I've been undesirable and unlikable since a few bad things happened to me when I was in Elementary school. I have hobbies and interests but I can't share them in a way that engages people or makes me sound cool. Socially, I come across as boring, with few redeeming qualities.
In middle school (after the bad stuff), I found out my best friend didn't really like me. Had no friends. Then I moved, actively initiated a friendship with someone I thought was cool, then after ~2 years of doing everything together found out they only hung out with me out of pity. Back to no friends.
Since then I've been alone and painfully aware of the fact that I'm unlikable. I think people pity me, I feel pathetic and inferior when I try to interact with people. I completely understand why no one wants to be friends with me, but it sucks. I think it's just my personality. But I want to have fun with other people, to connect with them, to get to know them. To like them and be liked.
I read a post today from someone who was also unlikable and undesirable. He wanted to get a girlfriend. He was asking psychologists if treatment would help, like therapy. The consensus was that this isn't something professionals treat, since it isn't a psychological disorder. It's just how life is for some people. They could only help you cope with being unlikable.
So will I be a bumbling autist for the rest of my life? I really want some way out of the life I'm currently living. As a result of inexperience and isolation I am very inexpressive, unenthusiastic, and socially awkward. I can't tell stories or engage with people (can't reciprocate any attempts at connecting). Hearing that there was no professional help available sucked.
>>17217278
>The consensus was that this isn't something professionals treat, since it isn't a psychological disorder.
No one here is qualified to say what is or isn't a symptom of a psychological disorder. You need to stop heeding medical advice from 4chan and start seeking medical advice from medical professionals.
Go to a therapist. There are people who specialize in everything you're struggling with.
>>17217294
No the consensus was on a different website, in a small hub populated by clinical psychologists. They said that being unlikable is not something psychologists can treat (being unlikable is not a mental illness), and I know the only consistent problem I've had through my life is being unlikable.
>>17217294
Also, I've tried seeing one psychologist who didn't know what to do with me. The experience was traumatic, she was always jumping to offensive conclusions about me. It lowered my self-esteem because even she saw me as incompetent. As an example when filling out a questionnaire, one question was about workplace functioning. She put the pencil down on "very low" without even asking, just looking at me with a sad face, even though I've been employed since 16 and have always been told by my bosses that I am a hard reliable worker, always offered more work. She wasn't a quack either, she did CBT.
Is there anyone who is in or has been in the same position? Or has words of advice for those who have?
>>17217278
How old are you OP?
I used to be like this when I was 13 and then I realized friendships are bullshit and people generally don't matter outside of your workplace. Just don't think about it, you've got so much time to become good to yourself.
>>17217301
>No the consensus was on a different website, in a small hub populated by clinical psychologists. They said that being unlikable is not something psychologists can treat (being unlikable is not a mental illness), and I know the only consistent problem I've had through my life is being unlikable.
Ok, don't get therapy then. Sit on your computer and be miserable and don't seek help because you read on a website that you shouldn't.
>>17217350
I'm 23 now. Friendships matter less at my age but still, I'm occasionally at a party (I know one person) and I'm always the outcast. I know this group of people who have so much fun together and I want to be a part of that. They hang out when they can, play games, set up game nights. But I'm never likable enough to join a group like that.
>>17217352
This was actual professionals saying that nothing could help being unlikable. I don't want to waste money on something if it's confirmed it has no use for my problem. That's why I asked here, for other people's opinions, who have maybe been in my position or recognize it. I've also tried once and all it did was increase my misery by showing me that even psychologists view me as an incompetent dweeb.
>>17217278
I feel that way also
>>17217381
Do you have hope that it'll change? I really want hope but after so many years of being like this, being likable seems elusive.
>>17217278
I always felt like this OP, I'm trying to overcome it too.
Do you have a brother or someone you trust and speak to naturally? Try acting like this with other people, as if you knew them for a long time. Just bee yourself, you know?
Don't you like people with a joyful attitude? Don't act like a miserable guy, smile more, do some goofy jokes, before you speak think "how can I arrange this sentence in a funnier way?"
Ask something even if you already know the answer, pigfuck. This may lead to some other subject. Then keep the conversation flowing, ask "why?", talk about something that happened around you, even if it is mildly unrelated. I'm sure you do know some cool stories.
I also like to note down on my phone some topics and ideas that I think would make for a good conversation, when I don't know what to say I do a quick glance on my notes app.
Are you so goddamn poor that you're not willing to spend money on a therapist? Talking to someone regularly about your feelings may improve you, don't be so closed-minded.
Most people don't have true friends. Do you have people in your life that you can stand up to the plate for and go to bat for?
>>17217366
>This was actual professionals saying that nothing could help being unlikable.
You're an idiot. First off, no "actual professional" would tell you that there is NOTHING that could be done about a problem you feel you have in life.
A therapist can help you with anything, even feeling unlikable. You're a complete fool for thinking that a few people claiming to be professionals on a website is the only verification of information you need to not pursue this.
You know what I think? I think you know very well that a therapist can help you with your problem but you're too scared and insecure to face up to it. By acknowledging it and dealing with it you make it real and maybe you're just looking for any excuse you can not to get help and blame your inaction on the fact that "a bunch of people on the internet told me I couldn't fix it".
>I've also tried once and all it did was increase my misery by showing me that even psychologists view me as an incompetent dweeb.
That's your insecurity talking. Therapy isn't supposed to be easy. Its uncomfortable. Its frightening and often feels like an attack.
If you're having a good time in therapy you're doing something wrong. You have a problem and you keep coming up with excuses for why you can't fix it and I'm just not buying it.
There is ABSOLUTELY professional help for your problem, you just don't want to seek it.
>>17218362
They said there was nothing they could do to make you more likable. They said they can do something to help you cope with being unlikable. That's not what I want. So yeah, they can do something but it's worthless for me to feel better about a shitty situation, I want to fix my problem not come to terms with being shitty. The people were confirmed professionals.
Also as I've said here >>17217319 I HAVE seen a psychologist and it did nothing but make me feel worse. Stop playing psychoanalyst and being a douchebag for no reason, you don't know me or my thought process.
>That's your insecurity talking. Therapy isn't supposed to be easy. Its uncomfortable. Its frightening and often feels like an attack.
Yeah it's totally great to go to someone who makes embarrassing and blatantly false assumptions about you. With the occupational functioning, I have CONCRETE PROOF that I am a good employee. It didn't just "feel" like an attack, it was an attack. She was always making blatantly false assumptions about my functioning, treating me like I didn't know things that I already knew or couldn't do things (I've been completely self reliant since my teens).
>>17217626
Thanks. I do have one friend but I've been unable to branch out into any other friendships. I've been to a therapist but it made it worse, which is why I'm hesitant. Also seeing them laugh at a guy who wanted to be more likable and telling him they could only help him cope with being unlikable. But thanks for the tips.
>>17217826
I have family and one friend that I help in times of need and that will help me. But I want to be able to be social, funny, to make friends and have fun with other people. I can't do that right now.
>>17217626
Have you seen a therapist? Did it help you?
Any more personal experiences?
>>17219098
>They said there was nothing they could do to make you more likable. They said they can do something to help you cope with being unlikable.
I can tell you're completely misinterpreting what they said. There's nothing anyone can do about the other way people perceive you but they can sure as hell help you with the way you perceive yourself. I can tell you from experience that the way you perceive yourself greatly influences the way other people perceive you.
You've convinced yourself you're unlikable and are completely resistant to any notion that might change your assumption so of COURSE shit hasn't changed. You are dead set against any action or advice that goes against what you have convinced yourself of.
You are twisting the things these "confirmed professionals" told you into soundbites and essentially sticking your fingers in your ears and screaming "LJLALALALALA" when someone tries to tell you different. Its quite sad.
>Yeah it's totally great to go to someone who makes embarrassing and blatantly false assumptions about you.
You're really great at making up excuses for why everyone else is wrong and you're the victim. I can tell just from the way you talk here that you're extremely hostile to people who tell you things you don't want to hear.
That would definitely explain your lack of success with a psychologist. I don't know what gives you the impression that 4chan can help you if a psychologist can't.
>I have CONCRETE PROOF that I am a good employee. It didn't just "feel" like an attack, it was an attack.
Again, you perceived one person as being mean to you, accepted your own perceptions as 100% fact with absolutely no chance of you misinterpreting them and use that as evidence for why the entire world of psychology is useless to you.
You're completely deluded and I wish you the best of luck. When you're ready to start accepting the possibility that maybe you aren't right about everything life will start to get a lot better.
>>17220144
>You're really great at making up excuses for why everyone else is wrong and you're the victim. I can tell just from the way you talk here that you're extremely hostile to people who tell you things you don't want to hear.
I'm actually really receptive to what people have to say and have tried many things. You're just being rude. "You're an idiot", "You're a complete fool", "You know very well that x, y, z but you're too scared and insecure to fix it". Basically making all sorts of assumptions about me and being hostile. You're the one with a problem in this thread, who's hostile to people with differing opinions or who are in a different place in life. I'm not saying everyone is wrong, I said in the original post that I understand why people don't want to be friends with me. But seeing a mental health professional who makes all sorts of assumptions about me turned me off the field. This is in addition to hearing mental health professionals say that there's nothing that can be done about being unlikable, just about how you cope with it.
>You're completely deluded and I wish you the best of luck. When you're ready to start accepting the possibility that maybe you aren't right about everything life will start to get a lot better.
Try taking your own advice bud.
>>17219235
No, I've never seen one, but I wouldn't rule it out just because I read some shit somewhere. There is no secret club of therapists, there are good and bad ones just like everything else.
Maybe you should look out for one who's younger, recently-graduated? I don't know.
I gotta agree with >>17220144
>You've convinced yourself you're unlikable and are completely resistant to any notion that might change your assumption so of COURSE shit hasn't changed. You are dead set against any action or advice that goes against what you have convinced yourself of.
It seems like you're cherrypicking and overanalyzing, focusing too much on the negative side of stuff.
You're not a terribly boring person like you think you are, you just have to try to be more friendly.
Yesterday I had lunch with some female classmates, if this happened last year I would sit there staring at the ground, but I tried my best to talk about anything that came off my mind.
I'm still seen as the shy guy, but that's better than being the antisocial, always-quiet mysanthrope.
Having hobbies and interests is a great thing; you can talk about them and ask others what they do and basically invite yourself over ("I always wanted to do this too")
>>17220891
I saw one who'd just graduated two years prior. I was like you too before my sessions, I believed it could work. But there was a lot about the sessions. I never said I ruled it out, just that what these professionals said fit with my experience so I'm asking others what their experience is.
I don't agree that I'm cherry picking and overanalyzing, you don't know what went on during my sessions or past. Though I get being more positive in the present. And I'm open to your suggestions, like being more friendly and things like that. I have a mental block preventing me from inviting myself over I just realized. But I realize the problem is with myself and am thankful for the advice like the stuff you've said about improving yourself. That other guy was just being a dick. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
>>17217278
I had a friend who was in your boat, but managed to change and be likeable. There's no explanation that's going to help you understand what you're doing wrong. What you need is a friend to practice with, one who won't judge you. If you want OP, we could talk on Skype and practice or something. Reply to my post if you want to do something like that.
>>17220989
2 things wrong with your post
1. You were an actual friend, OP was basically a charity case to people
2. You're telling OP to change his personality to suit others
>>17220938
Sure mate, it's not easy. After talking to these chicks I was shaking and my head was aching. You must feel uncomfortable. But when I came home I was really happy.
Also watch pic related if you haven't I'm sure you'll enjoy it
