My husband is developing a huge beer gut and back fat, and it's really turning me off. He's 32, about 5'10", and now weighs nearly 230 lbs. He used to be around 175-180 lbs. Even his dick looks smaller now.
I've always been thin (5'9" and 135 lbs) and I count calories and work out regularly.
He used to be in good shape and worked out/lifted weights daily. But now he drinks alcohol way too much (6 or more drinks in a night), eats constantly, and doesn't work out anymore.
I make healthy low-calorie dinners, but afterward he'll just eat more junk food (that he buys) and drink more beer. I've pointed out how much additional calories he's eating just from the alcohol alone, and how he needs to cut back from drinking because of health reasons. I try to suggest that he works out with me, but he just doesn't do anything to get in better shape. He cut back the drinking by a couple drinks per day, but now smokes weed again (which I don't care, but it's the fact that he's always replacing one vice with another). He can't ever be completely sober.
The thought of fucking him grosses me out. Whenever we do fuck, it's a chore, and I only do it to satisfy him. I close my eyes and think of other men to get through it.
I don't want to hurt his feelings but I'm losing my attraction towards him. I know it sounds superficial, but it bothers me that he's let himself go already and isn't doing anything to change it. I want him to be healthy, and not turn into a fat sack of shit that will die of a heart attack when he's in his 40s.
Should I just be blunt about it? What should I say to him that will finally sink in?
>He can't ever be completely sober.
and you're worried about the fact that he's fat? he's probably gonna kill himself before he dies of a heart attack, it sounds like he's going through depression or some other mental illness. not caring about how you look when you previously did and acquiring a casual drinking habit is pretty blunt as far as symptoms go.
>What should I say to him that will finally sink in?
>The thought of fucking him grosses me out. Whenever we do fuck, it's a chore, and I only do it to satisfy him. I close my eyes and think of other men to get through it.
>I don't want to hurt his feelings but I'm losing my attraction towards him.
You have to hurt his feelings. Some hurt feelings are good now and then.
>>17208664
Of course I'm worried about this as well. It bothers me just as much, if not more, than him being fat. I've talked to him about him always needing to be on something and he always dismisses it. I've mentioned that he should go on an anti-depressant but he just makes excuses about "not being able to get off work and go to the doctor," which is bullshit. He could easily get off of work if he wanted to.
>>17208676
I've thought about just being really harsh but I don't know how he'll take it. Knowing him, it will make the situation even worse.
>>17208683
yeah well i'm telling you from experience, he's not gonna stop being fat unless he either develops a body image disorder comorbid with his depression (unlikely when he's that age) or gets treated. you can't motivate a person in that state. so i would figure out a way to get him to see a doctor, first of all.
You ever tried talking to the man cause it sounds like he might be stressed out or depressed.
why the fuck are you even with this loser, girl?
>>17208690
You know, there comes a point in a relationship when you have to take some risks like that. You have to make the message and your feelings as clear as possible. Make sure you're not making him feel like it's coming out of spite, but make it blunt and sincere. Tell him you'll offer all your support if and only if he decides to do something about it.
I know nothing about your relationship, but I would not even consider staying with a fat degenerate I can't even fuck without thinking of someone else and who has no intention of turning their life around. I would tell them exactly how I feel and what they should do and if they don't change I'd leave without even a second thought, marriage or not.
Depression or not, he has to do something about it, he's the only one who can. If he refuses to it will only get worse and both of you will only get more miserable. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he doesn't do anything about it tell him you're going to leave him if he doesn't change ("you're not the man I fell in love with anymore, you could be, but you refuse to bla bla"). If he still doesn't do anything about it leave.
>>17208725
Yeah, he just makes excuses. With everything, pretty much. I know he's been stressed the past few months because of his old job (which he loathed and made him depressed) but he quit that job and now has a new job which he enjoys. But his habits continue.
>>17208738
I don't even know anymore.
>>17208771
You're right. I should probably just risk it and be really blunt. Our marriage hasn't been the greatest (even aside from this), and I feel like I'm at the point where things need to change, or else I'll be miserable forever. I'm 29, and while that might be old on /adv/, it's too young in real life to feel trapped and unhappy.
I agree with posters, at this point the blunt approach is going to be more effective.
Be honest and tell him that you're losing attraction to him, if that doesn't spark some desire to improve, you'll have your proof that hes become completely complacent.
>>17208653
leave him he's throwing his life away
>>17208774
>I don't even know anymore.
jesus, what the hell? If you can't answer that question then you should leave him. You don't have any kids with this guy right?
I'd give him an ultimatum first, if he doesn't cut back on the drinking and get back into shape you can't stay together. If he tries to make excuses don't accept any of his bullshit, you've managed to keep yourself in shape and not develop any serious bad habits, so why can't he?
>>17208738
>>17208774
>>why the fuck are you even with this loser, girl?
>I don't even know anymore.
You're not with him because you love him? I'm a kissless 24yo though so what do I know. I just thought that the reason people get together, become married etc, is because they love each other - and that no matter what, they always stick together and share their inner feelings with eachother. That has clearly not happened with you and your husband, because you would have found out about his problems very quickly in that case.
I am well aware those relationships are rare, but I just do not understand how people can be with someone they can't share their feelings with. I will never understand that.
I've never even held the hands of a woman, so I assume it's far beyond me.
He's not gonna change unless something drastic makes him change.
Incidentally, the thing that made me decide to u-turn my life around and get into shape (going from around 300 pounds to /fit/) was my wife leaving me. Our relationship ended for reasons other than my level of fitness, but working out is what helped me get through the depression that followed.
tell him he's getting fat and he needs to get back in to shape before it gets out of hand. be as blunt as possible. make sure he knows it will affect each others sex life if he doesn't fix the problem
>>17208653
>waaah my manlet is putting on the weight
you chose the bad genes love
Shit, I'm surprised this is still here.
>>17210026
People change and grow apart. I do love him but I feel like I'm not in love with him anymore. It's not merely because of the weight gain...it goes a lot deeper than that. We've been together for over 8 years and...I just don't know anymore. I know relationships/marriages can become stale over time but I'm not sure if it's normal to feel this way or if I'm just unhappy.
