Don't sweat it mate, if you want to you can make it weird and tell people you stab hookers or do s&m for sexual release

>>17216511
No good, they know me as the one who only chimes in to throw in a joke or two, so by now they all know my jokes are bullshit I use to cover up the fact I can't express myself very well.

It's usually enough to get them to lay off actually verbally asking me about it, but the expectations are still there.

>>17216519
Just keep eating if someone gets close to you start saying this xyz is sooo good and smack and chomp on that motherfucker like there was no tomorrow

>>17216499
Rather than try to think of excuses or just wallow in your problem, go seek help. Go see a counselor. There's no shame in it. You likely have some sort of social anxiety or hidden issue you never realized, and they can help you find yourself. They can help bring you out of your shell and give you ways to become better at forming and maintaining relationships. Not just romantic ones, but friendships and family relationships as well. A good therapist can save your life in many ways.

>>17216532
Well, that's been my strategy so far, I guess I'll just stick with that and maybe start leaving earlier instead of staying out of obligation.

>>17216542
How does one just "go see a counselor"?

>>17216550
Do you have insurance? If so, use google to find a psychologist. Call various offices and ask if they take your insurance. Then make an appointment. Show up and explain your situation. It goes from there.

No insurance? Still search for one and narrow it down to one that you can afford. Set aside money each month for a few appointments.

>>17216558
Man, I can't even afford the insurance, let alone uninsured visits anywhere. I don't even have a ballpark clue about how any of that shit works either. I've tried learning about it but gave up because none of it makes any sense. I've only been to a doctor or a place where doctors work twice. Once when I was around 4 years old, and once when I was visiting my dad who had a heart attack.

I know how to call 911 if I'm dying, but that's about it.

>>17216573
Also, I'm sure all of this is an excuse I'm making, but I really fucking have tried educating myself on all of this before and it's just... so incredibly overwhelming.

Social Anxiety feelings rely on one pivotal bullshit idea.

The idea that what other people think of you has any standing on how much you are worth as a person.

It is impossible to have social anxiety of any kind, and also simultaneously believe the following:

"What other people think of me does not determine my worth"

"My self-worth is not on the line when I have a social interaction."

What other people think of you is just a very small part of your life, but you have artificially made it larger than it is.

If you didn't believe that what you shouldn't be judged negatively at any time ever, you wouldn't have this problem. Every single human being gets looked down upon at one time or another, almost as a constant, but for some reason you think that it makes you less of a person if someone else disapproves of you.

It is funny to think of the nerd billionaires that we hear so much about, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Zuckerberg, Wozniak, Steve Jobs, fucking awkward as fuck people who decided that what other people thought of them does not determine their worth.

If they thought that, even for a short time, they would have fucked themselves.

I am going to post a small bit from the once famous New York psychologist Albert Ellis, to add another angle. Because there are a thousand angles that you aren't even looking at. This is only one.

>>17216619
Why had you better not rate your self or your essence? Albert Ellis provides a few more reasons:

1. Rating your self or your you-ness is an overgeneralization and is virtually impossible to do accurately. You are (consist of) literally millions of acts, deeds, and traits during your lifetime. Even if you were fully aware of all these performances and characteristics (which you never will be) and were able to give each of them a rating (say, from zero to one hundred) how would you rate each one?; for what purpose?; and under what conditions? Even if you could accurately rate all your millions of acts, how could you get a mean or global rating of the ‘you’ who performs them? Not very easily!

2. Just as your deeds and characteristics constantly change (today you play tennis or chess or the stock market very well and tomorrow quite badly), so does your self-change. Even if you could, at any one second, somehow give your totality a legitimate rating, this rating would keep changing constantly as you did new things and had more experiences. Only after your death could you give your self a final and stable rating

3. What is the purpose of rating your self or achieving ego aggrandizement or self-esteem? Obviously, to make you feel better than other people: to grandiosely deify yourself, to be holier than thou, and to rise to heaven in a golden chariot. Nice work, if you can do it! But since self- esteem seems to be highly correlated with what Bandura (1977) calls self-efficacy, you can only have stable ego-strength when (a) you do well, (b) know you will continue to do well, and (c) have a guarantee that you will always equal or best others in important performances in the present and future. Well, unless you are truly perfect, lots of luck on those aspirations!

>>17216619
4. Although rating your performances and comparing them to those of others has real value because it will help you improve your efficacy and presumably increase your happiness rating your self and insisting that you must be a good and adequate person will (unless you, again, are perfect!) almost inevitably result in your being anxious when you may do any important thing badly, depressed when you do behave poorly, hostile when others out-perform you, and self- pitying when conditions interfere with your doing as well as you think you should. In addition to these neurotic and debilitating feelings, you will almost certainly suffer from serious behavioral problems, such as procrastination, withdrawal, shyness, phobias, obsessions, inertia, and inefficiency (Bard, 1980; Ellis, 1962, 1971, 1973; Ellis and Becker, 1982; Ellis and Harper, 1975; Ellis and Knaus, 1977; Grieger and Grieger, 1982; Miller, 1983; Walen, diGiuseppe and Wessler, 1980; Wessler and Wessler, 1980).

>>17216630
For these reasons, as well as others that I have outlined elsewhere (Ellis, 1962, 1971, 1973, 1976, 1988), rating or measuring your self or your ego will tend to make you anxious, miserable, and ineffective. By all means rate your acts and try (undesperately!) to do well. For you may be happier, healthier, richer, or more achievement- confident (confident that you can achieve) if you perform adequately. But you will not be, nor had you better define yourself as, a better person

If you insist on rating your self or your personhood at all which REBT advises you not to do, you had better conceive of yourself as being valuable or worthwhile just because you are human, because you are alive, because you exist. Preferably, don’t rate your self or your being at all and then you won’t get into any philosophic or scientific difficulties. But if you do use inaccurate, over-generalized self-ratings, such as ‘I am a good person,’ ‘I am worthwhile,’ or ‘I like myself,’ say ‘I am good because I exist and not because I do something special.’ Then you will not be rating yourself in a rigid, bigoted, authoritarian, that is, fascistic manner.
(end)

>>17216499
Get out of your house. These anxieties you have are because you don't go out and something outside. There is no magic pill/bullet to fix this. Only you can do it by actually not checking your smartphone every minute while you're out.

>>17216632
>>17216630
>>17216622
>>17216619
This is interesting, but I don't think it really applies all that much. I guess that might help with some of the social issues, but I don't talk to people often no just because I'm scared too (that's often a reason I don't initiate), but just because I don't have anything to say, or can't think of anything to say.

It's like, why would I text a friend and go hang out if I have nothing at all I want to talk to this person about. I don't know, maybe I'm just selfish I guess, because I don't really enjoy the company of other people. I don't actively dislike it either, but I don't really get much from conversation and the idea of "good conversation" has always been alien to me, as I've always used it to just exchange information.

>>17216638
I get out from time to time, but I don't ever really talk to people when I do. I'm not really expecting to fix my social issues at this point. I think I'm too developed into them to do that. Mostly I guess I just want a way to make my family accept them.

>>17216660
Ok then, maybe what you describe isn't really social anxiety, and what I posted doesn't really apply.

You can still benefit from not taking some time to philosophically consider not giving a fuck what other people think of you, considering your unique nature.

There will be no escaping other people gossiping and snickering and talking about your general avoidance of what they consider a "normal life".

In the end it doesn't really matter whether you straight up tell people your truth, or wait and see if they accept it on their own.

The sick truth is most people (I'm talking about probably 95%) are incapable of understanding your unique proclivities.

It might be a strong strategy to just forget trying to get others to understand, because the idea is so foreign to most, that they couldn't, even if they tried.

Life can still be very good, of course.

>>17216697
Well, I work with a lot of people, and for some reason all of them seem to like me. I haven't heard anyone say anything mean about me, or heard suggestions that people say things about me behind my back. And when it comes to them, or other people, I usually don't care what they think, and just do my job.

I guess family is different though. I can't just bail on them (even though sadly I've considered it before), and the feeling of being the most inept of all of the dozens of my siblings and step siblings is difficult. It's hard to just not give a fuck about what your family thinks, especially when almost all of them are genuinely good people and try and help. I'm sure they think asking me time and time again why I don't have a girlfriend will motivate me to be a better human being, it really just forces me even deeper into my cave.

>>17216744
>most inept
this is you rating yourself. The people in your family have a lot to think about, their own lives, etc. Occasionally they think about you, but it's doubtful they think of you in a negative way (I'll say way in the next paragraph, I don't want to lose this train of thought).

But you think about what they think of you very often. It is not their thoughts that cause you discomfort, but your own! They probably think of your faults once a month (if at all). You probably think of them thinking about your faults several times a week (if not every day). And think of a family member that you care about, just as a thought experiment. Now think of their faults. ----
This is how your family thinks of you, or at least most of them, in all likelihood. Your family can't be that bad, considering that you are capable of intelligently expressing yourself as is evidenced by this thread.
Though every family can have a couple assholes, but in general If I had to guess I would say they might be fine people in general, and aren't thinking badly of you in the way that you fantasize about.
But even if they did, you can and will survive. Even if they all thought you were a piece of shit (which is unlikely) you can and will probably live a happy life if you give some effort. You don't even have to think about it. It seems flippant to tell someone that they could stop thinking about what their family thinks of them. But really, there are scientific methods to achieve just that, and some people are better off studying them. Humanity is certainly better off because some people in history managed to carry one despite their knowledge of familial disapproval.

>>17216744
>have a girlfriend
>be a better human being

a human being can be better or worse based on whether they have a girlfriend?

What about how tall they are, how big their muscles are, how rich they are etc?

Josef Stalin had control of many women, and uncountable wealth, is he a better human being than you?

Can we judge a better human being just by whether he has a girlfriend or not? what a collapse of logic!

What human beings are superior? Maybe good looking actors, rich, fucking hot pussy 24/7?

Why is their suicide rate higher than yours and mine?

You are rating human beings, you are rating yourself. You will get into to trouble this way.

If you were less intelligent, you would get into less philosophical trouble. But you can't go back.

At some point you will need to choose the general direction of your thoughts, and shift accordingly. You aren't an everday person, stop treating yourself as if you were.

If it's any help OP, even if your family didn't ask you'd still feel a deep sense of alienation and loneliness around them because your isolation would be made all the more apparent every time you had to sit on your own around the big couple table.

>>17216865


>If it's any help OP

describes an illogical conclusion

>wat?

If anything, this post is a great example of why you should stop giving a fuck.

Because this is the thought process of the people who are judging you.

Their thoughts are generally meaningless to your life in reality, and when you actually look at them and study them, they are shockingly unfounded.