) so I am not too concerned about what I have missed. Does me no good to dwell on the past.
>>17222369
>I would have still moved, yes
Really, at the risk of ending up in retail for ever and breaking up eith her?
>>17222405
Breaking up never felt like a concern honestly.
And yes, I would go through a life of shitty jobs as long as we could be together and happy. I could have been a millionaire giving up his entire fortune, it wouldn't have made a difference to me.
That's the thing though - even when I had doubts, I didn't have any doubts. As fucked up as that sounds, it's the truth. My doubts were always "am I good enough for her" and "shouldn't she find someone who lives closer". I never once doubted that I loved her or that she loved me, it was all about my own self worth. The only time breakups ever crossed my mind was when I thought I wasn't good for her, that I was going to make her life worse. I was willing to sacrifice every shred of happiness in my life if it meant she could be even a little bit happier.
And here we are today, I am doing my damndest to get a steady income to help with our savings, we have talked often about marriage, and we still love each other to bits. It's been 8 years, longer than some marriages, and we have no regrets.
>>17222456
>And yes, I would go through a life of shitty jobs as long as we could be together and happy
Haha you sure? And how did you learn to trust her so much?
>>17222456
Is she from a rich family? Hoe do you know that she is noy catfishing you?
>>17222507
I'm absolutely positive.
And we were just very open about everything. I never lied to her, I told her everything I could remember from my past (and vice versa), we exchanged gifts and photos etc... We just acted like a couple getting to know each other.
Plus it was very clear to me how perfect she was for me. I ended up fully lovesick for a week after we met (I couldn't eat without feeling like I would puke, could barely sleep, and above all I couldn't get her out of my head or heart.) I was literally head over heels overnight and I have never once doubted that feeling (nor has she ever given me a reason not to trust her.)
I am lucky it was all mutual, I guess it could have turned out badly if she wasn't into it. But it didn't, and I am glad I didn't second guess it.
(That said, I fucked up early in the relationship - I was blindsided by how hard my emotions took control, so when a female friend I met through a forum my gf visited a lot came onto me I simply didn't notice how much she was into me - I was not in the least interested in her, and she made a joke (or thats what I thought) about sending nudes. When she actually did send nudes I freaked out, told her to leave me the fuck alone, and told my gf everything - and she just about broke up with me because of it. Once she calmed down and saw how crap I felt, she realised it wasn't my fault and everything went back to normal.)
I have never felt more shitty, I can tell you that right now.
>>17222531
She isn't rich, but neither am I. We live within our means, together.
And we didn't really need to worry about catfishing when we each payed for half my plane ticket (which was a fairly substantial cost.) A catfish is looking for something more than a hole in the pocket, and they wouldn't be getting much out of me (or conversely, her.)
>>17222566
>A catfish is looking for something more than a hole in the pocket, and they wouldn't be getting much out of me (or conversely, her.)
Oh, could be a creep or something. Would you be more scared if you were female?
Btw what is your opinion on this? Do you think it will work?
http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/17220232/#q17220232
I cant believe you moved from New Zealand to the Netherlands to be with her. So far away...
>>17222577
Creep was a possibility I guess. But we spent almost 2 years getting to know each other before meeting, and by that time any creep tendencies would have been fairly obvious. (And I guess being a guy made it easier? Couldn't really say with absolutely certainty whether it would have been different with genders reversed.)
I couldn't really comment on that thread, other than to say it takes absolute commitment from both parties. Have you thought about paying for part of the ticket for him to come to you for a visit first?
And yeah, roughly the opposite side of the planet. It's no picknick trying to stay in contact with someone in a timezone 12 hours out. Thats why the choice to move was so easy, really.
>>17222613
The guy could be a creep in that thread
>>17222630
Yes. Thats a possibility. But the people in an LDR need to figure out if the other is a creep or not, people can't just read minds and tell them.
Talk a lot. Don't send nudes prematurely. Exchange gifts (teddy bears being what me and my gf did), and spend time getting to really know each other. Thats the same as any other relationship really, it always takes time to get to know each other.
I'd say all relationships follow the same general formula - meet, talk, trust. LDR's just make that a little harder.
>>17222646
Not that person but can you please me an insight into this:
http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/17219189/#q17219189
>>17222649
It's a little unusual to want to bring someone along last minute. Without knowing the why (motive) for bringing the brother, it certainly seems fishy.
On the flip side, there are plenty of reasons to bring someone along on a long trip.
If they payed their own tickets, and the OP brought her own "backup" (a friend or two, family, whatever), then meeting him and his brother shouldn't be a risk.
There isn't always a cut and dry answer when it comes to LDR's though, my own mother had a failed one when I was younger.
Also, I may sound hypocritical for jumping on a plane to meet someone halfway around the world, but being careful is always important. I wouldn't have done that without absolute trust, instead I would have tried something a little safer.
>>17222683
He said he eantd to bring his brother along as he studies history and kNiws more about hisotrical areas
Another question - he only has one friend on FB - a girl from Pakistn who met online. Another red flag? He says he never uses FB and some people on adv said he may have created an account soley for the purpose of adding people he met online
Besides that, zero red flags after we have known each other for 2 years
Also can you respond to this?
http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/17217838/#17217838
>>17222701
I can completely understand the facebook angle, I had literally zero proper social media accounts before I met my girlfriend. I created a myspace for her, and later a facebook account. I think my twitter was created for something she wanted to do too.
And the brother angle, it makes sense - it's a big trip, and probably not the cheapest, so they probably figure it would make for a good roadtrip if things go bad.
I would be cautious in that situation, but ultimately I don't see the harm in meeting.
Ok, the "not a girlfriend" guy seems rather wishy washy. It seems pretty clear that he is into that OP but hasn't got the stones to come out and say it. If the OP wanted an LDR, it seems probable that it's mutual. Not much else to say without more info though.
>>17222714
>It seems pretty clear that he is into that OP but hasn't got the stones to come out and say it
Hey I am the OP in both threads. You think he likes me? There is no evidence for that.
Is spending time alone with him risly? If he likes me, why would he want to bring his brother along then? For two people to do bad things to me?
>>17222728
>no evidence
Except all the listed evidence. Sure, it isn't proof, but it sure as hell is evidence.
>lists you as essentially his perfect girl
>still shows interest years later
He is clearly pretty hung up on you, or at least the idea of you.
Spending time with him entirely alone (or only his brother) could be risky, sure. I don't personally know him to say otherwise. Meeting him in a group next to eliminates the risk, lets you get a feel for each other, and lets you get the hell out if you feel something is wrong.
At worst he is a creep, and your friends protect you. At best he is your next bf and you find a way to make things work. And if everything has been mixed signals, you can walk away as friends.
As for the brother, maybe that's their plan, to take you and abuse you. Or maybe they told the truth and want to see the sights. Bringing your own "posse" so you outnumber them basically eliminates the risk, while letting whatever good that might happen, happen.
I've fallen in love with a girl on the other side of the world. flying out to meet her for the first time in 10 days. At this point, I feel more for this girl that I haven't even met than I have about any of my previous girlfriends. I don't really understand how she has so much power over me. I guess only time will tell what the universe has in store for me.
>>17222755
Hey do you want to talk about this more via email? I can share my spam email here
>>17222757
Good luck! I hope she is everything you want.
>>17222763
To be perfectly honest, no. I don't feel I have much more wisdom to impart at this point. If you are this anxious about the idea of meeting him now, then maybe it isn't the right time, and you need to progress the relationship in other ways first.
After all, you should be really excited to meet someone you have feelings for. I was absolutely over the moon, even if there was still a chance all I would get on the other end was a drugging and a kidney sized hole in my body.
>October 2015
We started dating in the towns we both studied in.
>December 2015
I went to Singapore for an Exchange semester. None of us tried something with other people.
>May 2016
Everything happy-happy
>February 2016
She leaves for her Exchange Semester in Taiwan
>March 2016
Broke up
Meh. Very, very mixed feelings.
>>17222787
That sucks anon. It really does take both people being completely committed though.
>>17222803
That is true. I think that, back when we first started dating, we were still in the honeymoon phase and stuff and everything was ok. Then, when I came back from Exchange, that was when the cracks started to come. We did not go entirely 100% fully confident in her leaving for 5 months either, so yeah, it takes a lot of commitment. I think she just wanted to have a great time over there and that our relationship was just interfering with it.
Ah well, I'm still dealing with it. But I guess, only time helps.
>>17222812
Yeah, it's not easy, but time will help. And you are still young, so it's experience that helps going forward.
>>17222833
I'm 25, so I'm not really at the beginning of my student years anymore, but, yeah, I still have a lot of time on my hands.
>>17222785
Do you think it can work though? I was the girl who posted about the UK US thing. I didn't want people to recognize my posts, and I was talking about the hypothetical situation if he really does have feelings back
>>17222887
Any LDR can work if both people are honest and committed. Without knowing you personally I doubt I could say anything more specific than I have already said in this thread.
>>17222898
Do you want to talk more in emails then?
>>17222933
Again, not really. I would have to talk to both of you, mediate, and put myself in a position of power I don't feel comfortable with.
It may sound like just asking for advice, but the more I know, the more pressure is on me, and that seems like something I would rather avoid. After all, this is /adv/, not /lifecoach/.
I'll still be checking this thread if you need more general advice though.
>>17222898
My parents would not want me to relocate. You know, I am a smart girl and my parents would rather me find a stable well paid job here than five everything up to be with an average looking guh from a family less well of than ours
My family is a bit well off (he knows I've been to many countries in other commitments). Surely he is not feigning interest because of the money?
Also, he never called me his perfect girl. Plus he may be more naive immature and inexperienced back then
>>17222951
Also isn't it a bit risky? Like someone said how he saw a thread by a girl who moved to the States to be with a guy (she is from another continent) and he treated her like a housewife and ultimately kicked her out
>>17222951
Also, i know he is somewhat beta and i dont know if he is interested in me purely because he has very few female friends irl...
>>17222953
Well he could come to you (even if now is a bad time, there is always the future), and if he really is interested in you, coming to you shouldn't be an issue.
As for his precise motives, I am not a mindreader. If he is in it for the money, I would imagine red flags would pop up, and should be fairly obvious.
As for why he likes you (assuming no ulterior motives), why should it matter to you whether he can get other girls or not? What matters is do you like him, and does he like you. "Beta" is pretty irrelevant in an LDR.
>>17223090
>coming to you shouldn't be an issue.
We is 18 and doesnt jave the money to fly here (am from honkong, he has never been outside of Europe). Don't know if he wants this sort of commitment at the age of eighteen (I am 19)
I know a man enegaged to a woman after dating for seven years. They broke up coz it turns out that she was a gold digger and found someone else wealthier
Well it is like he is flirting with me coz he has no one else to do that with
Well I think he is somewhere along the asexual specturm and I cannot relocate for the next four years.
Oh and when he said "perfect girl" he was probably referring to a girl who shares all the same hobbies as him, not me
>>17223090
>(even if now is a bad time, there is always
Come to you as in moving to my area?
Why did you relocate instead of your gf relocating?
>>17223110
When, he was the one who said he wants to stay in span as all his friends and family are there
>>17222209
You are my hero. I came here to feel good and I still do.
19 year old dude with the 22 year old gf here.
I told her and we're still together so, thanks I guess.
>>17221754
I had this exact same thing happen to me. We've been long distance for 3 years now, and he only recently brought it up on his last trip here. It's kinda embarrassing, but you can both have something to look back to and just laugh.
>>17223099
It sounds like a lot of your questions come down to you not being sure whether or not he actually wants you. The rest seems like putting the cart before the horse - so my advice is just go talk to him. Don't beat around the bush, find out if he likes you, spend time getting to know him better, and worry about meeting after a few months have passed and you have a better idea of whats what.
>>17223110
Yes, him moving to you.
As for myself, I was already mildly estranged from my immediate family (somewhat of a black sheep) and she was (and is) still really close with her own family. So it was a no brainer - I couldn't ask her to leave her family for selfish reasons.
>>17223142
Glad to hear it. I just like to share my experience as well as I can, and let people know that LDR's aren't always hopeless.
>>17223147
I wasn't the one who advised you, but great to hear it. If she is grumpy it shouldn't last.
I'd have advised honesty too though, honesty is a big part of making an LDR work.
Hey anons, not related to OP but i do require LDR advice. So basically, i love this girl 110% shes everything my heart asks for. Problem is, shes christian, im a muslim. Am i religious? Not at all. She isnt really either but both of out parents are. Shes also in the usa, and im in australia. So basically, i actually broke up with her because obviously thought it isnt possible. Wasnt too long ago. About a month or two. Im still not over her and am really struggling with that part. I really regret that decision but am still quite adamant it wont work out due to obvious reasons. If you guys think i should get over her then please help me because waiting isnt working. If you guys reckon its worth a second shot then give me some advice about that please. Thanks!
>>17223171
>Don't beat around the bush, find out if he likes you, spend time getting to know him better, and worry about meeting after a few months have passed and you have a better idea of whats what.
Yeah I don't even know if he likes me
>him moving
Like I've said he mentioned how he wants to stay in span
Is moving to his country worth it then if that has to happen?
>>17223179
Religious stuff is a little out of my expertise (my gf's mother is pretty religious, so I tolerate it on holidays and stuff) but if you love someone, and that person isn't trying to convert you, then you should be able to make it work.
But it's a very personal issue I can't advise on more than this, so good luck either way.
>>17223189
For now, focus on whether or not he likes you. At this point stressing about things that may not happen at all (or for years) clearly isn't doing you any favours. It seems to be upsetting you a fair bit, so just put travel and moving on the back burner until you are sure he likes you and is right for you.
Who knows, maybe you will discover you don't even like him romantically after a few weeks.
>>17223171
She isn't grumpy but she understandably takes me a little less seriously now, hopefully I can work myself out of this though.
>>17223286
Well, stay honest and she will forget about it in time. And if she decides age is such a problem, I imagine something else would have gotten under her skin eventually anyway.
Biggest win here is that you told her before she found out another way.
>>17223285
>focus on whether or not he likes you
You are the one who says he does
Well I still don't think he is willing to relocate even for a "perfect" girl
>>17223304
Well I say it based on what I have seen you say, he seems to like you. But it seems like you know this on some level, since you are here for LDR advice (why ask if there wasn't a good chance, right?)
But for now go confirm all this theory (or debunk it), and the rest becomes a lot easier.
>>17223325
Well someone else suggested he may like me
If so, is relocating to HIS country worth it?
Seriously would you mind sharing a spam email address so that I can continue asking for advice after our sitautioj progresses on?
>>17223341
Whether or not to relocate depends on the quality of the relationship, your situation in life, family, etc. For me it was worth it and more, but the same may not be true for you - that's something you have to figure out for yourself over the course of the relationship.
And as long as you post updates now and then on /adv/ I will probably see it (or someone with similar experience will probably step in.)
I did it recently and i kinda regret it.
She's a wonderfull woman and i fucked it up and broke up with her because i was selfish idiot. I realised my mistake and asked her to get back together the next day but obviously she said no and that she cant play games so i cried myself to sleep.
We still talk because we play the same online game and yday she was very warm towards me called baby and all that. I'm so confused because right when i had decided that it was over(in good terms) she tells these stuff.
tldr: dont try it, it can fuck you up so badly
>>17223350
>For me it was worth it and more
Well you said you can sacrifice a well paid stable job for her even if you have to end up in a shitty retail job forever - I don't know how many are there out there who are like you
Like I have said my parents will probably friwn upon if if I relocate myself for him
>>17223350
Also, like I have said none of us can relocate over the next four years.
Is a relationship still possible?
>>17223352
There are literally dozens of stories like this every day on /adv/ and they aren't LDR's. Relationships can screw you up, it isn't unique to LDR's. The distance doesn't help though, that's for sure.
>>17223359
And I meant every word, but that doesn't mean I could have done that the day I met her. It took time to figure this stuff out, talking together, making plans.
And once I knew she was worth every minute I spent thinking about her, longing for her, wanting to hold her and hear her voice, I knew it would be the easiest thing in the world for me to drop everything and fly to her. And it was.
As for your parents - by the time you are in a position to relocate, they will have to admit you are adult enough to make your own choices. And that still doesn't mean he can't come to you (things change, he may be willing to come to you by that time.)
But once again, we are ahead of the horse. For now, baby steps.
>>17223364
Well thats up to the two of you, really. Can two people manage to be faithful to each other over a massive distance for 4 years? Of course it is possible. But can you handle it? Can he? You would need to talk to him and find out.
Can you visit/have him visit at all before then? Meeting could help (although that isn't wise to rush.)
>>17223179
Hey again, anyone have any more input for me? Im open to hear your opinions and would really appreciate further help. Thanks btw 17323194.
>>17223390
>>There are literally dozens of stories like this every day on /adv/ and they aren't LDR's. Relationships can screw you up, it isn't unique to LDR's. The distance doesn't help though, that's for sure.
Sure but why is she being flirty with me now?? Am I imagining things? surely her blowing kisses and hearts at me all me day yday must mean something.
meh I wish I didn't fuck it up so badly ;_;
>>17223461
Confront her about it? I mean, an LDR isn't a special snowflake, it's a relationship, and you have to treat it like one. If someone was acting like that to you in RL, you find a way to confirm your suspicions. Same applies in an LDR, although you might need to be more direct.
>>17223471
>>17223471
I dont want to confront her right now because she was clear when i asked her to to get back and she said no.
complicated shit
>>17223492
You don't have to be completely transparent about it. You could say "Hey, you have been awfully flirty recently" or something. You can confront her while still being smooth about it.
>>17223298
Yeah she keeps telling me if I hadn't told her she would've found out when we meet anyway and that's true so I guess it's better that I told her now instead of much later. Things seem to be smoothing out now and going back to normal. I didn't think it would go this well so I'm pretty happy about this, thanks even if you weren't the one who originally advised me.
