Over two years ago, I met A. Online. Within 5 months she flew out to see me and we hit it off. She grew up overseas (she's Asian) and so I showed her typical redneck American things. She loved it, I loved it, we have been spending long stretches of time together as schedules will allow. We both love each others' families and she has career goals that may keep the LDR happening for several years more - but I tell myself I can abide it.

That being said, my career just changed in a great way. I have found the perfect job for me, and it's with one of the best companies out there. To top it all off, I am now roommates with G as a stop-gap, but neither of us is in a hurry to end the situation. It's cheap for me and it's a good situation for him - we live well together.

The thing is, B goes to college in this town. A couple weeks ago (when I moved here) she was staying with us and we spent some very late nights sitting around having serious talks. Yesterday she and I went driving around in search of ice cream (I'm getting familiar with the place) and we talked some more.

I'm convinced, I love her. I care about her quite a bit, I miss her when she's not around, and she and I have some very good conversations and generally enjoy each other's company a lot.

> TL;DR

1) I am 25/m engaged to a foreign girl (also 25) I met online ~2 years ago, who is guaranteed to be long-distance for at least one more year, likely several more if she gets into a good medical school.
2) I am good friends with a buddy's little sister (20yo) and I have feelings for her (and have, for a little less than 3 years)
3) I am now roommates with the buddy, and we live in the town where his sister goes to college.
3) I have no idea how to reconcile this situation.

Any advice is appreciated.

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I just want to let you know that Johnny Depl said that thing in your OP. You know what happened to Johnny Depp? He left the hot French, love of his life for a hot piece of ass who is currently trying to destroy his reputation and get $50k a month from him.
Just sayin'

>>17209339

I had no idea.

I just know that it does make sense in the context of my own world, because sometimes I feel "meh" about my fiance specifically because she isn't as easy to relate to, as familiar, or as caring as B.

With my new job? B has been very interested and asks me lots of questions. She said she was genuinely glad I like what I do, and she thinks it's very neat.

My fiance? I've told her it's what I love to do, it's my dream career. I told her about the benefits they offer. She wants to review the health ones. But she hasn't once asked me how my day went, or seemed very interested in my personal experience. She just wants to know what we're gonna do in this town.

I should mention: My fiance is arriving this Friday, to stay with me during her summer break.

>>17209349
Well then you should be able to decide by the end of her visit if she is the one you want or not. Make your choice by the time you put her back on that plane or you're a coward.

>>17209358
I've probably spent a combined total of about 150-200 days with her, in extended vacations here and there. I probably should have already decided by now.

>>17209358

But how do you go about deciding if one love interest is better than the girl you know loves you and is willing to take care of you, cook with you, etc?

I am fairly sure B and I will be friends for as long as we know each other. We click.

It feels shitty that I can't quite say the same about my fiance, at least not in the same way.

If you take op pic to heart you will never settle down. You will just fall for the next girl that gives you a boner.

A commitment is for the best and the worst. Don't be a degenerate, stand for and promote the right values.

>>17209387
To be honest, mate, B seems kind of flighty to me, plus she is really young. A seems like a practical and grounded person from what you say, and there's something to be said for that. If you need a clingy and emotional wife, she is probably not the choice for you. Ultimately, only you can decide.

I will say this, however: Disney marriages do not exist. Many people wait very long to get married and cast perfectly good candidates aside simply because they can't find what they believe to be their perfect prince/ss. Realize that real people have flaws, and that everyone has to compromise on something in order to accept them. B has flaws too I'm sure, you just don't see them because you're not in a relationship with her. Also, LTRs and marriages take work. it's not going to be perfect from the get go, it needs constant maintenance over time.

Basically I'm telling you that you will have to settle for less than perfection, so don't toss aside a good thing thinking that perfection exists elsewhere.

>>17209387
first and foremost, is B showing any interest in being more than just friends with you? She might as well see you as a good friend, and you just might be lonely enough to see her as a "backup-plan".

And if you truly love A, you shouldn't be swayed like this.

If you hesitate about A's feelings for you because of the lack of interest, you know what a good solution is? Actually talking to her about it. You underestimate the power of communication. For all that you know, she just thinks you are okay with her not asking about your day or that it's become your "thing" where you don't need to ask them or whatever the reason.

So, if you love A, talk to her. If you hesitate and try to escape through B, you know A is wrong for you.

If you are just unsatisfied with the relationship, is it possible to make changes? Maybe apply for a job near her?

>>17209437

> apply for job near her

I am currently part of an unprecedented level of work in my field that makes any other job pale in comparison. This is way beyond just a job, it is a career. And while I love A, I will not sacrifice the opportunity to be truly happy, doing what I honestly love to do the most.

Most other jobs in my industry come with lots of unnecessary hardship due to management norms, coworkers taking shortcuts, etc. But this place invests in us as employees - there's a reason they're leading the industry, and have been for several decades.

I will talk to her about this. But in the past, talking to her has only made her worry that she's not good enough. The conversations aren't productive to the point of actually learning anything or airing out the laundry, it just becomes more like I make her paranoid.

B is very aware of my situation with A. She asks about that, and I tell her. She's kinda guided me in the direction of ending it, without saying as much. She'd left her ex for very similar reasons, and she provides sound reasoning. She tries to find positive things in the relationship but they end up falling through more often than not.

Meanwhile, she has subtly set herself up as a kind of opposite to A. B is very desirable in ways that I could never imagine discussing with A - simply because of the cultural differences between A's home country and our cultural norms here.

>>17209449
if you're already scheming with B to end things, then just end it, A deserves better than that kind of shady behavior, don't you think?

Consider that B might not actually have any plans to be with you though.

>>17209460

I wouldn't say I'm scheming with her. I've pretty much kept things out of flirty, and in the "we're friends" range. Aside from having very private conversations - I feel like she's just open because I'm not pictured as a threat.

>>17209449
If you can't talk with A about these serious things, then I am afraid you have bigger issues than "how's your day hunny"...

Being able to talk about everything, really everything, with each other is the most important part of relationships. I am not saying to talk to her about B, no (just to clarify).

I am saying that you guys need to work out the issues in communications you have. You have to be able to talk without getting upset or whatever. The best way to do this is to really make sure that she understands that you are not criticizing her or that she "isn't good enough", but that you want to improve the relationship and that this is an important part.

If you go into a marriage where you have to walk around egg shells and be generally miserable, you might as well break things off right now...

As for your feelings for B, you have to decide if you like her more than your fiance. If You like A more, and feel that B maybe is romantically interested in you, then I am afraid you have to let B go not matter how good a friend she is. Devotion is hard work.

>>17209494

I can talk with A about serious decisions - my career, her career, realistic expectations for when we can finally live together full time, etc. But any criticism towards her immediately gets received as an affront, even if it is constructive and designed to help. I would say I'm fairly good at constructive criticism since it's a huge element of why I was hired in this current position.

I want her to improve and learn to discuss things instead of dismissing, but it's very difficult. She is stubborn, and honestly much more emotionally and outwardly immature than B.

UPDATE: At this point, I am seriously considering telling B something along the lines of:

> I care about you a lot
> I have very strong feelings about you and I think it means that I should end things with A
> I do not expect you to feel the same but I don't want to regret never telling you

Like, telling her now.

Thoughts?

I don't understand how one comes to be engaged to a foreigner whom they've only for two years in a long distance relationship. Like, how do you decide to marry someone in that situation?