So in high school I was on myyearbook.com, never really took it seriously but there was one girl I met on there and we used to talk all the time for months. Junior year came around and I stopped caring about that website. Fast forwards to my sophomore year of college. New girl get hired at my workplace, holy shit its her and she go so much more attractive. WE instantly recognize each other and hit it off so damn well, the amount of chemistry we have is insane. But she has a bf. I try and ignore my feelings but eventually we hook up. Tell her i cant do this anymore until she break up with her bf. She Tells me she does also tells me shes cleans of stds. Two weeks down the road i find out she lied both times. I have a herpes outbreak but dont tell her cause im fucking devastated and dont wanna hurt her. Eventually we start dating. All of my friends dont really approve but accept her cause im so in love with her, my family fucking hated her. She had a criminal record and came from a broke family and i wanted to play hero. First six months of our relationship is great, i get her back in school and help her get a clean record all while doing good for myself. Then shit started to change, once she got a clean record and didnt have to check up with her pti officer she started doing all kinds of drugs and hanging out with all these new friends that i wasnt allowed to meet. I drives me crazy and it causes a lot of arguments but i put up with it. 6 months roll along and im fucking miserable cause she treats me like shit and lies all the time about where she is, and every time i call her out on it, it ends up being my fault. She only wants to hang out when its convenient for her or when she needs to be fed. Evetually she dumps me cause shes depressed with me and needs to find herself aka do drugs and god knows what else. IM fucking devistated even though i know shes cancer to me. But she shattered my confidence and left me with herpes.
It took me the whole summer to get back on my feet but I still wasnt myself and I put my whole life on hold for her, i was so behind in school its not even funny cause i couldnt focus when i was with her. September comes by and she texts me she needs to make things right with me cause she knows she did me so wrong. I accept her back in my life and she atones for all the wrong he did. None of my friends are happy and i hide her from my family. October comes by and shes moved into my place completely rent free, but i was happy she treated me like a human being that i deserved to be treated like, i felt like a king. Now our arguements evolved from where are you to why are you dressing with no class, her tits were always out if she moved the slightest her nipples were practically showing and she practically would flash my roommate he pussy cause she just didn't care. drove me insane but again i put up with it cause i loved her so much. So december comes a long and i have suspicion that my roommate is growing feelings or at least lust for her. But i ignore it completely. I go on vacation to visit my family for Christmas and i get a call from her saying my roommate had told her i had sex with my ex while we were broken up. Causes a huge three way argument and long story short we broke up and she moved out. IM devastated cause my best friend did that to me and still swears he never told her, so im was being lied to my gf and best friend about the whole thing. me and her agree to remain friends and she moves back to her old place. few weeks go by and she calls me telling me she need to talk, she comes over and tells me shes pregnant with my kid, and that when my roommate comes home, after she leaves he says he doesnt care why she was over but if i talk to her ever again i will lose all of my friends. So i never told anyone that she was pregnant.
I want to abort it she wants to adopt it. I see her a few times a week with out telling anyone just to be on her good side so i dont get fucked with a kid that i dont want. 2 months pass and its like we are dating again. WE agree to try again. Keep it a secret from everyone in my life. Month passes and she has a miscarriage, feels weird man. Relationship continues but she has a whole life im not allowed apart of she wants nothing to do with my friends. I support her, lend her money. feed her. Lose all of my sanity in the process. She realizes that she killing me and agrees to try and not be a cunt anymore. Things are finally starting to work out, but then one day a complete stranger agrees to pay for her to move out of her place buy her new things and help her start a business that she literally clones from her current employer. Is sounds so sketchy to me but she tells me not worry cause she wants me to be her business partner and it sounds great cause i feel like a complete fuck up in life cause i put everything on hold for her. We have plans to go out one night and she bails last minute to go clubbing, of course i get mad. The next day she says its my own fault im mad and then ends things with me over the phone.
so here i am now 8k in debt cause of her, should have graduated a year ago but failed so many classes cause of her, and beyond depressed with the herpes she gave me. We are gonna meet one last time so i can get my stuff from her, a part of my wants to fight for her cause for the last 2 and half years all ive known is trying to make her happy. My life feels pointless, i fucked up in school, im in debt, hate my roommate, put my whole life on hold and i just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like i just exist and kinda wanna kill myself. She ruined my life and still love her, I want to be me again but dont know how. I dont really expect anyone to read this but i needed to let this out cause ive been hiding ti for so long. But i want help, but im far to scared to ask for it.
>>17209256
curious op but how long have you been with this women?
jesus this is just so messed up man get a hold of yourself
look, the way I see it is that you are a nice guy and all and you did your part to help her in her struggle BUT... it's time to move on OP don't do this to yourself, don't ruin your life as I did by making similar mistakes as you did
I know it's cliche but there are lots of other woman out there that can love you deeply, but you seem so fixated to the idea that things can change and guess what, sometimes they don't
in the end it's all up to you but life won't give you second chances as you may think
tl;dr move on with your life
