I have been bitter and cynical for a while about relationships and also my job prospects and future career. This especially flares up when I experience rejection (in a competition and especially if I run in to someone who has rejected me romantically). It's not like I want to be bitter and have all these stressful and negative feelings but I can't help it. Even if I tell myself to calm down, shit happens, not everyones perfecft blah blah blah it doesn't change the way I feel. Recently it occurred to me that maybe I'm so bitter because when I'm not in like the top 3 or when I'm reminded of someone who has rejected me it reminds me of how much I hate and don't value myself. That I'm not good enough and if they are doing well after rejecting me then they're just proving to me that I wasn't good enough then and I'm not good enough now and they were right to reject me for whatever it was. I barely see any redeeming qualities about myself and the ones I do see are superficial and downplayed, because honestly there's probably a billion other people out there with those qualities, they're basically expectations. Like today a paper I'm on was submitted to a journal for review and all I can think about is "my name being on that paper doesn't mean much, my boss did all the thinking for it, I just did a couple of things he could have done if he felt like it. It's nothing special. I lucked out."
TL;DR - how can I stop hating and devaluing myself so much. When I'm reminded of people who rejected me it reminds me that I wasn't and am not good enough. Ever. And if I see them succeed it just reinforces to me that they were right about me not being good enough and were right to reject my worthless ass.
>>17205517
>>17205517
You said it yourself, there are a billion other people out there and when shit goes right for you then yeah if you really peel away the layers you will see that luck plays into it much more than hard work and talent.
Do you think Mark Zuckerberg was a truly spectacular person? He was a mediocre PHP programmer in the right fucking place at the right fucking time meeting the right fucking people.
2 parts luck, 1 part hard work/talent
So embrace this fact and realize that you are average and life is just throwing dice. I am a slightly above average guy with a 120 IQ and I surround myself with smart people, roll the dice, and sometimes I look stupid but sometimes I get lucky and people think I am smarter and more successful than I really am. In reality I am a big fraud.
cont...
>>17205517
cont...
Here is how it is for me. I am a white male born into a middle class family and all the advantages of being a white male. I received an inheritance that paid for my university education and a sizable portion for a down payment on a nice house. I guessed what I should do for a living and got lucky. I made some smart job hops and now am relatively successful.
I know people much smarter than me and objectively better people of myself that were far more deserving, but that isnt how life works. Yeah it is not fair.
But knowing that is a strength you see. It means that when you lose a competition or you aren't selected then you know as long as you put that 1 part of hard work/smart choices, that luck just didnt play your way that day.
Know that even a dumb fuck like yourself can get lucky and be perceived as a winner. Happens all the time. Happened to me.
>>17205880
How do you have any self-confidence with an attitude like that? I would be constantly convinced I'll be found out and it's only a matter of time.
>>17205998
Because even though I may be wrong or not good enough, I know that most everybody is wrong too. I know that they are not fit to really tell me I have no place and that I am not good enough because I am good enough to work hard at it and be lucky.
I have also seen the guy who was truly exceptionally naturally talented be accused of being a fraud too so peoples opinions are pretty much for shit.
Basically I am not exceptional but I am just good enough to know that I meet minimum qualifications. That is basically a career.
