Hey /adv/. This is a long story and a hell of a mess, so here

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Anonymous
2016-06-01 03:41:28 Post No. 17206144
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 03:41:28 Post No. 17206144 [Report]

Hey /adv/.
This is a long story and a hell of a mess, so here goes. Really looking for help or someone to talk to. I know that I'm shitty. So, don't bother with telling me. I know.
Some background information about me- I have long term depression 10+ years, moderate social anxiety and PTSD from physical and emotional abuse growing up. Dropped out of university around 2 and a half years ago.
So, I moved to a big city from my home town with a girl that I'm madly in love with around 2-3 years ago.
We've had our problems, but we've always worked things out until recently when she had an abortion and shit sort of built up and hit the fan. I had been out of work for a number of months due to my mental health conditions- I was on assistance but it was a really big stressor on our relationship.
We had a big fight, I broke up with her in the heat of the moment and she told me to move out. Been living in a house with strangers for a month.
During this time, me and my ex had been intimate and we talked every day because we're still in love with each other.
We had been making a lot of progress and I've been taking steps to find work and get my life together and fix the problems with us.
However in this time she has been meeting other people and hooking up to my knowledge.
We were hanging out tonight, went for dinner and just generally having a good time, until I noticed a set of keys that belong to some guy I know she's been seeing- so I lost it and tossed them as hard as I could into the street. She was mad as fuck and drove me home- on the way, there was a CD playing in the car of a band that this fucking guy is in so I tossed it out the window along with the case. She peeled the fuck out and told me to get out. So, I walked home and tried to message her but she blocked me.
I feel totally fucking garbage right now, and I know that what I did was jealous and immature but I'm not some cuck.
Really don't know what to do with myself, kind of want to kill myself.

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 03:47:03 Post No.17206160
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 03:47:03 Post No.17206160 [Report]

>>17206144
Retarded to go back to an ex, what's the point

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 03:47:33 Post No.17206161
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 03:47:33 Post No.17206161 [Report]

Some more context: We had a d/s relationship- collared and everything. So, it's hard for me not to be possessive of her. Collaring is the equivalent to marriage in the kink community. Like, I told her that I'd literally do anything in my power to make things right with us and she agreed.

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 03:49:20 Post No.17206167
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 03:49:20 Post No.17206167 [Report]

>>17206160
Because she means the world to me and I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. This is coming from someone that's had around 4 long term relationships. I haven't connected with anyone as much as I do with her.

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:13:39 Post No.17206233
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:13:39 Post No.17206233 [Report]

>>17206167
She is not the problem, you are. She will get sick of you just like before and will lead to a one sided love down the line. Cut contact with her completely and focus on you.

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:17:49 Post No.17206245
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:17:49 Post No.17206245 [Report]

>>17206233
I realize that I'm the problem and I've identified what I need to do to fix myself and the relationship. A man can dream, can't he? It's like, when things are going well with us we're pretty much perfect together and she's said the same thing.

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:17:49 Post No.17206246
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:17:49 Post No.17206246 [Report]

>>17206144
>hooking up to my knowledge.
>but I'm not some cuck

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:21:07 Post No.17206250
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:21:07 Post No.17206250 [Report]

>>17206246
We're not together, she doesn't owe me shit. I broke up with her.

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:23:06 Post No.17206255
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:23:06 Post No.17206255 [Report]

>>17206245
It's over man, she's at that age where's she's going to fuck a lot of people before she gets old. You ducked up by throwing tantrums and going on social assistance while dropping out. She's just stringing you along because you're 'suicidal' so the solution is to cut communication totally and make her wonder what happened to you. Make your revenge a success because you don't need a woman who will hook up with other people at the drop of a hat as soon as you argue and she storms off, guess where she will be spending the night at when she does leave, remember there's like a billion other woman to fuck and have feelings for remember the phrase "one in a million" so look for those other ten in a billion women.

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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:27:56 Post No.17206267
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Anonymous 2016-06-01 04:27:56 Post No.17206267 [Report]

>>17206255
Oh ya and the main issue is the abortion, that'll leave an emotional scar on her for decades because that connection you two had? It's gone and literally dead.