You know what to do.
Last thread: >>17203866
My gf said sometimes it takes me a long time to cum
>>17210749
I don't want to go to college. I did one semester, I hated it, it was stressful and depressing. I don't want to do 4 years of it and jump through all their hoops so I can get an boring office job and have a kinda big house in the suburbs, a slightly newer car than my neighbor, and extra tv channels
I don't want to do trades it's for retards I can achieve better than that
There are no good career paths
>>17210822
Well, what would you like to do for a living?
I'm starting to enjoy being a hooker way too much, at first it was just a job to get the fuck out of austin after a bad break up. Now the money is too good and I am getting a nicer place then my job qualifications would get me.
I made insane money at a music festival too.
I should stop but i don't think i can at the moment
I hate that I can't let go of this tiny shred of hope that you've secretly felt the same way the whole time and have just been expertly hiding it for years.
>>17210850
Can you try to ask?
>>17210840
Heh, always fellow austin anons around. Most anonymous city on the planet, i'm pretty sure.
If you're the hooker i'm thinking of, i wish you the best of luck. I have a bunch of asian friends at UT for CS and it's funny as hell thinking you might be one of them (or that they might be making use of your services!)
I legitimately have no clue how to make a decent living as an artist, and I'm sick of working in retail hell and wearing the same pair of clothes for 5+ days a week. I'm honestly to the point of seriously considering moving back in with my parents. I wish college hadn't felt like a massive waste of my time and money, but it does.
>>17210959
What do you draw?
I'm way too scared. I'm so fucking scared to see her again. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what she's thinking, I don't know what her intentions are. I don't know what she's feeling. I know nothing because I really didn't expect to ever see her again, especially not this soon. I don't want to get hurt again. I gave my everything so I'm vulnerable. I don't want to get put down again. I'm so fucking scared. FUCK. I need to force myself not to expect anything. I need to be poised for something awful....what if she
Why do people have need to share places they've been on social networks.
>>17210967
Mostly cartoon-y stuff, but I can do a bit of everything. I'd like to take a shot at illustration, but I have no clue where to start. My long term goal is to become an animator and maybe get lucky enough to make my own cartoon, but I think my animation skills are too shitty for salvaging, and even though I love drawing, and animating is fun, it's also intimidating as hell. I've got a bad case of anxiety and depression to boot, so it makes doing stuff really difficult for me sometimes.
>>17210914
Yea I wear a blonde wig when I'm "at work" I also dress rather plain for uni. I'm sure based on my social media profiles and tattoos I could be located but I try to keep those lives seperate
>>17211048
Set up a tumblr and take porn commissions
My hair is thinning...
I was making good progress on improving my self, it was slow but at least I was fixing things. This is sunk me right back in to my depressive state.
I'm 20. I was diagoned with aspergers in high school. I'm not great at giving eye contact, so I wouldn't call it a misdiagnosis. I've literally never seen a vagina.
I'm crazy about this girl, and I know she has feelings for me too. I just can't be with her. I know I'll fuck it up and I don't want to do that to her.
I wish I could tell her that, but what good would that do?
Bupropion isn't helping me with my ADHD symptoms. I don't know what to do.
I really like her, but I don't love her.
She's madly in love with me and talks about marriage and children.
If I turn her down I will break her heart, but also probably ruin my only chance of not dying alone.
>>17211275
Are u the American waiting on a text? If you don't love her, just move on
>>17211280
That's not me.
>>17211166
Don't be self defeating, ask her out and get to be with each other
>>17211280
Initials? Just be honest. If you're not in love, don't do it
i think i might have some manic bipolar thing
one day i go to the gym and eat lots and i'm really healthy
the next day i'm bulimic and crying and self harming
wtf's wrong with me
I'm not really looking for advice just need to vent
I've been feeling a bit of resentment toward my fiancee for a while. I don't mind that we don't really share any interests. Her hobbies are re-watching reality shows on Netflix that she's seen several times, looking at social media on her phone, and occasionally playing counter strike. When I ask her about what she's watching or reading she just gives a very quick vague answer and doesn't give me any of her attention. Sometimes she doesn't even realize I'm talking to her. She moved from the city to where I live in the country and it's very beautiful here, but she hates the outdoors and won't even sit on our porch since she can't see the tv from there. When we drive anywhere she won't even glance up from her phone at the scenery. She doesn't like music and leaves the room when I play any instruments, which I'm not bad at lol. She's attractive but only wears yoga pants/leggings and t-shirts and makes no effort at all to appear too feminine, even when I take her out for dinner or whatever (which she spends the entirety of glued to her phone). Because of her lack of hobbies and picky eating I can't cook for her, take her places or really do anything for her, which she doesn't mind but makes me feel shitty.
>>17211299
I want to be religious (on the fence between Orthodox Christianity and Orthodox Judaism) but wouldn't be accepted into either of the religious groups I'm interested in since we live together. I try being religious on my own but it's difficult. I have no problem with her not being religious but she's unaccommodating at best and hostile at worst toward it. She has said she doesn't want me going to church more than once a week and that she would never come with me even for Christmas because it's boring. I lived in her city with her for a year and was away from my family and friends for the first time, I went to church on Christmas Eve by myself since even then she wouldn't come. Her attitude toward Judaism, which she was raised in, is much worse. She doesn't like the rules and that it's boring to her, to the point where she says she'd consider divorcing me if I became Jewish and that she'd purposely cook un-kosher food and flaunt it.
Years ago I dated a girl who had a clingy neckbeard hobbit friend that wanted desperately to be her boyfriend. She complained if he tried hitting on her but never stood up for herself and then would blame me if I stood up for her because OOooo Now neckbeard is going to be mad at me! I CANT HAVE THAT OOOoooo!
Eventually he talked to her roommate and they swapped places without her knowledge so she was stuck with the guy, and he threatened to kick her out if she didnt leave me for him.
And she did. She left me for him because SHE HAD NO CHOICE
Now I know shes a stupid girl that likes to play the victim and im better off without her. I moved away to another city, got another job, met new people and started a new life. I exercise and advance my career. yet I'm still not over this. Im still super mad about it and despite it being years find just the thought about it gets my heart racing and I start to get angry. Im worried ill never be at peace with it.
>>17211302
Because of the lack of spiritual nurturing in my life and just that I'm a hypocrite we have premarital sex. We both have very different and opposing fetishes that we pretty much need present to be able to get off, and neither of us feel comfortable with the other's. I read stuff about hers, ask her questions about it all the time and make an effort to incorporate it into our sex life, but she flat out refuses to do mine at all and won't feign any interest in it. Leaving out my fetish makes sex very dull for me and I have a hard time staying aroused, but if I bring this up she says we don't have to have sex. We first met online and did a lot of sexting or whatever and she was okay with it then, but not in real life apparently.
None of these things are deal breakers, I really love her, I'm just really frustrated that all of the things that matter to me mean nothing to her and it feels like I'm compartmentalizing my life.
I wish my grandma just die. She can't live on his own, she needs constant attention. She also have mental disease and sometimes she didnt' even reconize me. It's painful.
Of course I actually get my head off of her for a bit, and a friend asks how it's going with her.
Now back to thinking of her I guess. Fuck.
Fucking hell, I just need to get my mind off of her to let these feelings fade away
>>17211463
Ask her out, work out those feelings
>>17211308
I feel you, bro. My grandma is starting to lose it to Alzheimer's and I really wish that more people had a plan to be killed by a friend or family member if something like that happens.
Look into filling out an Advance Health Care Directive if you don't want to go down the same path.
One of my friends just hooked up with the girl I was seeing, a week after she broke it off.
It was at a party last night, I was in the other room.
Don't think I've ever been so mad in years. I feel so lost now.
He's apologized profusely but I've ignored him, the girl hasn't said a thing. I kinda want her to say something, but at the same time I just want her to fuck off out of my head.
I recently started a job as a Junior Engineer (Civil) with a Fortune 500 company. However, the place I work at was a relatively small company that was acquired a few months before I was hired. I've seen a lot of senior people leaving over the past few months since they're unhappy with the new larger company, especially now that they're getting shafted on annual bonuses. They used to get a check that matched their annual salary, but now they're getting 5% at the absolute most. It's a bit disheartening to see that even if I climb up the ladder, I won't be making as much as I could with a smaller firm.
The problem that's REALLY bugging me is that yesterday I found out that my company is overcharging for my services. I have a copy of the employee fee schedule, and they're charging for my time at a manager's rate ($170/hour) whereas I'm most definitely a junior staff member (~$100/hour). The actual amount of money that I'm paid is $30/hour, which is in line with the general rule that employee wages account of 1/3rd of costs. So technically, I should either be paid more (good for me) or be billed out at a smaller rate (good for customers). The latter sounds a lot more likely, so I don't know if I should stick my neck out and ask my Principal what the fuck is going on. Any corporate bigwigs around here have any insight about why they would do this?
I just need to stop being afraid of life.
Everything I have tried to do has ended horribly for everyone involved.
I'm so afraid that it's going to happen again, that I'm going to be the fuck up, that I've sunk into a pretty bad bit of depression and anxiety. I've stagnated in all my goals from art and video game dev, to getting a better job and moving back out on my own.
I hate university life.
I hate partying. I hate politics. I hate the left. I hate feminism.
Everyone seems to be retarded.
My health is so shitty that I really don't care about those ideals anymore. I only care of getting through next year.
I feel alone and strange, even though I have my close friends and bf. But I don't get to see them in uni.
I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't want to spend ten hours smoking weed and doing "the revolution" in this stupid third world country.
>>17211549
>my goals from art and video game dev
I have a feeling that a lot of your fuckups in life are due to poor decisions.
>>17211548
>Why would the business I work for charge as much as they can to their customers and pay me as little as they can for me to do the work?
Because they can, and that's what they do.
You were in my dream the other night, You've been on my mind again and its making me wish I never let go to begin with.
>>17211555
You're not wrong. I'm constantly fucking up. Sometimes I'll be in the middle of fucking up, realize that I am fucking up, and make it so much worse.
But, on the other hand most of my decisions have been decent. It's not like I'm a disease riddled junkie with fifty kids and no job.
I'm just adrift in a mediocre life.
>>17211496
I did already. Twice. Once in person, she said yes, but stuff happened.
And again last Friday via text. No reply.
So now I am trying to get her off my mind.
Also I can't help but think that I fucked up my friendship with her by asking her out this time.
>>17211525
>>17211525
I actualy feel your anger anon. Four days ago a friend told me that my ex hooked up with a friend that told me when we broke up that she was crazy and had a ton of hook ups before so she was not worthy. They started dating the day of our prom party just when I left.
We broke up like almost two months ago and just when I thought I had gotten over it they give me the news. The bitch hasn't told me anything apart from just asking how I took the break up a day after the party and the other guy hasn't said anything at all. I know that after all the time that passed after the break up I shouldn't be mad but she meant a lot to me since she was my first and now I just want to move on and not end up jaded by all this, she wasn't even in love with me but she acted like she was. I want to punch the other guy to death for being a hypocritical bastard and because apparently he is a general douche but whatever. Worst thing is they live in my neighbourhood so it's extremely likely we'll see each other sometime.
I don't know your exact situation but if I were you I would keep ignoring the guy or tel him exactly what I think and I would try to pass from the girl, there are more people worth your time out there. Take your time if you have to and try to avoid thinking about them too, it hurts but there is no other choice. You can do it buddy, the anger will fade away slowly, but it will go away.
You know, I'm having fun despite how critical I am of it, and though I'm so critical of it, I'm thankful for it because it's possibly the only reason I ever met you. You know what would be even better? If you and I were still together, and if we were enjoying it together instead. I'm glad you've been enjoying yourself
how the fuck do I get over a girl that I truly loved..and she loved me until I had to go overseas for my studies and the long distance tore us apart. now we're just "let's just be friends", and now she's giving me the cold shoulder when i'm back in town........
I Love Germany
It feels like I'm being ignored and it fucking sucks.
>>17211609
Text can be ambiguous, sometimes it's not received, or misunderstood. I misunderstood this man I'm crazy about once, and sent texts feeling embarrassed about my feelings for him because I feared rejection, and I was wrong and fucked it up, we are absolutely fucking perfect for each other. Don't be like me. If you care, make it work. Talk on the phone, and then in person. Sometimes people are fearful of getting hurt. If she has already said yes (like I did) then you know she's into you
>>17211781
The text was as clear as it can be. It was saying "I want to take you out on a date. What day works for you?" or something like that.
The thing is that when I asked her out originally, she said yet, but then her friend seems to have forced his was into tagging along.
Actually, heres the green text of it. (I posted it a few times already.)
>Meet M. at end of January
>She sits infront in Pub Speaking
>She's cute enough,
>Start to like her
>Ask her out in Early April
>Say's yes, Friend R seems to force his way to tag along
>I ask her out to get coffee a week later
>"I'm Busy" with now counter offer.
>I stop for a month, other than occasionally speaking in class, and an odd text here or there.
>Most day's we don't acknowledge each other, sometimes talking around each other
>Mid-May rolls around. Invite her to hang out with friends in the City
>Busy (Her Bro's Graduation from College)
>We agree to hang out soon. No dates set, as we both have finals
>Text her randomly a week later asking about the graduation. We end up talking for 5 hours, with another short thing the following morning
>Invite her to a thing in the City that Saturday.
>This time she's doing stuff with friends. No date offered again.
Honestly I'm leaning toward not interested, though things slip through that are semi common when a girl is interested in a guy. (More letters added to words, increased Emoji use)
I suspect her friend R may have influenced her to a degree. Maybe he sees me a competition for her? She does speak differently to me when he's not near, seems more natural.
I suspect that R tried to get with her, but she friendzoned him. He tried asking her out infront of me. But she rejected him 3 times before reluctantly agreeing. She seemed a bit uncomfortable near him after that. Also, he seems to have emotional issues. So that may be a factor aswell
On the last day I saw both of them, he randomly says bye to me, and only me. Only spoke to him 2-3 times prior.
>>17211819
It is better to talk on the phone than over text, and maybe her friend is interested in her, but don't give up unless you're certain she's not interested, maybe she doesn't know you well enough yet, or is ready for a relationship, take it slowly and see where it goes, if she likes spending time with you, that's good but if she says something like she only wants to be friends and doesn't see you romantically then that's probably the case. Also it's not unusual for her to have other plans, you could try suggesting a date and if it's not good, ask her to tell you when she will be available because you want to take her out. If she is reluctant, then you know
I am extremely angry at my gf and I want to explode on her but I know she can't handle it. The fact that she gets mad at little things just keeps igniting the fuse.
>>17211834
Nothing wrong with being angry, but don't be abusive, it won't help. If she is mad about things, maybe there's a reason and those things are not as small as you think, or she's angry about something she is not saying, or feels hurt? Or if it's about things that are not to do with you, then why take your anger out on her? Go for a run, think it out and tell her how you feel without blaming her for your anger
>>17211832
True.
The thing is that I got no reply what so ever in 6 days from her. So, I really don't think it's best to press it further. (Though her phone may be fucked up, as the most recent message sent as an SMS and not via iMessage like usual)
The friend is obviously into her. But she rejected, and friend zoned him.
I did ask her out a bit quickly at first, probably too soon. But now I've been friends with her for a couple months by now.
Also, we actually did not manage to arrange anything yet. But now after asking her out last, I don't think anything will happen. Even as friends.
>>17211878
When you asked her out in person she said yes, give it some time. Do it on the phone or in person, texts can ruin everything, not necessarily but if you get into whole convos by text, it's confusing
>>17211891
True. I would have asked her out in person, If I still had class and saw her on a regular basis.
I suppose I should have called her, but a bit late now.
I have gotten opinions about this covering everything from:
Not interested.
Not interested and banging R
Interested
Possibly interested but unsure
>>17210749
Im still not over my girlfriend from high school. its been about 3 years now, shes apparently got a new boyfriend at her school and I thought I was pretty over her until I heard that and it stung a little. sometimes I would think we;d talk again, maybe even go back to how things were and give it another chance even though it was pathetic and I knew it, so I tried to ignore it and move on
Im actually more obsessed with her knowing im ok then anything else, I want her to know im doing relatively fine and im happy and I want to show it off
>See im not a loser after you shot me down, Im doing alright
even though I sometimes feel do like a loser where she seems to have walked off scott free and is living it up, but I guess you never get over your first
it doesnt help that shes been my most serious relationship to date.
>>17211280
I am the American waiting on the text.
>>17211463 (My initial post on this thread.)
>>17211223
My psychiatrist told me Wellbutrin was shit desu, try Strattera or lurk /r/nootropics
>>17210358
E,
And yet you reply when I tell you I will leave, both times I have done so, to prevent this. Why? What do you feel toward me?
A year and a half, and it still seems as if you have not considered your own behavior, or the pain you have caused; can you comprehend how controlling you were? Do you believe these had no influence?
All I have asked was to talk over coffee. It could, potentially, help the both of us, as I think it is rather obvious that we still have issues relating to one another. To be honest though... I do want you to meet the man I have become, but I have no expectations regarding any such meeting. This would not be allowing me back into your life, or accepting you into mine.
- R
My nephew was born last night. I'm going to see him in a few minutes.
That is all.
Raymond please visit me in the god damn ICU I don't fucking care if it'll cost you your job or if it's "morally wrong"
You're one of the few people I trust and love, the least you could do is support me when my kidneys are failing
I don't care if I sound immature begging to see you.
>>17211920
It's not too late
Life's too short for worrying about that
If anyone has a perspective on this, please help.
First of all, I am a dude, 6' 1", light blue/gray eyes with full head of light brown/blondish hair. I work out every day, I am fit, I take good care of myself. I dress like a normal guy, no skinny jeans, no stupid-ass hypster beard etc.
I try to learn new things, earn more money and constantly get better.
Yet I feel like shit, always. It never goes away. I get up in the morning, I feel shit, I loathe myself and I feel nothing but the abyss calling me and pulling me in. I was born with a micropenis. I have never had sex, and at this point I fear what might happen if I get to do it. Don't misunderstand me, I can talk to anyone about anything, I can chat up women and escalate, but when it comes to sex I bail out.
I have read a lot on how to pleasure women, how to give them what they need, but I still won't be able to do so because I fear they might reject me because of my dick. My abdomen is full of scars as well, but as I saw people give no shits about that.
I want to have children, a woman I can love, yet I never feel full, never feel that I am enough. Everyone thinks I am a content and successful person, yet I am in desperate need of love.
Also have a girl I love like no-one else. She is like a 7, but I don't care about that.
Also have an 8-9/10 face, which does not fucking help.
Any ideas, or do I just force myself through it?
Thanks.
>been very aware of my aging lately and insecure about it
>tfw was mistaken for a teenager twice this week
Feels pretty good.
There are more pressing issues at hand, but you think your book is of primary importance. So fake, using aspects of peoples lives and passing them off as your own, it's really unoriginal
>>17212232
I know. I really need to stop hesitating, and just be impulsive sometimes. But I always calculate my course of action. I am just not the impulsive type with relationships at least.
Sigh, now it looks like iMessage is working again for her. (Easily can check through the messages app) But no reply still. I don't know what to do. I can leave it where it is and not mention it at all. Or.... I can do something else. Fuck. I like her alot, and can see myself with her as a couple, but fuck, I don't know.
>>17212145
I'm sorry anon, I can feel the conflicted emotions in your post. Having someone you thought was close to you abandon you during a time of need is one of the worst feelings in the world. I will hope for your recovery, it's all I can do unfortunately.
When it's Manet or Rimbaud you love it
when it's Chris ...
:/
>>17211304
I just want to know what's positive about this woman. She must have some sort of good quality for you to be with her at this level of commitment.
Otherwise I don't see it. She is on her phone all the time, watching stuff all the time, ignores you, doesn't support you in religious efforts (she doesn't have to join you but trying to control you is very negative), and honestly if she doesn't have much in common with you and hates your hobbies, what does she see in you?
I'm finding myself typing unorganized, badly articulated, stream of consciousness garbage in the quick reply box then deleting it because it's not worth posting a lot now. Just sudden "in the moment" thoughts. I'm at a weird stage right now and doing that feels best.
Kissless virgin at 23, I never got any attention from women, I'm so fucking lonely and miserable, I don't even care about sex, I just want to feel loved by someone and earn somebody's affection
I wouldn't mind so much if you were creating characters from your observations, but you're not, you're just pretending those experiences are your own, that you wrote and said things that other people did
>>17212372
Manet and Rimbaud were good at what they did.
>>17212552
my point exactly, it's a fair comparison
rushing dopamine, I'm feeling crazy high, drifting in absolute intense bliss when he holds me, writes - even just looking into me, I'm completely taken by him, no escape. I couldn't leave, like a soul caged; he opens it, yet when he does, he seems nostalgic, afraid, yet I always come back - no one makes me feel as happy as he does. I don't know if he knows how seriously I consider our relationship, not fickle, fuck like no other. I want us to last, we've come further than I imagined for myself, life is better with him. I love him so much, I can't imagine us apart again, more than words have found us to be, silently wishing he feels as much. I love the way I naturally fall to him as he turns his head to me, as he draws me into paradise I can only have with him. The truest love, there's only one, and it's always been this way
I'm so sorry I just cut off our communication. You know it's for the best and we've tried to behave ourselves, but we can't.
I'm sorry I'm not in the position to be with you right now. As much as I am compelled to sunder my life for just a night with you, we both know that we shouldn't do that.
I already miss the hell out of you, and I really, really do love you.
>>17212647
Initials?
>>17212650
rkg
>>17212647
Hey anon, don't give up your life for a night stand but if you love the other person, you shouldn't be with someone else, it's not fair to anyone
>>17212633
Hey Chris, I'm sure your works or impression of works are also good, don't worry
The only reason I don't kill myself is because I don't want to further traumatize my stepmother, considering that's how my dad died.
I really hope a freak accident claims my life.
The twisted part is hope that in the event that I die, that it totally emotionally devastates a few people who ended up casting me aside.
Is it wrong to want that? To want to kill two birds with one stone? I just want to stop struggling.
“She cast her fragrance and her radiance over me. I ought never to have run away from her... I ought to have guessed all the affection that lay behind her poor little stratagems. Flowers are so inconsistent! But I was too young to know how to love her...”
Wow
>>17212680
are you literally me right now
am i having fugue states where i just post on /adv/ anyway
>>17212663
I know it isn't. I just finally got a chance to pursue my dreams and I'd really have to hurt it, if not throw it away.
My heart aches and tells me it is love, but my brain tells me that stress and hormones and other factors might be playing into this.
It's only been a few weeks, who knows what my true feelings are, even if I get swept off my feet every time.
>>17212680
>>17212682
You're being selfish and childish in that you want to end yourself partly out of spite toward others. It's petty.
>>17212688
Meant for >>17212684 not >>17212682
>>17212688
wow im petty
however will i live with myself
>>17212692
You asked if it's wrong, dumbass. In short, yes, it is. For fucks sake. That post was explaining what makes it wrong.
>>17212684
Idk mate
I feel like the only way I'll have a lasting impact on someone's life in a way they'll acknowledge is to die and to cripple them emotionally in the process.
Why is the thought of that so fucking satisfying to me?
I want to make other people feel as hopeless and unable to cope as I have been made to feel.
Misery loves company and I am so very lonely.
>>17212686
What? You're in love with someone else but you have a partner or wife or similar? What's going on? Be true to yourself, and others. Don't deceive people. Feelings are feelings for a reason
>>17212682
Story?
>>17212697
I am the OP of >>17212680, and I respect the answer that it's wrong
>>17212692 is someone else who seems to be in a similiar state of mind.
I know how I feel is wrong but I am unsure of how to overcome it. It makes me feel like I don't deserve to live anyway.
>>17212701
Partner that is my best friend and has been supportive, but that has also used that against me. Owns half of my company, has threatened to never let go of that (and sometimes agrees to get go). Has problems with getting blackout drunk and wildly upset at me, but I really put down my foot last time it happened and said I would leave if shit didn't change.
Well, shit changed, but I met this other person right at the same time.
Now I'm confused as hell and I don't trust myself to be thinking straight about this at all, especially since I can't think straight around this new person at all. Just being around them is intoxicating.
I don't want to ruin my life for a crush, if that's all this is.
>>17212682
Sounds like you're playing a game two-ways
Which is it??
I've felt lost the last 3 months. I'm near of my 29 yo and it's been a year from the last job i had about my major. For the moment I'm working with my dad in the family business but in the latest 20 job interviews the only shit I had was "we'll call you". I don't feel depressed in terms of "end my life" or crying every day about my situation. I just feeling lost and bored.
When I try to learn more topics about my major, I just end looking the window and smooking. Similar case when I go out with my friends.
Sometimes I would like to move to another country and start again but sometimes I think it's like running away from my problems.
I would like to have that spirit I had before... and don't feeling a deception or making my parents worried or sad (they're always with me but is something i feel).
pd: sorry for the shitty english.
>>17212699
>Misery loves company
Only some. I am miserable (basically insane, juggle shit-tons of different pills to make it through each day), but i don't want anyone else to be miserable with me, so i generally stay away from people.
The funny thing is that i've made a friend recently. She's a nice, kind girl.
I just try to remind myself that i don't have anything contagious, that she can't actually catch lunacy from me, but it's still hard. I worry.
>>17212699
same. very lonely.
what always keeps me at bay is realizing that grief isn't forever. they'll get over us pretty quick, all things considered.
>>17212688
I actually more just want to stop existing because I can't seem to figure out how to be happy. Everything I do backfires and everyone I get involved with who isn't my immediately family just sort of uses me.
I'm tired of trying to make other people happy when they obviously can only care about my happiness when it isn't an inconvienance to them... even if I will drop everything for them. This isn't even a specific ex or friend in my life, it's pretty much everyone.
Not a single person acknowledges what I have done for them or cares, so fuck'em.
I'm a big dreamer but I can't execute the most simple things let alone my grande schemes.
I'm fucking pathetic, I should be working on actually brushing my teeth twice a day instead of thinking about how to get into a fucking service academy
>>17212731
Lol, I thought that too but my last few exes broke it off with me partly due to my mental illness, despite promising me going in that they'll love me anyway. Despite the fact that I was expected to still give up everything for them.
Maybe you'll luck out. Maybe you're gonna get your hopes up and then be abandoned when they realize no amount of pills or therapy can undo whatever is wrong with you.
I try to do the right thing, but also try to get to the life I want
but it never comes off well
Sometimes it does but because I can't make real success I'm trapped in this weird place
I want someone else to be successful, and thought if things worked out I could really help them, that even they might be able to retire, and have good things
meanwhile I was in another odd thing that I don't know all about, but again I did the best I could
if it worked if it worked, we could do things and live in a happy world
>>17212708
>>17212724
She was younger, but more experienced than I. She had been my first everything. She was a good girl who acted like an awful person. She always pushed the limits when we had problems. Always doing what I would fear most, but never anything that would cross boundaries. We broke up after a while, but what she made sure of is not to do anything that would separate us for good. She stuck around. As badly as she would treat me and as much as she would hurt me, she would still be there. Even when she had enough, she never really had enough. She wouldn't give me what I wanted, but she never took away what I needed. I would behave in ways that sent her certain messages. When she realized she could take her treatment to the next level, she would. And I believed everything she said. Even when she said she never wanted to speak to me, wanted me out of her life, wanted nothing to do with me, didn't care about me, I believed everything. And she did it because she no longer feared I would leave. Even though she said these things, I didn't realize that she was still there for me, responding. I only loved her wholeheartedly and was hurt in return. I didn't realize that she was always giving chances for me to fix everything. Instead of using those, I would treat it in a way that all is lost, there is no hope and I'm hanging on to nothing. She was lovely. I realize even now that she had many qualities I loved in a girl, many of which I have not ever found before, and may not find again. And she was growing into an even greater person. One that was washing away all the flaws she had in her character. If only we had met her when she was older. If only we had met her when I was experienced. There was a way, but indeed, I was too young to know how to love her.
I'm observing, seeing the spin and what people want to show. I wish they didn't assume, if I talk about my feelings, or when I don't. I'm vocalising, working them out in a number of ways, strongest emotions reserved for love
I have finally accepted the fact that I am mentally ill and need professional help. I finally scheduled an appointment with a psychologist so hopefully this guy can fucking help me and it won't just be a waste of a copay.
>>17212816
Was she really awful, what did she do that was treating you badly? Did she know she was hurting you? Were you hurting her? Did she say those things because it's what she thought you wanted? Did you know enough, or just assume? If you couldn't let her go, then surely she couldn't either, did you reassure her of your love? Or not want to be with her? Or neither?
>>17212715
>It makes me feel like I don't deserve to live anyway.
That's not it. I had that harsh judgement and treatment toward myself when I was depressed. It made me feel good. Made me feel right. It's not. Actually, I think it's the easy way out. To just give such harsh treatment. She real right way is to give yourself a chance and work hard. Give yourself time and work on growing up as a person. That is how you overcome that state of mind you were talking about. You will soon realize what you're feeling has many different solutions, of which are better and more fulfilling/satisfying.
>>17212737
>I actually more just want to stop existing because I can't seem to figure out how to be happy.
I felt the same way. I realized it was due to me TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE HAPPY. It doesn't work. All it does is give you expectations, which means you're giving yourself room to be let down, and in your state, it will cause you more damage than the normal person. It fucking hurts. Trying to be happy only makes you more depressed.
Happiness is a choice, or a way of life. More of a state of mind. Decide you want to be happy with what you have. Work on not expecting much out of life. It takes time, and it's not as simple as saying "I will believe this", but it works. you have to really work on changing your view of life. Don't try to make yourself happy. Just be happy. Look at your situation and don't look at how it could be better. Just love it in itself. It took a fucking while for me, and you will CONSTANTLY have to be dealing with more problems, although they won't be nearly as hard or bad once you're better, BUT in the end it will be worth it, and you will be happy, and you will want to continue to live.
>>17212855
>Look at your situation and don't look at how it could be better. Just love it in itself.
i.e resign yourself to life always being shit and be okay with that. it's worth it anyway. somehow
doesnt seem very convincing
>>17212755
Good thing no girl i know is dumb enough to want a relationship with me.
I figure, maybe in another life, eh?
>>17212816
I think you really hurt her, and maybe you don't realise how much and how all of her projections were about the pain she felt from what she perceived as your judgement of her as a terrible person as you say, yet you also say she is not terrible, if she felt pushed away, but you gave the impression that you wanted her, then it's extremely confusing, it sounds like she loves you and also as though you do not see yourself as having any flaws. Is there hope for this situation? You sound bitter, scathing even initially. If you treated her as though all was lost, you've probably broken her heart, she probably thinks you feel nothing for her, she wouldn't have said she didn't want to see you again for no reason, it sounds like you gave her that impression in saying you weren't interested or however you did it
>>17212838
I would hurt her sometimes due to inexperience. Never intentional and nothing serious, apart from one time. She knew she was hurting me. It was deliberate. The way she was treating me badly in one way was purposely hurting me and not putting a lot of effort in. In another way, it was not putting much effort into the relationship plus being so careless/unloving. But the latter was a result of her actually losing interest in me but still trying to make it work. This happened because of my treatment toward her. I really didn't know how to love her, so it caused her to lose interest. But she saw potential so she tried. In the end, she had to resort to drastic measures in order to force me to learn and grow and release that potential.
I always told her I loved her. But I followed her wishes and stopped wanting to try. Then stopped wanting to be with her. Then stopped wanting to see her. And for a while, stopped wanting to talk to her. Not talking to her was forced and not what I wanted though. In the end, she knew I was always there for her and would always love, care and treat her better than anyone else. But she had no interest in me.
She didn't say those things because she thought it's what I wanted. She said them because she knew it would hurt me the most. And in the end, she was actually convinced of it. It became the truth.
I don't know what you mean by "did you know enough, or just assume". If you mean about what she was doing..I had a hunch, but I was scared of the risk. I tried, but even still I didn't know what to do.
>>17212916
And also, perhaps you weren't clear enough about what you wanted from her, and she was feeling you were using or playing her? There is more to this. If she's always there for you, she loves you, that's. It the same as being in a controlling relationship where a partner starts telling you how to live your life, like if she loves you and you get with someone else and she's upset, maybe she's not saying why and perhaps if she does that, you feel the same? What did you want from the situation in the messages you were giving her, signals can be confusing
>>17212878
No, that's not how it works. It's actually realizing, not resigning, it's REALIZING that you ARE happy with what you have. Realizing how amazing everything you have really is. It's not brainwashing or lying to yourself. You're like this because society forces you, or brainwashes you, to always yearning for more. It's disgusting. Humans inherently don't need much. You can be happy once you realize that what you have is great, and having the opportunity to work on making it better is great.
After a cursory browse of /cgl/, it seems I'm too anti-social fit in there.
Wow. Imagine that, I'm too uncool for a 4chan board.
>>17212949
She loves you and you hurt her, so you treating her badly caused her to lose interest, if you treated each other badly because you are both insecure, you can make it work if it's not controlling relationship. I don't think she did know you were there for her, I think you are assuming she knew these things but actually if you were treating her in an uninterested way, then you were hurting, her, she thinks you're not interested. So now what? Saying she didn't want to see you again was because she was feeling hurt that she was always there for you but didn't feel you were there back, some of that can be attachment problems from the past that had nothing to do with you, but I also think you took her for granted by trying the all is lost approach, because really you knew she was still there for you, and if you say you didn't know that, just think how she feels
>>17212955
>realizing
>You can be happy once you realize that what you have is great
seems like you need a livable life for that to actually be the case. not everyone is lucky enough to have a good life that they simply fail to realize is good.
>Humans inherently don't need much.
yeah, but they need a roof and food, and some family wouldn't hurt much. not all problems are caused by 'the man', bro.
uggh CMON MAN fuckin just... things were fucking great yesterday. "don't count your chickens till they hatch" yeah i get it and that's great but for once I'd like to be able to look at a massive pile of eggs and be able to, with some degree of certainty, guarantee myself some chickens.
some quantum shit right here where you attempt to plan how many chickens you're gonna get and by the action of observing how many eggs you have you kill all the chickens.
are you fucking kidding me with this shit?
>>17210850
Ask, anon. Mine didn't, but yours might.
Dare to dream. Dreams are sometimes the start of amazing things.
I wish I could still dream.
>>17212981
I just wanna eat man
>>17212916
>>17212953
I'm talking about after the breakup. Because when I tried to save it with all my might, I was shot down so badly to the point of honestly almost giving up. Truly, the only thing that kept me going is the vigor of youth and her being my first. I started acting like all was lost after that. She wanted nothing with me. I couldn't keep trying after being beat up like that. If I would ever even suggest the idea, it would result in a fit of emotions and rage from her, then being ignored. Instead, I started back at square one. As if I was just a person in her life.
When I say there for me, I mean only in the sense that she would respond to my messages, nothing more. Which I appreciated immensely. She knew what I wanted. She wanted the same thing, but she didn't realize she wasn't ready for it. What she wanted were games. When I stopped playing, she lost interest. When I started treating her with nothing but love, it turned her off. She no longer wanted me, but she still saw potential. That's when she started the "stratagems" that showed affection. The messages were essentially, in a subliminal, subconscious way, "I will only like you if you're like this, if not, go away."
>>17212977
No, actually, she was hardly hurt by things I did. Mind you, these were menial things. She would be hurt, but she would exaggerate it. I found out she was looking for an excuse to leave me in the end, that's why she did that. Guess what? She never found one. She lost interest because I showed too much affection, actually. She started creating problems because she was too focused on "is this relationship right/working?". I was always there for her, I never showed disinterest. I tried following what she wanted me to do. Which included backing off. I FELT all was lost and stopped trying to win her back. I still treated her with love though. This was after the breakup and after being shot down.
my friend is going to take delivery of an artwork in a hand made by us oak frame, and everything is to shit, but I can't say so or when she gets it it won't be happy
nuts
>>17212979
If your life is really that bad, and I mean REALLY as bad as you say, then all that can get you through is the will to live and grow. How do you get that? Well, honestly, realizing you have the ability should be enough. It's a hard thing, and I feel for you. I'm sorry. But it's not worth leaving.
>>17213006
You broke up with her because you feel she treated you badly - she lost interest when you treated her like there was no chance but you've only mentioned that she said she didn't want to see you again in how she was hurting you, she must have felt hurt in the first place to say these things. It doesn't sound that bad. Surely you are equal responsible for what went wrong, she's only playing if you are! How do you know how much you've hurt her? You say what you have done hasn't hurt her, again not accepting any responsibility, it can't all be her fault. Personally I'm only continuing to feel in love with a man who's loving me, if he's not showing affection I lose interest even if it hurts me and I love him
All I need as a sign as to how I should procede with her. I want to text her, even if its too recover the friendship. But that may dig even further. I don't fucking know.
>>17211463 (It starts here)
>>17213016
i mean, i have the ability. like you said, humans don't need much. it just doesn't seem to be worth the effort and pain.
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I"m so disconnected from people that I feel paralyzed in these situations.
Knowing you're in pain, knowing your heart is heavy with grief, makes me feel awful. I can't image that kind of pain after losing a parent. I'd like to be able to say a phrase, just some magical words and make you feel better again.
But I can't. I'm not even near you so I can't hug you. Your phone goes to voicemail.
I'm sorry...
had a dream where drawing the menu button on a plank of wood turned them into iphones XD. so that was interesting.
more interesting still was that in a dream of nonsense, where all the actors were strangers, and none of what was going on was relevant... you were there. you're still my subconsciousness's favorite person. after all these years. its so weird. and i was so sad and sorry to have to say goodbye not knowing when i'd see you again.
anywho, weird fuckin dreams man. first time I remembered one in a long time too.
>>17213006
You sound like my ex. She tried her best to better me even when she didn't want me anymore. She slept with me even after all we went through, breakups, hitting eachother, her friends telling her to get away, all of it.
We don't talk anymore and I doubt she ever thinks of me or realizes completely how painful she made my life out to be, even when it was already fucked up.
>>17210749
after losing a year of my life i feel tired of doing nothing and im too tired to do anything
>>17213007
What?
>>17213044
>feel she treated you badly
>feel
She started avoiding me and flirting with other guys, hanging out with them and not talking/hanging out with. When I spoke to her about it she said she's not going to change. The last time I saw her before that she seemed so happy I was telling her I love her and giving her so much love and attention. Again, it was after we broke up and I tried to get back with her and gotten completely shot down that I felt I had no chance. That doesn't mean I gave up. It means I stopped trying to date her.
>she's only playing if you are
Nope. She kept playing when I stopped and forced me to start playing again.
I took all responsibility for everything that happened, EVEN things that were completely her fault, EVEN when I knew it wasn't my responsibility, and I did so because I said I would. I kept my word.
I don't know why I'm explaining myself. She owned up to everything on her own. How she pinned everything on me. How she looked for reasons to break up, how she purposely hurt me, purposely made everything seem like it's my fault, purposely tried to make me feel like shit so she didn't have to. How she was dishonest about her feelings. Everything. I still take responsibility for all that happened but guess what? I was a virgin. I did everything I could when I knew nothing. She didn't help at all. She only made it harder. She never tried considering the fact that I'm inexperienced. She shit on me whenever I could. I take responsibility for that too. Why? Because I let her. I thought it would make things easier to deal with and let her love grow. I thought she was mature enough not to take advantage. She wasn't, she used it fully to her advantage.
>>17213054
When you're on the other side and you look back, you will be so damn glad you didn't give up. Being "worth" it won't even be a question or a thought in itself.
>>17213087
it's supposed to be a good thing, and it is, it's waited 5 years for the right person, the symbolism of the thing is perfect for its new owner
but, because everything my end is failing badly, I can't say or when they get it , it's not the really good thing it should be
pray to God time
>>17213078
>>17213044
Sorry, let me take a minute here. I started off by posting that quote because I THINK it relates to my situation. I'm not even sure yet, but I have good reason to believe it does. What I wrote after that, the "story" was a very skewed version of my situation. No lies, but I made it out to seem more relatable to the quote and different from my actual situation for your entertainment.
In truth, what really happened was I got to know this girl. At the start I wasn't very into her, she was extremely into me. After some time, I fell in love with her. After that, she lost some interest, not as much as she says, but she did. She lost some interest because I was too loving and she was too immature to be ready for that. And yes, it was because I was too loving. I didn't present any sort of challenge or spark that would make her want me. It's childish, but that's what she wanted. She wanted games. She "realized", in her words, that she didn't want a relationship. I believe she wants a relationship but simply isn't ready for one. After her interest died down problems started arising. She was looking for a reason not to be together. She would make huge problems out of nothing. She would say stuff like we have nothing in common, which isn't true. It was a fucked up situation and it was all because I didn't know how to act. I really didn't know what to do in a relationship. I thought "Just keep showing her more love and it will be okay". I tried addressing every little problem and fixing it, instead of just letting things flow. I would perpetuate her thoughts on issues by giving them so much concern because she was concerned instead of reassuring her that they aren't really problems. I really didn't know how to love her. But I did, and she loved me, and I still believe we're compatible, but the difference in maturity ruined things. We met at the wrong time. I didn't know how to handle her. The right things to do.
>>17212278
Initials?
>>17213152
I am D and talking about a M
>>17213044
Ok, well you've had time to think it all through and hopefully both learned something, relationships have to be give and take, not all take, if she's there for you, be there for her, if you're there for her, she should be there for you. It still sounds like a combination of both your faults, and I see you got hurt, but I think she did too, I dint know what you mean by her saying she pinned it all on you, but it does come across as you wanted to date her, maybe still do? And she wanted to date you too but neither of you could handle it in the past and you didn't like her hanging around with other guys, but actually if you were actually dating, it wouldn't have to be that way. Think honestly not just about whose fault is what, but also what you truly want from the situation, good luck
>>17213150
Yes, what resulted because of this is a whole bunch of issues, and MOSTLY her doing awful things, but I'm not holding on to any of that because I know it's not her heart, but just a reaction to the situation. That's the saddest part. I know she's not a bad person, it was just a result of the situation. There's no blame to be placed here. Things could have worked. They didn't. I feel my inexperience is the reason. But if she had been a more mature person, it could have still worked. I can't blame her for that though. It's just a result of who she is. I took a risk with dating her, and I failed. She is a good girl, but even considering that she has a lot of growing to do, she isn't "that" great a person. I say this because I know many people, including myself, who could have been in her same situation and not reacted/treated it the way she did.
>>17213158
D's initials?
The guy obsessed with his two underage cousins still nowhere to be found? Is he in prison?
I want a rich friend, or a friend with a lot of disposable income. Or maybe great connects for a good job. I have so many things I want to do but that my income restricts.
>>17213150
You're still blaming her though, when you talk about her reactions, how do you kniw how others would have reacted because you were not in that situation with them? And also they have different backgrounds and responses and levels of security within themselves. What was the age difference? Youre saying she is immature and also they her problems are not problems, I am not saying that they are but you're not saying what they are, simply that they are not problems, trivialising her life I suppose and saying how into you she was, so you know she loves you, you cannot say you have not hurt her in the process and also you say you did not love her before, so that probably caused imbalances between you
Fuck you. Fuck all of you. I hate every one of you with a burning passion and I hope you all die slow and painful deaths. I hope your children live in poverty and you family looses everything they've ever worked for. I want to fucking kill every one of you. I want to mangle your bodies so baddly that they don't even look human anymore. I want to smash your faces in so I'll never have to see them again. I find glee in the destruction of your lives. You don't even diserve hell you inhospitable fuckheads.
And I fucking hate niggers. Not black people,niggers. The stupid, illiterate fucks who are ruining our society. If only we could gas the lot of you in one big chamber. Your screams of agony are music to my ears.
I want to run them over with a steamroller. They won't even look human and I will rejoice in their inhumanization. Your god is dead, your religion is false, and after you die you cease to exist.
Anyone who says the earth is flat or that the dinosaurs never existed should be ripped limb from limb and fed to insects.
I fucking hate all of you want I wish the utmost severe Agony and Suffering upon you.
>>17213240
>ou all die slow and painful deaths. I hope your children live in poverty and you senpai
well this is a given
>>17213150
Initials?
>>17213245
I have never been this angry before.
I've already broken 4 walls in my house in rage.
I miss him so much.... I wished he was here with me... I wished I could hear his voice.. I need him in my life..
>>17213188
It take it I'm not the one you are looking for? If by some slim chance that you are the M I am concerned about, text me.
>>17211819 (That is the story that lead to >>17212278)
>>17213284
tears before bed time
I think I might miss you forever. I hear phrases and sentences you've said before echoing in my thoughts, like a tape recording, and not even intentionally it's like they're triggered. You light up something inside of my brain, and I start to feel your special chemical familiarity. Your absence in itself is a presence, I see your ghost in the places we used to be next to each other, I question which version of you is real. Though it's impossible to see past what you've done, I can't help but miss you so much. No one else is like you. I love you.
>>17213150
You remind me of my ex. Then.. I fell in love with someone who was seemingly really into me and he then lost a little interest, and eventually he comes back stronger each time, and I find myself in projections, and I don't know what he wants from me, even when he has loved me, and left me, and comes back when I ask for him and he finds me, and because I fear he lost hope for us and I feel I'm going to love him all my life and can't be without him, as we we are ourselves, and even when we're not I'm so happy with him
>>17213289
Ah sorry I mixed M and R, no not DG
Bit drunk
>>17213240
Stop hating
Start loving
And life gets better
>>17213316
No problem. I am just trying to figure this.
>>17213305
*When* we are ourselves (correction)
Brilliant
yeah, Smashing
I love you so much, please come back I can change. I'll change for you please just come back to me I need you in my life right now I need you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay
An activity I do I and know quite a lot of people that do (not drugs) thats great in lots of ways can be too much at times, painful, has many benefits in life, is fun, distracting, absorbing, interesting and more but theres downsides, and I need to limit it to the really good stuff that I want to get to, the kind of things I waited a life for, and for an especially lovely person with whom I want to demonstrate complex emotions, as yet not fully explored
>>17213305
>and I feel I'm going to love him all my life
I fear that too.
>>17213234
Of course I'm blaming her, dummy. If she was a better person, we wouldn't have had all these problems and she wouldn't have reacted the way she did. Stop trying to glorify her. You seriously seem like you're projecting.
She doesn't even claim I fucked up. Like I said, she LOOKED for a reason to break up with me and couldn't find one. There was one instance where I really did hurt her, but she didn't try to let me explain because in the end she just used it to leave me. She ended up coming back though.
Her claim is that she just lost interest because she didn't like me enough to be with me...why? Because we couldn't TALK ABOUT FUCKING ALIENS. Holy Christ. Her reasonings were so fucking flawed. It wasn't about who hurt who. Stop bringing that shit up. You keep referring back to it and I keep going away from it for a reason. That wasn't the issue. It was an issue of compatibility according to HER. She claimed a MILLION things. Almost all of which were contradictory. She knows it. As soon as I give her proof, she moves on to other BS. I feel she doesn't truly know what it was that made her lose interest. I'll say this much, I believe that a problem WAS her losing interest, but how MUCH interest? Not as much as she said. the reasons for losing interest? CERTAINLY not what she said.
What I believe is that she lost interest when I stopped presenting myself as someone of value. When was that? As soon as I started loving her. How do I know this? Because when I told her I loved her, it was after that day that she started acting differently. When the tables turned. When became me pursuing her. That's partly my fault because I shouldn't have been so doting on her. I should have let her chase me like she wanted and stayed in love.
I even tried at the start. But she made SUCH a big deal of "You don't love me you don't even like me waah" that I really thought I just need to love her. Wrong.
>>17213378
If she's saying you don't love me, she's asking you to prove her wrong. Up to you if you want to do something about it. You said she even said she had pinned it all on you. And you stop presenting yourself as value when you do not value yourself. If she loves you, don't take her for granted and if she doesn't love you back then it's not real love. Showing disinterest to make someone want you is manipulative, looks like you've inadvertently done it to each other, both full of contradictions too. find a way to make it work, maybe give her a ring, give her a reason to believe you want her if she loves you, or leave her alone, also take responsibility for your contribution to the relationship, while she accepts hers
>>17213234
What I mean by someone of value is she saw me as this thing she needed to love her that made her feel better at the start. When I stopped presenting myself as a challenge, she became less interested. She started creating problems. They were actual problems, but they were made to be a bigger deal than they were. Issues that didn't need to be brought up. We could have simply enjoyed our time together without ever addressing them because they were never actually interfering with anything we did. It was all theory. But she kept bringing it up. I don't want to say what they were but lets say they were cats. She would say awh...I really don't like cats, but you do. This sucks. I'd say it's okay...we don't need to get one. I don't care enough about cats to want one. She would respond with something like but I NEED you not to like cats, it's not enough to just not have one. I want someone who I can hate cats with. And I would perpetuate this argument. Looking back, what I SHOULD have done is told her to stop talking about it and that it was okay. She treated it like it was something she REALLY cared about and was important to her, but that is because I would help make a big deal out of it thinking it WAS important to her. Guess what? I fucking found out later on that it really wasn't as big a deal as she made it out to be. It wasn't. She even said it's not that important to her and that we could have had an amazing time together if we just didn't talk about that. It was just emotions and drama in the moment that made it seem like such an obstacle. If I just told her to shut up and forget about it, she would have. I only dragged the situation out further. She shouldn't have made it seem like such a massive deal. I was naive and was trying to respect her wishes. So instead of "trivializing" her problems, I treated them accordingly and that was wrong of me. It led to our downfall.
>>17213378
You fear the woman you speak of is going to love you all her life?
>>17213378
Btw, don't call me a dummy
I'm not here to waste my time
>>17213378
How many problems a person has is not measured by how good a person they are
>>17213409
>If she's saying you don't love me, she's asking you to prove her wrong
Yeah, and I did. I threw it in her face. What did it get me? Someone who is "no longer interested"
By the way, pinning everything on me as in anything that went wrong in the relationship was my fault and I was made to feel bad.
>And you stop presenting yourself as value when you do not value yourself.
Not true. I gave myself to her fully, and I stopped being "that hot, cool guy I can't get" because of that. Instead, I was brought down from the pedestal I was put on and put on her level or even beneath.
>if she doesn't love you back then it's not real love
This is true. The only thing holding me back from fully realizing that is thinking that maybe if she matures a bit and stops putting all these strange thoughts in her head and looks at reality, perhaps things would be different.
>Showing disinterest to make someone want you is manipulative,
Yes it is. This is what I get for dating a young girl. You think I want to play these games? I fucking hate it. It disgusts me.
> also take responsibility for your contribution to the relationship
I do, and she knows that.
>>17213420
I fear I will love her for...not the rest of my life, but long enough for it to seriously damage me and hold me back.
>>17213437
It's better that you're on an even keel in the relationship, balance is better than a pedestal, her not thinking you're not perfect and vice versa is not a bad thing. Do you want her? Ask her out, get straight to the point and if it's not going to happen then move on
>>17213455
I mean her not thinking you are perfect, not her not thinking you are not perfect
>>17212051
Contempt, sadness, anger, wistfulness, hatred, betrayed.
You went along with what I said, you were free to say things against me, which you certainly weren't afraid to do.
Coffee or any substance will never help either of us. It is too deep a wound to heal.
>>17213435
I agree. Her problems are separate from who she is. She has some issues which I think are due to her age, but even despite those, she really just isn't 'that' great a person. She amazing, and someone I want who I think is worth having, but I think I deserve something better than that. Her treatment of me was not something a person like me would ever do, young or not. But, I feel I need to get to know her more before making a full judgement, because being with someone where there were constantly walls means I didn't really get a full grasp of who she is. Maybe if she really fell in love with me, no holds barred, she might have been perfect. I wouldn't be surprised at all if she is. That's why I love her and still want her. She did some things during our time together that make my heart flutter just thinking about even now.
>>17213455
I tried so hard for balance. Again, I didn't know how to love her. I favor balance as an attitude for a way of life. Not too much or too little of anything. I hope we could reach a situation where we both value each other greatly and openly...I wish. It's been a long time, with a ridiculous amount of hardship on my end, but I hope it'll be worth it. I actually made some progress. I'm waiting to see what will happen. I refuse to jump into a relationship again though. If she suggests it, I will tell her to wait. Because if we don't it will be trouble all over again. I want to get to know each other as friends first. I want that wall there. I want to build the rapport as friends but with the romantic intentions/feelings and sexual tensions still there. Then we will actually be able to see after a while if we should continue as partners. If we try getting to know each other as friends and it goes nowhere....then I've got my answer.
>>17213483
I know she's been hurt too, but, I hate to say this, it's not to be compared with mine. I'm not dismissing it, but her pain was different than mine. Hers was fleeting. Maybe lasting a day or two. She's been through this before. She's been through worse. She knows this all, it's the same story to her. I'm nothing special. I'm not meaningful to her. I didn't have a great impact. I'm not capable of hurting her that badly. She's been in a relationship that lasted two years. Who the fuck am I? No one. I, on the other hand, had literally zero experience with any girls. Nothing. Everything is new to me. I didn't know what to expect, I wasn't even ready for any of this. I didn't know this was possible. She may have been hurt, but the pain I received made me change entirely and grow as a person. I am not at all the same person I was when I met her. I could hardly recognize him anymore, seriously. It was not the same experience.
>>17213483
Initials?
>>17213542
You wouldn't know me guaranteed.
>>17213564
You remind me of someone
>>17213570
What are his intitials?
I have a crush on a lesbian friend fuck my life
I have this friend I really like. He's a gay guy and I'm Bi. I just wanna be super fucking gay with him, like snuggle, hug, play with his hair, fall asleep in his arms, the full nine yards. And he would like to do that too.
Mfw he lives half way around the world. I met him online.
>>17213297
yeah this...
I just know that I am going to have a dream about her tonight. And it will only make this worse.
I like Jimmy Neutron a little too much
My gf thinks all is well. I'm suicidal again and it will never end
>>17213661
This is my one and only upside of not dreaming. One and only. It's also a bad thing because sometimes I wish to see her in my dreams.
>>17213640
Are you able to save up for a plane ticket? I went across the country for 8 days to meet a couple of online friends and it only cost me $750 with the plane ticket since they could house me.
>>17213665
can you elaborate on that a little, anon?
>>17213690
I've been thinking about it. I'm just not in a very good financial position at the moment. Also the idea of even being next to him makes me nervous as fuck. He's so cute, with his adorable accent.
>>17213705
Can he save up for one? Tbh shit is nerve wracking and surreal for the first hour that you're with them, then it's like you guys have always known each other in person.
>>17213288
Initials anon?
I feel like everyone of Drakes son with all these females catching feelings.
No lie, no lie, noo liiiiieiiieiiesss.
*troll face*
M/25/Freedom Land - Make solid payroll taking 70k home but feel like a failure looking at my finance hs buddies.
Bonus round - No college drain to worry about.
>>17213732
*songs
>>17213723
I'm gonna try. I feel I should run it past him first though. I don't wanna just be like "I'm coming to your country unannounced!"
>>17213482
It is amazing how you have managed to avoid answering nearly every question I have asked.
I will say this. Stop lying to yourself, as it seems to be an area you are even more adept at than dodging questions.
Why stop me from leaving, again?
Coffee would not help; however, talking would. Meet with me, so that we may talk.
>>17213791
Well yeah, generally you say you guys should meet up then find a good time for the both of you.
>>17213727
mine is G
his is C
>>17213800
I'll try and talk to him about it. I just don't wanna mess it up. I'm like, a super horn dog around him, and I don't wanna come off as just meeting him for sex.
>>17213799
br how 'handsome' are you? when did she stop wanting to see you?
srs. are you a good looking dude?
I love her, but I'm not sure if she feels the same. She has been bringing up this one guy in our convos that us a total douche bag to her. We talk all the time and we've become really good friends but I want more than that. I want to be with her. I don't know how to say it though, whenever I do these things I always get way to nervous and pussy out. I have no idea if she likes me in that way or not but I want the feeling to be mutual. I don't know what to do at this point.
>>17213799
I don't know why I don't want to see you leave here. Maybe because it's the last form of communication that exists. Maybe because I have deep buried feelings that I can't get rid of but refuse to let myself feel because of what I went through with you.
Whatever the reason may be, I can't meet with you. Not now. I have too many obligations and priorities elsewhere.
I am in a relationship with a quite nice girl for three years now. She is the first girlfriend I ever had. I'm really shy and I don't have many friends; I see some of my mates from the highschool years maybe once a year and that's it.
I'm almost two years in the university and I haven't made any friends at all. That is, until maybe two week or so. I have been talking to a girl from one of my classes almost everyday, all day long until 3 or 4pm. I already knew her for a year (we had quite a lot of classes together), but I haven't talked to someone like this ever since I met my girlfriend.
I started talking with her maybe because I'm a little needy, I don't talk to a lot of people, but I really like to do it. The thing is, I have to admit that maybe I'm seeing something else in our relationship. I don't know if she feels that way too, but I have seen her friends "coughing" when we are together and shit like this (oh boy, I feel like I'm back to my sixteens). She has already also asked me questions about my past, my preferences on girls and once she seemed to be quite sad saying shit things like I will be probably married in five years and I won't even remember her.
What should I do? Should I stop talking to her? I don't feel like this is healthy for both of us.
im gonna start looking for jobs tomorrow for the first time and i have no experience whatsoever so im freaking out that they'll reject me
>>17213993
same here bro
im going out to give cvs to restaurants and see if i can a waiter job
what are you doing?
>>17213993
It's okay. Don't even think about rejection right now. Just get your foot in the door. You can do this.
You don't talk to me as often as you used to... do you still care about me? I still care about you.
>>17214096
I don't want to bother you.
>>17213959
My friend there is this thing called the friendzone, chances are shes done it to many guys time to throw that bitch right in there
>>17214106
I wish I could say this about my girl. Thing is, I know if I stopped talking to her, I'd never hear from her again. Makes me sad. She used to love me. Those were days of the past now. Things are not the same.
How do I feel better about myself and enjoy life again?
I'm very aware that I have anxiety and depression issues, and I feel like it's starting to effect my relationships with my family, friends, and boyfriend.
People say you should want to better yourself for yourself, and I agree. But at the same time, I don't want to lose the people my life while I'm trying to do that. Problem is that I don't know where to begin.
this is going to work, you are going to hire me.
but if you don't I've got about 5 contingency plans. no bullshit, lets get some shit done. this is easier for everyone than you hiring someone who's gonna do a shit job and me having to bust ass generating leads.
get out of your way, get out of mine.
I'm just going to brute force life. I'm sick of this shit.
I'm a pathetic loser with no self control. I hate myself so much. It eats me up inside that I'm such a weak willed little bitch that can't keep any of the promises I make to myself.
You expect me to wait for you...
When you didn't for me...
>>17211819
Jesus christ dude, calm the fuck down and stop getting so worked up over not getting a goddamn reply. I've been seeing you post in these threads every day and from what I've read, literally everything you've posted; it's honestly pathetic.
I'm a girl, I can tell when a guy likes me, and seriously, I wouldn't even want to date you nor talk to you, because you're so obsessed with details and shit that don't even matter.
You're winding yourself up over nothing, and you scream desperate. No sane woman wants any of that.
>>17214150
Breath. Set boundaries until you get a grasp on your anxiety and depression.
Worthy people will attempt to understand and respect your decisions.
I keep having this elaborate fantasy that she'll come back into my life. I know it's impossible, or if given a chance it's too late.
>>17212682
Where is this from? It's lovely.
I keep talking without thinking. Breathing without living. I am unguided, like an empty sailboat being pushed by the wind. I am a compulsive liar, so much I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time.
I'm despicable for my lack of self discipline.
I agreed into this relationship only because I have no self confidence and no one steering the sails in my head. I like being wanted, but agreeing to have children in my relationship is more mindless. I figure I am depressed like I don't even care what happens. The captain has left the cabin. ..
>>17214260
The Little Prince.
I love a girl who has a boyfriend, idk if he is just using her, but even after learning she slept with him, i'm not even mad (i learned to build resolve, but whatever).
I'm assuming it has something to do with her shipping out on the 13 of july, and idk if her bf (i actually sorta like the guy as a bro) told her to stop texting me and thinks im competition.
Most people would just say i'm thirsty,but you know what, I'm not even thinking of that. Oh the joys of an ENFP. He is in the army, I'm looking for work @ SB, but learning to program (fmr AF). Basically, I might be a reverse Jodie if he is even around after she ships out (Learning to program in the hopes of being a nomad dev if I have to). I'm even looking to get back in the military (navy specifically as a reserve officer), but there is a bar ATM for me. I'm trying to get a law firm to help me, but idk if it will be worth my time or not. I have heard of the NG taking people like me in with my situation, but idk if it is true or not. so, right now, it's girl w/bf problems, work problems, rejoining problems (if i can't get in normally or by paper "hook and crook", i'll send a letter to 1600 you know where if trump makes it)
>>17214150
>I don't want to lose the people my life while I'm trying to do that.
you need to be able to drop anyone that is a hinderance to your life or your happiness. that's your first problem. I don't mean be an asshole or be disloyal or flaky... but if someone is inherently not compatible with your life or where you want to be you need to be able to drop them.
7 billion+ people on the planet and you dont think you can or will find even better friends along the way on your path?
also there's a problem if you feel like bettering yourself means you have to lose people. then those people have led you astray and don't have your best interests at heart.
people that make you hate yourself are worth your time for what reason exactly? I've known masochists that wouldn't care for that.
>>17214290
Hey, are you a fan of plush fish?
who are you, where are you, why aren't you here?
seriously.
Fucking asshole old roommate needs a place to stay along with his highschool girlfriend. I said he could stay in his old room for a few days since it's not being rented, but to not fuck his girlfriend while I have my dad over for dinner. All he says is it's my fault for listening. I told him that I don't wanna deal with that shit but I wish I was more assertive. I wish I would have told him he can't have the fucking room if he's gonna be a dick.
GONNNNNAAA GEEET LLLLLLEEEEAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN. alright i'm out of this bitch and gonna try limiting my internet intake for a bit. I got shit to do. to the gym!
>>17214307
kick his cunt ass out. now. hes not on the lease and he makes terrible choices that affect you negatively. he's not a friend. you have a hostile stranger in your home and you invited them in. get them out. don't speak to him again. block him.
there's some people you give the benefit of the doubt and stick around a bit before dropping them like garbage, this dude isn't one of them.
what are you gonna do anon?
I am waiting outside my gf's parent's house in my car waiting for her to come outside, text, or even acknowledge I am here. I she texted me 7 minutes before I got here and I told her I was coming.
>Why don't you go home?
As soon as a do she has the advantage
>>17210749
I have no idea what I am doing anymore, I was depressed but now I feel cured. Ive been doing nothing for so long now that I dont know what the hell to do. I have no clue but Ive been able to keep myself from killing myself, had help a few times too. I keep jumping from thing to thing to pass by my impending self-doom. Its all momentary every sun sets and rises untill no more. I have no clue what I am doing. Only waiting, waiting and more waiting
.
dl:dr I have no clue what im doing
>>17211166
Do something about it or nothing.
Sink or swim
>>17213194
I was also wondering this lmao
>>17213370
Initials?
>>17211303
She should have understood that you two were in a relationship and it is unacceptable. For her to keep around a guy like that as her 'friend' is pathetic. Another fact is he should have understood the same as its unfucking cool and unfucking believable. I feel for you anon Im sure he'll get his from the same girl some day.
>>17210749
I want to die and i don't know what to do. I can't handle the most minor pressures in life.
I don't get the internet. For example Moot is a hero but 4Chan is really bad. And it's like this non-stop. 4Chan is edgy, but if you're edgy you get your arsed kicked. If someone posts something bad and you report it, you can be bad too, even if you did what you're supposed to and report it. But then the person that did it wasn't bad , but you might be. This thing says it's ok, but then it suddenly isn't but then it might be. It seems very random and flips over all the time. Even if you type something fine, it might not be, unless it's this person then it's fine.
That's how it seemed. I'll tell them.
>>17214357
go for a nice walk, drink some water, it'll lower your blood pressure a little and relax you.
>>17210749
I haven't met someone I genuinely liked. My every crush so far turned out to be so completely opposite of me that I stopped feeling anything for them as soon as learned more about them. Not having met a girl I liked in 26 years is, to be honest, probably harder than meeting one and breaking up. Because I don't even know if someone for me exists at all.
I'm a manipulative piece of shit who should be sealed off from any outside human contact before i fuck up any more friendships and hurt the people I actually care about. I am a fucking waste of human space
>>17214377
I wouldnt focus on it. focus on being where you want to be in life and chances are you'll find that women with similar personalities wanted to be in the same place.
that's my thinking anyways. also you don't want someone exactly like you keep that in mind. that'd be boring as fuck
>>17214394
Thanks man.
I'm sorry that you miss me, because I don't miss you. I can't miss someone who left me. I don't give people second chances. I ignored your text because I think saying the truth would be too harsh.
I can't study. I'm retarded, I conviced myself. Born a lazy idiot where the main thing which helps you going through life is education and savvy. And everything is my fault. People like me aren't meant to survive. Gave up.
I want to get self educated in philosophical arguments and writing philosophy but I don't have any good resources.
I am also tired of strange dreams and nightmares. Consistent good sleep would be nice.
I'm planning to end my life both so I'll no longer suffer and so I'll no longer be a burden to my family. I'm really nervous about going through with it because of the slim possibility that what awaits me could be even worse.
>>17214391
well with that attitude yeah. you've resigned yourself to being shit and shut yourself off from the possibility of change. so yeah I'd say you're a problem now.
stupid. what are you gonna punish yourself for something? three things; that's not how it works, negative reinforcement almost always makes things worse and any success is through arriving at the conclusions found through my third point by luck, you can change and you can start by being self aware and do whatever it is that you need to do the fix the things you don't like while remaining true to yourself and finding your evidently lost conviction.
what are you going to do anon? what is your solution?
>struggle with developmental disorder and a smaller emotional disorder
>Realize I'm a twenty one year old guy that can't move out, work more than 20 hours a week without having a breakdown due to stress, can't afford to drive, and failed college courses when he last tried
The most depressing things is that I do my best and it'll never be good enough. I see people my age and younger, like my cousin, work and go to UNIVERSITY full time while I can barely hold down a simple blue collar job. It's fucking upsetting.
What's the point of existing if I can't preform as well as others in life? I have to watch others constantly surpass me despite my trying to keep up.
>>17214377
Same here, man. Only 21, but i don't think the next 5 years are gonna be any different.
>>17214394
>you'll find that women with similar personalities wanted to be in the same place
Kek, pic related
I shouldn't be laughing but it's funny by now
>>17214413
>hat awaits me could be even worse.
you'll probably end up in hospital,
You can still find happiness Anon, don't give in
>>17214250
iktfb
>>17214462
Finding happiness? That's not an impossibility, I suppose. But at 40, I expect things to get worse and at much a faster pace.
>>17214480
yeah I've got that feeling also, ah it's been lousy so far, I'm sure I can handle whatever the fuck
please make sure you're ok though, buy yourself a treat today and smile
>>17214453
Just to elaborate, I believe failure is good and all but knowing you can't succeed nowhere as quickly or efficiently as most people putting in half of the effort is straight up depressing. I'm scared every day i go into work im going to fuck up and lose my job. I'm scared that others will start noticing I'm "special", and I don't want to be a fucking loser but wherever I try advancing myself it always ends out terribly if I don't take things terribly slow
>>17214482
I guess I could continue to limp toward the finish line. After all, good or bad, life will eventually end on its own. Whatever decide, I do want it to be done with dignity.
The option will always be there should I choose, and I'll make no rash choices today. Maybe I'll pick up some overpriced Thai tonight.
And thanks.
I guess this week proved to me that I'm done with you. It was too little, too late. A feeble attempt to placate me for your own benefit. I don't have the energy for both of us, particularly now you've chosen dependency over reciprocity. Feel free to regress into the depths of your toxicity, I won't be here to drag you out again. You've denied me at every opportunity, so be it, Leave me in peace.
>>17214333
Yeah, that's the problem. Sinking is so much more appealing. At least that way I'm sure what's going to happen.
>>17213937
Initials?
>>17213297
Initials?
>>17214690
you use a lot o' big words for a DOUCHE BAG
Why is it that when guys get comfortable with being with you they stop trying? I know, I know it goes both ways. But so far it's just him really. Been together for 2 years. To this day I do my best to keep having sex daily, but he always asks me to be on top so he can move as little as possible. He's completely let go, while I'm working out. He never tries to make me laugh, just regurgitates some lame old jokes over and over. I watch his films, play his games, listen to his worries. I motivate him to get better and better professionally too. All he does is cry about how much he loves me.
Fuck
>>17214310
