How should I break it to my girlfriend of 2 years that she wants me to give up things that I am basically not willing to?
Earlier this year, I gave up drinking for her, and to be honest, I really regret it. We used to go out drinking all the time. I also did it for mental health reasons because I was close to having a breakdown back in January, and think I have a better handle on that stuff now, but I think the only reason I still abstain is because I promised. One beer with a friend at a BBQ or a glass of wine at dinner is not going to spiral out of control.
Anyway, she thinks I shouldn’t smoke weed, which she had no problem with before (especially given the stories I've heard about how much she used to do in college), and also thinks that looking at porn or even just masturbating is cheating.
I don’t really want to break up, we just got an apartment together, but I just can’t see myself moving relationship into marriage unless she can accept that I will do these things when I want. I’m not even a stoner or a huge porn addict. Even before we were together, I would masturbate maybe once a week. Same frequency for smoking.
I want to talk about it but she is so insecure, I don’t think it will be productive, if I just begin with, “so… I want to talk to you about how I’m gonna get high and jerk off pretty much whenever I want and I don’t think you have the right to tell me not to.”
Pic not unrelated. It's me slowly dying on the inside because I feel like my individuality is being stolen from me.
>>17215928
>I don’t think it will be productive, if I just begin with, “so… I want to talk to you about how I’m gonna get high and jerk off pretty much whenever I want and I don’t think you have the right to tell me not to.”
i mean dont say it like that
but do say it, and reassure her that porn has literally nothing to do with her
as for getting high, just tell her you know what you can handle better than she does.
dont give ultimatums. if she does, ditch her.
>>17215944
>but do say it, and reassure her that porn has literally nothing to do with her
I don't know what to do about this specifically. She cannot wrap her head around watching porn not being the same as literally wanting to have sex with other girls. I would turn down any porn star if propositioned, but I will use it as a visual aid in the privacy of my own home to have a sexual release when I don't want to have sex or it is inconvenient. She also doesn't get why is would ever just jerk off instead of having sex. It is difficult to explain. It's like I don't want to do foreplay and romance then fuck for half and hour. I just want to cum in 5 min and get on with my evening.
How open are you about both of those things? Do you make it obvious you are high or about to go smoke weed / do you jerk off in plain sight of her or during the day?
Some people consider porn and weed forms of "escapism" and while it might seem harmless, both of them are purely hedonistic activities that are exclusively for your enjoyment and have nothing to do with her. She might think that you haven't grown up if you still depend on these things, even if you believe that they're harmless and you shouldn't have to give them up.
I personally don't think that giving those things up cold turkey are necessary, but you should make an effort to separate it to your own "personal time". You can either look at it as being robbed of your personal freedom, or you can see it as getting rid of personal dependencies.
>>17215928
a girl that is so insecure that she considers looking at porno cheating is probably bad news. everything else aside, this is a red flag to me.
Oh man, you're in for it now. You're in way too deep, you should never have moved in with her. Since you gave up drinking for her, she now thinks she can tell you to give up all these other things, you've taught her that she can tell you what to do, you are now the bitch in the relationship, good luck earning your balls back now. You really should just toss this relationship in the dumpster and start over with someone else.
>>17216102
I currently only smoke when I am up late shitposting on 4chan and Reddit.
And I don't even really seek out porn, I just stumble on it and sometimes decide I want to masturbate. It's not like I get set up then go looking for it. It's just hard not to ever see it on sites like this.
Personally I like the escapism aspect of being high especially. What is wrong with escapism? Why does it have to be about her at all?
I spend 95% of my day minding others, and probably she gets 50% of that time. Why can't I have time where I just do what I want without thinking about anyone else? Sometimes I just want to smoke, eat snacks, and watch YouTube videos. You add her in, and it has to be no getting high, and we have to negotiate what to eat and watch. I want cheese curls and hydraulic press videos dammit. Fuck Game of Thrones.
>>17215928
>One beer with a friend at a BBQ or a glass of wine at dinner is not going to spiral out of control.
That's what they all say.
> Even before we were together, I would masturbate maybe once a week.
So I take it to mean you're having sex less than 'maybe once a week'?
>Same frequency for smoking.
I honestly have never met anyone in my life who bought and smoked their own weed who didn't smoke at least every other day or so unless preparing for a drug test.
>but do say it, and reassure her that porn has literally nothing to do with her
it clearly does have something to do with her though. i'm not some faggot that thinks porn is cheating, but you really are supposed to be getting off with your partner and something's wrong if you aren't.
Unless you're a race horse that has to blow loads 5 times a day and your girl just can't keep up, why even use porn? If she's not satisfying you, that's a problem that you need to bring up.
>>17216445
Why are you memeing? We have sex about 3 times a week, which is a lot given my drive. Sex is overrated imo. Sometimes I just want to not be horny.
There is basically no point in talking to you if you're just going to say I'm a liar. Great "advice."
