can't get over it
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I still hate my ex-girlfriend after almost 10 years.
She was my first serious relationship, and we dated for almost 5 years before she cheated and left me an empty shell (at the time). I loved her more than I've ever loved anyone, and she stabbed me in the back viciously and completely turned against me almost overnight.
Since that time, I never got either closure or revenge. I just moved on with my life, fucked other girls, travelled, got married (to a far superior girl). But I have never felt affection or love to that degree since. It's like some part of me died in the process. I'm not being melodramatic here but actually feel unable to feel "love" emotions anymore, at least not as strong as I used to.
But II still think about her about once a week (sometimes more) and, when I do, I feel so damn bitter. I just wish I could make her feel like she made me feel at the time. Or worse! I feel like she "got away with it" and has no idea how badly she hurt me.
Everything I've done since then, from girls I've dated, to music I've started listening to, to working out, etc. has been motivated by some weird idea of revenge. Like, "I'll show you, I'll work out." or "I'll start listening to great music." or what have you.
Now it's been almost 10 years and it doesn't seem I will ever fully get over it. What is my problem and what should I do? (if anything)
i don't know since i'm in the same boat
Why did you get married to a woman you feel less for? You essentially settled early.
Oh well
>>17219571
As I said, I am totally incapable of feeling affection-type emotions like I used to be able to. I married a girl that I love (true love, respect, trust, communication, etc.) and who is better in every way (or almost every way) than her (and other girls.) Trust me, I married the right girl.
What I'm talking about here is just some emotional noise and 10-year resentment that I'm trying to deal with.
You don't have a problem. Everyone remembers their first love and for good reason; as you said, you feel unhindered almost uncontrollable love and devotion for this person. But as amazing as it felt it left you vulnerable to any pain she might inflict.
You were burned and you learned. Your inability to love someone as strongly as that again isn't a flaw, it's your brain learing from the experience and protecting you. Everyone has to learn that lesson or they risk being destroyed - it doesn't mean you love your new girl any less.
Stop looking down on yourself, you're human. Realise that the feeling of comfort and stability you have with your wife is love in and of itself and appreciate what you have now. Your ex probably thinks of you and regrets her decision for one reason or another - I know that my first love sure does now that she's an STD-riddled whore with no qualifications.
>>17219587
This was an amazing post. Thank you.
