I've often been described as a cold and emotionless person, by both men and women.
Yet I'm still pretty likable.
I get invited to things, people come up and talk to me, like being around me, but describe me as above.
>"You're pretty un-movable in a way that nothing shakes or bothers you." - Friend
>"At least I'm not an emotionless sociopath like you." -Another friend when I said that he's too emotionally invested in any girl that takes interested in him, then gets hurt in the end
>"he's kinda a dick like you in that he also doesn't really hold anything back and assumes that everyone knows you're joking, but he seriously means it all as jokes, and not to hurt feelings" - When describing me to someone new
>"He's the pure embodiment of indifference" - Friend describing me to roommate (Roommate was asking if some of her behaviors would bother me)
Recently I had someone tell me that my cold personality was a cover up, that I was weak because of it. My thing is, and I'm not trying to sound like some edgelord, that things really don't bother me. Throughout life, people have insulted me. People have fucked me over, etc. Yet I remain unfazed. I don't emotionally connect to very many people, spare romantic interests. I can socialize just fine like I said before.
Are there actual hidden signs of weakness in my traits?
>>17214581
>"He's the pure embodiment of indifference" - Friend describing me to roommate (Roommate was asking if some of her behaviors would bother me)
there it is.
control your space and make it what you want. fuck anything or anyone that enters it and doesn't respect it. if you truly have no preferences for how people treat your space I could interpret that as a lack of solid personality, or an acceptance of whatever people do to you. that make sense. it's pretty late and I'm pretty tired so idk.
>>17214581
I wouldn't worry about it too much. You yourself said you get unfazed when you're insulted. I would say they're just being nosy ass people looking for a meaning in something that isn't there.
As i said before, You know yourself the best, don't let peoples half-baked opinion tell you otherwise. Life can't be summed in banter. You seem like the analytical type too, do you notice any weakness?
nah, you're ok as you are. you are already doing good with everyday social interactions, so there's nothing to worry there
just use your time to pursue things and people that are interesting to you. then you'll be tangle in events that are relevant to you and you'll stop worrying about this
>>17214581
>Recently I had someone tell me that my cold personality was a cover up, that I was weak because of it.
That's just their insecurity speaking, probably. Like when someone sees a guy with a nicer car and instantly assume he has a small dick so they can feel superior somehow.
>>17214581
I wouldn't dwell top much on it. I'm in a similar situation.
>Parents divorced when I was 3 years old
>I had to move schools constantly and never got to make close friends until recently, although I don't really have an idea of how "close" they actually are
>Stepmother treated me like shit, I'm sure there is some kind of deep-seated psychological trauma that is so ingrained in me that I don't even notice it anymore
>Was alienated by my peers throughout my childhood, mostly because I was a lot smarter than them and I was an obnoxious asshole on top of that
>I was also unattractive and nerdy
Fast forward to 19 years old
>Most of my friends think I'm a narcissist or sociopath, but still enjoy being around me
>Way better looking than I used to be, girls have been all over me the last year or two
>My own mother called me a sociopath when I was a freshman in high school
>Every girlfriend that I've had always got the impression that I was bored around them until they realized that I just didn't have any real attachment to them
>My current girlfriend is afraid to lose me
>I tell her I love her, but the truth is that I don't even love my own family
I haven't really cried or had my feelings hurt deeply since I was very little. Whenever I start to become close to someone, I do so with the intrinsic belief that they will eventually fuck me over because I think that people are inherently selfish, but are either unaware of it or choose to deny it.
>>17214691
Which is irrational behavior too. Shutting yourself off completely. Apathy and all that jazz.
I'm envious, I wish I could go cold again. I keep varying, and perform better at life when I don't care.
>>17214706
I don't know if it's good or bad. My grandmother also died recently and I didn't feel a thing. I have spent 4 of the past 5 years with my grandfather and the fact that I was so unaffected by it is strange to me.
I have no idea what he feels, because I don't really know what it's like to be depressed or sad. There is no doubt in my mind what is wrong with him, but I am unable to emphasize with people past a surface level of emotion.
Several months ago I said I loved him, and his response was "no you don't, you just love the things I do for you." Instead of crying or feeling sad like most people do, I just stared at him. I stared at him for a good 30 seconds and said nothing, until he just said "never mind."
I have completely lost touch with who I am, and what I am "shutting out." In terms of accomplishments, materialistic possessions, and goal-fulfillment I have everything that a man could possibly want. The new "me" is "better," at least from a social standpoint. I can get along with just about anyone, and get pretty much whatever I want from them.
Despite this, I'm not happy. My parents are proud of what I have been able to accomplish and my perceived "maturity" that I have never really told them how empty I actually am.
I'm confident, desirable, and very likely to be successful but all of those things mean nothing to me. I'm afraid that a day will come when I have nothing left to do or accomplish
Suppressing your emotions is a defensive mechanism which projects the idea that you can't deal with what you feel. Yes, it is a weakness. It's blatantly obvious you are emotionally wrecked, but you try to hide it.
Source: Me.
Its the emotional equivalent of 'if I cant see it, its not there'.
This is never considered weakness. Some consider it strength (stoics, zen, christian new testament, etc).
It's simply a way of being, a way of interacting with the world.
I am like this too, and i'm happy this way.
I don't get angry, offended, don't hold grudges, i turn the other cheek, etc.
However, i am deeply (and irrationally) afraid of somehow becoming a sociopath and hurting people: i love to help people and be useful instead.
So I'm probably a bit too cautious and reserved around most people, and extremely so around pretty girls and such.
My suspicion is that i am this way because i inherited my father's emotionally cold and distant narcissistic, sociopathic, and cluster-A traits (they run in his family), but also the high empathy that runs in my mother's family.
So I'm a strange person. Kind of like a helpful robot most of the time.
>>17214691
By the way, this is psychologically classified as schizoid (personality disorder), not narcissism or any of that shit (which is in an entirely different cluster, cluster B).
In fact, it's interesting to note that schizoid and ASPD ("psychopathy") have one of the lowest comorbidity rates out of all the personality disorders. This is because schizoids are uniquely unlikely to engage in cluster-B behavior, generally lacking any positive emotional response to social actions of any kind (pro- or anti-social). A schizoid is incredibly unlikely to commit assault, rape, etc, while psychopaths are extremely likely to do so.
>>17214752
>>17214760
That's more like disassociative coping (eg in PTSD), it's a separate phenomena.
What OP and others are describing is not a specific response to events or circumstances, but an internal "way of being", essentially.
Some schizoids actually enjoy talking about and trying to share emotions with others: i do. It isn't usually fruitful, though: people tend to find it as difficult to understand my emotions as I do theirs.
>>17214781
If you were telling me this in person and you were somebody that knew me wrll, I might be inclined to believe you.
However, I have done research on the schizoid personality disorder a long time ago and I know that it's not what I have. I'm actually extremely sensitive to praise and criticism, and have a pretty active social life. I also have a very high sex drive. The only symptoms that I could identify with is the tendency to space out, which is often just because I have a reason to.
I've researched a number of different psychological and personality disorders, and narcissism is most likely the one that I have since it is the closest to my state of mind.
I honestly don't think I have a major personality disorder, or at least one that is a textbook case. Just because my behavior deviates from whatever is considered to be the societal standard doesn't mean that there is something wrong with me.
>>17214581
no like no freaking way i love cold people trust me its amazing ....
you might be a "secret schizoid"
If nothing bothers you then you're grand
No, it's not. Pretending to be cold when you're not is a sign of weakness. Being an "emotionless sociopath" is the opposite of weakness.
Literally stoicism. The ancient Stoics cultivated the "sacred indifference" and refused to focus on outside events they had no control over. Instead focusing on what they can control, namely things within like your attitude towards the outside events.
I wouldn't call it weakness, but it does sound to me like you don't have a very deep/intense emotional life. That has upsides (not being easily bothered, worried or angered) but also downsides - experiencing less joy and thrills in life.
>>17214731
>Despite this, I'm not happy.
OP here and I think this might be my problem. I'm content with my job and person, but I honestly just feel that. I don't feel happy, I feel like I'm passing by in life without feeling any highs or lows (Spare relationships) so I feel like I'm missing out on the grand human experience of emotions.
Well for me I just realized not a lot of the same shit moves me as it does other people. I like what I like and experience it when I can, but when I'm around other people who are caught up in things I don't care for, I feel okay being the guy who couldn't care less. It's a personality trait, embrace it.
